Chapter Two: Perchel

I

In these high school stories, Percy is a stereotypical jock and Rachel is a stereotypical bitch. This is because the authors have no talent in writing actual characters and are instead forced to write cliches, stereotypes, caricatures, and sequels because that's the best they can do. Such authors include the one writing this stupid parody.

II

"Like Percy," said Grover, "Check out that sexy redhead."

Percy took a good look at Rachel. "Wow! She's so sexy."

"Do you even know why she's sexy?"

"I have no idea why!" Percy replied dreamily

The two of them stared at Rachel for five minutes.

"Not only is she sexy," remarked Percy,"She also has a nice personality."

They both watched Rachel push a freshman.

"Out of the way, asshole!" she yelled at the freshmen while walking past him.

"What a bitch," murmured Nico as he got back unto his feet.

"Man, I need to ask her out," Percy said out loud, "Great looks and personality."

He whistled. What a gal!

III

Percy visited Rachel after school that day.

"Rachel E. Dare," greeted Percy, "Can thou beest mine?"

"I must thinkest if I beest thine," said Rachel

Percy sat on one foot. "Oh pleast, great lady. If thou is mine, I shalt beest loyal."

Rachel thought for a moment before replying, "Thou hast provest thine love for I. I shalt beest with thou."

Percy bowed. "My heart art with thou."

"I shalt seest thou again tonight."

IV

After some months, Grover realized that Rachel was a bitch and tried to warn Percy.

"Percy, I need to tell you something," said Grover.

"What is it?"

"I don't think Rachel is such a good girlfriend anymore."

"How come?"

"Well, she...is...um..."

"Come on Grover, you can tell me. I won't get mad."

"Okay, then. I personally think that-"

"HEY!" screamed Nico, who was right in front of the two boys.

Percy and Grover looked up to see Rachel knocking down Nico and taking his potato chips.

"Grover!" said Percy with shock, "I think I fell in love with a bitch!"

Grover rolled his eyes. "Yeah, crazy huh?"

"I can't have a bitch for a girlfriend," muttered Percy to himself, "She's only going to bark and bite. I need to break up with her!"

V

One month later, Percy invited Rachel over to his house to tell her something.

"Rachel, I have something to tell you," said Percy.

"What is it?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

"What! Why?"

"I like this other girl now but it's mostly because you...were...kind...of...a..."

"A what?" exclaimed Rachel angrily.

Percy swallowed hard. "A person who never learned the true meaning of love."

Rachel exploded. "WHAT! I KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE!"

Percy stood up. "No you don't. You never understood that love is more than just a good relationship. Love is about eating fried chicken and never giving up on it even if your wife tells you that it is unhealthy."

"Wait, what now?" asked Rachel.

"You made my point. Get the hell out of my house."

VI

Rachel was crying as she left Percy's house. "Why? Why did he dump me?"

Rachel continued to walk until she reached the local cliff. She stared at the bottom of it.

"Should I jump?" Rachel asked herself, "I have nothing to live for anymore."

"Hey Bitch!" yelled a voice on her right.

Rachel turned her head and saw a pale brunette. Rachel couldn't believe her eyes; it was Bella Swan!

"Get the hell out of here!" screamed Bella while glaring at Rachel, "This is my suicide drop!"