Title: Shaken. Not Stirred

Author: Lady FoxFire

Pairing(s): None… so far

Rating: M

Warning: implied sexual contact, violence

Category(s): Angst/Drama

Summary: When Vernon's abuse goes too far, will Harry be able to live with the effects?

Disclaimer: Dumbledore walks out on stage. "Ladies and gentlemen I would like to take full fault on the delay of this fic. If Rowling, who owns this universe had filled in all the plot holes she had through the series I would never have been viewed as the evil bastard I came to be seen as. Perhaps if that had never had happened our dear author would be writing professionally and making money from her own stories. Unfortunately the child still writing fanfics and having to work for a living. Thank you and good night everyone."

Bad Author Notes: Yes, I know it's been a long time and this is a short chapter but I fell into the evil/bastard Dumbledore group and I found writing a 'good' Dumbledore to be harder to do after that. Now having said that I will tell you that updates will be spotty. I am trying to finish 2 other fics along with this one that have been left to hang way too long while working on my other interests. Then when you add in my 12 yr. old son and my health isn't the greatest right now (headaches) it all means that I'm slow on updating. Now having said all that I would like to thank my friend and sometime writing partner Corwalch for kicking my ass so that I finished this chapter.

"This has to be the most uncomfortable thing I've ever worn," Harry growled as he tugged at the collar of his robe.

"Stop that," Sirius said as he slapped Harry's hand away and started to fix the collar.

"I don't want to be in this outfit," Harry whined as he stood still while Sirius worked on his clothing. "Why do I have to be dressed up for this? Why couldn't I just wear my regular robes?"

"Because the press will be there and Fudge wants to make a good impression on them," Sirius said as he walked around Harry inspecting him, brushing some lint off of his shoulder, straightening out the back.

"Like I care what Fudge wants. This whole press conference is just a dog and pony show," Harry growled in disgust. "I can't believe that Dumbledore agreed to this."

Sirius let out a weary sigh. "Dumbledore doesn't exactly have a choice in the matter. A public showing is prescribed by the Le sang de Magie, it was a way for the public to see... well..."

"To see the merchandise." Harry supplied as he crossed his arms over his chest and ground his teeth.

Sirius grimaced at Harry's choice of words. "You should be happy that Dumbledore forced the issue of the robes," Sirius commented absent-mindedly.

"What do you mean he forced the issue?" Harry asked with dread

"Well," Sirius drew out the first word before the rest of the words hurried out, "it would be either wearing the robes you're wearing or... umm you would be in the nude."

"What!" exploded from Harry's lips.

Sirius gently steered Harry over to his bed and gently pushed him down on so that he was sitting on it before he plopped down next to him. "In old laws concerning Le sang de Magie, it was required that the person be dressed in such a manner that they could be easily inspected," Sirius explained.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "In another words they wanted to be able to inspect my assets."

"Well we are dealing with a sexually repressed group here," Sirius commented. "Luckily Dumbledore was able to press the point that inspection section of Le sang de Magie hadn't been use since the early years of the process. And then when you add in your age and fame, he was able to get Fudge to back down."

Harry snorted in distrain. "Fine but couldn't I wear a move comfortable set of robes?" Harry tugged once again at the collar. "I feel like I'm being strangled!"

Sirius stood up so that he has easier access to Harry's collar. "Hold still," Sirius said as he fixed the collar once again. "I remember you father complaining about this style of collar too."

"When was that?"

Plopping down once again on the bed, Sirius said, "It was at your naming, when I was named as your Godfather. Lily was determined to make everything perfect so James, Remus and me had to promise not to pull any pranks and to act like perfect gentlemen for the ceremony or else. And one thing I learned early on is that you never cross Lily when she used the 'or else' threat. Your mum was one scary woman at times."

"So did everything go right?"

A deep chuckle came from Sirius. "Hardly! Right before the ceremony Lily developed a case of the hiccups. Of course she blamed us for it when though we swore it wasn't us. Lily tried every hiccup cure she could think of without any luck. Finally one of the Priestess told her aside and convince Lily that this was the Gods way of telling her to stop taking everything so seriously and to enjoy life and all of it's inconsistency.

Harry chuckled. "So did everything go right after that?"

"Petty much," Sirius said with a shrug of his shoulder. "Or it did after you blessed the holy pool."

"Blessed the holy pool?"

