Title: Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Castle. Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC own the characters, I just borrow them.

Author's Notes: What is a girl supposed to do when she's watching her favorite couple and it's Valentine's Day? Yup, start a new fanfiction about them.

Castle looked at himself in the small oval mirror in Beckett's bathroom. Small water droplets rolled off the tip of his nose and wet lines trailed across his face. He looked tired with bags under his eyes and slight stubble etching his jaw. Castle looked like himself though his hair wasn't properly formed and was slightly matted against his forehead, but the writer looked and felt many years older.

He could hear Beckett outside getting changed and discarding her dirty clothes smudged from the day's work. The writer felt odd standing in her personal bathroom amongst her products and few random clothes scattered on the beige tile floor. His partner was right outside, most likely naked but he didn't have the energy to imagine her toned body. Castle's body ached and cracked as he grabbed the small olive green hand towel and wiped his face. Though the water was gone, the sleep deprivation and worry was ever present in his eyes.

There was a soft knock and his eyes wracked the hardwood door. "Castle, did you fall in?"

He gave a heavy sigh and opened the door. His fingers danced on the stainless steal door handle and the door creaked as it opened. "No, my ass is too big for your toilet." Castle shuffled past her trying not to look at her room. The only thing he saw was her mother's ring sitting peacefully on her dresser that looked worn and loved.

"Do you want me to order food?"

Beckett shrugged splashing water on her face. "If you want, I'm not to hungry."

Of course she wasn't. Almost dying can do that to a person. Castle didn't want to think about it but the thoughts still nagged him. Seeing Beckett lay in that room unconscious as a man stood over her with a gun was unnerving. He thought they weren't going to make it till Ryan and Esposito came in. Even though Castle's wrist was sprained, he picked up and carried his partner to safety.

"I'll just do pizza." He said walking out of her bedroom and dialing the number.

The writer placed the order, a medium combo, and sat on her couch replaying the events. The paramedic that checked Beckett said she had a concussion and should have someone watch her for the night. Castle jumped at the idea and said he wasn't letting his partner out of his sight.

Beckett, though she didn't like the idea, also didn't oppose it. The detective sat in the passenger's seat as he drove back to her apartment without a word or comment on his driving.

She came out from her bedroom with her chestnut brown hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. The oversized t-shit hung off her left shoulder allowing skin to peak out and the shirt covered her upper thighs. Black yoga pants with a small hole at her right knee streamed down from the white shirt and hugged her legs as she moved into the kitchen.

The detective moved around seamlessly past the black table that dually served as a stovetop and grabbed a mug from the hook above the sink.

"Want something to drink?" she asked peering over her right shoulder minutely.

Castle shook his head and slumped down further into the couch.

Beckett came over and sat at the opposite side and stared at him. His disposition was completely different and even during the car ride she could tell something was wrong.

"You look tired." She said in a low voice over the rim of the glass. The water pressed against her lips and then flowed back once the glass was placed on a beer coaster.

Castle nodded and ran a hand absentmindedly over his eyes. "Yes but I'm not leaving." His statement was so affirmative and stern that Castle's voice didn't seem to match his character.

"You really should though. You look like you're about to pass out and I'm fine for the night."

"Kate," he began to say with his jaw set. His stare was deadly but his head couldn't turn to her. "I'm not leaving especially since you have a concussion. I almost lost you again and I'm not letting that happen."

He didn't even look at her as he spoke. It seemed like the words came out on their own accord and were almost memorized. Beckett couldn't stop staring at him and the small quiver in his lips. They were pressed together in a fine line that was stoically placed on his face.

Silence fell upon them and Beckett didn't know how to respond or if she even should. Those words brought her back to the memory she refused and yet loved to revel in. But that damn secret of hers and her stubbornness was a terrible combination.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked after a moment of silence.

Her partner sat with his hands together and in his lap. Castle's broad shoulders seemed to have risen and he now sat up straight on the couch.

Castle shook his head, "No, it's not my turn to talk. I already gave you the ball so it's yours now."

