A/N: Oh, hey, it's Valentine's Day. You know what that means! Time for loads and loads of oneshots about a bunch of authors' OTPs in celebration of what should rightfully be called Singles Awareness Day…So why am I not writing about Ron and Hermione or Remus and Tonks? Eh, whatever. Here's your clichéd James/Lily romance thing.

WARNING. THIS FANFIC CONTAINS BLATANT HETEROSEXUALITY, AND DECIDEDLY HETEROSEXUAL THOUGHTS AND SITUATIONS. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY SUCH THINGS, PLEASE SPARE US FROM YOUR POINTLESS AND ANNOYING PREJUDICE AND CLICK THE BACK BUTTON. Or at least make your flame halfway interesting, come on, people.

Disclaimer: So how long will it be before J. K. Rowling updates Pottermore, giving us a detailed outline on exactly how Lily got to see James as more than just an arrogant bullying toe-rag and making this completely noncanon?

Thursday, 2 June, 1977. The day Lily Evans's world view was forever changed.

It had started simple enough. She'd got up early as usual, early enough to attempt to avoid everyone's questioning again, even though she already told the entire school that this was just to get Potter off her case once and for all, but did that ever stop Hogwarts students from spreading rumors?

Of course it didn't.

Lily had just finished spreading some butter on a piece of toast when she saw Potter's Spotted Owl, Faunaseraph, soaring toward her. She rolled her eyes, something she did a lot whenever Potter was concerned. She frowned at Faunaseraph as he landed in front of her, but felt it wouldn't be fair to take her frustrations out on the poor owl. It wasn't like he did anything to harm her, other than bring bad news, which wasn't his fault. Lily offered the owl a piece of bacon as she removed the small roll of parchment from his leg, frowning as she braced herself for whatever Potter had cooked up this time. Her frown deepened as Faunaseraph promptly flew off after he'd finished eating. So Potter didn't want a reply. Lily shrugged. Whatever, she probably wouldn't have bothered with one anyway. She took a sip of pumpkin juice, read the letter, and immediately spat all over it.

She blinked rapidly, rubbing her eyes as she reread the soaked letter. It's too early and I'm seeing things, she told herself. But when she looked again, the message was still there, clear as day:

Sorry, Evans, but I'll have to cancel our Hogsmede date. Something more important came up.

-James

Lily blinked again. She put the letter face down on the table. She finished her toast and had a bit of bacon herself. She drank what was left of her juice. She picked up the letter again.

The message hadn't changed.

"…What."

This had to be a trick. It had to. She wouldn't put it past the Marauders to try something like this. There was no way in hell that James Bloody Potter would ever cancel a date with Lily Evans, not after finally getting her to say yes to him after three straight years of trying.

Lily hung her head in her hands. Why did she agree to this again?

"Please, Evans, just this once? I'll never ask anything of you again, promise!"

"Is that right," muttered Lily, rolling her eyes. How many times was Potter going to use that one, honestly?

"I mean it! If it doesn't work out, I won't ever bother you again!" Potter grinned, running his hand through his hair, intentionally messing it up even more. Lily refrained from groaning; she hated it when Potter did that. He thought it made him look cool. It didn't.

Nearly six years. Six years of having to put up with Potter's annoyances, and nearly three of him constantly trying to ask her out. Lily was reaching the end of her rope. If she didn't do something to get him off her back, she had a feeling he'd never go away.

"Fine," she found herself saying.

"Aw, come on, Evans, I'm…what?" Potter's jaw dropped. He looked thoroughly taken aback. Lily stifled a snort. He actually managed to look almost cute.

"I said fine, I'll go out on one date with you. Just one. And once it goes wrong—"

"It won't, though!" Potter insisted, regaining his composure quickly, though he still looked shocked. "You'll see, it'll be the best date you've ever—"

"I said, once it goes wrong, you'll stop being a thorn in my side. Do we have a deal?"

"Absolutely!" agreed Potter, a little too quickly for her liking. Her eyes narrowed.

"Really," she said softly. "And exactly how can I be so certain that you'll keep your word?"

Potter's expression abruptly turned serious, something that Lily didn't think was possible. He was still smiling broadly, though, so she resolved to keep her guard up as Potter cleared his throat.

"I solemnly swear that, if you don't enjoy yourself on our date, I will never ask you out again," he stated.

