This Fic is particularly dedicatd to our friend Lily Moonlight. I'm very grateful for her help with the English version of my other fic "I Can't Say Goodbye". It's a three parts story. I hope you all like it.

The characters in this fic don't belong to me, but to the CSI NY creators.

My number 1

Part 1

Hawaii, February 13, 2011

Dr. Sid Hammerback was not a regular at medical congresses. His work and his family absorbed all his time, and in the few holidays that he took, he preferred to keep his mind away from everything that had to do with his profession, so he could recharge his batteries and resume his work with enthusiasm. Although his specialty, forensic pathology, would be rough for many people, he was convinced of its importance and usefulness. Never, throughout his career, had he repented of the choice he made at the time. The man who was the reason why Sid was now inHawaiito participate in one of these events, in fact, had a share of guilt for Sid's decision.

The Forensic Pathology Congress would pay tribute this year to a living legend in the profession, Dr. Alvin Hunt, Sid's teacher and mentor in his early days. He knew that Dr. Hunt, who was 99 years old and lived in retirement inHawaii, would participate in the Congress in the flesh, being a man still lively and agile, both physically and mentally.

The fact that the congress took place in the islands, where the average temperature in February was so nice compared to the string of snow storms they were having inNew York, was another incentive to travel. Mrs Hammerback had loaded the suitcases with swimsuits and summer clothes, rather than anything else.

Sid hadn't yet gotten accustomed to the five-hour time difference fromNew York, and he had risen very early that morning. His wife whispered something in her sleep like it was too early, but Sid was fully awake, so he decided to get dressed and go to enjoy the sun rising over the beautiful beach at the very foot of their balcony. After walking for nearly an hour along the sands, Sid went to the breakfast room reserved for those attending the medical conference. It was something unique, but he wanted to have breakfast before returning to his room and dressing formally to attend the inaugural lecture. He poured himself pineapple juice, and took a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs, and a cup of coffee over to a table by the window. A few minutes later, another man entered the room and after serving himself, he went to Sid's table.

"Good morning, do you mind sharing a table? We seem to be early risers. I'm Dr. Charles Beauvais, fromNew Orleans."

"Good morning to you, too, it's nice to have company. I'm Dr. Sid Hammerback, fromNew York."

The expressive eyes of Dr. Beauvais opened wide, indicating surprise.

"Dr. Hamerback! I have heard many things about you!"

This time it was Sid's turn to be surprised. Raising his eyebrows, he asked

"Really? Good things I hope."

"Yes, of course, of course. You see, I think we share other than just our profession. We also have the same job, only in different cities. I know you're the Chief Medical Examiner in the CSI Lab atNew York, and I have the same occupation inNew Orleans."

Sid knew then how Dr. Beauvais had come to hear things about him. Stella.

Delighted, he asked, "So you work with my dear Stella Bonasera? What a coincidence!"

"That's a fact," D Beauvais exclaimed. "Yes, Stella is the boss. An excellent boss, indeed, we all love her inNew Orleans, and support her. Especially now that she's going through such a delicate time."

Sid tried to hide the surprise he felt. Fortunately, Dr. Beauvais was putting butter on his toast and he couldn't see his expression. Sid didn't know how to continue the conversation so his colleague would tell him more. If he said that he knew nothing about whatever was happening to Stella, the other would conclude that if Stella hadn't said anything to her former colleagues, it was because she didn't want to, and logically, he shouldn't say anything. Finally, Sid decided to continue sounding the other man out.

"Well, I don't know what that special thing Stella has, but it's what makes you love her, right? The worst of her is that she was always so lonely, that sometimes she still finds it difficult to rely on others, even when we are all willing to help her, the same as she does for us."

Sid's words gave confidence to Dr. Beauvais.

"It's exactly like that." He nodded. "When she had to be admitted to hospital, we learned that she wasn't really as good as she was making us believe, which is not surprising, given her level of work. Stress and little sleep were good allies against her in her state."

Sid was now more alert and didn't let the words of the doctor shock him. He pressed his mouth shut, which otherwise would have opened wide in surprise. In her state? Did Dr. Beauvais mean what he thought he meant? Sid made a mental calculation. It was nearly eight months since Stella had gone toNew Orleans. He decided to try to coax a bit more out of his colleague.