It seemed like everything Dr. Burke prepared her for was beginning to unravel and reveal itself. She didn't want to speak, she couldn't. Everything, all of it wasn't ready to come out yet. Beckett swallowed and looked at Castle again. He seemed so nervous and yet determined at the same time. But he still wouldn't look at her, which annoyed and hurt the detective as she sat bewildered and fearful. This seemed so easy for him while Beckett continued to struggle with all these internal feelings. The detective couldn't process his words and knew damn well that the ball was in her court now; she just didn't want to admit it.

Time seemed to slow down as the two sat. Silence rang through her ears and exemplified the other sounds in her loft setting. Beckett's palms grew sweaty as she stared out into the room. Her eyes tried to fixate on something other than Castle, but each time she continued to stare at her partner. The space between Beckett and Castle seemed to grow and it felt like he was no longer present in the room, which felt twenty times larger than it actually was.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She lied looking away from him.

Castle shook his head and stood. "Just stop it. You can't pull this crap on me anymore."

Anger shook his body as he stood before the detective. Beckett had only seen him this mad a couple of times before and knew that a fight was about to erupt.

"I'm not doing anything to you, Castle."

"Oh bullshit!" he shouted with a biting tone. "You know exactly what you're doing to me."

Beckett stood to counter and tried to level with her partner. Though he stood a few feet away and couple inches taller she needed them to be equal. This fight had been building for some time now and it was time to talk though the words couldn't formulate properly.

"I'm not doing anything on purpose. The only thing I did today was try to make you stand down and not follow me into that warehouse." She ran a shaky hand through her hair and stood stoically in front of him. Her pink lips were parted slightly and her white teeth biting at the inside of her lips. "You shouldn't have followed me. You could have died today."

"You nearly did and I can't lose you again!"

Beckett's chest puffed though her lips stayed in an unbending line. Her eyes couldn't look past his and she saw a small break in his internal wall. Though the writer, her partner, had always been so open and willing to talk, Beckett could tell that he too was scared. Now, witnessing that he had a wall built up inside made Beckett feel better but still guarded.

"Castle, if you think for one second I could live without you, then think again." She took a step cutting more of the empty space. "I can't lose you either. That's why I tried pushing you away from me today."

His eyes were set on her face and read her expression. First examining her eyes and slowly crawling down her body. Castle didn't need to say the words but needed to feel them too. A simple statement coming from her mouth and gracing his ears wasn't enough. He needed more.

"That's bull and you know it."

"No, Castle, it's not." She shouted back with the same amount of anger and a viscous tone that would tear him apart. "You have a family, Rick. A mother and daughter that love and need you to come home. I can't just show up and say, 'Sorry, he didn't make it.' That's not how this works."

"Then how? Am I supposed to shadow you and then stay in the car like a child while you risk your life and nearly die?" His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. Castle's lips parted slightly and he began, "I've sat aside for too long and I'm not going to watch you die again."

Beckett's hands formed together against her lips. "Castle, I'm a cop it's my job to risk my life."

"But to push away your partner isn't."

That word, partner, had such a biting tone to it as it drummed from his lips. It became so customary to say it. At first, Beckett hated the idea of being partners. But, she slowly grew to like the term and knew that they were partners in more ways that one. Again, that stubborn attitude stood in the way of allowing this partnership to grow and flourish into something more.

"I didn't push because I wanted to!" she yelled using her hands and moving a step closer to him. "I did this because I love you, you idiot!"

Beckett tried retracting the words instantly but she couldn't swallow the demon that was released. Her secret, terrible and hideous with a beautiful veil shrouding it was now out in the open air. Her throat burned not only from the scream but because her secret was revealed.

Her eyes dropped and sadness clouded her face. There was no going back and no way to right this wrong. It was impossible. All the words she worked painstakingly hard to keep to herself were free like birds that perched and clung to Castle's ears.

"I," But her voice failed her.

Castle stepped forward with only a few inches separating the two now. "Did you just—how long?"

Her brow furrowed, "How long?"

He nodded, "How long have you loved me? I deserve to know."

