There is a tense, absolutely deadly moment of silence.

'What the hell are you doing here?' Logan says at last, but Lehnsherr isn't looking at him, instead his gaze is focused on Charles' hip.

'Oh,' Lehnsherr repeats, before straightening himself and taking a halting step back and Charles knows this is all wrong, that this isn't how he wants Lehnsherr to see him, like some sort of idiot who loans out his hips for petting under the Tourism section.

Logan says, 'Fuck off, Lehnsherr, I've got a date to make.'

Lehnsherr looks abjectly mutinous.

'This isn't,' Charles starts, slaps Logan's hand away while Lehnsherr begins to retreat, and bloody hell, OK, he admits reluctantly to himself, OK. Fine. Charles maybe, quite possibly has some feelings for Lehnsherr, that maybe three more boxes of cakes and marzipan rolls would have sealed the deal and made Charles fall in love with Lehnsherr-with Erik. There isn't anyone else besides Lehnsherr that Charles is OK with touching his hips like that. Charles wants Lehnsherr, doesn't he realise this? There's no going back now, not after all that confectionery. 'This isn't what it looks like, he's not...we're not doing anything.'

'It looks like you're going on a date,' Lehnsherr says, slowly.

Charles scrunches up his nose, shoves A Complete Travel and Tourism Guide to Spain into the shelf because Janos is going to kill him if he damages it. 'Which I said no to.'

'That's because he hasn't heard the rest of it yet,' Logan adds, scowling down at his twitching hand.

Lehnsherr is staring at Charles. 'I know I've been,' he says awkwardly, before stopping. 'I thought you...was it…' but he finally settles on, 'Did I do it wrong?' Which is even worse, Charles doesn't know what to say to that other than no, OK, Lehnsherr was creepy in the beginning, but then he started courting Charles like a Victorian heroine, and somehow he's fallen for it and Lehnsherr's ruined Charles for others. Except he doesn't know how to say this without it coming out wrong.

Shaw's voice breaks through the silence, howling, 'YOU WILL DIE, LEHNSHERR!' from the back, and he knows Scott and the others must be coming now, like a herd of elephants.

So Charles does the one thing, the only thing that pops into his mind when he sees the metal glinting from Logan's chest. He pulls up Lehnsherr's dog tags, wobbles a little on the ladder and waves them around like an idiotic wombat.

Lehnsherr looks confused until he moves closer and realises exactly what Charles has been wearing all this time.

'See?' Charles says, hoping Lehnsherr, the stupid man-child, gets what Charles is trying to say.

Lehnsherr's face breaks out into a slow, pleased smile and Charles flushes when he catches the hot and possessive look that passes over Lehnsherr.

'Fucking hell,' Logan says.

Charles grins back foolishly, wonders what his life has come to when Lehnsherr stalks up to him, flips Logan the bird, lifts him off the ladder and puts him down.

Lehnsherr hooks a finger possessively under the chain and tugs at it, and Charles can't stop the way his breath hitches when Lehnsherr grabs his hip, rubs his thumb over the jutting bone before he leans forward and says, 'OK?'

Charles nods. 'OK.'

And then Lehnsherr kisses him.

Somewhere in the background Charles hears Shaw yelling, 'GET HIM, THIS IS MUTINY!'

Kissing Lehnsherr- Erik, he has to remind himself it's Erik now- is a bit like trying to get every last drop of really good coffee from a really slow coffee machine. One minute it's running smoothly, all oh, hey let me give you my sweet goodness and stick it all in your mouth and the next it's all not now, I'm not ready, in fact you're not ready for my caffeinated loving. It's like drawing blood from a stone and it's all because Lehnsherr thinks Charles is too innocent and pure.

Of course, Charles doesn't learn any of this until after 'The Incedent' version 2.0. Up until that point Charles thinks it's all going to go swimmingly well now that Erik knows Charles doesn't have any plans of riding off into the sunset with Logan.

Shaw slaps them all back to reality.

Lehnsherr kisses slow and tentative, like he's trying to figure out if this is real or not, until Charles surges forward, grabs a fistful of hair and kisses him like he's desperate for it, which he is at this point.

When they pull apart to breathe, Erik presses a thumb to Charles' lower lip, pupils blown wide but otherwise appearing composed. Charles can't quite stop the question from slipping out. 'You won't leave me will you?'

'Good God man, this is disgusting,' Logan mutters from the side, still watching them with abject horror.

Lehnsherr looks confused for a moment until he leans in and breathes his answer against Charles' lips, 'I'll be here for as long as you want me,' and kisses the corner of his mouth.

Which is around about the time that Scott comes storming in and tackles Lehnsherr to the ground, Shaw panting right behind him, wielding a copy of The Complete Miss Maple by Agatha Christie, like that's actually going to terrify Lehnsherr into submission.

