Title: Lobsters

Author: GageWhitney

Rating: T

Pairing: Nick/Jess

Disclaimer: Very much not mine.

Summary: Nick's got a new girlfriend, and it's totally fine.

Nick's got a new girlfriend, and it's totally fine.

It's totally fine with Jess that he's seeing someone. It is. Or, at least, it should be, but there's this weird stab of something almost like jealousy whenever she thinks about the fact that he's dating someone. Like right now, when said new girlfriend is standing in their kitchen, and Nick's got his arm around her, and Jess kind of wants to claw her eyes out.

Schmidt and Winston don't seem to feel a similar impulse, and she doesn't like to think about what that means, because she is so not jealous.

But seriously, though. Did they really have to spend every day and every night together? What's next? Is he just going to up and move in with this Julia chick after a whopping two weeks, leaving her and Schmidt and Winston with an extra room to fill?

Not to mention, Julia's kind of violent. She really decked that guy on the bus, which was kind of awesome at the time, but still. Jess briefly considers checking Nick for bruises, but realizes it'd probably involve asking him to get naked, and that's just too much to think about. Even if she has seen it all before.

It's fine.

"Okay, we're heading out," Nick announces, interrupting her thought process. "Don't wait up, you guys."

Winston pulls a face. "Jar," he says, and wanders off to his bedroom, shaking his head.

Julia waves at Jess and Schmidt, and Jess waves back, hoping it doesn't look too insincere, but ugh. Julia.

Schmidt turns to her as soon as the door slams shut and regards her for a moment before declaring, "She's not you, Jess."

Um, duh. "What do you mean?"

Schmidt smiles at her like he doesn't believe she's that dense. "Everyone knows how this whole thing is going to play out. You have nothing to worry about."

Jess' eyes are wide, then. "I don't… How what's going to play out?"

"Don't play dumb," he says.

"I'm… not?" Should she be insulted by that?

"You and Nick," he sighs. "You guys are so going to end up together. Everyone knows it. Don't worry."

Geez, she didn't think her jealousy was so obvious. But, seriously, what? "Everyone knows Nick and I are going to end up together?"

"Oh, yeah," he laughs. "White picket fence, two-point-five kids. Probably a dog or a cat. Maybe a turtle. Until death do you part."

"But… he's dating Julia," she says, dangerously close to throwing her hands up and stomping her feet. "They seem to really like each other."

"Yeah, but it's not going to last." He shrugs. "Nick's your lobster."

"My… lobster?" What the hell?

"Come on, Jess. Everyone knows what the lobster theory is."

She stares at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Schmidt rolls his eyes. "It's a concept brought up by Phoebe Buffay on Friends. Didn't you ever watch Friends?"

"I've seen it, but just remind me of the lobster thing, because I wasn't, like, a super fan and I don't really remember that," she says.

"Okay, we're having a DVD marathon soon," he says, sounding annoyed, but kind of excited at the idea of it.

"Fine. Focus. Lobsters."

"Okay, Phoebe once explained to Ross that he and Rachel were lobsters, because even though they had broken up, it's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life." He makes little lobster claws with his fingers and links them together. "Lobsters. Together forever."

Jess thinks about it for a moment. "Yeah, okay, but didn't Ross and Rachel get together and break up like 50 times?"

"Yeah, but they also had a baby and Rachel got off the plane to be with him," he gushes.

"And, plus, Nick and I are just friends."

"Are you?" he says condescendingly. "Are you, really?"

"Um, yes? We've never even had one date."

"Really?"

"Yes!" she insists. Geez. He acts like she's hiding something, which she really is only sort of doing.

Schmidt rolls his eyes. "Look, maybe you're just friends right now. But are you really trying to tell me that there isn't a little something between you guys?"

"Well…" She's not sure what to say to that. Is there really something between them, or are the jealous feelings a result of something that's just in her head?

"A little?" He scrunches up his nose. "A lot?"

"Cece… said something to me once," she confesses.

"Cece is both beautiful and smart," he says, practically swooning.

