A/N: Alrighty, I originally posted this on dA and it ended up being a three parter... I guess I have to do the same thing here. Obviously in the "Two Men in Suits" universe. Enjoy...

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Subconsciously, both Benson and Mordecai knew that what they were doing (being in love) was going to effect work in the park. But Mordecai didn't even work at the park anymore, what with his job at Pulse ("It's an underground-pop-indie-smooth jazz focus newspaper," Mordecai would say. "You've probably never heard of us..."), and the couple just assumed a bullet was dodged.

A call at their apartment, from Benson, who sounded shaken and frustrated and just plain fucking scared, made Mordecai reconsider that assumption.

One nervous golf cart ride later and Mordecai was opening the front door, running upstairs and praying that things weren't as bad as Benson was making them out to be. When Mordecai got to the top step, he saw the park staff sans Benson leaning towards Mr. Maellard's office door.

"Mordecai!" Rigby yelled, which earned him angry shushes. He glared at the rest and lowered his voice, "Mordecai! Dude, shit's going down!"

"What's wrong? Where's Benson?" Mordecai asked, feeling more nervous by the minute.

While his ear rested on the door, Muscle Man replied, "Mr. Maellard found out from Pops that you and Benson are members of the Liberace cult and pulled him into his office. They've been in there all day!"

Mordecai got that feeling in your stomach you usually get on roller coasters.

"It's all my fault!" Pops said, tearful. "I was just so happy for you both, it slipped out! I apologize profusely, Mordecai."

Smiling sympathetically, Mordecai said to Pops, "I'm not angry Pops. It's all going to be okay." Mordecai then asked them all, "What has Maellard been saying to him?"

"We sent High Fives in to listen," Skips said. For a moment there, Mordecai would have sworn Skips sounded a little... nervous.

As if on cue, High Five Ghost emerged from the wall, looking troubled.

"It's good you're here, man. Maellard kept using a lot of professional gibberish and calling Benson a 'sexual deviant'. He made him sound like a pedophile!"

Pops took his hat from his head and gripped it. "Papa's never been so angry at Benson before. And I'm all to blame!" Running away and bawling, Pops choked out, "I hope he won't hit him!"

"He's not gonna hit Benson," Rigby said to Mordecai reassuringly. Then the raccoon thought about the possibility, and became horrified. "Oh my God! Benson's gotta get outta there!"

Mordecai had heard enough. "I'm going in there."

"Mordecai, that may not be the best idea," Skips warned.

"Yeah bro," Muscle Man agreed. "You go in there and Maellard will get you locked up for trespassing. You're not legally allowed past the lawn."

Rigby looked up at Mordecai with a panicked expression. "As long as Maellard doesn't hit him, Benson can handle this, dude. But I'm not sure you can handle jail."

Mordecai shrugged off his friend's cautionary words and pushed past them to open up the office door. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying attention to his own strength and flung the door so hard it slammed against the wall and shook some books from their shelves.

Maellard's angry gaze shifted from Benson to Mordecai. Benson turned around from his seat in front of Maellard's desk and stared at Mordecai with wide, terrified eyes.

"What are you doing in here?" Benson asked Mordecai. He didn't look happy to see him at all. Admittedly, Mordecai's presence wasn't making things better, it seemed.

Mordecai looked all around him to see his so called "friends" had disappeared into thin air.

"You called," Mordecai said. "What's going on here?"

Maellard pointed to Mordecai and ordered, "Bluebird. Sit down at once."

"I'm not going to move an inch until you tell me what you're doing to Benson!" Mordecai yelled and pointed back defiantly.

"Fine. Let me assist you then."

Maellard clapped his hands three times and a chair materialized behind Mordecai. The chair appeared to be possessed as hit the back of Mordecai's legs, scooped him up and carried him across the room and all the way to Maellard's desk.

Mordecai never felt (and looked) so scared.

"How did?... What the?..."

"How Maellard acquired telekinesis is a long and tedious story," Benson said, wringing his hands. "You shouldn't have come."

"Then why did you call me?"

Benson closed his eyes and leaned into his own chair.

"Because I'm an idiot."

Maellard looked between the two men, suspiciously. It wouldn't have been as intimidating if Mordecai just knew what the old dude's angle was.

