A/N: Thanks guys for the nice reviews ;-; Hopefully you enjoy this chapter as well.

"On behalf of Yakumi and myself," Chouji chortled, gesturing warmly to the room with his bubbly wife at his side, "we are grateful for your company tonight, and hope you enjoy yourselves this evening. Also," he added gleefully, "make sure you savor the delicious food. It was all made by my beautiful wife."

"Don't mind if I do," Kiba said excitedly with drool trailing down his chin, he and the majority of the male party rushing the long tables of food. It wasn't long before he and Naruto were competing inappropriately and Ten Ten and Hinata had to go separate them.

"A celebration of youth and the spirit of friendship are overwhelming me," Lee blubbered. "Happy birthday to Hanakka-chan! Uh…" he looked around the room, then turned to Chouji and asked, "Where is your daughter, Chouji-san? This is her party, is it not?"

Chouji smiled and Yakumi gestured to the terrace outside. She shook her head and said softly, "Hanakka was not in the best mood this morning for a party. Some children in her class were making fun of her the other day and, well…"

"I offered to complain to the instructors, but she has a very robust stubbornness that she has inherited from me," Chouji said with confidence, folding his arms. "She has too much pride."

"I've heard excellent things regarding her ability," Lee confirmed, grinning. Then he frowned a little. "Surely it's child like jealousy that is making her so sad…"

"Bah," Yakumi said, narrowing her eyes and putting her hands on her hips. "They don't understand anything. She's bigger than most of the boys in her class so they call her-"

"Balloon Butt," Hanakka muttered, pouting. "They call me Balloon Butt…"

"Oh, you poor thing," Ino sobbed, stroking the little girl's orange pigtails and doing more crying than the supposed victim. Sakura sat on the other side of the bench and sighed.

"Kids can be so mean, can't they, Sakura-chan~…"

"Mm," Sakura said darkly, eyebrow twitching as she gave Ino the stink eye. "Yes. They can be-"

"Saku-oba would know better than anyone," Ino continued. "Boys used to tell her all the time that her forehead was too big…"

"Who cares about forehead's. You can't even tell," Hanakka muttered, trying to separate herself from the leaky blonde. Inner Sakura fist pumped and noted it down to get ice cream with Hanakka later. Kids may still be mean, but Chouji was obviously doing something right. It became clearer every time she hung out with this family why a hottie like Yakumi-san had fallen for him.

"Sak," Yushin gurgled, waddling up to Sakura with a small white flower in his hand. He couldn't quite finish 'Sakura' or 'Saku', so her name came out like 'sock'. Suisei was more prone to body language. He came up next to his brother and sprawled his face in her lap. Ino grinned.

"Ew," Hanakka muttered, scrunching up her freckled nose, "One of them smells."

Sakura started to pick Suisei up, but Ino wriggled up from her seat and swept him into her arms.

"I've got this," she said with snide confidence, turning her back to Sakura and heading into the house. "I'll be making my own soon, so I better get some of the experience while I can."

Sakura sweat dropped and brought Yushin up to sit in her lap. Imagining Ino and Shino's love making had been hard enough before she'd started giving long, graphic descriptions, but the idea of her being a mother was unfathomable. She felt bad for the eggs in her ovaries. Especially the ones destined to be boys.

"She probably never got teased," Hanakka said quietly while she patted Yushin's raven hair, interrupting the older woman's thoughts. She kicked her four year old feet over the edge of the bench and pouted like she was annoyed. "She's got big boobs and pretty hair." Her eyes looked infinitely sadder. "And she's skinny."

Sakura resisted the urge to study her chest and pinch at her own sensible hair cut. She'd already surmised her own retail value compared to Ino's plenty of times. She'd never admit it out loud, but yeah. There was some jealousy there.

"Eh. Ignore her. She wouldn't know what it's like," she finally said, waving a hand under her nose. "I'll tell you one thing, though. She gets talked about more in adulthood than any other girl in this village. Gossips have few friends."

Hanakka narrowed her sharp little eyes. "So what's that make you?"

Clever girl.