"I haven't heard from her in recent days..." (That was true ... in some ways - Stella hadn't been in contact with them since July last year, when she had leftNew York.) "Is she not okay then? I'll try to contact her later, at a reasonable hour. She's almost like a daughter to my wife and I."

"Yes, she's all right, actually. But her doctor was adamant about her having absolute rest, that's why she was admitted a week ago. She had some worrying symptoms such as high blood pressure, and when she complained of headaches, Dr. Roberts didn't wait any longer. He's a great obstetrician and neonatologist, and he has the best department of the State in his hospital, St. Mary. Believe it or not, Sid, she hadn't said a word about the complications in her pregnancy until last week, the very day she had to leave the laboratory in her assistant hands, to go to the hospital. She gave the instruction, almost an order, not to worry about her. But she got excited like a little girl when we went to visit her."

"It's typical of her, not wanting to worry anyone. And she has to stay in the hospital?"

"Yes, I think it's four weeks until her due date, and the doctor wants her there in case the symptoms lead to preeclampsia. It seems the babies could be born at any time, they already weigh enough, but, of course, it would be better if it passes naturally, if there aren't any complications."

Sid's mind processed the information at top speed. Her doctor was Dr. Roberts, she was in the hospital St. Mary. If there were four weeks left until Stella's due date, that would mean... she was eight months pregnant, so when she leftNew York, she was already pregnant. And, perhaps, she didn't know it then. Oh God, what a mess. Sid was still assimilating the last words of his colleague fromNew Orleans. The babies weigh enough... Babies? Oh God, oh God! Sid almost choked with the last sip of his coffee. He rose from the table, reaching out his hand to Dr. Beauvais.

"If you'll excuse me, it was a great pleasure talking with you, but I must go and change for the inaugural conference. I hope we can share more moments."

"Ditto, Dr. Hammerback. Nice to have met you," Dr Beauvais said, shaking his hand vigorously.

Sid walked to the elevator and into his room. His wife had just left the shower and still wrapped in her bathrobe, was consulting the activities program for accompanying partners of the delegates. When she saw Sid, she noticed the strange face he had.

"Honey, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost..."

Sid sat on the bed. What should he do now? Meddling in the lives of two of the people he appreciated the most in the world? Because it would be an intrusion, that was certain. If Stella had said nothing to Mac it was because she didn't want him to know. Sid had taken for granted that Mac was the father of that baby... or babies, apparently! But what if he wasn't? And why had Stella not said anything, whether or not he was the father? Weren't they the best of friends? True that Stella's departure toNew Orleanswas a strange event... Until the last moment Sid had hoped that Mac declared his opposition, and requested Stella to stay, but he didn't. Did Stella expect that? Sid would have guessed so, but in those last months the relationship between them seemed to have become odd. Now Sid guessed why. If they had gone up to the next level in their relationship and for some reason they had argued... Or if it wasn't Mac who Stella had begun a relationship with, Mac probably would have taken it very bad. But what did he expect? Stella being always available to him, but delaying indefinitely a commitment further than just friendship? Oh, God, Sid thought again. What a complicated couple. Well, and now… What to do?

Mrs Hammerback was getting really scared. Sid continued to sit on the bed, gazing into space...

"Sid, honey, what is it?"

With a sigh, Sid told her everything. What he knew, what he imagined... His wife sat beside him. She also loved Mac, and even more Stella.

"You have to tell Mac, you have to, Sid. They are losing a precious time, something that they should be sharing... Probably because of a misunderstanding, a stubbornness... This is nonsense. Stella shouldn't be alone. She's probably feeling more vulnerable and frightened than ever. All we women do in our first pregnancy, and she's alone, with complications, and doubly! Oh poor Stella..."

"I just hope it's double, not triple or..." Sid broke off and they both smiled. Sid looked at his watch. It was 8.30. Mentally, he calculated what time it should be inNew York. Five hours more... so it was 13.30, a good time. Mac may be on a lunch break. Without more thought, he decided to send Mac a text message. Sid didn't want to talk to him, it would be too embarrassing.

Sid took his cell phone and began to write, carefully thinking the words.

Mac, I learned that Stella is in the hospital St. Mary's, NO. Her doctor is Dr. Roberts. I would go there if I were you. Sid

He sent the message and turned off his phone. He knew that Mac's first reaction would be to call him back, asking for more explanations, but he didn't want to be the person to tell him he was going to be a father... Maybe... Or maybe not.