He only went in this office twice when he was working here. Once to find this mouse with a magic cheese doodle... It's not as interesting as it sounds... And the second time was just fooling around with a bust of Maellard to piss Benson off.

"Beanbag here has been telling me things. Things that upset me, Bluebird."

Mordecai scoffed, "That we're dating? Yeah, I know. What's your deal, dude?"

"You do understand I have a strict interoffice relationship policy, don't you?"

"Yeah, but the thing is... Are you ready for this? I don't work here anymore."

From the outside of the door, Rigby could be heard yelling, "OHHHHHHHH!" Maellard angrily snapped his fingers and a "slam!" was heard. Rigby began to groan in pain. "Oww..."

Maellard presumed to speak, glaring at the door, "Yes, but isn't true that this affair began when you were still under contract?"

Mordecai sighed defeatedly, "Yes. But!-"

"And isn't it also true that the only reason my son even knows about this sordid affair is because he walked in on you both..." Maellard struggled to say the words. He was stuck on the letter "s" it seemed. He sounded like a pissed of snake.

"Being intimate sir," Benson stated. "And it was irresponsible of us, of me, but-"

"You two sicken me. Neglecting my park and flaunting your lustful passions around my son... Surely he's traumatized!"

Benson inhaled shakily, "Mr. Maellard, sir, please. I assure you Pops is fine and the park has never been more successful. I can't... I can't lose this job."

"And I can't have a sexual deviant as an employee, around my son. I'm going to have to give you the boot, Beanie Baby. I have no idea what you're capable of!"

Benson clutched onto his heart shaped knob. "F-fire me? But... But didn't you just hear me? I'll lose my... I'll my car. I'll be on the streets..." Benson began to babble, "I'll be one of those hobos on the freeway who eat roadkill... I'll never be clean again... What will I do?"

"Excuse me for not being sympathetic to your situation." Maellard sneered. "But you've brought this upon yourself."

"Maellard, what can I say to change your mind?"

The elderly lollipop man raised an eyebrow. Mordecai sat up straight.

Benson shook his head and harshly whispered to Mordecai, "What are you doing?"

"You puerile, confused thing. The very fact you think I would even entertain being persuaded is reason to laugh at you."

"Aren't you at least curious of what I'll say?"

Maellard shrugged, "No, not really."

Benson made a noise, which sounded like a squeak, though he'd probably deny it.

"Okay...Well... Would you, like, care to make a wager?"

Mordecai tried to look confident, make direct eye contact and such, but it was so damn difficult with Maellard 'cause the old dude had his intimidating stare down pact.

Maellard slowly clasped his hands together.

"A wager?" he asked, genuinely curious.

Benson said incredulously, "A wager?"

"A wager?" numerous voices said from outside of the office.

"Yeah. A wager. If I tell you everything, how it started and ended and the stupid in between stuff, and you start see the situation differently, I leave scot-free and Benson gets to stay."

"Ah. And what happens if I see everything the same as before? Hmm? What do get, Bluebird?"

Mordecai replied, boldly, "You can fire Benson and have me arrested for trespassing."

"Stop trying to help!" Benson whispered desperately. "I'll end up in a cardboard box and you'll end up being traded for cigars!"

"The saying is 'traded for cigarettes', and don't worry Ben," Mordecai winked at Benson, "I got this!"

"This ought to amuse me until the police arrive," Maellard said, with a wicked grin. "You've got yourself a wager."

A heavy and obvious panic was radiating off of Benson. Mordecai wasn't expecting Maellard to actually agree to such a bet, but if there was any chance of saving Benson's job (and their apartment) Mordecai would take a crack at it.

"Alright...Way back, in the beginning of November two years ago-"

1. Catch Me (I'm Falling)

"Me and Rigby were innocently cleaning up the yard decorations..."

Rigby yawned, sitting on the steps as Mordecai finally pulled up the fake headstone from the ground.

"Dude..." said Rigby, sleepily. "You get these cobwebs, I'm too tired."

"Who is this Rigby?" Maellard questioned.

"The raccoon sir? He's been working here for three years." Benson answered.

"Oh... The odorous looking one... Continue, Bluebird."

Mordecai glared at Rigby. "You slept all day yesterday! And this morning! How are you still tired?"

"Margaret," was all Rigby said before he lied on the porch.

