Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…legally. I did, however, buy it on the black market recently. For those wishing to purchase, the bidding starts at: NOTHING 'CAUSE I WON'T SELL! …*ahem*
Oh my god this is SO late! I'm SORRY! First I was SICK, then I LOST ALL I HAD WRITTEN! Nooo...As any writer will tell you, it is a horrible thing to happen…
Ouch…ouch…ouch…DAMN YOU UCHIHA! Akina mentally screamed, plotting his inevitable downfall. Sasuke would just have to get in line.
Every step she took was accompanied by a stab of pain which even she, with all her training, was struggling to hide. Perhaps it was for the best if she just sent a clone to act as Naruto today…after all there wasn't a very high likelihood of it dispelling during D-rank missions…unless that damn evil cat Tora was involved again. They were probably just going to weed some gardens or babysit again…but there was always the possibility. Sighing, Akina activated her Henge like a second nature, plastering a bright, practiced grin onto her now whiskered face. Akayuki trilled in approval before bolting out the open window and somehow climbing down the drainpipe, ready to start his day of hunting.
She quickly bit into a piece of toast as she rushed out the door, not bothering to lock it. If anybody wanted to break in, a locked door wasn't going to stop them, just create more damage she would have to fix. She jogged –ouch, ouch, ouch- in the direction of the bridge, Team Seven's ritual meeting place. By the time she got there it was already occupied by the world's most prominent polar-opposites.
Despite what Sakura would claim, she and Sasuke had nothing in common besides age and team. The examples could go on and on.
Firstly, we have Sasuke- Arrogant, cold, broody, training-oriented, dark, avenger –read: Revenge-crazed- , orphan, hates Fangirls with a passion usually reserved only for avenging. Not to mention that he has both superiority and inferiority complexes…This kid needs serious counselling, that is for sure.
And then there is the one and (thankfully) only Sakura- Rather shallow, clingy, loud, cannot take a hint, obsessed with appearance, PINK, lives with parents who positively dote on her every whim, and is a shameless Fangirl! And sadly, this was the kinder list.
But nonetheless Haruno Sakura firmly believes they are without a doubt 'meant to be'. Sometimes Akina pitied the girl…other times, she just wanted to literally beat some sense into her pretty little pink head.
D-rank missions or not, they were Ninja now. The time for childishness was long-passed.
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"It's been ages! Where the hell is he?" Akina as Naruto whined, slouching against the bridge's safety rail.
"For once I agree with the Dobe, we've been here for hours." Sasuke muttered darkly, his arms crossed over his chest. Sakura had bulging, heart-filled eyes as she took the opportunity to gain the Uchiha's attention.
"You're so right Sasuke-kun, how dare he keep us waiting like this! It's disrespectful!" she shouted, truly offended.
Why the hell should a Jounin have to respect a wet-behind-the-ears Genin like you? Akina wondered in disbelief.
…
…
…
…Although three hours really was getting ridiculous.
A loud pop of smoke appeared out of nowhere in the centre of the bridge. The grey clouds dissipated to reveal an eye-smiling Kakashi, who was holding Icha Icha in front of his face as per usual.
"Yo!" he said, holding up a hand in greeting. Naruto's arms were folded across his chest and his face held an uncharacteristic deadpanned expression.
"Don't you 'Yo' me Kakashi-sensei. You-"
"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura screeched. Akina rolled her eyes. Well, because that wasn't already obvious.
Kakashi looked at his students with an over-played sheepish expression. "Ah haha, I'm sorry! I was on my way here, early you see, when a cute little rabbit stopped by and simply begged me to help him locate his burrow. The poor thing had a horrible sense of direction, and it was nearly impossible to guide him home! Eventually though, I found the burrow and after an emotional parting, I came here."
"…A talking rabbit?" Akina clarified, voicing the thoughts of her teammates as well. She resisted the urge to facepalm.
Kakashi nodded and cheerfully replied. "Yes!"
