Gonna try to keep this short: welcome to a montage of scenes based on Series 6. Episode by episode I will try to write something new to fill the gaps. I say try, because I take forever to write and edit, so don't hold me to that. Naturally kicking off with the most obvious gap of Episode 1: it's pure smut, I do apologise, but honestly... how does a virgin fuck someone's brains out on his first go? So I've tried to keep it sensual rather than sexual, do let me know if I fail abysmally. I've got a couple of ideas for scenes in Morocco, might see if I can flesh those out, and then see what Episode 2 has. Given the preview... well, who knows?

Bon voyage.

In hindsight, he should have known a long time ago, but the first flicker that he had the slightest awareness of was when she punched Rider. Cos that was hot. The whole thing was hot. As his knees stung like a bitch from the sudden lack of water, he watched entranced as her temper flared, marching round the pool to face off with the rugby-tosser. Rider wasn't the only one to think of another interpretation of 'mess you up'. But as he made a silent 'oooh' as Mini's fist collided with Rider's face, he couldn't help but grin too.

He should have known long before that, of course. He'd spent the whole time they'd been in Morocco admiring her tits in her bikinis. Normally being called a retarded twat would have sparked off a whole load of banter - there was so much material to go with, really. He blamed his lack of response beyond 'yeah' on the quality of her sarcasm: 'I'll check to see if my tits are still there' was a pretty good one from Mins.

That whole day was a mindfuck and a half. The drive back from the airport… no, not going there.

The whole thing was a mindfuck. This time last year, the last person he would have gone on holiday with was Minerva McGuiness. The last person to help him get laid in a goth bar would have been her. The last person he'd ever dreamed of getting stoned in the sun with was her.

The last person he thought he'd lose his virginity to was her.

Yet there he was.

She woke up that morning feeling a bit off. Never mind Liv drooling, Franky in her undies, the sound of Rider shagging some girl rather badly, or the sight of Nick's stamped arse. Once she was out into the light and air she felt better. The peace seeped in. The rollie got abandoned upon the discovery of running water, and it never occurred to her to threaten anyone to look away as she stripped her tee off.

It was all so fucking simple. It was just her, and the light breeze, and the sunshine still gentle enough to not burn, and the water on her skin. She felt beautiful in that beautiful setting.

Then the sharpest feeling of it not being enough. Her own hands rubbing her skin clean didn't feel enough, and the clearest vision of someone else's hands on her slammed into the forefront of her mind. Freckled hands and pale arms and hairless torso. Sun-bronzed red hair in her fingers. And his cheeky grin that saw her only for the best.

So she stepped out of the water, stood for a moment, turned, climbed out of the pool and wrapped her body with her towel off the sun beds. Then she walked right into the house, knowing exactly what she wanted.

Nothing matched the early morning sun. No one else would be up, so he didn't move, basking for a while. Early mornings on the farm were what he was used to; lie-ins once he was awake were the norm though. The door opening was unexpected; Mini just wrapped in her towel, hair damp around her shoulders, was even more so. "Hey."

"What'ya doing, Farm Boy?" She asked teasingly.

After a moment of considering what innocence he could pretend, he just told the truth. "Erm, well… I suppose I was seeing if my porn app will download onto this iPhone that I nicked."

She closed the door, grinning. "What, and you have no particular level of shame about that?"

He ran with it, having fun. "Err, no, I always steal from people who make me feel inferior." He clenched his mouth shut to try not to laugh out loud.

"Like who?" She asked, genuinely bemused, coming closer.

"Well, pretty much anyone, err, especially if they're rich, good-looking, and having a lot of sex."

"And that evens it out, huh?" She teased back, sitting down right next to him. Completely un-phased by her proximity, he didn't move himself, just carried on fiddling with the iPhone in his hands, before finally putting it to rest on his other side.

"Yeah, you should try it sometime." When he rolled back, finally she felt close. He could barely look at her, so he just studied his hands.

"Well, why don't you just have some sex?" She suggested innocently.

He scoffed, finally not teasing. "Yeah, don't be stupid, who would have sex with -"

That was probably the best answer to the question he didn't quite finish. Suddenly she was just there, her mouth on his, her hair falling onto his chest. Without even thinking about it he pressed his lips back against hers, his arm automatically raised to hold her, but then…

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

Disbelief ripped him from her before he could tell himself to not be an idiot and go with it. Or so he'd think. That sounded more plausible than the bit that continued the 'oh my god's with 'it's Mini, it's Mini, my friend Mini, what the fuck is she doing?

"Whoa, hang on!"

"If you tell a soul, I'll fucking kill you, alright?"

