My first Sherlock chapter fic, all of which is dedicated to my darling daughter-figure, Yesenia. She's an absolute darling and encouraged me to write this. She also indulges all the Slash I should probably not be doing over my schoolwork, so you have her to blame for these shenanigans. This story should have Johnlock, Mystrade, and probably Moriarty with someone. If you have a preference as to who with, vote on my profile. Enjoy, and remember I do NOT own Sherlock in any form!
Reply to Sender
Chapter One: Gay Pirates
From: S. Holmes
To: Fat Lazy Sack
Time: 9:40 A.M.
Stop it. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: My Five-Year-Old Brother
Time: 9:40 A.M.
Pardon? –MH
From: S. Holmes
To: Fat Lazy Sack
Time: 9:41 A.M.
You know what I mean. Stop it. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: My Five-Year-Old Brother
Time: 9:43 A.M.
I have no idea what you're talking about. You shouldn't be texting during school hours. Student Handbook, page thirty-seven, fourth bullet point. –MH
From: S. Holmes
To: Fat Lazy Sack
Time: 9:43 A.M.
Or what? You'll confiscate my mobile? –SH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 9:49 A.M.
You fat oaf, you actually took it. Good thing I nicked Irene's during passing. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 9:51 A.M.
Dear, dear. You're a terrible boyfriend. And you know what I've told you about my opinions on your beard. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 9:52 A.M.
What? I shaved this morning. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 9:52 A.M.
I'm aware. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 9:54 A.M.
…Oh, Ha ha. You're so very funny. If I was attracted to men, why would I snog Irene in front of the vice principal? Besides to shame you, of course. Speaking of shame, how's the diet? -SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 9:56 A.M.
…Hm. I should ask Anderson to read an excerpt from his book again. It's been a long three minutes since we've been graced by his voice. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 9:59 A.M.
MYCROFT, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU IN SUCH A CREATIVE WAY THAT YOU'LL BE DISMEMEBERED AND IT WILL STILL LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE.
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:01 A.M.
Oh, dear! The last text had no name signed at the end! How on earth will I know who it's from? –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:03 A.M.
You think you're so very clever, calling on Anderson every time there's an answer he doesn't know just to annoy me. It's petty and childish. I hate you forever and I'm telling Mummy. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:08 A.M.
I noticed you hate me. You didn't do a very good job hiding it when your principal came in and said 'Mister Mycroft Holmes will be taking over as your substitute for the year while Miss Doyle is out on maternity leave' and you decided to calmly and maturely hurl a world globe through the classroom window. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:09 A.M.
That's because I know you did it just to keep an eye on me. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:10 A.M.
You have no proof that I didn't obtain this job by entirely legitimate means. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:11 A.M.
Oh, please, spare me your theatrics. I know you used your connections to slither in here as well. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:12 A.M.
Oh, of course I did. But that doesn't mean you can prove it, brother mine. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:12 A.M.
Don't call me that. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:13 A.M.
Then what shall I call you? Widdle 'Lock the Bearded, Scourge of the Seven Seas? –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:13 A.M.
You swore never to speak of that again. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:13 A.M.
Yarrrrgh. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:14 A.M.
Mycroft, you are a pompous ARSE. –SH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:26 A.M.
Wait. Wait just a tick. What was THAT? –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:26 A.M.
Excuse me? I don't know what you're talking about. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:27 A.M.
That college student who just came in. He helps the forensic classes. Lesand? Letrond? –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:28 A.M.
Lestrade? What of him? He came and borrowed a stapler, Sherlock. I wasn't aware you had laid claims on every appliance in the school. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:29 A.M.
When he came in, you nearly dropped your mug of tea. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:30 A.M.
Oh, please. For once in your life, try to act as smart as you pretend to be. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:33 A.M.
Your eyelids flickered for a moment, your mug tilted nine degrees, your grip on the handle flexed convulsively, and your nose did that little twitch it does when you force back a blush. For a Holmes, Mycroft, that's as good as stripping down naked and proclaiming intentions with a ring box. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:36 A.M.
Don't overreact. It's not like I've never been attracted to someone before. I'll either ignore it, or seduce him and have sex with him in the janitor's closet. Either way, bodily function addressed. I refuse to further discuss. The matter is closed. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:38 A.M.
But that's not it. You… the way you looked at him. You haven't spoken to him before, but it was… soft. Your face looked soft. I don't like it. Go back to being obnoxious. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:39 A.M.
Oh, you simple boy. You just can't handle feelings, can you? –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:40 A.M.
I have a girlfriend, Mycroft. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:40 A.M.
Who is self-professedly only attracted to women. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:42 A.M.
So what? We kiss when we feel like and don't when we don't. So what more is there? What's the point of a relationship beyond tolerating another person? It's rather pointless. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:43 A.M.
You should really listen to yourself, sometimes. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:44 A.M.
Who else would I listen to? Everyone else is so boring. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:45 A.M.
Mate, ye need to get yerself a saucy lad in yer Captain's quarters. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:45 A.M.
I can't believe you just gave me a detention. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:46 A.M.
I can't believe you just took out a knife and stabbed it into your desk because I made innuendos in pirate-speak. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:48 A.M.
I would have knocked over the desk, but the knife had the added benefit of terrifying Anderson. I hope you realize there's no way I'm going to sit in a room after school with you for a half-hour without vomiting. –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:49 A.M.
Believe me when I say this will be less than enjoyable for me. I have to deal with my spoiled little brother and an ex-delinquent on my own. –MH
From: I. Adler
To: Older Brother With A D/S Kink
Time: 10:51 A.M.
A ex-delinquent? Boring, and yet… what kind of high-school student would be enough to unsettle someone worming their way into governmental power? –SH
From: M. Holmes
To: Sherlock's Lesbian That He Likes To Use To Pretend He Isn't Attracted To Penis
Time: 10:52 A.M.
Have you never heard of John Watson? –MH