Lily rolled her eyes again.

"You're going to have to do better than that," she said.

Potter's smile flickered, and she thought she saw a flash of something in his hazel eyes. Annoyance? Anger? Did she care?

"Fine," he began, "how about this. If I break my promise I'll let you hex me to your heart's content and I won't even try to fight back. I'll even give my wand to Moony so I won't be tempted."

Lily considered this. Out of all of Potter's stupid friends, Lupin was widely regarded as the most trustworthy. If she really agreed to do this…after six straight years of nothing but trouble, maybe she could finally get Potter to stop annoying her. If he failed to keep his word, she would at least have an outlet for her frustrations. It was a win-win situation, really, besides the fact that she would have to put up with Potter's company for the entire Hogsmede visit.

She sighed. If that was the price she had to pay to get him to leave her alone, so be it.

"…Deal," she said reluctantly.

"Brilliant!" Potter beamed at her, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Next Hogsmede weekend will be the best time you've ever had in your life! You won't regret this, Evans!"

"I already have," she muttered, but Potter didn't seem to hear her. With the widest smile she'd ever seen, Potter ran off to join up with his pathetic group of friends once more. Lily watched him tackle Black from behind as he shouted for the entire Great Hall to hear, "SHE SAID YES!" Fortunately, there were very few people in the Great Hall at six-thirty in the morning, so she only had to put up with a few looks of bewilderment. She knew that this would be all over the school within the hour, though, and sighed heavily. Just what she needed, the entire school talking about her again. Granted, she wasn't sure if this situation was worse than the time she finally called off her friendship with Severus, but she could see it becoming just as painful rather easily.

"I still can't believe you actually said yes!" cried Marlene the next day, accidentally pouring too much water onto her ruglaurg moss and causing it to sprout evil-looking vines that tried to grab her.

"Shut it, McKinnon," muttered Lily as she attacked the vines with an axe, "you know I only did this so Potter would sod off."

"And what makes you think he'll actually stop hounding you?" asked Mary, dumping a load of dragon dung on the moss to calm it down.

"Me being able to hex him as much as I want if he fails."

"…Okay, that is acceptable motivation."

"I wonder if I should try dating Black?" said Marlene, tapping her chin and glancing over to where Black was actually handling his own plant perfectly. She glared at him.

"Why the hell would you want to date him?" asked Lily, perplexed. "You don't even like him, and besides that, he doesn't ask you out every five minutes."

"I know, I just want to hex him."

"Ah, good point," Lily laughed, glad to be able to take her mind off things.

The entire school had practically been in an uproar. Her agreement to go out with the person she most despised got most of the boys asking Potter for advice on how to get women to go out with them, to which he cheerfully replied, "Just annoy them enough and eventually they'll relent." Hearing of this almost made Lily want to start hexing him right there, screw the agreement, but she just barely managed to reign in her temper. It didn't help that some of the other Muggle-born students, Mary included, started quoting The Taming of the Shrew at her. At least with Mary she knew it was a joke, but she loathed everyone else for thinking so. She hadn't been tamed! She wasn't some animal that had gone out of control and only Potter could handle her! She just didn't like Potter and didn't want to go out with him, how the bloody hell did that make her a shrew?

She made a point of ignoring him whenever they had a class together, sitting either with one of her friends or with Lupin, who she knew wouldn't harp on the subject like Black or Pettigrew were doing. In fact, in Transfiguration two days later where she was forced to pair up with him, he actually pat her on the shoulder and offered his condolences for having to put up with all of this.

"Why do you hang out with him?" she couldn't help but ask as she worked on making her hair color match her eyes in front of a mirror. "You're halfway decent at least, it doesn't make any sense."

Lupin gave her an odd smile. It looked especially peculiar with his hair down to his elbows.

"It is a strange group," he admitted, "but…this may sound like I'm trying to convince you to like him, and I'm really not, but you haven't seen the real James Potter."

"What, does he turn into a fluffy bunny rabbit up in the dorms or something?" Lily joked.

"Nah, I've got one of those at home, though," said Lupin, chuckling. Pettigrew, who had been working with Fenwick at the table behind them, gave a shriek of laughter and offered to high-five Lupin, which he gladly returned.

"Is there something I'm missing?" asked Lily, wearing an amused but puzzled smile.