There was no universe that Alo knew of where Mini would look at him like that. Like she knew exactly what she wanted. Like he was what she wanted. So he pinched himself, genuinely believing that none of it was real. She laughed and grabbed his arms, pulling them apart. "Stop pinching yourself!" Oh God she was close. He could feel the weight of her chest that he'd spent their holiday staring at on his through her towel, the strength of her grip on his wrists. The 'my friend Mini' voice fizzled away, cos if she let go of him right then her absence would ache everywhere. "You're awake, and it's time this ship set sail."

He had one second after she stopped talking. In that second, he instinctively went with it, and when she leaned down to kiss him again, his head tilted to accept her without thinking, and his eyes flickered shut as he kissed her back. His right hand freed itself, found her back to keep her there, and for that moment when they were just chastely kissing he did not think.

The nerves kicked in when her lips left his and started descending down his body. Oh fuck…

"I'm awake." Oh fuck. "I'm awake." Oh fuck. "I'm awake." Wait… "I'm awake." Now he believed it. "I'm awake." Oh God, this was actually real. "I'm awake…" So real…

Cool air hit his skin, and he breathed, trying to stay calm. Then… "Oh, my God…" He looked down, got a glimpse of the look on Mini's face, and had to look back up just to not lose his cool. "You've got to be fucking kidding."

Then he was just unbelievably happy. This was real.

Oh God. This was real. This was really fucking real.

It didn't occur to her to compare in that moment, but Nick - the only guy she had any experience with - had not been this hung. He'd been alright, the Levan boy had nothing to complain about on that score, but this… this was not what she had expected. Why she hadn't expected anything, she didn't know, given her glimpse in the car yesterday. And after his 'shower'. Right up close, she suddenly felt very young, very inexperienced.

And then she heard Alo smile with relief, and ignored that feeling. She wasn't the only one doing something new. It frightened her less, knowing that he hadn't had a girl go down on him anymore than she'd ever gone down on a guy.

Cos with Nick, that had just been a major 'ew'. Right there and then… not so much.

She hadn't the foggiest idea what she was meant to be doing, but evidently what she was doing was good enough. Alo's entire body - literally his entire body - stiffened within seconds, emitting a throaty groan. Her eyes darted up to see him clutching the pillow under his head with one hand, the other gripping the sheet on the mattress. He didn't hold back the moans, no matter how much he bit his own lip. The hand holding on to the sheet unclenched and moved towards her, and for a nervous moment she thought he was going to push her head down further. Instead his hand found hers on his torso, thread his fingers through hers, and held on for dear life. Then he swore under his breath, gasped out her name, and sat up. His sudden motion made her sit up too, forgetting what she'd been doing for a moment, and then he was kissing her like she was a goddess, his arms pulling her to him.

He didn't feel like how she'd imagined earlier. He was more solid, warmer, softer. His hands however felt exactly as she'd imagined - no, better. They were on her neck, on her back, on her sides… then she realised her towel was slipping, and that if he pulled her any closer her naked breasts would be pushed against his chest.

When he did, she just wrapped her arms round his shoulders and didn't let go. It felt too good to notice anymore, or think or care.

Alo, on the other hand, could still notice and think and care about her tits. He definitely noticed her soft skin against his own, the beat of her heartbeat just out of sync with his own, her soft moans as he kissed her… her nipples tickling his chest. He could think about how he was just about holding his balance sitting up as he was, her almost in his now overly-sensitive lap. He could think how glad he was that he packed a box of condoms in his bag for good luck. He could just about to think how great it felt when he leant back into the mattress, taking her with him chest-to-chest, when she lifted her leg over to straddle him. Last thing he properly thought was how she was just wearing the towel now wrapped around her waist.

He cared to not squash her as he rolled them over, settling his hips between her thighs, his body desperate to get going already. Cared enough to ignore that, and concentrate on keeping Mini moaning as he kissed her.

Her fingernails dug into his shoulders a little when he let his mouth trail down to her neck, to her chest. She shuddered when he ran his tongue over her nipple, gasped loudest when he took as much of her breast into his mouth, her back arching as his hands wandered over her skin. She was so turned on… what universe was this where Aloysius Creevey could get Minerva McGuiness so worked up he could hear her swearing under her breath? And she was turned on: he didn't remember when he'd started grinding his hips into hers, or when she started grinding back, but oh fuck it felt glorious.