"But Kakashi-sensei, animals can't talk!" Sakura informed the Jounin matter-of-factly. She was met by silence, during which she beamed with pride, a reminiscent of the Academy days.
"…Sakura…-chan," Akina started, deciding at the last minute to add the suffix to soften the blow, "…You do know about summons animals right?"
The green eyed girl blinked in irritation and bewilderment. "What? Summons animals? What on earth are you on about this time you idiot!" A small vein on her noticeable forehead twitched.
"Sakura, Naruto is indeed correct. Certain Shinobi can sign a Summons Contract, which allows them to summon that animal. These animals can speak our language; I myself have an Inu summons." Kakashi said, trying to break up the budding conflict. Sakura blinked yet again.
"Inu?…Dogs?" she asked in a slightly suspicious tone glaring at the blonde boy, as if any moment now they would reveal it all to be another of that fool Naruto's pranks. As if reading her mind, Kakashi's visible eye narrowed almost imperceptivity.
"Yes…quite frankly Sakura, I'm a little surprised that the so-called 'idiot' knew so much more than you. And here I thought you were the top Kunouchi…" he added casually as an afterthought. Usually Kakashi was a very tolerant man, but this girl was insulting his Sensei's son! She needed to be knocked down a peg or two, back to reality…In as nice a way as possible of course.
Sasuke snorted in distain. "Whatever, if you have all stopped wasting time I would like to get on with the mission now."
"Ahh! Yes Sasuke-kun, we should, right away!" Sakura nodded with a blush, trying to meet the Uchiha's eyes 'meekly'. To no success whatsoever.
"Ok then, Team 7!" Kakashi said in a fresh, official tone.
All three Genin snapped to attention. "Hai!" They chorused.
"Our mission today is to clean the Hokage Mountain! We have a minor Lord coming to visit, and we must have our Famous Faces clean of all that nasty stuff!" he informed them with enthusiasm he could have only borrowed from Gai.
Sakura's nose wrinkled. "What nasty stuff Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi just smiled even more.
"Well Sakura-chan, you see, the Mountain is a wonderful viewpoint, and a common nesting grounds for birds. We must cleanse the mighty rock from bird excrement-"
"BIRD EXCREMENT?" Sakura screeched, although Akina wasn't far behind her. We have to clean up bird shit! I WANNA BE IN ANBU AGAIN! She mentally whined.
Kakashi continued as if he had never been interrupted. "- before midday! The Lord is arriving at precisely that time. And do mind your language kiddies, I would hate to have to bring out the soap."
"M-midday! That's only a few hours away!" Sakura stuttered with horror-filled eyes. Even Sasuke grimaced visibly.
Kakashi tilted his head as if to say 'Ah, so it is'. "So you better get to it then." He replied, disapearing with a 'poof'.
Akina gritted her teeth and met the eyes of her teammates, the same thought running through all three of their heads. DAMN YOU KAKASHI!
Perhaps Team Seven did have something in common after all.
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One day…One day Kakashi-nii, you will pay for this.
Akina scrubbed harshly again the tough rock face, trying in what seemed like vain to remove the contrasting white and black…splashes.
"Oi, Teme! What the heck do you think you're pulling!" she growled in Naruto's deeper voice. Sasuke glanced down at his teammate in boredom.
"What are you screaming about now you idiot?"
"You're just sitting there! Get on your knees and help us out here!" Naruto growled. Thank Kami Sakura was out of hearing range or she would bite his head off for talking to 'her Sasuke-kun' in such a way.
"I'm an Uchiha. Uchihas do not clean up bird shit." His face wrinkled in disgust.
"And I'm the one who has a teammate who has a major stick up his ass. Now get your damn nose out of the air and start earning your pay…Unless Uchihas live off the work of others." She suggested, inwardly congratulating herself on knowing how to manipulate him.
…
…
"…Fine."
After roughly an hour and a half of back-aching labour, Akina called Sasuke's attention. "I'm going to pay Kakashi-sensei back for this. Interested?"