"It's sort of an inside joke," said Lupin, still grinning.

After the class, Lily made a point of packing her things very slowly so she wouldn't be forced to deal with Potter once Lupin went over to join his friends. He and Pettigrew were still chuckling about whatever they had been talking about earlier, while Black and Potter waited behind for them.

"What did we miss earlier?" she heard Black ask.

"Mr. Hoppy, why ya hop away?" answered Pettigrew, giggling. Black let out a bark of laughter. Lily turned to stare at the group of friends, confused, as Potter swung an arm around Lupin, the two of them also laughing.

"I'd nearly forgotten about that furry little problem!" said Potter, smirking. Lupin rolled his eyes.

"You would, wouldn't you?" he said.

"Course not, Moony, what do you take me for?"

"A conceited idiot who's way over his head when it comes to women?" said Black promptly.

"Hey, she agreed to go out with me, didn't she?" said Potter, sticking out his lower lip in a pout.

"Yeah, after you promised to let her hex you if it went badly," said Lupin.

"That's only if I keep asking her out after everything's said and done, though!"

"Exactly, you'd never stop and we all know it," said Pettigrew.

"And if Wormtail could figure that much out, you're screwed, Prongs," said Black, ruffling Pettigrew's hair and ignoring his squeaks of protest. As Potter attempted to deny everything, the four friends walked out of the Transfiguration classroom, Lily staring after them.

"What in Merlin's name was that about?" she wondered aloud.

The next few days passed normally, or at least as normally as you could get with four of the biggest troublemakers Hogwarts had ever seen showing no signs of ever growing up whatsoever. This time, it seems they'd been caught in the act of turning most of the seventh-year Hufflepuff students' hair into dandelions. From the sound of it, the Transfiguration didn't limit itself to just the hair on their heads, either. Lupin was the only one who didn't get into trouble, as he had been tutoring Dearborn in Defense Against the Dark Arts at the time. As such, he was the only one aside from Flitwick who any of the Hufflepuffs trusted with the countercurse.

The entire great hall had the pleasure of listening to Potter, Black, and Pettigrew practically begging their rather furious head of house to delay their detention until after the weekend. McGonagall, obviously sensing foul-play as strongly as everyone else in the school, refused to budge, and even threatened to prevent them from going to Hogsmeade that weekend. Lily rolled her eyes as she watched the three sad-faced boys sulk back to the Gryffindor table. Well of course McGonagall wouldn't let them off that easily, had they learned nothing over six consecutive years at Hogwarts? They should be used to this kind of thing by now! Oddly, they were looking very apologetically in Lupin's direction. That boy was starting to look paler than usual again. Lily wondered idly if she should offer to make him some Pepper-Up Potion; how he even managed to scrape past with an A on his OWL, she would never understand.

As she headed down to Flitwick's class, reminiscing about the odd past couple of weeks, Lily looked back down at the note Potter had sent her that morning. She was sure that it was a prank of some kind. She crumpled up the note in her fist. If that arrogant snot thought she would take any of his stupid pranks lying down, he would be in for quite a rude awakening. She actually looked forward to seeing him in class for once, determined to give him a piece of her mind and demand an explanation for the letter.

Except Potter never showed up for any of their classes or meals that day. Neither did Black, Lupin, or Pettigrew, for that matter. And none of the teachers looked in the least bit surprised or worried.

Lily was confused. What the hell was going on?

After classes finally let out, Lily didn't bother going to dinner, heading instead for the Quidditch pitch. That was the most likely place Potter would've gone to skive off classes, and while she could understand Black and possibly Pettigrew tailing after him, she couldn't for the life of her comprehend why Lupin would've gone as well. She still didn't get why such a normally decent boy would hang around with trash like them.

When she found only the Ravenclaw team practicing at the pitch, she then tried the kitchens. Followed by Hagrid's hut, the Owlry, several of the unused classrooms she knew they liked to frequent since everyone else avoided them like the plague, and the Gryffindor common room. She even braved going up into their dorm room, but it was deserted. Frowning, she recalled how pale Lupin had looked the previous day, and decided that she might as well try the hospital wing, though her hopes weren't particularly high.

