Author's note: Spoilers for "The Intimacy Acceleration." RIP Leonard Nimoy.
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory is an American sitcom created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, and is produced by them along with Steve Molaro. It is a Warner Brothers production and airs on CBS. All characters, plots and creative elements derived from the source material belong exclusively to their respective owners. I, the author of the fan fiction, do not, in any way, profit monetarily from the story.

Dear Constanza,

First things first: Penny and Sheldon, as predicted, did not fall in love. Her beauty aside, she's no heavyweight in the academic department—a deficiency that Sheldon could never overlook. Besides, he only has eyes for me.

Which brings me to the real event of the night: Sheldon's surprise birthday party. Yes, Constanza! Trust me—I was as shocked as you are. Originally, Raj, Emily, Leonard, and I had entertained rather high hopes of an exciting night in a "zombie escape room." However, six minutes (and $200) later, we found ourselves on our way to the more pedestrian activities of dinner and a movie when Leonard got a text message from Penny: "2day is Shel's bdAy!" The vote was unanimous: a surprise birthday party! A s a combination of everything that Sheldon hates—gift-giving, parties, and surprises— in one fell swoop, it would be glorious (and just desserts for his Yuletide shenanigans)! The late hour precluded any trips to the comic book and train stores, but CVS did not let us down. Festive plates, balloons, and a jumbo greeting card all seemed appropriate for the occasion, although—considering this was Sheldon, after all—we agreed that actual gifts would be pushing our luck. We hurried back to the apartment and hung out in the living room (listening to Emily rank her top ten "vomit" scenes from horror films) until we got the text from Penny that they were on their way. Raj turned out the lights and we all took our positions, yelling "surprise" as soon as Sheldon flipped the switch.

As expected, we listened to him rant for a few minutes, then we sang happy birthday and cut the cake. As we took group selfies on the couch, Sheldon decried Penny as a traitor, and said the rest of us were "guilty by association." I'll let you in on a secret though, Constanza: I could tell he was actually touched. There was a glint in his eye as he admired one of the Hulk paper plates, and his sometimes rigid posture had eased into a soft hunch. I even caught him tapping his foot as "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" played softly in the background.

Raj and Emily were the first to leave, and I assumed that, since it was Leonard's turn to spend the night at Penny's, they would be out the door soon after. Instead, they lingered in the kitchen, whispering about something that I couldn't hear. After trying to wait them out, I decided to leave, and invited Sheldon to join me.

"How did you like your party?" I asked, just outside the door.

He waited a beat before he answered. "Despite a premise based on deceit and betrayal," he began, "there were some nice moments."

"Good," I said.

"Although that was a very odd birthday cake," he added.

"Full disclosure," I said, "It was actually the second tier of an erstwhile wedding cake for a bride that ended up running off with one of the groomsmen. So late in the evening, we took what we could get."

Sheldon seemed to relish this idea. "The Universe rebels against trickery in all its forms. In fact," he continued, "it felt good to finally get my own burdensome secret off my chest. Hiding the truth about yourself is very difficult, Amy. I don't know how Clark Kent does it. Or Peter Parker. Or Bruce Wayne, or—"

I interrupted. "Well, then, I got you the perfect gift." I pulled out an envelope and handed it to him. It has been tucked in my bra, and I could feel how warm it was between my fingers. Sheldon looked at it with hesitation, before taking it.

"Amy," he said. "I hope your success with Meemaw's cookies doesn't mean we're going to turn into one of those couples who buy each other gas station flowers on the way home from work."

I grimaced at the thought. "God no," I said. "Time constraints aside, I think you'll find this is an inexpensive, but thoughtful gift. With that, he ran his finger under the underside of the flap, and pulled out a rectangular slip of notebook paper.

"A coupon redeemable for a lifetime of no more surprise parties." A faint smile crossed his face.

"You like it?" I asked, smiling widely.

"Indeed, I do," he answered.

"So, no more surprises...and no more secrets."

He looked up, a question in his eye. "Were you afraid that I might fall in love with Penny this evening?"

I shook my head. "Nah. I know how you feel about me."

He stared at the coupon. "Amy," he began. "I know you should have been the fir—" but as the last word crossed his lips, he looked up and became suddenly distracted, his voice trailing off. He drew close to me, his feet shuffling in between mine, and his eyes looming over my head. Then, he placed a single hand on my hip. I thought he might kiss me, and he did in the end, but not before giving me a look that told me everything I could possibly want to know about him, and about me, and about us without him having to utter a single syllable. By the time his lips joined with mine, tingles ran through my spine, and the way his eager mouth, and warm breath, and moist forehead lingered against mine...

Exquisite.

"Thank you, Amy," he finally whispered, struggling to pull away and, without another word, he went back inside. Clinging to the banister, I wobbled on weak knees down the stairs, in a hurry to run home to you.

XOXOXO

AFF