Queen Mycroft could hear the boots clicking against the marble floor far before the quite obviously fuming prince reached his brother's chambers. "MYCROFT!" shouted the prince, in something that sounded like anger and disgust merged into one. "WHERE HAVE YOU PUT HIM, I KNOW YOU'RE BEHIND THIS." The door swung open and there was Sherlock, curly hair tousled and face twisted into an expression far angrier than usual.

He was, no doubt, worried about the lovely princess that visited the kingdom every afternoon. Queen Mycroft put on his best smile and answered honestly "Ask the king, he may have some insight. I haven't the slightest idea where your pretty little princess could have gone." This remark was followed by a shrug and a suggestive eyebrow waggle.

"Oh, stop that," Prince Sherlock scowled. He really wasn't in the mood for tomfoolery, especially not when it involved suggesting that he and Princess John were involved romantically. When would people see that a prince and a princess could be friends without shagging? According to the entire kingdom, that's exactly what they did behind closed doors.

But Sherlock had better things to do than to put up with Mycroft's suggestive eyebrows. He had to find King Lestrade. Maybe he would know where Princess John went. But oh, no! The journey to the King's office was interrupted when Sherlock bumped into one of his knights, Sir Anderson! Sherlock couldn't walk by without sending a snappy insult about the oddly shaped helmet of hair that adourned the knight's hideous head.

Needless to say, the idiotic buffoon of a knight scurried away. 'Probably just back from shagging that other knight Sally,' deduced Sherlock after seeing that his fly was unzipped and noticing the shameful glance. 'He probably figured out that I would deduce that so he ran away. Figures.' But now was not the time to deduce things about his enemies. PRINCESS JOHN WAS MISSING AND HAD TO BE FOUND!

After a shout of "Not my division!" from the king, an unfortunate and pitiful encounter with the mousy servant girl – 'Molly, was it? She tries so hard,' mused Sherlock. It was almost endearing. He would never admit it, but he did consider her a friend – and a cuppa with Mrs. Hudson, his motherly maid, he soon found that there was only one other place that Princess John could be. The evil giant wizard Moriarty's lair of doom and evil. Not to mention he was a total flirt.

It was dark and creepy in the cave that lead to the lair of the evil wizard Moriarty. 'Obviously that's why it's called "Dark and Creepy Cave,"' deduced Sherlock. 'But I'm not scared! Not one bit.' He bravely pushed past the spiderwebs and carved apples and glee posters until he finally reached the Wizard's quarters.

"Give my Princess back, you foul monster!" shouted Prince Sherlock in what he thought was a brave and heroic voice. The majestically decorated throne rotated to show the wizard Moriarty himself, petting a giant spider-lizard baby (because obviously that's what evil wizard men have as pets. Duh.) and wearing an evil grin on his face.

"Sorry, dearie, your princess is in another castle. !" he laughed evilly. Of course, he was just fucking with the prince. He had no clue where Princess John was, but he intended to fuck up his life as much as possible while he had the power to do so. His spider-lizard baby cuddled him. His name was Kurt.

But before Sherlock could pull out his sword, his milk senses started tingling! This was a secret magical power that he had acquired; he could always sense when Princess John had milk in his possession. That meant that Princess John was at Tesco the whole time! Sherlock frolicked away to meet his princess and walk him to the palace whilst holding hands in a totally heterosexual and platonic way.

THE END