Emma follows after him and jumps Logan, which would be amusing under different circumstances. But right now Charles feels like he's on America's Most Wanted and any minute now John Walsh is going to say, 'and remember, you can make a difference,'.

Instead all he sees is a furious looking Shaw.

An hour later in the staffroom, Shaw is still yelling and Charles is amazed he hasn't passed out in mortification. It's one thing to get caught kissing, it's another to be caught with the enemy by your newly appointed surrogate father.

'I've seen that stupid Vampire Journal program thingy that Sean watches, and how all the kids are getting jiggy in each others beds and necks. I don't care how dope his ride is, he's banned for life,' Shaw says, nostrils twitching.

Charles scuffs his toes against the floor and looks at the ceiling. 'But I really like him, he's not that bad.'

Shaw lets out a puff like he's a dragon. 'Well of course you-' and then he stops like he's had a sudden epiphany. 'It's that hot rod Lehnsherr isn't it? You've been feeding me his cupcakes all this time,' Shaw says, appalled.

Charles scowls at this. 'Well, you stole them from me. And anyway, he was trying to woo me,' Charles explains with a dreamy expression.

Shaw looks disgusted. 'Wooing? What kind of wooing is this? You're too young to be wooed. What sort of imbecile woos with confectionery?'

'You ate it didn't you, I'd consider that wooed,' Charles mutters.

Shaw's left eye starts to twitch and this is around about the time that Charles needs to get this sorted. He can see Emma and Sean's noses pressed against the glass door.

Chickens.

'I really like him Shaw. He's been nice to me all this time,' Charles says, privately wondering if Shaw would kill Lehnsherr if he figured out exactly how else the wooing took place, a la Hip Molesting.

Shaw sniffs disdainfully. 'We'll see.' It's when Charles trudges back to the door when Shaw adds in, 'And I've seen Atonement, so there'll be none of this hanky panky in between the Regency section, my dear boy.'

Oh God, he doesn't know what concerns him more, that Shaw has watched the movie or that he's been critically evaluating the mechanics of sex in his library.

The library feels like a morgue after that.

Shaw really does live up to his code-name The Nazi, harassing everyone and running the library with such ruthless efficiency that Charles is beginning to wonder if this is the same man.

Shaw makes Emma drag the brand new books, delivered courtesy of Alex, who's their new delivery boy. She has to stamp them all with their official logo and write the code numbers by hand because Janos is updating the system.

She's fuming by the time she's on the fourth book and shooting dark looks in Charles' direction.

Charles is punished by pushing the book-cart around all day and placing all the returned books back onto the shelves. He sulks a little in the nonfiction section. This is how Sean finds him later, reading The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook by Ina Garten.

'You look like a Victorian heroine with a case of the vapors,' he says gleefully.

Charles sniffs disdainfully and continues reading.

'I thought I'd come by and tell you, you've got another box of deserts.'

Oh.

Janos is at the front desk.

'Here.' He slams the box down. 'He better be giving it to you good after this, I've had enough of his mooning,' he mutters before stalking away.

Charles looks at the box and sees the obnoxious writing at the top that says in capital letters- SHAW.

Charles is confused and somewhat perplexed by this turn of events. When Shaw comes out from the back and narrows his eyes when he spots the box, Charles thinks maybe they should have called Shaw their local La Llorona instead.

'What is this?' he asks, shooting a suspicious look at the front entrance, like he expects Lehnsher to come storming in with whipped cream cans squirting in the air.

'I don't know.'

Shaw leans forward, and clearly he must have seen his name scrawled over the top, because he snatches it off the desk and walks away, which is when Charles realises exactly what Lehnsherr might be up to.

'Well, I'll just go check this out,' Shaw mumbles as he strokes the box rverently.

Lehnsherr, the sneaky little cheater, is trying to woo Shaw into compliance.

Like clockwork over the next three days Shaw continues to get mystery boxes filled with mysterious things and Charles spends the time feeling slightly envious and jealous. But then, like clockwork, Charles sneaks out during lunch breaks and Lehnsherr is always outside, waiting for him.

And it's odd to suddenly see Lehnsherr as something other than the slightly creepy dude who had too many piercings. Instead he's Erik, the guy who takes Charles to local Cafés and bistros for lunch. Who'll give him pie but only if he chooses something healthy because he's starting to see that things aren't always perfect at home. He'll listen to Charles babble on and on about molecular biology and genetics and Raven and Hank, and merely scowl while Charles moons over Mr Darcy and that scene where he rises from the lake, all dripping wet.

Somewhere in between the second and third day he'll ask, 'Does this mean you're mine now?' and Charles will nod clumsily, forget his slice of apple pie and say, 'Yes,' and Erik will kiss and suck marks into his skin.

