Hey hey, everybody! Happy Holidays!

Maple, this is for you, hon.

BPOV

"Bella?" Alice looms over me, casting a shadow across the pages of my book. Jasper is snoring and drooling on his chin at the other end of my parents' couch in a post-Christmas dinner coma. Even though I should know better, I glance up at her. "Can you hold Sam for a minute? Ty needs me."

"MOM, I done!" my nephew shouts from the bathroom.

"Does he want a cookie or something?" I grumble, marking my place and dropping my book on the end table.

She leans over to lower a sleeping baby Sam into my arms. "No. He needs me to wipe his butt."

My mouth drops open, but I stay quiet in hopes that Sam will stay asleep. The only other time I've been this close to him was the day after he was born a couple of weeks ago. Edward and I drove all the way from Seattle just in time to see the family's newest addition piss on my brother's face during a diaper change.

Jasper kicked us out of the room for a half hour for laughing. Since then, I've kept my distance. Kids are cuter from afar, when you're not getting peed on or wiping asses.

"How long does that last?" I ask my dad.

"I think you caught on much more quickly than your brother. He had a real problem with chap-ass until first grade, I think."

"So, Alice has been wiping butts for eight years."

A satisfied smile graces my father's face for a moment before he schools it into indifference. "Yes. That's what happens when people settle down and have kids. Butt-wiping duty. There's also stomach viruses, snotty noses, diarrhea… All kinds of disgusting stuff."

"Huh." He thinks he's got me. All of those things gross me the hell out. Charlie just doesn't want me and Edward to get serious enough to have babies. It could be because he's seen all the parts necessary to make such a thing happen. "They're cute, though," I say, mostly to fuck with him. "And it can't be all bad or no one would have more than one."

"Since when do you talk about babies, Bella?" he asks, leaning forward in his chair to make sure Mom is still in the kitchen. "You don't have to listen to all that 'the one' stuff, you know. Take your time. Play the field. Don't worry about babies and nonsense."

"Dad."

"I'm serious. You're still in school. So is… he."

"His name is Edward, Dad."

"I know his damn name. I also know he wears Santa Yoda boxers and what his assprint looks like on my couch."

I laugh and have to stifle it, because the baby stirs in my arms. "Those boxers were a Secret Santa gift."

"It would have been nice if he had kept them on."

"Dad." He sighs and takes his time turning to look at me. "I really like him. It's not about Mom or his silly boxers. He's good to me." When that doesn't work, I try to be practical. "He has a job. He's graduating soon and already has an offer with an elementary school in Seattle. He loves his parents…" The scowl on his face slowly disappears. "And he's sweet. I could do a lot worse."

He coughs and picks up the remote. "I guess that's true."

"I think maybe Mom's right this time. This may sound insane, but he's fun. He likes my weirdness." That catches his attention. "And it bothers him that you don't like him. The fact that he cares so much about your opinion should count for something."

"He's just scared I'll shoot him."

"That, too," I admit.

He sighs, and what begins as a grimace morphs into a wry grin. "It's hard, okay? I knew he was a good guy when he didn't cut and run on Thanksgiving. I'm equal parts grateful and horrified he shielded you from view." His whole face scrunches for a moment.

"Yeah, we can never talk about that day again, and I'll be okay with it."

"Deal," he says. "But he stuck around for two days after that, sleeping on the crime scene, thinking I wanted to kill him."

"You didn't?"

He laughs quietly, glancing down at my nephew. "I did for about three minutes. Then your mom told me that if I did, I'd never get a granddaughter." He winks and leans back to relax in his chair as Alice walks back into the room.

"You okay?" Alice asks, holding out her arms to take Sam.

Finding out I might actually have a kid someday doesn't mean I have to start practicing now. I'm more than happy to return him before he pees on me or needs his butt wiped. World's Worst Aunts don't do diaper changes.

"I'm fine."

"Come with me for second."