Speaking of what would feel glorious…

Wherever Mini's mind was, it was both right in that room, feeling everything that Alo was doing to her, and also somewhere else entirely. If God had created a sex heaven, she was probably there. Every inch of her body was hyper sensitive, from her curling toes to her ankles rubbing against his calves, from the sweat under her knees to his naked arse between her thighs. The very solid, very real flesh of him so close to where she increasingly wanted him to be. His soft stomach on hers, his arm supporting his weight at her side, his spare hand kneading her tit. His nose pressing against her cheek as he gasped a kiss on her mouth. The soft hairs on his back as her hands held on, sliding up and down to keep him close, dipping over his arse. And that was just the beginning of what she could feel, let alone every other sense.

Her vision, when she had her eyes open, were hazy anyway, out of focus. Every now and then all she'd see were his burning eyes and she'd shut hers again to escape his, grabbing his hair to kiss him properly. He tasted of the joint they'd had last night when they got in from the party last night, and something uniquely him, something she couldn't really describe with words, whilst his skin had the peculiar tang of the washing-up liquid the boys had used instead of shower gel the day before, mixed with sun block and weed.

As for her hearing… what she was hearing was a turn on in itself. The friction of his skin against hers, the quiet creak of the springs in the mattress, his guttural moans as his crotch pushed up into her, as though seeking already where he wanted to be too. Her own gasping breath every time his hands and mouth did something that felt amazing.

For instance, right now, she was already panting as she felt his free hand slid down her torso, nudge in between them, and then his finger tips seeking her clit. He kissed her at the exact moment when he slid a finger inside her, making her groan into his mouth, and one of her hands abandoned his hair to grip the pillow under her head, the edge of the mattress at her side, undecided what to hold on to. Her next gasp caught in her throat when he pulled his finger out of her and push two back in, making him stop to study her face. And then he started rubbing them slowly in and out of her, gently, watching her face, making her feel more naked than ever before.

Then she compared him to Nick. Nick had tried fingering her before, but it had never felt great. She'd blamed it on not being turned on enough by her boyfriend, instead of the honest truth that being pumped in and out to the point where she felt sore was never going to be a turn on. Nick had always started doing it too early, when she wasn't quite into it yet. Whereas this… oh God… it almost felt embarrassing. She'd never, ever be able to deny that she wanted this, there was absolutely no denying how good this felt. Alo would always hold that over her.

She'd always blame the tremors that went through her body on that powerless thought.

Her fingernails were starting to hurt now, they were digging into his back so much. Her body was almost shaking, she'd become so restless. He knew why; his fingers were being sporadically crushed whilst her hips jerked of their own accord. He envied the look on her face: the best kind of agony on earth. She moaned his name, her voice catching as her head rolled back with another shudder. Then all of a sudden her hand slammed down between them and grabbed his wrist, stopping his movements.

"Alo… get… get inside me…"

The world froze, save for their breathing. He didn't realise he'd been breathing so hard. She reached up and kissed him gently, kissed him again until his wits came back and he kissed her back.

"Have you got a…"

Right there and then, he adored her. Adored how she bit her lip with nerves, whilst he still had his fingers inside her hot, wet body, his cock heavy between her legs, her breasts rising and falling with her breathing. Physically speaking they could only be a few inches closer, and she couldn't bring herself to say the word 'condom'. He absolutely adored her for it. He nodded, gently slid his hand out from between them, and really kissed her, screwing his eyes shut as she responded, his hips readjusting between her thighs again, her legs pulled up around his arse, opening herself up to him as their tongues danced. With his now free hand he yanked his bag closer, rummaged about for his lucky durex. He broke their kiss to tear the wrapper off, and watched in amazement as she snatched the condom out of his hand, and rolled it on him herself, unable to look him in the eye as she did.

When she put her hands on his hips to angle him into her however, she couldn't take her eyes off his face any more than he could take his off hers. Until…

Oh fuck yes… wanking would never be the same again. Nothing could compare to this, nothing would ever compare to this.

Shit… it was fucking perfect, it was fucking perfect, it was fucking perfect… it had been a while and she could feel it, but oh God. Cliches about jigsaws sprang to mind, of keys fitting locks, of God's design and bollocks like that. None of that crap could really describe it. Completed jigsaws and doors opening all seemed very anti-climactic compared to this.

It felt like he was inside her everywhere. She could feel it everywhere. And she felt like a goddess for it. Wide-eyed and awake and divine.

And he wasn't even moving. His entire body had tensed and tightened. Realising, she refocused on his face again, and couldn't help but smile at the look of absolute awe in his eyes. She wrapped her arms round his shoulders and ground her hips down, grinning a little when his eyes rolled into his head and he buried his face into her neck.

And then he was moving, in and out uncertainly and unevenly, then slowly pacing, fitting into her own movements, surrendering to Nature's oldest dance routine. He listened to her moans, figuring out quickly what made her wince and moan, stopping what wasn't great and continuing what felt incredible. He was thrusting deep, gasping into her shoulder, his advances lifting her hips slightly.