"You peed in it."

"I peed in a holy pool," Harry said, his embarrassment was evident in his voice. "How could I pee in the pool? Didn't I have a nappy on?"

"Nope. A baby is brought to the pool naked. The Priestess then takes the baby and dips its feet into the water; traditionally that's when a baby pees into the pool but you did it before the Priestess received you. After that she hands the baby over to the Godparents who then dress and feed the baby before handing the kid back to their parents."

Harry shook his head. "I bet mum was just glad I did poop in the pool."

"Yeah she was," Sirius replied. "From what I hear the Longbottom's boy, Neville, threw up on the Priestess when he was passed to her."

"I wonder if Neville knows about that."

~*~

"If everyone would be quiet please," A Ministry nobody said from the podium as he tried to signal everyone to be quiet. "If everyone would please be quiet we will begin in 5 minutes."

"Are there a lot of people here?" Harry asked Remus softly as Snuffles sat at his feet.

Remus nodded his head, forgetting for a moment that Harry couldn't see him "Yeah there are. There are reporters from at least a dozen new agencies from around the world. There are also a number of well-to-do people who probably bribed Fudge for access to this meeting. It looks like there are representatives from most of the magical governments in the world. And it looks like someone here for the Royal Family."

"The Royal Family?" Harry said in disbelieve. "You mean the Royal Family of England! Why would they be here?"

Remus looked at Harry in confusion. "The Royal Family has always mixed with the wizard world ever since the time of Merlin and King Arthur. For a while wizards sat on the throne until pressure from Christians split the line so that there was the Muggle Royal line and the wizard Royal line."

"There's Royal wizards?" Harry said in confusion.

Remus sighs. "Binns really doesn't teach you anything does he."

"Not unless it's about the goblin wars," Harry replied.

"Ladies and gentlewizards," A Ministry nobody announced. "Minister Fudge."

Fudge took the podium, smiling the smile all politations seemed to have mastered. "Ladies and gentle wizards thank you for coming. We are gathered here today on this momentous occasion because we of the wizarding community are being given the oppunity to give back to one who saved us all from a dark wizard who terrorized the land. Recently this hero who defended our land and way of life was injured in an unfortunate accident, that has left him unable to properly do magic. Because of his injuries it was decided that it would be best to allow the wizard community a chance to protect our hero and help him once again become a useful member of society."

Harry leaned closer to Remus and whispered. "He's a true polittaion. He says a lot and yet says nothing."

Remus chuckled softly.

"So in order to protect this injured hero it was decided to reinstate the Le sang de Magie. As you know Le sang de Magie was used for generations in order to protect those witches and wizards who unfortunately can no longer use magic the way it was meant to be used. Le sang de Magie gave those poor souls a new purpose in life and further strengthened the bonds between all wizard kind whether they are pure blood, Muggle born or a half blood. Today marks a change in the wizard world; a new step into what I know will be a better future. Thank you all for attending."

Fudge was quickly replaced with the Ministry nobody. "Informational packages are at the door. Please remember to pick one up before leaving."

"Is that it?" Harry whispered. "Is that all there is to this dog and pony show?"

"I wish it was," Remus whispered back. "Now it's the meet and greet part of the show."

"Wonderful," Harry moaned as he crossed his arms and slumped into his chair.

"Mr. Potter," a dark haired man about Sirius' and Remus' age appeared before Harry. "Allow me to introduce myself, Bond, James Bond."

Harry turned towards the voice. "Mr. Bond," he said with a nod of his head. "Allow me to introduce my companions, Remus Lupin and my dog Snuffles."

"A pleasure," Bond replied with a nod of his head towards Remus. "Mr. Potter I am here on behalf of the Royal Family and the British government. I am to relay to you that her Mastisty is not pleased that the Wizard government decided to reinstate Le sang de Magie."

"But they're not going to do anything about it," Harry replied.

"Unfortunately, no," Bond replied. "The British government's influence in the Wizard community is rather limited. If we had known about your condition before you had returned to Hogwarts, you would have been placed in a more securtied location."

"And what of before?" Harry demanded. "I lived in that house with that man for 10 years before going to Hogwarts why wasn't anything done before?"

Bond gritted his teeth. "From what I understand some of the member of the British government were paid to look the other way while others were forced to forget but I can assure you Mr. Potter that when those involved are found they will pay for what they've done."