Beckett swallowed and chewed her bottom lip softly. "Probably since I was willing to go to the Hamptons with you. That," she said with a shaky voice. "Or when you said it."

The writer stepped back trying to steady himself. It not only blew him away but also punched him right in the gut leaving him breathless. "You knew? You've known since you woke up and kept it from me. You," he stopped before saying something he would regret and shook his head. "I can't believe this."

Beckett's head dropped and she sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you but I wasn't ready. I told you I needed time,"

"Yes, but you don't just keep something like this from me. Do you know what this feels like?" he puffed out a breath and shook his head, "I feel like you just drove through my chest with no regards for my heart."

Her brow knitted together and her lips were parted. The detective took an unsure step forward trying to cut off the space and become equal again. "Rick, you don't know how long I've wanted to say it. I—I just couldn't." Her arm rose and her right hand cupped his jaw line. The stubble scratched against her soft palm but she needed this, they needed this.

His soft blue eyes looked at her as his head formed to her hand. Castle couldn't pull away, not now not ever again. It was out in the open, no going back.

The writer swallowed looking for the words but came up short. Instead, he asked the question he dreaded. "What now?" he said in low gruff tone riddled with worry and nerves.

The detective's eyes grew soft as she inspected him. Her left hand traced down his arm until his large hand was found. Their fingers laced and she swallowed once more. Though the secret was out they both still felt so guarded. "We move forward. If we decide to give something a try then we do it." Her soft hazel eyes glanced down to his lips and back up making the writer's heart flutter and his breath to catch in his throat. "But, if it ends terribly we keep being friends and partners."

Castle nodded and swallowed past the lump in his throat. "It's been an honor so far having my heart broken by you."

Beckett's lips curled up and she gave a soft laugh, "Yeah, it's been an honor too."

They stared at each other trying to say more but knew there were no more words to be said. Her secret was out and everything was fine. Though Castle was silently furious she knew that anger would die soon and only turn into more love. That's how their relationship was. It was built off of anger and annoyance that slowly manifested into more.

Castle pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. Beckett, however, continued to watch his face and how the shadows danced across his eyelids and cheekbones. Her hand had dropped down to his neck and the two just stood there together.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded, "Always."

Castle sighed and his shoulders relaxed. "If I kiss you, you won't pretend this never happened and we'll talk about it?"

His eyes opened and the writer pulled away awaiting the answer. Castle needed to know and wanted to make sure this was the real deal. That and if they jumped now they were both committed.

Beckett took her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. "I promise that we can talk about this. This is you and me now Castle. A relationship can't be built from nothing."

His lips moved up making his eyes crinkle and a new gleam appeared. It was a glimmer of hope and of assurance that jumping into this thing was the right idea.

"No, a relationship can't be built without a good foundation." His head moved forward and his nose tickled her cheek. "But, it needs to be based off mutual respect, love, and a little bit physical contact."

Beckett smiled and moved both her hands behind his neck. "Oh, so it's physical contact that you're looking for?"

He nodded as their lips grazed each other. "I've got nothing but love for you."

Their lips melded together, soft at first but passionate. The kiss deepened and Beckett's lips parted allowing Castle access. His tongue flicked hers and he gently nipped at her bottom lip. Sadly, the two were torn apart with a knock.

They smiled with a laugh. "Must be the pizza guy." Castle said looking at her.

She nodded, "Yeah, go ahead and get the pizza and then we should talk more."

The writer smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. He needed that connection again and to feel the electricity spark his lips. The detective rolled her eyes and walked toward the kitchen to get plates.

Though Castle was overjoyed he knew that now she deserved to know his secret. But when he revealed it and how impeded on his good mood. Soon, Castle would tell his partner, the love of his life, his new girlfriend, and soon to be lover his dark secret.

Author's Notes: So I really hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking that this will be multiple chapters, I just don't know how many. I figure since I left this chapter slightly open ended I need to continue it. Besides, I want to give Castle and Beckett some good times along with showing their other sides. Please remember to review!

KP, aka Ashley