This is what happens when Vixen, Tufty, and Twitch all try to write a story simultaneously. I am so sorry.

Crack fic time.

The days drifted on and on for one Sirius Black... YOU BE EDITING MY WRITING BITCH!

N OFUCKING WAY AohqgopihpOIH: uinoNO FUCKING WAY BITCH TIHS IS MY STORY!

I WANNA WRITE ABOUT SIRIUS FUCKING LILY OKAY!

SO STFU

He wanted his lover, Lily Evans. Or, as he called her, Flower Cunt. WTF IS THAT! YOU CRAZY BITCH

The words she had meant to say in protest died on her tongue as she felt his furry face rub against her neck, breathing hot and low onto her. "S... Sirius we can't do this. James" The large furry dog growled in protest and nuzzled her shirt down to give him access to her luscious (FUCK CAN"T SPELL WORTH FUCK) bared breasts. Lily moaned as his thick wet tongue swept out to lick her taut nipple. Nimble fingers wrapped into his thick mane, pulling the dog to her in a throaty moan. Sirius's tail swept up her skirt, tickling her legs as he went till he reached the edge of her knickers. Lily gasped feeling the furry member slip into her knickers, tickling her nether regions.

Sirius's doggy nose quivered as he smelled the sexy gushing fluids. They soaked his tail as the wagging limb delved into her Chamber of Feminine Secrets. Lily groaned as each bristly hair teased its way up her canal. "Oh, Sirius. Don't ever stop. PLEASE DON'T STOOOP. It feels so good. Just like a wire brush combing out all my desires! YES! GOOD DOGGY!" Sirius got jealous of his own tail and pulled it out, growling and chasing his tail in a circle until he caught it and was able to suck off all of the moist juices "THAT'S SO HOT NOW DRINK FROM THE SOURCE!" Lily screamed. Sirius happily darted between her legs; ripping the knickers from her body with his teeth and shoving his nuzzle deep into her hot cunt.

And then, all of the sudden, a howl broke their lovemaking. Sirius looked up, and nearly gasped, (if it were possible), at the sight of his friend Moony coming down the hill in wolf form. His eyes were hungry, and filled with angry lust. The wolf approached the two lovers, and crouched low. He turned his head to Sirius and growled, "Why? Why would you hurt me? Why would you hurt James?" his fur bristled. Sirius cowered away from the larger being, fear swimming in his eyes, but even in his fear he stood above his Flower, guarding her with his life. This is the only time he would be able to be inside her, and he wouldn't allow his former lover to come between his member and her cunt.

Moony almost growled and attacked the woman, but held back. He knew that Sirius just wanted her for sex, and he'd let him have that. But, even in this lust-filled hour, Moony would not let his lover take on the human alone. He scowled and padded his way behind Lily, pushing her over and moving Sirius out of the way, pinning her to the ground. "This is what you get for taking him away, you bitch," he hissed and quickly plunged his way deep into her arse.

Lily screamed in pain and shock, fear coursing through her veins and bringing tears to her eyes. Never before had that hole been entered, and she had wanted to keep it that way. She looked at Sirius, her eyes pleading for him to make the creature stop. Still, at least the werewolf wasn't eating her out yet. God knows what those nasty teeth would feel like, and end up causing. Sirius sprang to her side, swiftly wanting to make her pain go away. Lapping at her tears, he made the quick transfer to human and pushed her hair back, soothing her and trying to make the pain go away. He knew the only way would be to bring her pleasure. Hands flew to her breasts, (GOSH DARN IT SHE NEEDS DOGGY DICK) (SHE'S GETTING IT FROM MOONY) tweaking her nipples as his mouth pressed light kisses to her neck, biting, then soothing with his tongue and soft mouth. "Damn it Remus," he muttered, having wanted to take his time pleasuring the woman.

A stag on a nearby hill looked on like a deer caught in headlights. (He kinda is a deer caught in the headlights (Exactly.)) He could take no more of the bizarre scene in front of him and ran under a tree, soon to find a meadow he could wank himself into oblivion in. For the meantime, he stood frozen under his sturdy oak.

A dark figure was walking along the line of trees; the tips of the cloak it wore were flapping wildly around its ankles. It stopped abruptly, and dropped its hood to reveal the red glinting eyes of the young, almost turned snakelike Tom Riddle. His eyes glinted as he spotted the three dark figures. "Well, don' this seem like fun. Don' wan' ter get in the way o' that." he said in his best Hagrid impersonation. Oddly enough, he already had an erection the size of a Hufflebadger, so he made his way down to the moaning group. He grinned and slid behind a tree. Once there, he stripped himself of all clothing other than one thin neon-pink thong strapped loosely around his hips. James stood in horror, realizing that his wife and two best friends were soon to be violated by the Dark Lord himself. And at this realization, he felt a stiff hardening in his lower deer parts. Coming to this realization, he took off at top speed toward the Dark Lord, and his eyes widened as he let his gaze run down the pale body of evil, noticing that he is actually extremely sexy. Gasping, he took his deer cock and ground it up against the thin pink thong.

Tom shuddered at the contact and immediately scowled, demanding the Stag revert to his human form immediately. He wanted to feel the pureblooded cock of James Potter, to purify it of the mudblood filth it had previously been inside of, not the floppy wang of the mangy animal that he preferred to run around as. James tried not to notice the lusty distaste in the man's eyes but he quickly decided to pleasure the Dark Lord as much as he wanted. Reverting back to human form, he growled as his bones clicked into place. Gasping at last, he shivered as the cold air hit his skin. Blinking, he looked down at the now grinning Tom Riddle.

Meanwhile, Moony was still plowing his werewolf dong member into Lily's arse, growling with each thrust. Sirius was licking his way up and down her front, preparing her for what he was about to do. Bending into a position that took all the flexibility his spine had gained from his canine form, Sirius thrust his big tallywhacker up into Lily's cunt. They both screamed with pleasure. Lily's was far louder, as she now had the pleasure of being filled more than she had ever dreamed of. With Moony's giant two-foot (O.O I don't think she'll be taking a shit anytime soon) werewolf wang and Sirius's seriously engorged erection, she was as stuffed as a Thanksgiving turkey.

James could see his wife being sandwiched between his two best friends not far from where he stood; yet the bile of betrayal and jealousy was quickly stamped out by his need for the pale snakelike man in front of him.

(And then we could not continue, for we were laughing too hard.)