I am crazy.

I know I am crazy.

Perhaps that's one of the worse things about it all; the knowing.

After all, it possibly wouldn't be so bad to be crazy and not know it; to believe the lie and assume your mental parameters are still in sync with everyone else's.

But for me, I have my periods of lucidity and know that soon they will end and I will, once again, descend into madness.

It is possible to be both crazy and not crazy; to know that you will and yet not be.

When your mouth speaks words that your mind denies. When the brain makes decisions that the lips refute.

"Gorram moon brain," is spoken.

"Beautiful temptress," is thought

"Feng-le little girl," uttered aloud

"Graceful dancer," echoed mentally

"Keep away from me," outwards

"Come closer," inwards

"Wish you'd leave," out

"Stay with me," in

"Doc's crazy sis," out

"My bao bei," in

"Hate you,"

"Want you,"

"Girl,"

"Woman."

I am crazy and yet I am not. He is sure and yet he is not.

Two worlds collide and lucidity fails, I am once again drawn to madness.

But this time I am not alone.