"…As if the class dead last could come up with anything worth the effort." Sasuke replied, although he was undoubtedly tempted. Revenge really was one of his pleasures.
"Are you forgetting my title, Uchiha?" Naruto scoffed, raising his eyebrows. Sasuke's face was blank, free of any comprehension.
"…What 'Title'?"
Blue eyes sparkled dangerously. "Why, the King of Pranks of course."
Although he would never admit it…that was convincing enough for Sasuke. "…Ok, but it had better be something humiliating."
"Duh." Naruto rolled his eyes. Sasuke narrowed his gaze in return.
"…This doesn't make us friends Dobe."
Akina and Naruto grinned as one. "I know, antisocial Teme."
"Hn. So, what's the plan?"
The grin became even more cunning, and Sasuke wondered what on earth he had signed up for.
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Kakashi waved cheerfully as he left the book store, the old man behind the counter smiling fondly at one of his best customers. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Kakashi ripped open the bag he was carrying and extracted his holy purchase.
Icha Icha Paradise: Uncut Limited Edition! Never before seen romantic interludes and intimacy!
Could life possibly get any better than this? Not according to Kakashi at this moment. He gently and reverently let his unworthy hands glide over the cover of the blessed book, the smooth, unmarked surface nearly bring a tear to his hidden Sharingan eye.
200 metres away, Akina grinned evilly. It had been too long since she had really had her ANBU skills put to the test, and this seemed to be the perfect method of judging herself. Sasuke was in a nearby tree, ready to initiate his role in the plan.
Akina glanced around covertly before raising her hand and giving the awaited signal. Sasuke nodded to himself seriously and dropped from the branch. He held back an uncharacteristic wince at what he was about to do.
"…Orioke no Jutsu." He grumbled in embarrassment. This was supposed to embarrass Kakashi! It had better be worth it. Taking a deep breath, he let out the highest-pitched squeal he could muster. "Eeeee! SASUKE-KUN JUST RAN DOWN THE STREET WITHOUT A SHIRT!"
Needless to say, a stampede ensued. Sasuke was slightly disturbed to see that it was not only females in the lusting crowd.
'Operation: The Mask and The Mob' was just beginning.
Kakashi looked up in shock as a great rumbling, reminiscent of an earthquake, drew his attention from his beloved literature. A large group was charging in his direction! Leading the pack were Kunouchi, followed by civilians and the rear was brought up by children as young as four, who clearly didn't understand what was happening, but wanted to join in nonetheless. Kakashi was so focused on the crowd, he never even realised he had been chopped on the back of the neck until everything went dark.
He slowly came back into consciousness only moments later, groaning in confusion. He was on the ground, how did he get there? The sun became blocked, so he warily opened his visible eye.
He was surrounded by a pack of salivating women (mostly). Why…why were they looking at him like that? Unless…
His hand flew up to touch the ever-present mask, to feel the reassuring fabric….Only to find himself touching nothing but skin.
No…Oh, Kami no…Don't let it be true…
His mask was gone.
With a fearful expression, the grey haired man looked up at the advancing mob. He whimpered and held up his hand, begging for mercy. They leapt onto the vulnerable Jounin, smothering their prey.
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"How the hell did you manage to get the mask!" Sasuke demanded as the pair sprinted away from the scene. Naruto grinned.
"I never reveal my secrets!"
Sasuke snorted lightly, unable to really be annoyed during the adrenalin rush.
"Did you see his face! And the FANGIRLS?" the blonde giggled. Sasuke nodded vigorously.
"And I thought mine were bad! ...Maybe I should invest in a mask."
Images of a Kakashi-sensei with Sasuke's hair ran through their heads. The mere idea of Uchiha Sasuke giggling over a porn-novel sent Akina into hysterics, and even Sasuke himself snickered, which morphed into a chuckle, until it became a full-blown laugh, albeit with a sinister undercurrent.
Akina stopped and just watched him. "…Ok calm down before you hurt yourself."
