Kurama's Story: Loss

Characters: Kurama, Shiori, Hiei

Pairings: None

Continuity: English Anime/Manga

Summary: Kurama chose to stay with his human mother until her brief life was over. But now, for the first time, he's forced to confront the reality of human mortality. Oneshot. Not a deathfic.

He hadn't meant for this to happen.

He always had plans and backup plans, but for this…he had nothing.

Coming to the human world at all hadn't been part of the plan—he'd made that up on the fly. He would come to human world, take over this human body, and wait until his energy recovered.

He could do that.

But then, when he was almost able to leave, something had happened that had made him change his plans.

It was the same incident that had given her the scars.

He had foolishly overestimated the ability of his young body, had tried to climb up and get an object that was frustratingly out of reach.

He'd overbalanced, knocking over a bunch of glassware, and fallen.

Time seemed to slow down as he fell.

He could tell where the glass was, knew the angle at which he was falling…and knew that, in his current form, the fall could easily maim him, possibly kill him.

So close!

He had almost made it back to some semblance of his demon form, and now...

"Suichi!"

The human woman threw herself forward, arms outstretched, and caught his head just before it could smash into the broken shards of glass.

Kurama's mind froze in shock.

He rolled off of her and looked at her.

Her arms were sliced and bloody from the backs of her hands almost to her elbows.

"Are you all right, Suichi? Are you hurt?"

She…she was asking him?

What had she done? Why?

In demon world, it was very, very rare—beyond extraordinary—for one person to care enough for another to put their own life at risk.

Kurama had had a few he might have termed "friends", but never anything like this.

"Suichi?"

"I…I'm all right, Mother. I'm going to go for help."

He scrambled up, not quite realizing what he'd just said.

He had called her "mother" before, as a concession to his human condition, but this time…

This time, he had meant it.

He had called the humans for help, as she had taught him, but he also went to his garden.

As he had regained his power and awareness, he had begun gathering plants to himself, finding a place for each in his garden. He had felt naked without them, and it was good to have their familiar presence around him.

But now, he needed their help.

He coaxed the ones he needed to grow faster, and harvested what he needed to help his mother's arms.

Kurama cursed his lack of power, knowing full well that nine years ago, with full access to the demon world's store of plants, he could have cured her completely, without trouble…now, what he could do was very limited indeed.

After ten years in his new body, he had regained enough energy to attempt to return to demon world and take up his old life.

But…he couldn't.

He tried, more than once, but he found that his attempts were half-hearted at best.

Kurama wasn't used to being unable to understand his own motivations.

After considering his options, then, he determined that the reason he couldn't leave was his mother—the first family he could ever remember having.

So, he incorporated her into his plans.

If his demon life had waited until now, it could continue to wait. He really had no rush to get back.

So he would stay, would live as his mother's son, until her short human life was done.

He didn't yet quite realize what that meant.

She had been tired and under the weather for a while now.

It had started so gradually that neither of them had noticed. The occasional cough, the slight fever, the constant exhaustion, everything had managed to sneak up on them.

It was Kurama who had first noticed.

She had had a bit of a nagging cough for some time now, so he decided to be a good son and make her some tea for it.

So he reached out his senses towards the shifting colors of her human aura, trying to sense the imbalance that was causing it, so he could choose the right plant to help.

It wasn't as easy as it had once been, but he could still manage with some effort.

As he sifted through the information he was getting, a cold, hard knot slowly began to form in the pit of his stomach.

No.

That couldn't be right.

He had to have made a mistake.

He began again, carefully going over everything in his mind a second time.

The terrible feeling of dread only grew.

His mother noticed him staring. "Suichi? Is something wrong?"

"Are you feeling quite all right, Mother?" It was easy, much too easy, to hide behind his normal face. "You don't look well."

"Oh, I'm fine, just a little tired."

"No, I think you should see a doctor. You really don't look well."

He was insistent. He had to be.

Because if what he had seen in her was true…there wasn't anything his crippled powers could do for her.

"Your mother is dying."

Nothing could take away the sheer, raw, icy-cold shock of those words.

They had been preceded by the usual preparations, the "I'm so sorry, but…", the empty condolences—but it made no difference. The words were still there, ringing loudly in a world that had suddenly gone otherwise silent.

Kurama had managed to respond with something polite enough to get him the hell out of the room, and then had made his way, on feet that were far too steady, towards some place, any place, without people.

He found himself on the roof, facing the brilliant colors of the setting sun. His unfocused eyes seemed to stare at it, but the beauty was lost on him.

This couldn't be happening.

It wasn't in his plans, not like this!

He had meant to stay with her until the end of her natural human lifespan. She was still so young! When he had been her age, he had still been a fox, not yet even grown into his demon form!

She couldn't die yet.

No.

Not yet.

But she was.