"She said Nick was into me. She said his feet pointed toward me." She rolls her eyes, because it sounds just as stupid coming from her mouth as it had from Cece's.

"Oh, see?" he says excitedly. "Feet pointing toward you is a very big thing, Jess!"

"I don't know how it could be."

He puts a reassuring hand on her arm. "It is. Trust me. And check out my feet next time Cece comes over."

Later, they're watching Dirty Dancing on the couch when the front door opens and Nick walks in.

"Hey, guys," he calls out. "I'm home."

Jess and Schmidt exchange glances quickly before giving him a way too casual, simultaneous, "Hey."

Nick wanders over to them and looks at the television. "Dirty Dancing?" he asks, slightly concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, bro," Schmidt says. He practically leaps from the couch and fake yawns. "I'm actually beat, so go ahead and take my spot."

"Okay," Nick says tiredly, dropping onto the couch.

"Goodnight, you guys!" He mutters something about lobsters and walks quickly and confidently to his room.

Nick jerks a thumb toward Schmidt's room. "What's he talking about? Lobsters?"

"Oh, that's… nothing," she says. She's not sure she could explain if she wanted to. "Hey, I thought you said not to wait up for you. Why aren't you with Julia?"

"Ah." He scrubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, that's kind of over."

"What do you mean?" she asks, trying not to sound too excited or perky. "What happened?"

"We were at this bar, and some ex of hers was there, and it turned into a whole… thing." He shrugs, making a sour face, and stares at Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey.

"Oh, I'm sorry. She went home with him?" That ho.

"No, she punched him in the head and got arrested."

Her eyes widen. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah," he says with a little humorless laugh.

"Yikes." She's considering checking him for bruises again.

"It's fine."

"It's fine? I thought you liked her," she says, and for the life of her she doesn't know why.

Nick shrugs again. "Julia was fun, but she wasn't…" He trails off, staring at her for a moment. Jess stares back, waiting. He sighs. "I don't know. It just didn't feel right or something. Maybe it's the Caroline thing again. I don't know."

He moves to get up, and she stops him with a hand on his arm. "I don't think it's the Caroline thing, Nick. You've worked so hard to get over her."

"Yeah, I know, Jess."

"Julia just wasn't the right girl for you. It has nothing to do with Caroline, and you shouldn't let it stop you from finding someone else." Dear God, is she seriously encouraging him to date other women? Stop talking, she tells herself.

"Or, I could crawl back into my deep, dark hole and never date again," he suggests, only half sounding like he's joking.

"You could date me," she blurts out. Oh geez, is anyone even running the control room up there?

Nick, for his part, looks momentarily stunned. "What?"

"I just…"

Damn it. She's going to kill Schmidt. But she's in it now, she figures, so she might as well go all the way. Anything worth doing and all that. So before she can second guess herself, Jess presses her body against his and kisses him soundly.

He's frozen for a few seconds, and she's super afraid that she's just made a big, giant mistake, but then he's kissing her back and his tongue finds its way into her mouth and it's so, so good. Maybe she won't kill Schmidt. Maybe she'll buy him a muffin basket.

"Oh, come on!" Winston cries, walking into the living room. They jump apart, breathless. "Jar, Nick! Fifty bucks, same as Schmidt."

Jess holds a hand up. "No, Winston, it's okay. I kissed him."

Winston crosses to the kitchen and opens a cabinet. "Okay, so you put the money in the jar. I don't care. I just wanted a glass of water," he sighs.

"You want to just go inside?" Nick asks. She's pretty sure he's giving her his sexy bedroom eyes look, because it's totally working that way.

She grins at him and nods toward the bedrooms. "Hells yes," she says. "I don't have enough money to put in the jar for this next thing."

They quickly get up and go inside, just missing Schmidt as he comes bursting out of his room wearing a huge, stupid grin. He walks over to Winston and punches him in the arm.

"I knew it, buddy! Lobsters! What!"

Winston shakes his head and rubs his arm. "Water. That's all I wanted."