"You're such a skeeze," said Mordecai with a scowl. Mordecai went up to the house and got the cobwebs off what he could reach, and realized he'd need the ladder to get the rest from the roof.

Rigby curled up into a ball and laughed softly. "You sound just like her."

He was lucky Mordecai was over Margaret, otherwise he would have punted Rigby across the lawn. Hell, he still wanted to punt Rigby across the lawn, but it was out of annoyance rather than jealousy.

"Okay, I'm going to get the ladder for the cobwebs on the roof. Could you at least bring in that box of props?"

"Fine," Rigby groaned. "Sometimes you can be so lazy, Mordecai." Rigby pulled himself up and towards the aforementioned prop box, and instantaneously became enthralled by what was inside. "Whoa~! What's all this stuff?"

"Plastic spiders and fake blood. Stop being an idiot and take them inside," Mordecai said.

Rigby dug around in the box, making excited noises. The same noises a baby makes when he finds a new toy. "But look at all this cool stuff! Olive branches, peacock feathers, and it's all shiny~!"

"Alright. Well, I'm going to be on the roof, acting like an adult." Mordecai picked up his right leg to start walking, but Rigby exploded from the box holding something that was indeed shiny.

"Look at this man!" Rigby shouted triumphantly.

Mordecai was awestruck. "Dude... What's that?"

The shining object dimmed down just enough for Mordecai and Rigby to identify it as a golden figurine of a woman. She had a crown of flowers around her head and held a long dagger.

Rigby studied the figurine. "Wow. This chick meant business!"

Mordecai and Rigby jumped a bit when Benson came through the front door frowning at them.

"Why look at this. Mordecai and Rigby aren't doing their jobs. Shocker." Benson scowled until his eyes landed on the figurine. "And what are you doing with my Juno figurine?"

"Juno?" said Rigby, confused. "The pregnant chick in that movie?"

"We just stopped working for a sec, and we found it in the prop box."

Benson let up with the attitude at hearing Mordecai's explanation. "Put it back and finish up the cleaning. You guys have to start raking the leaves."

Mordecai and Rigby both groaned, but Benson raised an eyebrow and went back inside the house-

"Bluebird. I'm sure this lovely tale of the golden figurine is important to you, but when exactly does this lead up to you and Beenteen...?"

Benson put his face in his hands, while Mordecai subtly smiled. "I'm getting to that, sir."

"Then speed it up!"

"Okay. But certain parts aren't going to make any sense..."

The monstrous golden woman towered so high, Mordecai swore she could pluck out the moon if she wanted. Her head blocked out the sun and plunged the entire city into darkness.

"I am Juno, Queen of the Gods!" The golden woman raised up her hands and she forced the winds to spin around her. It felt as if the two friends were stuck inside a hurricane's eye, helplessly looking for a safe way out.

"I'm sorry I thought you were preggers!" Rigby screamed up at her, then screamed at his friend with frightened eyes, "Mordecai what are we gonna do?"

"If I knew that do you think I just be standing here?"

A lightning bolt struck down in front of them and they fell on their backs. Juno laughed and threatened to throw down another. "Watch as I destroy your soldiers, Jupiter!"

As the spinning winds intensified, Benson ran out onto the porch to see what the commotion was. The sight of his Juno figurine, now sentient, bringing her giant dagger down towards his employees, was not what he was expecting. Though Benson guessed it'd be something just as horrific and impossible.

"What the hell?" Benson yelled out to no one. The gumball machine ran over to the driveway and jumped inside a golf cart.

Benson drove to the golden goddess and hollered to both Mordecai and Rigby, "Get in the cart!" Benson didn't have to yell again, and once they hopped inside he zoomed past Juno, nearly missing a thunderbolt.

"Get back here you demons!" Juno boomed, and the goddess effortlessly started to catch up with them. "You disgusting soldiers of Jupiter!"

"Why does she keep saying that?" Rigby said, scrunching up his face.

"How do we kill her?" Mordecai, who was next to Benson, screamed.

Benson felt his heart beat out of his chest when a lightning bolt struck inches away from his side. "You can't kill a god. Their immortal... Unless." Benson knew those Ancient Roman Mythology class he took in college would be useful... "We have to shrink her back down!"

"And how do we do that?" Mordecai and Rigby yelled in unison.