Harry nodded his head accepting Bond's answer.

"Mr. Bond," Remus said.

"Yes, Mr. Lupin," Bond replied.

"Would I be correct in assuming that you're not here just to pass along the Queen's displeasure over what is happening?" Remus asked.

"Unfortunately I am not. Mr. Potter I have been asked by her Majesty to approach you with the offer of help from the Royal Family. Her Majesty is willing to bid for you with the understanding that when she wins you would become a ward of the Crown. Her Majesty is hoping that you might be willing to marry Her Majesty's granddaughter Zara Anne Elizabeth Phillips or someone else of the House of Windsor in order combine the two Royal families once again."

"The two Royal families?" Harry said in confusion.

"Mr. Potter," Fudge said as he barged into the conversation without a glance at Mr. Bond. "Mr. Notts is asking to examine you so if you could come this way." Fudge grabbed hold of Harry's arm.

"To do what," Harry said as he stayed in his seat as Fudge tried to pull him out, "examine my teeth?"

"That and other things, I would expect," Fudge said in a tone that indicated he thought that Harry was someone of lesser intelligence.

"I believe that Headmaster Dumbledore, Harry's guardian is the only one who can allow someone to examine Harry," Remus stepped in between Harry and the Minister.

"Minster Fudge, I believe that Mr. Potter's current health report is included in the information package," Bond said holding up the packages that was available to everyone.

Fudge turned and looked at Bond. Barely concealing his disgust at Bond's Muggle attire, he asked, "And who are you sir?"

"Bond. James Bond," he declared.

"Bond. I don't believe I know any wizard family by that surname," Fudge said.

"That's because I am not a wizard," Bond stated in a matter of fact manner. "I'm here on behalf of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II."

Fudge's eyes widened as he shuffled in place. "I've done nothing illegal. Le sang de Magie is completely legal within the wizard community."

"Yes," Bond said with a dangerous tint to his voice. "Yes Her Majesty is fully aware of that. And she is less then pleased by it."

Fudge opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water gasping for air.

With a dangerous smile Bond said, "Now why don't you run along and give Mr. Notts a copy of Mr. Potter's health report like a good lad."

Fudge looked between Bond and Lupin before finally glancing at Harry. "Yes. Yes," Fudge said as he straightened his robes. "That's a splendid idea." And with that Fudge turned and hurried away.

"Never did care for politicians," Bond said softly.

"I have to agree with you on that," Harry added in. "He's a bit like a jackass isn't he."

Bond glanced sharply at Harry, hearing something unspoken in the young man's voice only to be met by an innocent smile.

"Mr. Bond I believe you were going to explain your comment about two Royal families before we were so rudely interrupted," Remus stated.

"Oh Mr. Potter! It's a pleasure to meet you," bubbly young woman with strawberry blond hair said as she came up behind Mr. Bond. "I've always dreamt of meeting you and thank you for all that you've done. I mean how many people can say that they're met a real hero before. And then after I read about your horrible accident I said to myself, Holly you can help Harry Potter. I mean I no I have absolutely, positively no chance of winning you especially go up against people like the Malfoy and the Spensers but I figured if a baby Harry Potter can win against You Know Who then I have a chance of winning Harry Potter. So I hope you don't mind."

The woman stared at Harry before with wide worshiping eyes while waiting for Harry to acknowledge her.

Harry opened his mouth. Closed it. Open. Closed. "Umm… thanks."

The woman squealed before throwing herself at Harry and hugging him. "Well I got to go. Thanks," she babbled before disappearing into the crowd.

"For some strange reason I had image that the ladies would be ethereal here," Bond said as he stared at the place he had last seen the woman. "My briefing stated that the wizard world was more like the Victorian era not today's California."

"It's rather a mix of the two," Remus explained. "You have your prim and proper ladies," he nodded to Professor McGonagall, "and then you have the rest."

"I blame inbreeding," Harry said very wisely.

Bond turned to comment when a woman's scream ripped through the air. Bond positioned himself in front of Harry; his weapon drawn as he eyes scanned the room for danger.

"Heehaw! Heehaw!"

"Is the Minister giving another speech," Harry said innocently just as Bond saw a donkey dressed in clothing similar to what Fudge had been wearing earlier.

"I do believe he is," Remus replied smugly. "I do believe he is."