AN: The title comes from Jimmy Eat World's song "Polaris". The music of JEW, specifically the "Futures" album will be featured throughout the story.

I'm done, there's nothing left to show
I try, but can't let it go

-Polaris, Jimmy Eat World

"You've reached Mercedes. I'm not available, but leave a message and I'll try to return your call!"

There was a brief beep before he spoke. "Oh god. Cedes, I know you're still at that godawful job, but I just got a call and you won't believe who. Call me when you get off work! This is Kurt, by the way."

Mercedes Jones chuckled at the almost frantic tone in her best friend's voice. Kurt was always so damn dramatic. The way he told it, it was as if the whole damn world was gonna end any second. Normally his upbeat disposition would exhaust her, but today was ripe with good news. Her baby, the novel she'd been slaving over for nearly four years was almost complete.

All the late nights, endless cups of coffee, and countless fits of writer's block and tears were about to pay off. She'd given a copy of the manuscript to her friend Victoria. Frankly after four years she was terrified and half-sick of looking at the thing. She needed an outsider's perspective. Unbeknownst to her, Victoria had passed it on to an editor friend of hers who worked at a major publishing house.

Mercedes should have been pissed when Victoria showed up to work, bursting with excitement over the news, but the thought of an actual New York editor reading her work was a thrilling thought. She could hardly concentrate on the article she was supposed to be writing about the latest indie darling hitting mainstream. All she could focus on was her book. Victoria told her that the editor friend would get back to her any day now, but the response was definitely positive.

She was on a high. True, the person hadn't called yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. Music would always be her first love, but writing was her mistress. It was a way for her to bang out all the frustration, anger, happiness, whatever she was feeling. She had boxes of journals, every page filled, from high school and college to the present.

As luck would have it, she got the job working for Wrecked Magazine, a mid-level publication that focused on all things music in the indie scene and beyond. At first glance it seemed like the wrong place for the Diva Miss Jones, but few people knew of her love for all genres. Her iPod was a mixed bag: a little Otis, some Dead Kennedys, Blondie, The Smiths, Erasure, Whitney…it was all there.

Working at Wrecked was grueling. She was a lowly staff writer, but it gave her an opportunity to see a lot of shows, meet plenty of artists, and also get her name out in the music world. Her singing career was coming along, slowly but surely. Her YouTube channel had plenty of hits daily and her video blog was a moderate success. It was only a matter of time before singing covers of The Cure and Aretha would pay off.

Mercedes slipped on her earbuds as she shoved her phone into her purse. Kurt could wait; it was only a short subway ride back to their Brooklyn apartment. It took some convincing for the arguably stubborn Kurt to give up his Carrie Bradshaw dreams of living in Manhattan, but after she pointed out that Carrie's bony ass was fake and never had to deal with expensive Manhattan bills, he grudgingly accepted Brooklyn.

Park Slope was perfect for them. Not as wannabe hipster as Williamsburg, but boasted plenty of culture and city life. Kurt was won over by the music and fashion, declaring the borough 'positively bohemian-chic', and their parents were happy with the price of their apartment.

Mercedes hopped off the subway, preferring to walk the rest of the way. It was a decent spring evening, thankful she wore a light leather jacket to keep away the April chill. It wasn't too long before she reached the steps of their brownstone. The old-style was converted into three apartments. She and Kurt lucked out with the top floor. It was a bit bigger, with large windows that let in plenty of sunlight.

As Mercedes climbed the steps, her phone began to ring from her purse, the sound echoing through the old stairwell. "I'm almost outside the door, Kurt!" she yelled up the stairs. Chuckling, she heard the front door open and a voice shout "Hurry the hell up, Mary! I have news!"

By the time she made it to their door, she was a little breathless. "I love our place, but damn if it's not big girl friendly."

Kurt waved her statement away. "Good exercise for those calves. Now will you bring your ass inside? I got takeout from Jade Dragon and a bottle of wine!"

She grinned. "Are we celebrating something?" Mercedes shrugged out of her jacket and slung her purse on the couch as she followed Kurt into the large kitchen. The appliances were all the original pieces, save for a modern dishwasher. The cabinets were scrubbed and stained a gorgeous cherry that matched the hardwood floor which ran through the whole apartment, while the gunmetal grey of the countertops gave the place a certain pop.

The design was all Kurt's vision. She gave him free reign, letting him take over and delight in chintz and fabric to his heart's content. She had to admit, the boy knew what he was doing.

"I have such good news!" he said excitedly. He reached into the cabinet for wineglasses while Mercedes got the clean plates.

"So do I," she stated. "You know my novel? Well I gave it to Victoria to read and she apparently passed it on to an editor friend of hers, who's supposed to be calling me soon to discuss it."