When she got there, Madam Pomfrey seemed to be out, but she noticed the curtain partially pulled around one of the beds near the end of the wing. She was about to leave when she heard a laugh that she recognized as belonging to Pettigrew. The laugh seemed rather forced, though. She thought that she heard Black's voice as well. And if Black and Pettigrew were here, it was likely Potter was as well. She strode purposely down the wing and pulled the curtain back, biting back a gasp at what she saw.

Black and Pettigrew were sitting on opposite sides of the bed while Potter was in a chair on Pettigrew's side. Apparently Black had just made some kind of forced joke that made Pettigrew utter the fake laugh she had heard. Potter was wearing a tight smile, and Lupin gave a weak grin of his own.

It was Lupin's condition that had gotten Lily's attention. He had a patch of gauze taped to his neck, and several bandages wrapped around his left arm that were stained dark red with fresh blood. He looked away from Black and his eyes met hers; they widened and what little color that remained in his face quickly drained. Noticing his reaction, his friends looked to see Lily standing there, one hand still clutching the pale green curtain.

"What are you doing here, Evans?" Black tried to say lightly, but it was ruined by his glare. Lily could tell that he was struggling not to look at Lupin, who was starting to visibly tremble. Potter was staring at the bed, his jaw set, while Pettigrew looked from Lily to Lupin and back again, panic in his watery eyes.

Unbidden, the memory of her last civil conversation with Severus came rushing to the forefront of her mind.

"There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill," Lily had said. "They say he's ill—"

"Every month at the full moon?" Severus had retorted.

He had been dropping hints for years and she had always refused to see. But now…

"Oi!" cried Black, bringing her back to the present. "If you're not here to hex Prongs, just clear off already, we're busy!"

Lily ignored him, continuing to stare at Lupin, who was starting to tear up.

"Severus was right, wasn't he," she said at length. "You are a werewolf."

Lupin dropped his head into his hands and started sobbing. His shoulders shook violently as he pulled at his hair. The stain on his bandaged arm grew larger.

Black scowled darkly.

"Snivellus told you about that, didn't he?" he spat out angrily. "He wasn't supposed to tell anyone!" He gripped Lupin's shoulder; Pettigrew followed his lead and gently squeezed Lupin's other one as he sobbed. Potter, meanwhile, had remained sitting in his chair. His hands were clasped in front of him as he stared down at the floor.

Lily barely noticed him as she mechanically asked if the staff knew about this and who else knew besides Severus. Lupin answered all her questions in a monotone, pausing to sob occasionally and causing Black and Pettigrew to double their efforts in their vain attempts to reassure their friend. She didn't even get close to processing all of this new information before Potter spoke.

"Lily," he said, causing her to nearly crick her neck, she spun her head toward him so fast. He never, never, called her anything but Evans or some ridiculous flower-related nickname. He looked up at her, and she noticed that his hazel eyes were rather bright as well. "I solemnly swear…" Black and Pettigrew whipped their heads around to stare at him as well. "I will leave you alone…forever…if you promise not to tell anyone about Remus."

Lupin's head shot up out of his hands, his face blotcy as he stared at Potter.

"James…you don't have to do that…you love her, I can't ask you—"

"I know you can't." Potter reached out and clasped one of Lupin's hands in his own. "You're my brother, Remus. You should know by now that I always put family first."

Lupin dissolved into fresh sobs as Potter pulled him into a hug. Lily looked up at Black and Pettigrew, noticing that while the latter was still gaping at Potter in shock, the former didn't look all that surprised when Potter said that. She turned back to Potter, who was gripping the sobbing werewolf close to his chest and staring right into her eyes with a determination she found rather frightening.

"Promise me, Evans," he said softly.

Lily looked between him and Lupin, who had buried his face in Potter's robes and was refusing to look at her. Wordlessly, she nodded.

"Swear it," said Potter, still looking at her unblinkingly.

"I swear it," Lily whispered.

Potter just kept glaring at her as he rubbed the werewolf's back soothingly.

"Oh fine, I solemnly swear it, okay?" she spat out at last.

Potter nodded, seeming satisfied. He turned to Black.

"Sirius, would you mind escorting the fair Miss Evans back to the common room?"

"Why certainly, my good sir," Sirius replied, dipping into a low bow. Lily rolled her eyes.