"Jupiter's golden net! In the prop box!" Benson answered, and then Juno's dagger dropped in front of the cart.

All three men jumped out of their skin, and Mordecai and Rigby were able to flee and ran, but Benson's seatbelt was jammed.

"Which is why me and Rigby don't wear them," Mordecai said to Benson, teasingly.

"Just tell the damn story," Benson said through grit teeth.

"Benson!" Mordecai yelled, and almost ran back, but Juno was already lifting up the cart.

"Don't worry about me! Get the golden net and throw it at her feet!" Rigby was already halfway to the house, but Mordecai hesitated. "Mordecai, just go!"

Mordecai was right behind his friend as they ran back to the house, up the stairs and dug through the prop box like mad men, looking for a golden net that may or may not be in there. They went through peacock feathers, olive branches and (oddly enough) a coupon for Caesar's Pizza until they both pulled up a golden net so magnificent it threatened to blind them.

The strong, hurricane winds made it damn near impossible to run, but with all their might Rigby and Mordecai made it back to the crazed goddess. She looked down at them and nonchalantly threw down the golf cart in an effort to crush them.

Thankfully the vehicle missed, but it did do a great job of scaring Rigby shitless.

"Dude! I think we should bail! I mean, what the hell is this little net supposed to do?"

A bloodcurdling scream came Benson above, and Mordecai became more angry, more confident, more determined than ever.

"On my word, throw it at her feet!"

Rigby wearily nodded his head, and swung the net back and forth with Mordecai's rhythm.

"Ready?" Mordecai yelled.

Juno gripped Benson in her dagger-free hand, and Mordecai could see him begin to panic.

"Ready!" Rigby yelled back in response.

Benson managed to pull his arms free, and held onto a finger as he bit down as hard as he could. Juno screamed out in pain as Mordecai and Rigby flung the net at her feet, and it expanded to wrap around Juno's shins.

The goddess dropped Benson and fell like King Kong when he descended from that skyscraper, while Benson fell like a steel bag of lead.

Mordecai found himself trying to predict where Benson would fall, and running to that spot.

Benson braced himself for impact and closed his eyes, until the moment came and he was in Mordecai's arms, rather than splattered all over the lawn. He looked at his rescuer in surprise.

"I got you!" Mordecai said, breathing in and exhaling a laugh.

Benson couldn't say anything. His brain had forgotten what words were.

"Hey!" Rigby yelled from a yard away. Mordecai and Benson looked over to see Rigby hold up the net and a tiny Juno figurine, holding up her middle finger. "Guess she didn't appreciate you biting her."

"I'm just surprised the net thing worked," Mordecai said, smiling at Benson.

Until he noticed.

He noticed that Benson was staring wide-eyed and dumbly as he held unto Mordecai, afraid he'd drop him. Mordecai held on tighter for his sake, then stared back into Benson eyes.

Finally, after reminding his brain about being courteous, Benson quietly said, "Nice catch."

Mordecai swallowed. "Thank you."

"And let me guess," Maellard interrupted. "It was love at first sight."

"Oh please. He wishes," Mordecai laughed, but Benson gave him The Look.

"Then what is the purpose for telling me this story?"

Mordecai simply said, a sly smile on his face, "To set the mood."

Rigby pointed and laughed at his friend, and made no attempt to explain why until Mordecai and Benson gave him puzzled expressions.

"It's like you guys just got married!"

Mordecai laughed at himself (though realized perhaps he was holding Benson bridal style for too long) and gently put Benson down.

Benson immediately yelped and leaned on Mordecai.

"My leg! It hurts!"

"Sure it does..." Rigby teasingly said. "Next thing you know you'll want Mordecai to carry you back to the house."

Mordecai felt how Benson was digging his fingers into his side, and maybe Benson was in a lot of pain, and it would be a dick move to make him walk like that... And carrying Benson would be a lot quicker...

"I guess it would be the smart thing to do," Mordecai said, lifting Benson up again.

"Thank you." Benson said, wincing from the pain.

Rigby followed close behind, giving his friend strange looks along the way.

2. Natural Woman

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"It was a good two weeks after that, and I offered to help Benson out at his apartment, because of his leg and all-"

Mordecai put the last bag of dry cat food on the lower counter. Benson appeared in doorway with his cat, Oren, in his arms.