She turns and walks away before I have a chance to respond. I give up on my book, follow her up the stairs to my old bedroom, and close the door behind us after we enter. She fumbles in a gigantic diaper bag while balancing Sam with one arm.

"Here," she says, holding out a small gift bag. "This is from me, but I didn't want to give it to you in front of Charlie."

"Thank God for that," I say, pushing aside sparkly red tissue paper to reveal sheer red lingerie complete with fuzzy Santa lining. The bra has a pair of white fur balls hanging from a black silk bow. "Wow." White stockings, red garters… It's perfect.

Alice smiles and nods. "A little something for tomorrow night."

"Wait. You know about that?" I've been thinking of leaving tomorrow night instead of staying through dinner the following day like I had originally planned. Edward's flight is getting in late, and he has to work the next morning. He and I agreed I would stay here with my family.

But he's been in Chicago for five days.

I've never been needy in a relationship. That's not who I am. Before this trip home for Christmas, I've never really missed anyone.

I miss Edward, though.

I miss the way he makes me laugh. I miss the way he touches me all the time, even if it's just hand holding or his fingers on my back when we walk into a room together. And yeah, I miss his gigantic cock.

So I did what any desperately horny girlfriend would do. I texted Emmett this morning and asked him if he would be okay with letting me into their apartment tomorrow evening and then vacating the premises. He practically lives with Rosalie these days and readily agreed to the plan. All I have to do is break it to my family.

"Charlie will get over it," she says with a shrug. "He's going to like Edward. Someday. He just doesn't know it, yet."

"Alice, that might be the nicest news you've ever given me."

If she wasn't holding a sleeping time bomb, I'd hug the shit out of her. This sexy little gift is going to fit right in with my plan for tomorrow night. Edward and I exchanged gifts before parting ways for the holidays. I gave him a vintage canvas and leather military shoulder bag. He'll need something to carry his stuff in when he starts teaching. It's geeky and hot, like him.

He pulled out his stalker card and creeped my Goodreads account, specifically my "Want to Read" shelf. Nothing beats a man who'll buy you books for Christmas. He made the effort and wrapped them all by himself, too, and he didn't do a horrible job.

Tomorrow night, I'm going to give him something he's been wanting – the chance to go vampire on my ass. Well, the chance to finally bite it, anyway. Drawing blood is out of the question.

I have a feeling he'll like Alice's present just as much as I do.

Renee calls us downstairs and says it time for her favorite Christmas movie. Alice gets to cop out by mentioning that she and Jasper still have to make a stop at Angela's house before they can go home. My nephews line up with chocolate beards from all the candy Dad shoved into their stocking this morning.

"I'll see you soon," I say to Jasper when he wraps me in a sleepy hug. He's too tired to pick up on my subtle goodbye, but Alice gives me a knowing wink and a wave.

Edwards texts during the movie, and I have to turn in my seat to keep Grandma from reading his messages on my phone.

I can't wait to see you Thursday. I have a surprise…

Wait until he sees what I have in store for him on Wednesday.

I have a little something for you, too…

Little, red, and lethal. That's the plan.

Grandma nudges my leg with hers. "Talking to your fella?"

"Yes, Grandma. He's still in Chicago with his parents until tomorrow night."

"Ask him if he's wearing his Star Wars boxers," she whispers. "There's nothing wrong with a little sexting when your man looks like that, dear."

"Did you…?" She did. I know she did, so I stop myself mid-question. Sexually active grandparents are the worst. I don't even want to know why she's bringing up sexting. The thought of Grandpa popping a little blue pill and hitting his Qwerty pad is enough to make my insides shrivel.

I miss you.

Edward's text gives me the courage to announce my intentions to the family.

"I think I'm going to head back to Seattle early, probably tomorrow after lunch."

"That will give you enough time to meet Edward's plane," Mom says. "Great idea."

"Yeah," Dad mutters. "Great."

Grandma pats my leg and leans in to say, "Get you some."

Ewwwww.