Kurt's blue eyes sparkled. "Oh honey that's amazing! I just knew this day was going to be good! Cosmo's horoscopes are rarely wrong."

Mercedes rolled her eyes as she spooned out an equal amount of veggie lo mein and sesame chicken onto the plates. "I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm super nervous."

"Don't be," Kurt reassured as he took a sip of the Riesling. "You're a great writer Mercy. Isn't this the novel that's about us?"

"It's not about anyone in particular. I guess it's a bit autobiographical in a way. Just about experiences growing up in a small town." She added two spring rolls before carrying the plates over to the couch. Kurt followed, bringing the glasses and the chopsticks.

"Either way, I just hope you made me look good. My agent says I can't afford bad press."

They both laughed. Kurt was currently involved in an online web series about gay men living in New York trying to make it on Broadway. It was a scripted show with a huge following that was currently in the works to become a television show. Kurt was essentially playing himself, but was generating a lot of buzz in the gay scene and theater world.

Mercedes took a bite of her spring roll before speaking. "So what is it that you just HAD to tell me when I walked in?"

Kurt's eyes widened excitedly as he set his plate on the dark wood coffee table. "Speaking of small-town, Lima's McKinley High Glee Club is having a reunion in two weeks!"

"What? Why? Someone getting married?"

"No." Kurt shook his head. "It's just that we all realized we haven't seen one another in about eight years. "

"We see Rachel often," Mercedes offered. Rachel Berry was currently living her dream as Eponine in Les Miserables. She lived in New York, Manhattan to be exact, in a decadent apartment paid for by some anonymous patron. Those were her words. Mercedes knew better. The girl was nothing if not determined. She probably found some rich old theatre coot to pry her legs open and was giving up the 'Funny Girl' in exchange for the glam life.

Whenever she had a free day she would call Kurt up for "girl time". She never actually invited Mercedes, and after the first few times of Kurt dragging her along, she stopped going. Rachel was living with her head in the stars, and Mercedes wasn't about to play that game with her. She'd come a long way from the girl in New Directions aching for a chance to get the fuck out of Rachel Berry's shadow. She wasn't about to go there again.

"Rachel doesn't count, and you know it" Kurt replied. "Wouldn't it be great to see everyone again?"

She shrugged. "I guess." If she were more honest with herself, Mercedes would admit that the reunion sounded like a good idea. She legitimately did miss her New Directions family. Everyone was spread across the country. When high school ended, the usual promises of keeping in touch were made, and at first it was easy thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and Skype. There were some people like Tina and Kurt who she remained in constant contact with. Quinn, when she was in actually in the country was always good for a talk on camera. Santana, the occasional phone call; and even Finn (which was a line of thinking she wasn't even about to get into).

Kurt rolled his eyes as he drained his wineglass. "Listen, we all decided we're going back and since Puck is the only one who still lives in Lima, he's organizing everything."

Mercedes cocked a dark eyebrow at that. "Puck? Organizing?"

Kurt shrugged. "Apparently he's all grown up, now. He's the one who called about the idea. So far he's gotten a hold of Mike, Tina, Artie, Britt, Santana, and hell even Quinn's elusive ass. They're all coming."

"Anyone else?"

"Well I have to call Rachel, and I'll leave Finn to you." He shot her a sly side-eye and smirked. "Oh, and don't worry. Sam Evans will be there too."

Her heart gave an almighty lurch at the mention of his name, but she was determined to keep it cool. "Okay then."

It was Kurt's turn to cock an eyebrow. "'Okay then'? I tell you Sam Evans is gonnabe there and all you have to say is 'okay then'?"

Mercedes shrugged, her food suddenly becoming interesting.

Her history with the Southern blond was long, most of it good, some bittersweet, and nothing short of unforgettable. The summer before their senior year was the absolute best. She basked in the summer glow of her first real relationship. Sam was her first love, her first fuck, and her first heartbreak. Their summer of love was cut short when his dad finally got a job, but it was out of state. They said their goodbyes, kisses sealed with promises of writing letters, webcam dates, and late-night phone conversations.

It was good at first, and Mercedes thought she could handle it, until things got harder. Long distance relationships suck, especially when you're seventeen and it's your first major relationship. And as much as her heart was with Sam, they both realized that the distance was too much. They parted ways, both admitting defeat but never goodbye.

She was content to start her senior year fresh, and was doing just fine until a certain blond breezed back into McKinley, jump-starting her heart and bringing some much needed life back into her. They rekindled their friendship and soon old feelings surfaced. One night after a particularly rousing Rachel Berry party involving a serious amount of alcohol and a game of Kings, they reconnected in the floral-patterned basement bathroom.