Sasuke's amusement halted immediately. What the hell was he just doing? Laughing with the Dobe?
…Something wasn't right.
Eyes wide, Sasuke looked at Naruto. "…Ok what did you do to me?" he demanded.
The innocent expression on the blonde boy's whiskered face was flawless. "Whatever are you talking about Sasuke?"
The Uchiha's eyes narrowed, he was not one to be fooled so easily! "…You did something."
"I only placed a tiny little inhibition-suppressing seal on you!" Akina explained, holding Naruto's fingers a small space apart and squinting. Sasuke blinked in confusion, finding it unusually difficult to re-open his eyelids.
"A what?" he asked. Akina paid his question no mind and simply waited for the boy to surrender to unconsciousness. He dropped like a rock.
"…And also a slight memory alerting seal." She said out loud, despite the fact that he would no longer hear her. It would be suspicious if the class dead last had such a skill in Fuuinjutsu now wouldn't it?
She smiled tiredly at the young Uchiha's collapsed form and whispered to herself. "It's good to know you can still have fun sometimes Sasuke-chan."
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Misora,
From what you have informed me, that inu deserved it. I would have paid to see your plan in action. And even the chibi got involved…
Days continue to pass here in a numb monotony, broken up only by the occasional mission that requires my participation. HE is growing impatient; it can't be long before the anticipated order is given.
As for chibi. Thank you for everything you are doing for him, I can never repay you.
Kurome.
"I'm going to eat one of those damn birds someday Uchiha. Fucking nuisances they are." Kisame snarled.
The raven glowered and cawed harshly in the direction of the sadistic Missing-nin, opening its beak to show off the sharpened points threateningly. Kisame snorted.
Itachi glared. "Kisame."
"What?"
"If you ever find it necessary to threaten my birds again you will find yourself in a great amount of pain."
Kisame blinked and looked away. "Figures the only thing you would ever give a rat's ass about was birds."
"Hn."
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"…"
Jiraiya sighed, breaking the silence. "…Akina-chan, please, you have to understand-"
Her head whipped around. "Understand? Understand? I only just got you back, and you're leaving me again? And you want me to understand!" she hissed. Jiraiya flinched.
"I am Konoha's spy master, it is my duty to-"
"Don't you dare talk to me about duty! Duty took Itachi away. It made him kill his own family. It made Otou-san die! Why? Why am I always the one being left behind when others have to do their duty? It's not fair!" she resisted the urge to stamp her foot at the injustice of it all. She stopped in the middle of constructing her next rant, deflating."…But life isn't fair, right Jiraiya-jiji? I know that. I do. But…"
Jiraiya nodded. "It doesn't make it any easier kiddo. You know I don't want to leave."
"…I know. I'm sorry…" Looking at his apologetic face, she felt guilty now. "W-when will you be back?"
"I will come immediately if it is a matter of emergency, but if everything goes to plan I will return for the next Chunin Exams. I've been hearing rumours, none of them good." He muttered. Akina's interest was piqued.
"What kind of rumours?"
An old, familiar grin stretched across his face. "Ah, now you know I can't tell you that Akina-chan! S-Class secrets, confidential, you understand right?" he waggled his finger back and forth in a 'no, no' fashion. Suddenly, his gaze darkened. "So…What's been going on with you and Uchiha?"
Akina refused to gulp. "…It's a secret, confidential. You understand, right Jiraiya-jiji?" she flashed him a blindingly bright fake smile.
Jiraiya glared. "Damn smart-ass brat."
"You love me." She laughed. Jiraiya shook his head.
"Hai…Of course, I'll love you even more when you finish developing your mother's curves." He replied with a lecherous chuckle.
Akina reared back in disgust. "Eww! You damned PERVERT! Paedophile, he's a Paedophile!" she cried loudly, waving her arms around as if to alert the world.
"Geez!" Jiraiya complained, holding his hands firmly over his ears. "I was just kidding Akina-chan! I like my women old enough to drink thank you very much. Nothing nicer than a girl after some Sake removes those pesky inhabitations."