"A fool," Sakura confirmed, leaning back against the bench and watching the birds fly over the sky with her half-pint friend, Yushin having fun trying to stuff a finger up her nose. "A complete fool."

"Why are women so weird," Shikamaru muttered to his companion, both of them huddled over the punch and being careful not to make eye contact with the women across the room from them. "I feel like we're at a dance or something…"

"I believe they're just looking at you," Neji said flatly, throwing his friend under the bus of reality. "Ten Ten has no reason to stalk me. Not anymore, anyway…"

"Haven't you learned anything by now," Shikamaru whispered. "You're a man, you're single, she's gotta be responsible for finding you somebody. That's how it works. Surely this isn't news to you, Neji."

"Nope," the Hyuuga said, narrowing his eyes at Ten Ten, who momentarily glared fiercely at him before going back to nudging Shiho in Shikamaru's direction. "I've already been euthanized."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "She already has someone she wants you to look at?"

"She disguised it as 'friendly dating' in preparation for the happiest day of Ino's life," he said smoothly, blinking his tired white eyes, "but she knows better. I know she knows better. We all know I know better, and yet I always find myself in these situations…"

The gaze Shikamaru gave him was both sympathetic and concerned. "Oi, is she really that pushy about it? Now I'm worried…"

"It's just awkward when we work together a lot," Neji sighed. "I don't have anything against Sakura, but that's just it-"

Shikamaru slowly spit his punch back in his cup and stared at Neji. "Sakura?"

"Mm. Ten Ten isn't very subtle. She really wants me to…" Neji shut himself up and looked away when his teammate gave him another look. "…She's setting herself up for disappointment."

"Bah. Women just wanna control everything," Shikamaru said, shaking his head. "They want to be responsible for someone's happiness when most of the time they just cause all this misery…"

"What do we cause?" Ten Ten said with syrupy fake cheerfulness, Shiho coming up behind her with a shy smile. "You seem to be talking to yourself…"

Shikamaru heaved a sigh when he noticed Neji'd already bailed. Figured.

Neji wasn't particularly sorry he'd left Shikamaru to fend for himself. To be honest, he didn't have much sympathy for anybody but Hyuuga Neji right now. A birthday party wasn't exactly the way he'd wanted to spend his first day back from a mission. Actually, it might've been if Ten Ten hadn't gone and done something completely characteristic of her. He wasn't trying to be over dramatic or anything, but who had the time lately for women. No, seriously. How the hell had everyone either gotten married or reached the point where they were talking about it? He was what, barely twenty-five?

The miracles just started happening one after another six years ago the minute everyone heard the story about how Chouji'd hit the jackpot and saved some heiress on a mission near the edge of the country. Her dad was so impressed, he let him take her home with him after only a few months of courtship. Jaws dropped when they finally got to meet the mysterious quadruple 'B' they'd come to know as Yakumi: Black haired, blue eyed, big boobed. And yet all he could talk about was how nice she was, how kind she was to old people, how alive he felt around her. And in a sick twist of fate, the most picked on member of the Chu-crew was the first one to lose his virginity and explain where the clitoris was. Talk about a lesson in humility.

And then Naruto had married Lady Hinata soon after claiming the title of sixth Hokage, Ten Ten had started going googly eyed for Kiba, and Shino started getting noticed by a certain blonde desperate for someone to talk to about her dramatic life.

And then there was Neji; unmoved by time, strict in his convictions, reliable in his asexual behavior. Shikamaru could hardly be counted as a bachelor with Shiho breathing down his neck. And Lee…well, it was comforting to know Gai had at least one male he could be proud of. Eventually. Yes, Neji was much too busy for-

"Somebody out there? Hello? Help meee~" came the familiar whining of an Ino in distress. Neji narrowed his eyes and walked back to the door he'd just passed on his way to find the rest room. Now that he was here, this was probably it and Ino was just inside.

Another whiny, 'help me~' floated out and he was almost tempted to humor her.

"Sakura? Is that you? Can you help me…"

"It's Neji," he said, not bothering to hide his irritation at the mention of her needing help. Undoubtedly he'd get roped into doing something unpleasant.