Falling back into a relationship with Sam was easy. Besides Kurt, he was her best friend. Senior year was bliss, but the reality of life after high school loomed over them like a dark cloud. Mercedes was determined. She'd wanted to go to NYU since she was a little girl. Journalism and Music were her future. Her relationship with Sam was making her question a lot of things. Their status was further thrown into jeopardy when Sam got a baseball scholarship to a college in Pennsylvania.

Mercedes knew that another bout of long distance wasn't in the cards for them. Luckily, Sam agreed. They held on, through graduation and most of the summer until it was time to part ways in August. Her mind drifted back to that night, Sam's F150 parked at the lake, the two of them lying in the bed, gazing up at the stars. He kissed her sweetly before grinning, his lips quirked in an adorable lopsided fashion. "You think we'll ever get this right Cedes?" he asked.

"Who knows, Sammy? Maybe we've had our chances."

"I don't believe that. I think there's still something left for us. "

Her eyes gazed up at his and the amount of hope in them clenched her heart. He couldn't do this to her. To them. "Don't hold out for a pipe dream, Evans. Whatever happens, happens."

Sam's lips slanted over hers, and she couldn't help but moan. "Our story isn't over, Ms. Writer" he whispered against her lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too" she admitted softly. "Always have." Their kisses deepened and she found herself gasping for air when he finally pulled away.

Sam's green eyes were intense as he hovered over her. "We're going our separate ways, but you'll never be far from my heart, Mercedes. Just think of this as 'To be Continued'."

"Earth to Mercedes…diva!" Kurt's fingers snapped in front of her face, effectively dragging her ass from Memory Lane. He smirked at her once more, his blue eyes glinting. "I can only imagine where you wandered off."

Mercedes shot him a dirty look. "Okay, so it would be good to see Sam again."

His look was triumphant. "I knew it! When was the last time you guys talked?"

"I don't know. Maybe a few months ago." It'd actually been almost two years. She still kept tabs on him. They were friends on Facebook and followed each other on Twitter. After college he played in the minors for a bit until putting his Graphic Design and business majors to good use, creating an online webcomic about a badass female who hunted zombies in a post-apocalyptic society. He was in the process of turning it into a series of graphic novels as well as working on another online comic series.

Needless to say, she was insanely proud of him. She meant to keep up contact, but life had a way of taking over and chucking intentions out the window. He was never too far from her thoughts. As the saying goes 'you never forget your first love'.

"Well I know it would be good to see him again. If only to make sure he still isn't putting that damn lemon juice in his hair. That boy wasn't fooling anybody."

Mercedes chuckled as she sipped her wine. "You are such a catty bitch."

"Of course. But that's why you love me." Kurt glanced up at the block before gasping loudly. "Shit, I have to meet Blaine midtown. Rehearsal should be over soon. "

"Where are you guys headed?" She watched as he bounded down the hall to his room, no doubt switching outfits.

"Some bougie gay club filled with snobby twinks looking for a Daddy to seduce." Kurt yelled back. "But it's good for me to go and build up buzz for the show."

"Sounds about right." Mercedes snatched up her phone and checked to see if the ringer was still on and functioning.

"I hope you aren't going to stare at your phone all evening. Don't sweat it, Mercy. You'll get the call."

"I know. I guess…I'm just bugging."

Kurt did a quick spin to show off his outfit. When Mercedes gave the thumbs-up, he smiled and continued. "Well un-bug, please. For now, just focus on our reunion. I can't wait. Don't forget to call Finn," he added.

Mercedes waved him away. "I won't, promise. And Kurt…let's just keep this Finn business between us, okay? No one else knows."

He rolled his eyes as he threw on a silver and black cardigan over his outfit. "Listen, I don't even really know what the hell went on between you two, so your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks. Now get the hell out." Blowing her a big kiss, he dashed out the door.

With a loud sigh, she rose from the couch, carrying the plates and glasses and setting them in the sink. After putting away the leftovers she padded down the hallway and into her room. Her inner sanctum was the one place Kurt's design taste didn't touch. It was her haven, her small place of peace in her busy world.

The walls were a rich deep purple, with gold and black accents. Kurt joked that it reminded him of a brothel in the French Quarter, but she loved it. She headed to the bathroom, gathering her natural waves into a sloppy ponytail before washing her face.

Mercedes stared in the mirror, looking for a glimpse of that diva from high school. She was still there somewhere, but life had definitely changed her. There was a hard shell around that innocence and it was practically unbreakable. Her warm brown eyes held a bit of sadness in them, something she was never really able to get rid of.

It was loneliness.

She should have recognized it; in high school she was always lonely. Being the big, black diva in a small town full of white folks, she quickly learned that what she had to offer wasn't really on the menu. Too much hips, breasts, ass, and attitude. No one took the time to really see her.