Gross. Even though she's right. I have no intention of meeting Edward's plane – not when I can wait for him in his apartment in an outfit I know will stir his… Christmas spirit.

EPOV

The flight attendant gives the end of flight spiel with the rush that can only come from wanting to end the flight from hell. Some freak snowstorm hit Chicago this afternoon and delayed our departure by almost 90 minutes.

"I hate this part," Mom says, checking her seatbelt despite the fact that she hasn't unbuckled it since we left O'Hare.

Dad is snoring on the other side of her with his legs stretched out into the aisle. I hope the flight attendant runs over his foot with the cart. He insisted on taking the best seat and sticking me next to the window. He's been snoring since the pilot announced we were free to move about the cabin.

I've been awake listening to my mom complain about my uncle's ex-wife and his current girlfriend. My legs are numb, and I've needed to piss for more than a half hour.

"Carlisle, wake up." Mom elbows Dad in the side so he can return his seat to an upright position.

He stretches in his seat. "That was quick," he says.

"For you," I grumble.

"You know I need the aisle seat because of my knee." To prove his point he flexes his lower leg back and forth. "Golf injuries are serious business."

"Right," I agree. Catching the toe of your shoe in the 18th hole and ending up with a scalpel in your leg is a real accomplishment.

My mother hands each of us a piece of gum to halt our discussion as the plane descends. It's after 11 when we finally touch the runway and another half hour before there's a gate available for us. Being late sets off some sort of domino effect. The baggage takes forever to get to the carousel. One of mom's suitcases is missing. By the time we fill out the report with an agent, the rental car company has given away the small SUV my dad reserved and the only option left is a compact.

"I'll drive," I say, holding out my hand for the keys. "We'll pass the Watertown on the way to my place. That will give you an idea how to get back to the hotel after you drop me off."

Mom keeps up a constant chatter in the back seat during the drive to my apartment. She has plans for every single day this week. Dad hasn't taken her on a real vacation in two years. She surprised both of us with plane tickets for the two of them to come back with me to ring in the New Year in Seattle.

The real purpose of this trip is Bella. My mom wants to meet the girl I can't shut up about.

"Your dad and I want to treat you and Bella to dinner tomorrow night when you're done working."

"I don't know, Mom." I shake my head but keep my eyes on the road. "Bella will be driving back from Forks tomorrow. She may be tired."

And I'm going to have to tell her you're here to meet her… And hope like hell she doesn't freak out.

I point out their hotel when we pass it and give my mom instructions on how to get back after they've dropped me off at home. I love them, but six days is enough. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed and for my parents to be under a different roof.

My building has never looked so good.

I find a parking place close to my unit and leave the car running but in park, hoping to make a quick escape. "I'll call you guys tomorrow when I'm off, okay?" I slam the trunk, heft my suitcase, and take a couple of steps toward my door. "Enjoy the Space Needle."

"Edward, wait!" My mother's voice followed by the sound of two car doors slamming stops me in my tracks. "I need to use your restroom. The airport bathroom was too crowded, and I didn't want to wait in line."

And the opportunity for a surprise parental inspection had nothing to with it, I'm sure. My mom hasn't been to Seattle since my graduation a couple of years ago. She likes to make sure we keep more than mustard and beer in the fridge, and she'll do a spot check to make sure I'm still making my bed every morning.

I'm pretty sure Bella and I left my sheets wrecked and didn't bother to look back the last morning we spent together before our respective trips home. From our texts last night, I can tell she's equally frustrated with her family and ready to be back in Seattle. Next year, we're going to find a way to stick together. There's safety in numbers.

"Sure, Mom." I wait for her and my dad, who's exaggerating a limp as they follow me to my apartment. A soft glow behind the shade tells me that Emmett left the lights of the Christmas tree plugged in when he left for Rosalie's.