His legs finally seemed to catch up to his mind, and they turned to jelly under him.

He sank to the ground, unable to stand.

And then, for the first time in any of his three lives, Kurama wept.

The next few weeks were a strange, rocky time.

When he was with his mother, he kept up his smile and his gentle reassurances that everything was going to be all right.

When he was away from her, though, he shifted between that horrible knot of fear, and anger at the world for letting this happen, and a desperate need to do something, anything to make this not happen.

It was incredibly frustrating for the usually calm, in-control kitsune to keep bouncing around like that.

Worst of all, though, was the terrible apathy that kept descending over him.

The lack of emotional turmoil was a relief, at first…but then he would begin to feel guilty.

She cared for him enough to risk her life for him. How could he feel nothing for her? Was he really that heartless?

He had a heart now, a human one.

He had changed since his demon days, he was forced to admit that now. To a demon, such attachment would be an incredible weakness.

It still was.

But he wanted it.

Kurama split his time between staying with his mother and fighting for a way to save her.

He tried everything he could think of. He searched for a way to get to demon world—maybe he could bring back something that would help. He tried not to consider the fact that, even if he was able to obtain the seeds of a plant that would save his mother…he simply didn't have enough demon energy to grow it out.

So he searched through human plants instead, in the vain hope that he would find something he was unfamiliar with.

But he had already familiarized himself with every plant that grew in his area—even the ones that were only in arboreta and collections.

His frustration grew.

Once, he would have been able to do something. Once, he could have concocted something capable of saving her.

Once, he wouldn't have been so damn helpless.

Maybe this was the wrong approach. Perhaps he could strike a bargain, convince spirit world not to take her if he turned himself in.

But they would never agree to that.

If he showed himself to them, they would simply take him, ignore his pleas, and lock him away without even letting him say goodbye.

There was no way he could let that happen, he knew that…though he steadfastly avoided thinking about what "goodbye" would actually be like.

He had tried everything he could think of. There was nothing he could do.

She was really going to die.

He slammed his fist into an unsuspecting wall, angry at the universe for denying him his one wish.

That was when the universe decided to give him one last chance.

"Hn. I wouldn't have pegged you as the type to punch walls."

Kurama spun around, reflexes honed by centuries of survival causing him to reach for his weapon.

But it wasn't an enemy standing there.

Rather, it was an old ally.

"Hiei?"

"Hn."

The smaller demon leapt down from his perch on top of a nearby wall and stood facing him.

"I don't know what's gotten you so frustrated, and frankly, I don't care. I'm here because you have certain talents that I'm in need of."

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm a little overextended at the moment."

That was quite the understatement. In addition to his two full time jobs of staying with his mother and trying to find some way of helping her, he was also supposed to be going to school. He was playing hooky far more often than he would admit to her, but he went often enough to keep his grades up. She cared about that.

"Heh. You haven't even heard my proposal."

"Make it quick, then."

Hiei smirked.

"You're a thief." It wasn't a question. "And I have something that I want to steal."

"And you want me to help you out of the goodness of my heart?" Kurama's face had dropped the look of quiet politeness that he usually wore among humans, and was edging dangerously towards his older, ruthless look.

"Do I look like an idiot?"

Kurama was quiet, reserving judgment on that until he heard more.

"What I want is part of a set of three. You may have heard of them," said Hiei with deliberate indifference. "They're usually referred to as the Artifacts of Darkness."

Kurama's heart nearly stopped.

He was an expert on valuable treasures of all kinds. He was certainly familiar with these three artifacts.

And with what they could do.

"And…which of the Artifacts are you interested in?" he said carefully.

Hiei's smirk grew. "So you are interested."

"Just answer my question."

"The sword. I rather like the idea of having an army under my direct control. And I already hired some dumb muscle, who wants the orb."

That left the mirror.

The Forlorn Hope.

If he helped these demons, it might well mean quite a bit of chaos in the human world with the Orb of Baast and the Shadow Sword on the loose.

But it would also mean that he could save his mother's life.

"When do we start?"

It had been his most impressive heist ever.

Unfortunate, that it would never be associated with his name.

Still, it was appropriate that his best work would also be his last.

He fingered the small object in his hands, wondering that something so small could be so deadly.

He had made it his business to be an expert on all sorts of treasures, so he knew exactly what he was getting into. He knew what the mirror was capable of, and when it was at its most powerful.

He also knew why it was called the Forlorn Hope.

Sighing resignedly, Kurama stood. He still had some things he needed to take care of before he could do it.

But he would do it. There was no question in his mind.

He had never before in his life had anyone who cared for him enough to give her life for him.

It had been a strange feeling, being loved.

He wasn't worthy of it.

If she really knew him, she wouldn't.

But even so…

She had, however mistakenly, thought him worth dying for.

The least he could do was return the favor.