Until Sam Evans.

A small smile danced on her lips at the thought of Sam until guilt took over. She should have made the effort to keep in touch. But what good would that do? They hadn't been in each other's lives since high school. They didn't want to do the long distance thing. In the process of starting over in New York, she'd lost her good friend.

But maybe he was right, that summer night years ago. Maybe their story wasn't over. "Fuck," she cursed. This reunion hadn't even begun and already it was doing her head in. With an exasperated huff, she stalked out of the bathroom and over to her dresser. She changed quickly into a pair of grey leggings and navy tank top. Realizing she left her phone in the living room, Mercedes headed for the couch.

She was putting this off all night, but she supposed it was now or never. With a sigh, she scrolled through her contacts before finding Finn's number. Mercedes chewed the inside of her cheek as the phone rang.

"Hello?" A sharp, shuddering thrill raced down her spine at the sound of his voice, no doubt gruff from sleep.

"Did I wake you?" she asked, feeling stupid. Of course she did.

"Not really," he said with a yawn. "I was watching TV and kinda dozed off for a bit. Practice kicked my ass today. What's up, gorgeous?"

Mercedes winced. "Kurt wanted me to call and let you know about the New Directions reunion. It's two weeks from now."

Finn chuckled lowly. "A reunion? Thought that only happened after ten years?"

"Well it's Puck doing everything, so apparently we're going for eight."

"Oh." There was a small silence on the phone and Mercedes heart began to race. Was it always this awkward between them? "Are you going?"

"Kurt's really excited about it. And I guess it would be good to see everyone again."

"Like Sam?"

Mercedes practically hissed as the awkward elephant in the room stepped out and danced a jig. "That's not really any of your business, Finn" she said defensively.

"Isn't it though?" he countered. There was a bit of an edge in his voice that was very unlike him. It made her heart clench.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to get into it with you. But let's just leave that alone."

She heard his long sigh on the phone and immediately regretted the call. Shit with them was so damn tense.

"I'm sorry too. I just miss you, M.J."

Mercedes couldn't help but smile at the familiar nickname. "I miss you too. You know my door is always open. You should stop by."

There was a brief pause and some rustling. She could tell he was still on the couch, his large body sprawled out, limbs askew. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think I could be alone with you and NOT think about being inside you."

She let out a shaky breath as her slim brown fingers clenched the phone tighter. Yeah, this call was definitely a mistake. "Finn," she started.

"I'm sorry. Just stating facts. I really do miss you. But I think it's best if I keep my distance."

"Does that mean you aren't coming to Ohio?" She didn't know why she was pushing so hard, especially since she wasn't so sure she was even going.

He exhaled slowly and she could tell he was getting frustrated. "I don't know yet, M.J. I have to check my schedule and make sure shit is clear. Two weeks from now is kind of short notice."

"It is. I'm really sorry if I'm putting you in an awkward position. It was never my intention." She hoped she sounded sincere.

Finn chuckled. "We've never had an issue with positions, M.J." They both laughed. "I'll be fine, really. If my schedule's good, then I'm in. It'll be nice to see everyone again."

"Even me?" she whispered.

"No doubt. We'll always be friends, M.J. Never forget that."

Mercedes let go of the large breath she seemed to be holding in. It felt like a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. "You're a good guy, Finn Hudson."

He gave a sad laugh. "That's me. Good guy Finn. Tell Kurt I'll call him later. I should probably talk to Puckerman to get the details."

"Okay." Even though she felt relieved, there was still a slight feeling of tension between them. But given the nature of their relationship, Mercedes supposed that feeling wasn't going away any time soon.

"Something else on your mind, gorgeous?"

Mercedes smirked. The boy was perceptive. Just another one of his many good-guy qualities. "If you do show up, I think it's best if we keep our history quiet."

Finn was silent for so long she thought he'd hung up. When he spoke again, the sound startled her. "If that's what you want," he said.

Shame immediately flushed her cheeks. She'd humiliated him. "Finn, no don't take it that way. I'm not…"

"No need to explain, gor—I mean Mercedes. I got it. No worries."

"You're not a dirty little secret, Finn."

His laugh was mirthless and she flinched. "You don't have to pacify me, Jones. I'm a big boy. I knew what I was getting myself into."

The thick silence crept up again and Finn cleared his throat. "I gotta go. Early practice tomorrow and I need to get some sleep."

"Okay," she said softly. "Finn, I…"

"Leave it, Mercedes" he said firmly. "Just…leave it. I'll talk to you later."

He ended the call before she could say another word.

Mercedes let loose a long shaky sigh. How the hell did things get so messy? If things were tense now, she wasn't sure she could survive a reunion.