"I think I can find my own way back, thanks," she said scathingly, turning to go. She stalked all the way to the door before turning back. The boys were blocked from view again, but she heard Black say something that caused the werewolf to let out a watery giggle. She didn't even know that werewolves could giggle. Then again, she didn't know that they would even be allowed to attend Hogwarts. What was Dumbledore thinking? She couldn't help but ponder this as she headed out of the hospital wing and down the hall. As she started to turn around a corner that would take her back upstairs, she heard familiar voices heading her way. She hid behind the corner and peaked out to see Madam Pomfrey heading back to the hospital wing, followed by Professor Slughorn.

"…hopefully close the wound, if not the Essence of Murtlap will at least ease the pain," Slughorn was saying.

"I just don't understand it," said Pomfrey. Lily noticed that she had heavy bags under her eyes. "He hasn't been this bad in months, I can't think of what's changed…" Their voices trailed off as they headed into the hospital wing and shut the door behind them.

Lily stared at the closed door. It appeared that Lupin hadn't been lying when he said that the staff knew. What's more, they didn't seem to care in the slightest. They even sounded worried about him.

Lily mentally slapped herself. Of course they would be worried about him, he's Lupin! From the sound of it, he had been a werewolf long before he had come to Hogwarts. She only just found out what he was, but that didn't mean that his entire personality suddenly changed. Lily was disgusted with herself for even thinking along the lines of one of Severus's newest friends. She sighed as she headed back to the common room. At least she got Potter off her back for good this time, or so she hoped.

"Wait…he agreed before you had to go out with him that he'd leave you alone for good?" Mary asked incredulously, later in their dorm room.

"Basically, yeah," said Lily, not wanting to go through it all again.

"But…But how in Merlin's name did you manage it?"

"We just…came to a sort of understanding," Lily replied.

"I give it a week," muttered Marlene.

"I give it a day," Mary retorted.

Lily chuckled as she looked over her Potions homework once more, glad that they didn't ask her exactly how she and Potter had come to their agreement. True to her word, she didn't tell them the truth about Lupin. Now that she thought about it, and all the hints Severus had tried to drop the two previous years, it was rather obvious. She felt a bit dim for not realizing it sooner. Still, at least she finally understood the mystery that was Lupin's friendship with people like Potter, Black, and Pettigrew; they must be pretty much the only people in Hogwarts who would consider a werewolf a brother.

Lily wondered if that made her prejudiced to think that. She had known Lupin as long as she had known everyone at Hogwarts (besides Severus, obviously), and she had always thought that he was a nice enough boy with poor choice in friends. Now she understood that he really couldn't have been forced to room with a better group of people. She admitted to herself that she was a bit wary about him now, but she resolved to look up everything she could about werewolves as soon as she got a break in her workload so she could understand him better. Hell, maybe she should just ask him herself, if he wouldn't mind talking about it, of course.

Over the next few weeks, the entire school was in a state of shock when, not only did James Potter fail to take Lily Evans to Hogsmeade with him, but he also suddenly ceased his attempts to ask her out. Though she assured Lupin in their next Transfiguration class—while dropping several hints about wanting to ask him questions about his condition that he thankfully picked up on and agreed to—that she would keep her promise, she couldn't believe that Potter would have kept up his end of the bargain.

"Well of course he will, he solemnly swore that he would," Lupin said nonchalantly, now trying to give himself a goatee.

"Is that just a thing between the four of you that the rest of us puny mortals are just excluded from or something?" she asked in exasperation, working on her sideburns.

"You're not excluded from it. It's just how we make promises that we intend to keep no matter what the cost."

"Oh, is that what that was?" Lily reflected back to when she had agreed to Potter's first ridiculous deal. "You did seem pretty serious about it."

"It's been that way since our first year," Lupin explained, smiling slightly. "We just got so used to thinking like that that sometimes we forget that not everyone knows about all of our inside jokes."

"Out of curiosity, have any of you ever broken one of these solemn promises?" Lily couldn't help but ask.

Lupin was silent for a bit.

"Eh…Sirius sort of exploited a loophole once, but other than that, I don't think so, no."

"So…Potter will definitely be leaving me alone, then?" She tried and failed to keep the hopeful note out of her voice. Lupin chuckled and nodded, prompting a sigh of relief.

They worked in silence for several minutes before Lupin spoke again.

