Warning: this story will contain mentions of drugs and sexuality; however, nothing will be explicit, or even detailed, really.

Author's Note: I have noticed that on this website, people have been expressed legitimately creative ideas in their stories. How silly. That's not allowed; originality and creativity have zero place in fanfiction. So, to show all of you how dumb your creative ideas truly are, I'm going to write a bunch of letters pretending to be the X-Men, addressing this ridiculous creativity all of you are so fond of, displaying no originality or creativity myself as I use first-person perspective of the fictional characters so they can be a voice box for my own opinions. Without further ado, I give you . . . Letters from the X-Men!

Dear fanfiction writers everywhere,

Where do all of you get the idea that I'm a Catholic? Was I ever shown with Rosary beads? No. Was I ever depicted with a crucifix? No, I was not. Was I ever shown anywhere near a church? No, and that is because I am a legitimate demon, thus I would be unwelcome in a chruch; additionally, I am Satanist who also takes inspiration from the Buddhist faith.

I realize that this is a wide departure from the comics, where I am a regular Catholic mutant. But disregard the comics; I mean, just because they're the source material and the very basis for the show doesn't mean you should just assume things about certain characters. And I realize that this tidbit of information about my true faith was never stated in the show, but something doesn't have to be stated in the show to be canonical. Sometimes, you just have to assume things about the show, but not in relation to the comics the show is based on.

I'm glad we resolved that debacle; I was reading fanfiction about me being Catholic once, so I got confused and walked up to a Catholic church where a church service was taking place. They started screaming when they saw, began chasing me with pitchforks, and they would've burned for at the stake if it hadn't been for the benevolence of Namor, the ruler of Atlantis, who swooped down from the sky to rescue me. What I'm trying to say here is that these fics about me being Catholic could have serious real life consequences. Someone could get hurt through all of this "creativity".

Rogue is not my sister, no matter what anyone says. We share no blood between us; however, we do share a faith. Rogue is a Satanist, as am I. My reason for worshipping Satan as my god is fairly simple: I realized that my demonic features were proof of Satan's existence. Similarly, Rogue converted to Satanism after discovering Jean Grey's existence.

Furthermore, let me clear up the issue of my love life: Amanda Sefton's true name is Jimaine Szardos, and she is my adoptive sister, and she was raised as my adoptive sister. We're dating, and it technically doesn't count a incest because we're not blood siblings. Also, I'm not gay: that fling with Logan on my twenty-second birthday was just a one-time thing. Same thing with my one-night-stand with Bobby. And my one-night-stand with Jean-Paul. And that threesome with Pietro and Lance. I don't like guys, okay? Geez.

By the way, I don't have a roommate. I see all of these stories were I have a roommate, and I'm completely disgusted by it. I would never stoop so low to actually share my room. That's a sick, utterly degrading way to treat my character, and I am highly affronted that you twisted people think that I would deign to invite another into my living space. I feel unclean just from reading those dirty kinds of fics.

Lastly, why do all of you think that I'm best friends with Scott? I hate Scott: even though the X-Men are free to come and go as they please and disagree with him in public, Scott is actually an oppressive dictator who rules the team with an Iron Fist, and I would never befriend such a horrible person.

Sincerely,

Nightcrawler

A/N: No flames, please. Seriously guys, if you don't like, then don't read. Simple as that.

Credit: Nightcrawler's outrage about having a roommate comes from a anonymous reviewer known only as "Random Troll". Thanks for the reminder about Nightcrawler true canon characterization, "Random Troll". I would've forgotten the most pertinent part of his character if it wasn't for you!