It seemed to last forever, like they'd been shagging for hours. She felt so completely vulnerable, with nothing to hide behind. But that was nothing when Mini started tensing again, moaning uncontrollably, her fingers gripping his back, his hair.

She couldn't believe it. This was his first time. How… how could he…

Yes… yes… fuck, yes…

He started to lose his pace, started to lose it in general, started swearing under his breath into her neck. His fingers also dug into whatever first came to hand, her skin, the pillow under her head, the edge of the mattress, mostly just her. He could hear her moaning words, almost incoherent, nonsensical words.

He had a single split second when her body curled up, her hips jerking into his, her body fire-hot and spasming around him, moaning in a real way they just don't in porn, before Nirvana took him.

Her own pleasure swept away any awareness of his. Only after the waves crashed through her body, robbing all reason out of her, did she recall his body jerking into hers too, so hard her thighs still felt it, and the throaty choke she heard as his mind went blank. Right now, his weight had collapsed onto her, and he was panting like he'd run a marathon, shaking slightly as his body slowly released the sudden tension.

She didn't want to move. She didn't want him to move either, not even to shift his weight off her. She forgot about her silencing threat, forgot he was just 'Farm Boy'. Right then she wanted to keep her legs wrapped round him, keep his head in the nook of her neck, his chest pressed against hers, their breathing syncing. She ran her fingers through his hair, trailed them to his cheek as he raised his head to look at her face.

They had one second of enjoying that post-coitus serenity where they could look each other right in the eyes without feeling awkward.

And then it got awkward.

The knowledge that he'd just lost his virginity to Mini McGuiness, former Ice Queen and Bitch with a capital B, slammed through Alo's mind like a sledgehammer. It wasn't really 'that was incredible' knowledge; it was 'what the fuck'.

And it was written all over his face. All the thousands of thoughts that race through a woman's mind after she's slept with someone for the first time got so jumbled up her mind remained silent, in shock, waiting for him to react.

He pulled out of her, rolled to the side, fiddled with the used condom. She reached down and pulled a sheet over them, feeling far too naked. They both just lay there, still catching their breath, waiting. God knows what for exactly, but they were waiting for something, anything, that would relieve the tension.

So he reached to the side, lit up a joint, took a long drag, and then offered it to her. Their eyes met, and he smiled lightly. So she smiled too, pushing down the awkward feeling in her gut, and accepted the joint. "Thanks." She said, quietly.

His eyes stayed on her as she took a drag and exhaled. He debated asking 'what for?' but thought that maybe that was too deep a question.

"What for?" He asked anyway.

She stayed quiet, took another drag, let the smoke curl out of her mouth. Then she shrugged and gestured to the joint. What could she have said, after all? Thanks for the shag? Thanks for scratching an itch? Thanks for giving me my first coital orgasm, cos Nick was never as good in bed as he thought he was? Or thanks for making her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world?

"Thanks for sniffing this out over the rotten eggs in the kitchen?"

He laughed, genuinely, the tight feeling in his stomach unknotting, and took the joint back. "Anytime, McGuiness, anytime." He took another drag, and then turned on his side to face her. "I have a question."

She took the joint back again, trying not to look like a deer in the headlights as she inhaled. What in the hell was he going to ask now? How was he? Was he a better fuck than Nick? Who had the best cock? What? "And I suppose I've got an answer, Farm Boy, what is it?"

"Did you have a shower this morning?" She choked on another drag. What the fuck? "Your hair's still damp." His fingers played with the ends of her hair for a moment, before letting go as though it was too intimate. She smiled in relief. She thought for a moment he was going to say she smelt of muff double plus or something.

"Guess who got the water running?" She teased, grinning proudly. She giggled as his face turned from confused to dawning boyish glee. Next thing she knew they were scrambling back into their clothes, all awkwardness forgotten, and he was racing her to the pool side where he whooped with joy at the sight of the 'barbecue pit' slowly but surely filling. Soon he was sprinting through the house rousing everyone, yelling for Rich to get his cousin's pink Speedos on.

And Mini just watched, listening, grinning as she stayed by the pool side, finishing their joint.

If you tell a soul, I'll fucking kill you, alright?

Crap. She'd forgotten to remind him. Hopefully the water would keep him occupied and his mouth shut until she had a chance to speak to him.

Somehow she wasn't actually worried that he would tell though, if she'd been completely honest about it. But it didn't occur to her to wonder why she felt the need to remind him anyway.

In hindsight, she should have known then too.