"Lily? Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" Lily replied, turning to him and noticing that he had suddenly turned as pale as he was in the hospital wing. His knuckles were white as he gripped his wand.

"You…You don't have a problem with my…with this…do you?" he asked hesitantly.

"A little at first," she admitted, "but I got over it."

Lupin blew out his own sigh of relief, the color slowly returning to his face.

"Thank you," he whispered. Lily smiled at him.

"Look," she said in an undertone, "you know I wouldn't have told anyone anyway, right? Potter didn't have to make that deal."

"I know," said Lupin. "But we've been so used to keeping this a secret for so long…"

"I understand." And she did, too, which surprised her.

"So you're saying that James is free to ask you out again?" said Lupin, grinning broadly.

"Absolutely not, it's too good a deal." Lily replied immediately, causing Lupin to chuckle again and Pettigrew to immediately ask what was going on. When the bell rang, Black and Potter immediately grabbed Lupin and dragged him out of the class, no doubt to question him about their conversation, Pettigrew following closely behind them. Lily rolled her eyes, fully expecting to be asked out once again once Potter realized that she would've kept Lupin's secret regardless.

But Potter didn't so much as glance her way for most of the rest of term.

It was the day before the Leaving Feast. Ravenclaw was in the lead by thirty points, followed by Slytherin, while Gryffindor was dead last, as it had been for the past five years for some strange reason that in no way involved a group of four annoying-as-hell boys who, Lily was finally started to understand, just wanted to have a little fun and take everyone's minds off what was going on outside the castle. Lupin had explained that quite a few of their pranks had been pulled to help take his mind off his lycanthropy. He smiled brightly whenever he talked about his friends, and Lily was glad that so many things she had always questioned about her fellow Gryffindors were at last beginning to make sense.

For the first time, she started seeing Potter in a positive light. Someone who had actually been raised as a pureblood, though without too much of the pureblood ideaology, but who refused the usual prejudices that most wizards placed on their fellow living beings was an overall decent person in her book. With Black it was expected, as he always forcefully rejected anything his family told him and immediately did the opposite, and Lily was pretty confident that befriending a werewolf would not get him on his parents' good side. Not that it mattered anymore, but she knew that he liked to continue to antagonize his parents even though he had estranged himself from them. Pettigrew, she guiltily suspected, only shared their opinions because he wanted to remain in the coolest group in the school, but there was no way she'd tell any of the other three that. Then again, since she had been wrong about Potter for so many years there was a very high chance that she could be wrong about Pettigrew as well.

No, Potter accepted other people simply because it was the right thing to do. In times like these, the world needed more people like that. It was about time that she sucked it up and gave him a chance, on her own this time. He deserved that much.

Lily walked into the great hall, straight past Mary and Marlene who were waving at her to sit with them. She strode halfway down the Gryffindor table before stopping to tap Potter on the shoulder. Potter, who had been in the middle of some kind of discussion with Black, turned his head with a frustrated expression that immediately transformed into shock when he noticed who it was that had interrupted him. Beside him, Black's eyes were narrowed in a fierce glare, while across from them Lupin and Pettigrew were staring at her worriedly. Black opened his mouth to say something but Lily cut him off, staring directly at Potter.

"First Hogsmede weekend next term. You and me. No Zonko's. We are going to Madam Puddifoot's and you will enjoy it."

Potter gaped at her. She was dimly aware that the entire hall had fallen completely silent, but she didn't care. She met his gaze evenly, waiting for his answer. After a few moments, Potter attempted to clear his throat and tried to speak, twice, and failed both times. Finally, he settled for nodding feebly.

"Good. Glad we got that settled." Lily turned around and stalked back to where Marlene and Mary were also staring at her as if she'd gone mad. She ignored them and sat back down in front of her pancakes as the students erupted into loud gossip around her. They still weren't enough to drown out Potter's shouts of "YES! YES! YES!" which immediately made McGonagall subtract another ten house points, but what did it matter, they were still going to lose the House Cup again anyway.

A/N: And then they ended up getting along really well. And then they graduated and got married. And then they had a kid. And then they died. Just in case you wanted to know how it all worked out for them.

This fic was heavily influenced, funnily enough, by Starkid Productions. My brain works in really weird ways sometimes. Thought I'd give credit where credit was due.

Now then, review or the Marauders will turn your hair into dandelions. All of your hair.