An eyebrow rose. "And Tsunade wouldn't have anything to do with that particular-"
"Finish that sentence and you'll find yourself thrown off a cliff Akina." Jiraiya cut in with a threatening glower.
"Whatever you say old man."
"I'm not old! I'm still sexy!" he protested, waving his arms around madly.
Akina just laughed.
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Sakura was absent from the Team Seven meeting that day. Not that Sasuke cared less. Kakashi didn't bother to explain, merely informing them that she had an important appointment. The truth however, was that today was the day all new to service Kunouchi were sealed.
It was an invaluable protection really. Created by the Yondaime, who knew all too well how a female's health could be endangered after his time at war. This small, generic seal now adorned the skin of all female Shinobi, a practice continued even after his death. The reason for this was rather simple, it sealed away majority of a Kunouchi's hormones. While allowing enough of the hormones through to let the girls…develop properly, this seal halted majority of the production of oestrogen-just enough to remove the possibly of pregnancy until when and if they chose to have it removed. This also worked to stop any other things caused by female system…such as the emitting of pheromones that some Shinobi –like the Inuzuka clan- can detect and the natural, but nevertheless dangerous for Kunouchi, monthly side-effect that comes with a woman's reproductive system.
So, Sakura and the other Genin girls of the generation stood awkwardly together in the hospital waiting room, avoiding eye contact until their name was called. Akina, of course, had already had the seal for quite some time. Her father had been the one to invent it after all, and who better to give it to first than his precious daughter?
Akina sighed sadly, he really was over-protective. She still remembered the time he used the Hiraishin to transport Kakashi-nii to the top of his head on Hokage Mountain. He left his student dangling upside down by one foot all because he tried to explain the "Shuriken and the Kunai" to her.
Needless to say, it had been a confusing experience. Why on earth would you put a Kunai in a Shuriken? Surely that would make them harder to use as an effective weapon. Nevertheless, Akina had asked her Tou-san if he could elaborate. He did not take it very well at all…Kakashi's pleas were heard for hours.
She tapped her fingers impatiently on her table. Without Sakura constantly distracting Sasuke the D-rank missions had been completed at record-breaking pace.
Not that Kakashi noticed.
Oh no.
He was reading porn.
…She really wanted to just…stab him sometimes.
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto began, putting a heavy emphasis on the 'Sensei'. Wasn't he supposed to be teaching them something? "We finished clearing the old hag's yard half an hour ago. Why are we still here, we should be training!"
"For once the Dobe has a valid point. This is useless." Sasuke grumbled with his heads in his pockets.
"Maa, maa," Kakashi drawled, leisurely flapping a hand in the direction of his students, "You can't always rely on me for everything, I'm a very busy man-"
LIES!
"-but I guess you two could spar each other. Assess the strengths and weaknesses within the team." Akina could have sworn she saw him hold back a yawn.
Sasuke growled. "Well that is obvious. You and I are the strengths, Naruto and Sakura are the weaknesses. I don't need to beat up the Dobe to see that…although it could help him to wrap his empty head around it."
Naruto twitched and pointed his finger towards the Uchiha violently. "TEME!"
"Ok, ok, calm down you two. Jeez, why did I let myself get talked into this again?" Kakashi pondered to himself.
Naruto shrugged. Kakashi sighed. Why me?
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Kurome,
Something has happened. It is sort of a long story, but I'll try and keep it as short as possible.
After yet another degrading "mission" of the D-ranked variety (which involved a pet rabbit that needed a bath…side note, rabbits DO NOT appreciate bathes), I finally decided enough was enough and told shadow I couldn't take it anymore. Chibi agreed, and the relentless fangirl nodded dumbly without ever taking her eyes off the 'prize'.