"Thanks again for helping me, Mordecai." Benson said. "On your day off, no less."

"No problem. Rigby's going to be over Margaret's all day and I wasn't doing anything, so..." Mordecai trailed off, looking at Benson's cast.

That Juno must've been strong, being able to hurt Benson's metal leg.

"Really? You had no plans?"

Actually, Mordecai was going to go downtown and look up this journalist job. But it could always wait, he wasn't in any rush. Plus, Benson's leg was broken. What kind of asshole would he be if he just let the guy do all this stuff by himself?

"Nah. Free as a bird." Mordecai smiled.

Benson rolled his eyes and set Oren down on his table. The animal looked Mordecai up and down and meowed low and irate.

"Hmm. That's not like him to be so judgemental." Benson said, tilting his head.

"Little did I know," Mordecai interrupted himself, "That little bastard had been plotting against me since I first saw him."

Benson frowned. "Don't talk about my cat like he's some terrorist."

"Continue," Maellard ordered.

"What's wrong, Oren?" Mordecai went to pet the cat, but it immediately jumped from the table and into Benson's living area.

"Anyway, thanks again. I'll call if there's anything else."

Benson walked out of the kitchen, but Mordecai followed swiftly.

"Uh, Benson, I want to talk to you. About something."

"What is this something? And I swear to God if it's about that goddamn Hoagie Day you and Rigby keep trying to push-"

"Haha! No, uh, well. I'll bring up Hoagie Day later. Right now I want to talk about... Just..."

Benson sat down on his sofa, and Oren had jumped into his owner's lap. Benson stroke him gently as Mordecai made indecisive noises.

"Just?..." Benson said, getting impatient.

"There's a rumor. Amongst the park staff."

Mordecai didn't look worried or concerned about this rumor. If there was a rumor in the first place, which Benson seriously doubted.

"A rumor," Benson said flatly. "About me?"

"About us."

"What about us?"

Mordecai said, in a mock whisper, "That there is an 'us'."

Oren purred and curled up tightly against Benson. The gumball machine raised an eyebrow. "And who is saying this?"

"Everyone! Rigby at first because of the whole 'Carrying You Bridal Style' thing, then Muscle Man and High Fives, which is my fault I guess for sending you those Almond Joys-"

"Wait?" Benson said, rubbing his eyelids with his free hand. "That was you?"

"Yeah. You love Almond Joys." Mordecai said, as if Benson should have known.

"How did you?... Nevermind. Mordecai, I'm your boss. Not your guidance counsellor. Unless it effects your work, you have to handle it yourself."

"But doesn't it bother you?" said Mordecai, who plopped next to Benson on his sofa. Oren was not happy about that. "I mean, everyone thinking we're 'together' and all?"

Benson shooed Oren away to better face Mordecai. Oren was especially not happy about that. "Not really."

"Oh." Mordecai said. But it was the knowing tone he had that got under Benson's skin. "Well if that's the case I'll be going..."

"Hold on, a minute. What was that?"

Mordecai stood up, but stayed near the sofa. Oren hopped on the coffee table and meowed at him, annoyed.

"What was what?" Mordecai said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Don't give me any of that. You said 'oh' like," Benson was moving his hands in circular motions, trying to find the right word while Mordecai was suppressing the urge to laugh. "Like it was obvious I wouldn't have a problem with the rumor."

"No, I was just surprised. I mean, when people spread lies about me I get a little ticked. You just... Let it slide right off your back."

"Because I know it's not true." Benson narrowed his eyes.

"Sure. Sure." Mordecai nodded and grinned at Benson.

Benson sucked on his teeth. "What the hell are you getting at?"

"I'm not getting at anything!" Mordecai raised his shoulders to his neck and held out his hands in a totally bogus "innocent shrug".

Oren watched his owner and the annoying houseguest converse. He did not like this at all.

"Really? Sounds like you're getting at something."

"Would you be as dismissive if they were saying you and Rigby were dating?" Mordecai asked.

Benson gagged, "Ew. Don't even joke about something like that." Mordecai donned a shit-eating grin, which made Benson cross the line from irritated to mildly pissed. "Mordecai. What?"

Mordecai's grin grew larger. And more shit-eating. "So the idea of you and Rigby being together makes you sick... But everyone thinking me and you are together in 'that way' gets a weak dismissal. Gotcha."

