Maybe for a while he had loved her like a man should, had thought of her and felt his heart pound heavily in his chest. For a while, he might have looked at her and seen a beautiful woman, all too welcoming his love with her acceptance of him and his curse, as well as whatever mental scarring has followed because of it.

Partly, he believed she was to blame for his erratic heartbeat and the constant thoughts he had of a romance that would never, never happen. How could he – Sohma Yuuki – and a girl as sweet and delicate as her ever be together?

No, Honda Tohru was on a completely different playing field than she. She was innocent, untainted by the cruelty of the world, of people, of words. She didn't need someone like him to ruin her, and he only assumed she didn't want someone like him, anyway.

But still his heart would race when she spoke to him, still she would plague his mind whenever he was without her presence. Still he would not admit it was love.

Instead, he claimed it was what a boy feels for a mother. Of course, Tohru had that motherly feel to her, a kindness that a young child would be pulled towards. She accepted everyone, turned away none. She smiled regardless of who you were, what you were, what you became. Always you were welcomed into her arms and heart with a place that was distinctly your own inside her being. When one was with Honda Tohru, they felt perfect. They were no longer broken or destroyed or strange or awkward or different. With Honda Tohru, you felt like there was nothing wrong in the world, like she was the world and she was perfect and whole and well, and that meant the world was, too.

Everyone felt it, not just him. Yuki assumed everyone had that heavy beat in their chest upon speaking to the girl, had the thoughts that he had of pinning her against a wall and kissing her deeply in an expression of his love for the woman he thought of as a mother.

Never did he mention these thoughts to anyone, always kept them inside. Even when she gravitated towards Kyo, even when that girl had chased after the abomination that was the cat's true form, he did not speak of nothing of his feelings to no one. The pain and anger and crushing sadness that came over him when she ran after the creature he detested was something he would keep forever within himself – a secret taken to the grave.

And because it was her wishes, he chased after her and the beast she pursued, assisted her in calming down the frantic and confused Kyo.

And when that human-form of the abomination hugged her, nearly kissed her, Yuki felt nothing but the bittersweet sting of defeat.

Maybe he had held onto that love until that point, maybe it was the acknowledgment that she loved Kyo like a woman should love a man. Either way, his beating heart stilled on that day, if only for a while.

From then on, he convinced himself it was only a love formed from her motherly actions and affections. From then on, he played such a good part in a play that was not his own, lied until he almost believed it to be the truth himself.

For a while he had loved her.

But only for a while.