By the fourth day, when Shaw is delivered a box filled with Petrossian Blueberry Tart's and Strawberry Mille Feuille's, he scowls and says, reluctantly, 'All right, I guess I'll reconsider that ban.' He gives Charles a sinister look. 'So how was your lunch date? Was it hoppin?'

Charles splutters. 'I don't know what you're talking about. Eat your food.'

In the distance, Sean is typing away on the computer, humming, 'don't worry 'bout a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right…' and Emma is whistling along with him at the chorus.

It's times like these that Charles really questions his sanity.

Epilogue

'Congratulations.' Janos says, dryly, when he sees the dog tags a few days later.

Charles blushes, and straightens out the books, trying to not look like he's just spent the past five minutes making out with Erik and getting his hip molested in the process.

'It was really kind of sad and pathetic watching him pine after you, considering how clueless you are,' Sean adds in, amused, as he reads Twilight.

Charles blows his nose in response, having caught a bout of summer flu, and Sean pulls a disgusted face at him, throwing a pack of tissues in his direction.

Shaw officially de-banned Erik once he realised Erik was the best thing since sliced bread when it came to confectionery. Although, he continues to give pointed looks and 'the birds and bees' talk which just leave Charles feeling embarrassed and running for the hills.

'You didn't know what he was up to either,' Charles says with a huff. 'You could have told me if you knew so much.'

'Yeah right, watching him pant and lust after you, his forbidden temptress, was more entertaining than watching Meredith and McDreamy sigh and long for each other.'

Charles doesn't even know what to say to that.

The thing is, Charles thought being with Erik- who he finally discovers is actually only four years older than him and studying Architecture at college- would be difficult, though it turns out that the simple things don't really matter. Erik is stubborn as a mule and he gets awfully moody when Alex gets too chatty with him and he'll huff and puff and scowl, but Charles finds him scowling adorable, so it doesn't really work.

When Charles and Emma adopt a stray kitten and secretly feed it food in the staff room, he learns that Erik is immune to it, until he actually sees Charles holding a kitten. He's pretty docile after that.

Along with this comes the discovery that Erik is hell bent on keeping things simple between them which, reluctantly, Charles admits is nice, though it does take a toll on his libido, especially when he's snug and warm in Erik's arms.

He spends the rest of the day going through the books, ordering sock-puppets and new children's books.

At five o' clock Erik makes his appearance at the front desk. Scott throws him a dirty look, still annoyed with him. They're going to watch The Lion King in 3D, which Charles had to pout and plead to see, and even though Charles is feeling under the weather there's no way he's missing this.

Erik leans over the desk and gives him a quick kiss, asking, 'You ready?'

'Yes, just let me finish this entry,' Charles says with a bright smile, feeling tingly and flushed.

He scowls a little when Charles sneezes and pulls out a packet of Glazed Cinnamon Rolls clearly baked by Azazel. That's another thing he learns, Azazel is actually Erik's roommate and the one who made some of those cupcakes.

'Here, I snuck these out for you,' he says, gruffly, and Charles tries not to melt because Erik is that kind of a contrary soft hearted idiot, a bit like a truffle. Although he'll vehemently deny it, still under a false impression that he's badass.

Sean whistles from the side and says, 'Enjoy the trip, Mr and Mr Lehnsherr.'

Erik just smirks and slides a warm palm down the small of Charles' back, moves him until he is pressed against Erik's body, chin resting on his shoulder and Erik brushes a kiss to his temple. Sean covers his eyes in horror.

Well, Charles thinks privately, it's got a nice ring to it.

the end

AN:

There was a 10 Things I Hate About You reference in this chapter, so kudos to whoever caught it.

My Erik was based off of this lovely picture on tumblr: jamesorangecat(.)tumblr(.)com/post/8556726808/full-view-harley-erik-and-hipster-charles-for#notes. Remember to remove the brackets from the periods. I suppose that could also be my Charles, though I went with atonement!james in my head.

Felice10 also drew me some art when I posted this eons ago on AO3 'cause she's made of awesomesauce. You can find it here: felice10(.)deviantart(.)com/art/ScarlettBlush-fanart-264846985

I wrote this months ago as a response to a prompt on LiveJournal and it was probably the best thing that I ever did, and writing this story was the most fun I ever had. Everyone was so great and we had so much fun in the comments section, I think that was probably why I loved it so much, because the readers were brilliant, crazy and so enthusiastic. It was heartwarming to see the same thing over here, too. You guys really, really are the best, so, thank you for all the kick ass comments! :D Right, now I'm off to the Hospital AU.

ETA2:

YES! YES! I was talking mostly about you, TehcheesegraterofDOOM. :DD FF sucks balls and does not allow emails to appear properly, so it should look something like this: scarlettblush (at) yahoo (dot) co (dot) uk for example.