Sure enough, white lights brighten the room. It takes a second for my eyes to sweep the room for Emmett's underwear, and I have to do a double take when I spot Bella standing a few feet away from the sofa wearing the naughtiest, most see-through, tiny red Christmas lingerie I've ever seen. And a Santa hat.

She steps forward slowly, drawing my attention to the red garters trailing down her thighs to secure white fishnet stockings. "Ho ho HOH MY GOD…" Her voice changes from sultry to panic. In a flash, she crouches, makes a run for the couch, and steps on the cushion to propel herself over the back and tumbles out of sight. "Ow…"

I'm frozen in place, suitcase still in hand, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

"Bella?" I drop my luggage and step forward.

"Is she okay?" Mom asks from behind me.

Fuuuuuuck.

Not again.

I rush over and find her on her knees, ass in the air, cringing with a finger over her lips. "Shhhh."

"Uh." I glance up at my parents and then down at my horrified girlfriend. "It's a little late for that," I say, quietly plucking a Seahawks blanket from the couch and holding it out for her as cover.

"Please tell me that that woman who looks just like you isn't your mother."

I help her up, making sure the blanket covers all the important stuff. "You look fucking fantastic," I whisper. "God, I missed you."

"I'll just…" Mom brushes by us on her way down the hall to the bathroom. "I'll be right back, Bella," she calls over her shoulder as the door closes behind her.

"Hi," Dad says, forgetting his limp since Mom is out of the room and can't bust him. He lifts an arm like he might try to hug Bella, remembers he just saw her half-naked, and settles on a handshake instead. "I'm Carlisle."

"Oh, my God." Bella clutches the fabric in a death grip with one hand and extends the other to my father. "I normally wear clothes," she blurts. "I don't dress like this all the time, I mean." Her cheeks get redder by the second. "Only for Edward."

That makes him laugh. "Well, that's good," he says. "Sorry to intrude. We had no idea you would be here."

"Yeah," she says. "It's a surprise."

"It most certainly is." He smiles and walks away from us toward the kitchen.

Before Bella can escape down the hall and to my room, my mom exits the bathroom and blocks her path.

"Hi," she says. "You must be Bella. I'm Esme."

Bella nods and checks her hold on the blanket. "Nice to meet you."

"We've heard so much about you. Edward says –"

"Esme," my father says, cutting her off at the pass. "It's been a long day for all of us. Let's leave them be and get to the hotel. My knee is feeling stiff, and I need to rest." He tugs my mother's sleeve, pulling her toward the door.

For the first time in a week, his bogus golf injury ends up being more than a means to make my mom dote on him. He likes the attention. At least now he's using it for good instead of evil. Bella hasn't said a word, but she has maneuvered her body so that mine is offering additional coverage.

"Oh, yes," Mom agrees. "I'm sure you two want to… catch up. We'll just see you tomorrow then for dinner, if Bella doesn't already have plans."

"No," Bella says, leaning from her spot behind me to wave goodbye. "No plans."

"Excellent." Dad is already outside, but Mom drops one last bomb on her way out the door. "Red is definitely your color, Bella. See you tomorrow."

The door closes behind them, and Bella's head drops against my back. "Holy shit. Talk about a surprise."

"Thank fuck they're gone," I say, turning and tugging at the blanket. "Time for me to unwrap you."

"How can you be horny at a time like this?" she asks.

"Easily." I toss the blanket on the couch and take a step back to appreciate the full view. Her eyes drop to my crotch, then her tongue peeks out to wet her bottom lip. "That phenomenal ass of yours was in the air like some kind of Christmas miracle." I take a slow step forward and rest my hands on her backside to puller her closer. "I want to bury my face in the skin under those furry little balls dangling under your tits." She tries to stifle her moan, but the way she wiggle-rubs my cock through my jeans is a dead giveaway. She's horny, too.

Before I can drop down on my knees to get started, she pulls me down the hall to my room. "We're going to need a bed for this," she says with promise. "Fuck rug burn." Her hands work fast, tugging my hoodie up and over my head, and then changing course to the zipper and button of my jeans. I do my small part to help by toeing out of my shoes. When I'm left with only socks, Bella nods her head. "This will work. Fuck, I've missed you."