"There's a significant-" Benson said, starting to show his teeth, but he stopped himself. Mordecai was nearly going to double over with laughter, and that was when it hit Benson. He made an incredulous face. "Ha. Unbelievable."

"Hmm?" hummed Mordecai.

"Do you want the rumor to be true, Mordecai?"

"What?" Mordecai said, letting out the laugh he had been holding in. Between breaths he defended himself, "Absolutely not! No! Gosh! I mean, it's crazy to even think about." Mordecai developed a bit of the giggles; having a complete serious face, then breaking out in breathless laughter. "That may be hard for you to hear, since you had your heart set on making 'us' work."

"This. Explains... The last two weeks... Completely." Benson slowly shook his head. "The weird favors and Almond Joys... You... You came over here to make the rumors true. Didn't you?"

"It looks like someone's seeing what they want to see..." Mordecai said in a sing song voice.

"I'm not going on a date with you, Mordecai." Benson said.

"Whoa! You move fast!" Mordecai scooted further away from Benson. "It's very sudden, I mean, I'm flattered and all-"

"Please!" Benson laughed bitterly. "First of all, I don't think I've ever been hit on in such an... Immature way! What are you? Twelve?"

"I guess if everyone insists on it. Obviously, we have some chemistry-"

"Second of all, you're my employee. I'm not risking my job just for the thrill of riding around in golf carts with you and tasting your stoner breath!"

Oren yowled as he laid flat on the coffee table, watching it all go from bad to worse.

"I've got some reservations but I'm willing to put them aside if you feel so strongly about our future, Benson-"

"... And I'm not attracted to you in the slightest." Benson said, laughing at the thought.

Mordecai stopped talking to himself, and got rid of his giggles, to stare Benson down. He bent his body so he and Benson were facing each other.

"Pfft. Same here."

"Just out of curiosity, how come me flirting with you wasn't a shock?" Mordecai asked Benson.

"I'm not sure why to be honest... I guess I assume everyone is a little bicurious." Benson nodded to himself, "Thanks, Mom."

Benson said, with crossed arms, "Just the idea of my lips touching yours makes me woozy. I'm pretty sure I'd throw up if that ever happened."

"You think?" Mordecai asked, not really caring about the answer.

Benson let out a "Ha!" and gave Mordecai a vicious smile. "I know!"

"You're positive?"

"I'm one hun-" Benson started, but Mordecai grabbed him by the face kissed him so deeply, so intent on getting his point across, Benson's brain did the whole "forgetting how to communicate with your mouth" malfunction thing again.

Benson's eyes almost popped from their sockets when he first felt Mordecai's tongue slip in, and inside of his body he felt every clich ; the fireworks that exploded with reds melting into pinks, greens and blues lingering with the stars and that shot of electricity that danced up and down his spine, and for some odd reason Aretha Franklin was belting out Natural Woman.

When Benson heard the song get close to the chorus, he pushed Mordecai off and gasped for air.

"What? The fuck was that?"

"That..." Mordecai said taking a deep breath and slyly smiling, "Was better than expected."

"Well..." Benson began, gulping for more air. "I... That was so..." he tried to tap into that anger he usually got when Mordecai and Rigby screwed up, and it was there, Benson felt it.

But goddamn it that kiss made him anything but anger.

"First kisses are usually flukes," Mordecai said, breathlessly. "I'm pretty sure if we do it again, you'll blow chunks like you said."

"Oh God, Mordecai!" Benson grabbed Mordecai's shoulders and wrapped his legs around his middle. "Take me! Take me! Take me right here on my sofa while my cat watches!"

"What!" Benson shrieked. "That is not what I said! Change the story back, Mordecai." Benson growled at his boyfriend, who snickered.

"Okay! Okay! Here's what Ben really said-"

Benson studied the confidence Mordecai had, and how sure he was of Benson's mutual feelings, and surely Mordecai was right about first kisses. Surely the second would be shitty and he could forget any of this kissing business ever happened. And if not, they could always try a third...

"Fine. But just to prove you wrong."

And just like that, Mordecai was pushing Benson into his sofa, touching his body and making him shiver while Natural Woman played on.

'Cause you make me feel!

You make me feel!

You make me feel like a natural...

Woman...