"Neji! Oh, geez, I'm just glad someone came," her voice echoed. Neji caught the sound of a child's laughter in the bathroom with her and he blinked in confusion.

"Ino…do you have…a baby in there with you?"

"Yes! I brought Suisei in to change him and it's no good," she said, audibly more distressed now. "I don't know how to do it. I forgot to bring in a clean diaper with me and now his diaper's off and I can't take him out to get Sakura to get me a diaper and-"

"I get it," Neji grunted, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "I'll go get-"

"Neji-san?" Sakura said questioningly, Yushin bobbing in her arms. Neji blinked, slightly relieved.

"Sakura? Is that you out there? Oh thank God," Ino heaved from inside. "I need you to help me. I forgot to get a clean diaper-"

"And now you're stuck because you already took his diaper off," Sakura sighed knowingly. "I figured something was wrong when you didn't come back…"

"What an idiot," Hanakka muttered, Neji now just catching sight of her hiding behind the older girl's legs. She narrowed her blue eyes at Neji and gripped the edge of Sakura's skirt.

"Ino, let me in. I'll take over-"

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea," Ino said, wincing from behind the door. "You'll get mad and nobody needs that…"

Sakura made a suspicious face and muttered scarily through the door, "What would I have to be mad at that I can't see…"

Hanakka deadpanned, "I bet she killed the baby."

Sakura bonked her on the head and told her not to joke about that, but she couldn't help thinking how unsurprising it would be if that were true. Another joyful shriek from the baby inside confirmed otherwise, and Yushin gurgled back in reply.

Neji tried to back out of the conversation and walk away quietly, but just as he was turning around, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder and demonic eyes encouraging him to listen to whatever their owner said next.

"Do it, Neji."

He cringed and gave her a pleading look. "This is none of my business…"

"Now."

"Sakura, really, just go get me a diaper…" Ino started weakly form inside, "...and maybe some cleaning supplies…there's no need-"

"SHUT UP, YOU TWAT. You overdramatized this and brought it upon yourself. Now, Neji," she said sweetly, "kindly make yourself useful and give me a damage report."

Her fingers dug into his neck and pushed his face over enough that it was acquainted with the door wood.

Reluctantly, he muttered, "Byakugan," and immediately regretted every decision he'd made leading up to getting out of bed that morning.

"What do you see," she seethed, daring him to say something other than the truth. He made a face and turned up to look at her.

"There's shit everywhere." As if she had expected anything less.

Sakura was about to explode into a rage with this information, when Yakumi appeared down the hall and waved at her. She dropped Neji and he faceplanted onto the floor, righting himself and glaring at his pink haired partner in crime just as their hostess walked over.

"Distract her," Sakura pleaded, Hanakka nodding with sly understanding.

"Alright. But you and Ino-ba owe me."

"Do you feel better now, Hanakka," Yakumi asked with gentle concern, taking her daughters hand and blinking in confusion at the little girls glittering eyes.

"Kaa-chan…I love you and tou-chan so much…can we…will you…" her eyes widened to saucer proportions, "…can I cut my cake now?"

Yakumi looked close to tears herself, horrified she had denied her plump little progeny the joys of cake on her birthday until now. "Of course you can, dear. Come with me and we'll do it together." She smiled. "Neji, Sakura. Please join us as soon as you can."

Sakura and Neji watched them walk away, Hanakka turning to wink. When they were out of ear shot, Neji leaned down to Sakura's ear and muttered, "I have wood imprint. In my face."

"Shut up and help me," she snapped, thrusting Yushin in his arms and nudging just enough to force the door open without cracking the siding. She cringed when Neji's report turned out true. Ino held a poop covered, laughing Suisei by his arm pits at arms length away from her, crying pathetically on the toilet lid with poop smeared on the walls, counter and sink. Sakura wanted to faint with anxiety, but Neji was right behind her with Yushin and making an equally disgusted face.

"Classy," he said with blunt sarcasm. Ino glared at him.