Her Santa hat is crooked and gets knocked off when my fingers slip into her hair. She lifts up onto her toes to brush her lips over mine, teasing until I respond. She tastes of hot chocolate and whiskey, sweet with a burn.

"I missed you, too." She lets me lift her onto the bed and leans back to rest on her elbows.

"I love this." The lacy edges of her stockings are rough under the pads of my thumb. Her thighs tremble when I push her legs back until her feet are flat on the bed. She knows what's next. I'm going to kiss, suck, and nibble my way to the holy land.

A little teeth to the skin behind her knee is always a good way to start. I'm rewarded with her fingers in my hair. Soft kisses up her thigh earn a tug and some fingernail pressure. I push her leg forward to kiss all way down to her cheek.

"Bite it," she says, lifting her hips and pulling her leg back. "I want you to bite me."

"Are you whiskey-drunk?" I ask, lifting my head to be sure she's not impaired by alcohol or a concussion from her dive over the couch.

She laughs, moving a hand away to cover her mouth. "No. I'm not drunk, just curious and really horny. I haven't seen my boyfriend in almost a week."

"Get on your knees. I have to start from the beginning again."

She flips over with some assistance, and I tug her back by her calves. Her giggles are playful and cute, but halt with an ohhhhh when my lips make purchase on the freckle above the backside of her knee. I work slower this time, taking my time and making her squirm.

Her entire body freezes when my teeth nip at the skin where leg meets ass. Her breathing slows and then catches as my fingers push aside the flimsy material covering her pussy.

I can feel the heat coming off of her, so I don't bother with a warm up. Two fingers slide over her clit first to tease. She tries to hump my hand as expected, so I let her. My teeth drag lightly over the swell of her ass the same time I put an end to her restlessness by sliding my hand lower to fuck her with my fingers. Two, because that's her favorite.

Since I have permission, I use my teeth to move the tiny sheer skirt covering her ass. She grinds against my hand while I kiss every area I can reach – ass, back, thighs – all over. When she finally curses and warmth rushes my hand, I lean in and catch her flesh between my teeth. Not hard enough to bruise or really hurt her, but hard enough to make the top half of her faceplant into my pillow, screaming and cursing in pleasure.

Since she's already there, I pull her closer and straighten my back. I leave one hand on her hip and use the other to push the barely-there panties out of the way and line us up. I watch as she eases back, taking in the tip. My eyes slip closed for a second but fly open when she starts to pull away.

"Easy," she says with an evil glint in her eye. "You're not the only one who can tease."

She pushes back against me, more than before but not all the way. Repeat. Fuck. I'm going to come before I even get my dick in if she keeps this up. Her hand disappears from view, then I feel her fingers on the underside. When she moves them higher to rub her clit, my hands move to grip her hips and I put an end to her slow torture by fucking her senseless.

After her second orgasm, she falls flat onto the bed, unable to support her own weight. It's the perfect opportunity to flip her over so I can see her face and finally rid her of the messy Santa skirt. We've pretty much demolished it, anyway.

Once the fabric is gone, she opens her legs wide in invitation. I'm more than happy to pick up where we left off, only this time I get to watch the white fuzzballs bounce against her chest with every thrust. As hard as I try, I can't make it to give her number three. Her nails dig into my back when I push her hard into the mattress.

We're a tangled, sweaty mess of limbs as we catch our breath. My heartbeat slows to normal, and I roll off of her, keeping our sides touching.

"Merry Christmas," she says.

I turn my head to rest my lips against her temple. "Merry Christmas."

A/N – Special thanks to Iris for working her beta magic on this during this hectic time of year.

Thank you, M and Nic, too, for all that y'all do.

I wish all of you a healthy, happy New Year and the best life has to offer in 2015!

Take care.

MSC