Our efforts were awarded with a C-rank, escorting a bridge builder to his home village, the name of which I will not disclose. Turns out the old drunk wasn't entirely truthful as we ended up dealing with two demonic Chunin brothers, I'm sure you understand the reference. Chibi did quite well considering, although I must admit to being of little help. I had never before been in a fight under this identity and despite everything I almost blew the whole thing! My instinctive reactions were so close to automatic I almost found myself forgetting the situation. So…I froze. Don't worry, if I were in serious danger I would have done what was needed, consequences be damned.
As if that wasn't enough, who should we stumble upon next? Let's just say that those Chunin brothers were about as demonic as the kit when compared to the mist demon. Not your average C-rank escort, that's for sure. So of course I was forced to sit back and watch the battle, until that reckless inu got himself captured. Chibi and I devised (an excellent) plan which thankfully was a success. But just before the killing blow this fake hunter shows up and takes the body. And then inu decides to become unconscious. Great.
So we were stuck for a while anticipating the rebuttal attack. Inu of course took this as an opportunity to teach us how to climb trees (obviously he didn't know I already knew how to). The fangirl accomplished it first, not surprising considering the girl's pitiful chakra reserves. A bit of competition sparked between my alter-ego self and the chibi, it was quite fun actually. Even if he was just glaring at me majority of the time. So anyway, finally the day we were waiting for came. They had left me 'sleeping'- please! At least inu should have been able to realise it wasn't the real me…but in any case I made my way to the battlefield (after kicking the asses of these arrogant Samurai-wannabes that came after the bridge builder's family, really they were pathetic).
Inu was fighting the mist menace while the fangirl shakily stood in front of the client looking like she was about to faint and die by way of falling on her own Kunai. I'm serious. Chibi was engaged in combat with the fake hunter, trapped by their Kekkei Genkai. Do you remember that one time near Kiri where we had to take out a man with a particularly icy ability? It seems that he was not the last, but who knows if there are more out there. Either way, things were looking dangerous when no Katon could melt the mirrored-prison, so I stepped in. Ungrateful brat scolded me about that as well! So there we were, dodging a rain of Senbon (I had to reduce my reaction time significantly of course) when I realised that none of the needles were coming close to anywhere vital. In any other case, I would think that the user just didn't have enough expertise or experience, but this person was deadly accurate, which led me to believe he truly did not wish to seriously harm us. I was right, of course. Only problem was that chibi didn't know that.
I was hit in several places intended to cause numbness and loss of muscle control (with our training it was hardly effective, but I still had a part to play nonetheless) so, like a good little victim, I collapsed. And here is where it started to go wrong. The fake hunter aimed for my 'vulnerable' body and shot off a few more Senbon. I saw no real harm in letting myself take the hit, so didn't drop the act…I wish that I had. Before I knew what was happening, chibi was in front of me, taking the hit. I knew from the placement of the Senbon that it only had the appearance of fatality, but rationality abandoned me…I was supposed to protect him for you, I had promised, and there he was on the ground, almost not breathing.
I lost it. I had not encountered the creature in years, but all of a sudden there it was. Every ounce of my being screamed for revenge and I'm ashamed to admit I listened. I almost loss all control, and that scares me. I was able to stop myself before I killed the fake hunter, who (as I had suspected for a while) was a boy I had crossed paths with in the forest. He was a kind and gentle-hearted boy, only a few years older than chibi and the fangirl. His past was just as tragic as most Ninja we shall ever come across, sadly it seems to be the norm these days. He sacrificed himself to save the mist demon from inu's wrathful technique…you know the one. That boy didn't deserve to die like that, as nothing but a tool. It's times like these that I'm so glad we left the Ops.
Anyway, after a surprising swap of sides from the mist demon, the mission wrapped up and chibi woke up fine, if a bit sore. And –don't get too excited- but a family trait had awakened earlier than we suspected. After arriving back home, things have pretty much gone back to normal, although even that is never really normal is it?
Hope you're ok,
Misora
P.S. I can finally walk without effort now. Thanks for that by the way. I will have my revenge.
This took ages! A thousand apologies DX
If anybody has any requests, let me know!
-TITM