"It's not like I did it on purpose. He just started doing what he wanted…"

"Funny how that happens with the men in your life," Sakura muttered pointedly, ignoring Ino's death glare and turning to consult with the third party. "Neji, what the hell do I do…"

"Why am I even involved in this," he said curtly. "I just wanted to find the bathroom."

"Too late now. You're supposed to be a genius, right," she accused, Yushin reciting mixed numbers between Sakura and his uncle. "Think of something."

His tactical brain complied and he came to a quick first decision. "Let's get rid of the dead weight and clean everything before Yakumi comes back."

Shiho was the unlucky female sympathetic who ended up walking by and getting roped into carrying Yushin, and Neji's shirt and jacket to wrap Ino in once she was done cleaning herself and Suisei off in the garden. Once they were gone, Sakura set to work finding cleaning supplies under the sink and dividing them between herself and Neji so they could work quickly.

"What excuse are you going to give for why Ino's wearing your clothes," Sakura asked with bitter joking, too angry to be amused by this yet, and too amused to completely lose it. He sighed and scrubbed harder.

"I suppose I can't count on Ino to tell the truth?"

Sakura gave him a look. "Uh…no."

He rolled his eyes. "I guess she should say she just loves my fashion sense and had to have my outfit for herself, and I'm vain enough to think it's okay to walk around like this."

'Like this', meaning shirtless. And, though she'd already told herself it was strange to think that way, Sakura couldn't help noticing he could afford some vanity once in a while. No weird birth marks or undeveloped twins hanging off of him. Just generic, ninja man muscles.

"She probably tried to give him a bath and then realized that was a bad idea," she murmured mostly to herself, kneeling on all fours to scrub some spots in the tub. "Neji, be careful when you-"

Too late. he stepped off of the toilet seat to reach a high spot and fell with less than Hyuuga grace on top of her. She howled with pain and swore she would kill Ino, him pretty much falling off of her and rolling onto his back.

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO BE CAREFUL?" she said through gritted teeth, already at her patience limit and pulling him up by the two side strands of hair flayed over his chest.

"I feel just as close to killing someone as you," he said with a level head, narrowing his eyes and staring into her face. She remembered this and let go, his head falling back to the floor with a thud.

"Sorry. It's just really stressful, Neji," she whimpered. He closed his eyes and prepared for one of those female breakdown things Ten Ten was always having when something went wrong in her life.

"I just. Wish. Everything," she enunciated with a pounding of her fist to his gut with each word, "Weren't. So. Goddamn. Hard."

He coughed, the air knocked out of him now, thanks to her. He was too detached from everything to care when she laid her pink head over his stomach.

"Neji, is it easier being a man," she said weakly. He snorted.

"I wouldn't know anything else."

"I should be a lesbian."

He looked at her over his pecs and stared. "I fail to see how you could come to that conclusion just from a chance encounter with some baby shit."

"Maybe a lesbian would've picked a less stressful person to be friends with than Ino."

"Right. Instead you might've married her."

"…You're right. I'm fine," she decided flatly, picking her head up and patting his face. "Thanks for sorting that out for me."

He rolled his eyes. "No problem."

The door opened and Naruto and Hinata peeked their heads in.

"S-Sakura-chan...Neji nii-san," she said weakly, "Ino-chan told us what happened…and, we just want you to know…we don't hold any hard feelings…it was a genuine accident, I'm sure…"

Sakura blinked. "Huh?"

"I guess it's not surprising Neji's into that stuff, but Sakura-chan," Naruto murmured, paling, "I didn't know you were that type…"

Neji narrowed his eyes. "…What did she tell you…"

"We won't interrupt anymore," Hinata said, smiling. "To each his own." She took one more hesitant look at the half cleaned bathroom and sweat dropped. "It might be better if its kept within your own home, though, in case things get out of hand…"

The door shut, and the two looked at each other with looks of imminent doom in their faces.

"What the hell did she tell them…"

So the party ended predictably: Sakura still considered herself a fool, and Neji still only felt sorry for himself. And now everyone was convinced they shared a mutual poop fetish.

Ino slept soundly that night.