Disclaimer: To own Star Craft? Or not to own Star Craft? THAT is the question… (Blizzard Lawyer taps his foot impatiently) Er, and a VERY easy question to answer… eh, heh… No, I DON'T own Star Craft. (Lawyer walks away pleased) phew…
(Ahem) Anyways, on to our interview!
Hyper Guyver: Hey, all my loyal fans out there!
Fans: (unenthusiastic) yay…
Hyper Guyver: (AHEM!) I said… Hey all my loyal fans out there! (Points to shock collar remote)
Fans: (gulp) Er, YAY!
Hyper Guyver: Better….. Well, I'm sorry to say that I've been very busy for a freaking long time. So, back when I was doing the Artanis interview I foresaw this and I've had one of my loyal employees go out and search through the archives to find a previous interview that I had done a long time ago that was never aired. In fact I think it was shortly after my interview with Kerrigan… Well, anyways I didn't air it because of uh… technical difficulties…
Random Intern: Technical difficulties? You had me go all the way to Aiur to find the corpse of the cameraman you left for dead there just so you could get the footage! I almost died!
Hyper Guyver: … Just role the film.
Screen buzzes and then cuts to Hyper Guyver standing outside. Surrounded by what looks like a bunch of Zerg constructs. Zerg are running around everywhere.
Hyper Guyver: We on? (Ahem) Greetings! Welcome to the Hyper Guyver Interviews. I'm your host Hyper Guyver! Today we are on location on Aiur as an invading Zerg force is attempting to invade the planet.
Camera Man's Voice: Is it safe for us to be here?
Hyper Guyver: Quiet you! (Ahem) With us today is the head of this monstrous invading force, the Zerg cerebrate, Zaas. How are you today Zaas?
Camera pans over to show the hideous pulsating Zerg… Thingy.
Zaas: (pulsating.)
Hyper Guyver: … Zaas?
Zaas: …
Hyper Guyver: Yo! Slug Face! Damnit… I think it isn't Zaas… Probably just a giant pulsating Zerg turd or something…
Zaas: What do you want?
Hyper Guyver: Holy Crap! A talking Zerg turd!
Zaas: I am not a turd!
Hyper Guyver: You sure about that?
Several Hydalisks pop out of the ground.
Hyper Guyver: Okay, I stand corrected.
Zaas: What do you want you miserable ant?
Hyper Guyver: Uh, we had an interview scheduled.
Zaas: Can't you see I'm busy taking over a planet?
Hyper Guyver: Looks more like your just laying there. Like a giant turd…
Hydralisk pop out again.
Hyper Guyver: Sorry!
Zaas: Fine…. Make it quick?
Hyper Guyver: So how long have you been with the Star Craft Project?
Zaas: Since the conception stage. I was even in the beginning of the game; I was in control of the force invading Mars Sara.
Hyper Guyver: Really, so what did you do in the game before filming began?
Zaas: I was an intern carting around donuts to blizzard employees.
Hyper Guyver: … Uh… Like that? (Points to Zaas's body)
Zaas: Yes. Why do you ask?
Hyper Guyver: Aren't you too much of a giant hideous brain slug to be carting donuts down narrow office halls?
Zaas: I managed.
Hyper Guyver: I see… And the Blizzard guys just picked you from there to be in Star Craft?
Zaas: Yes. Though originally I was going to play someone else's role.
Hyper Guyver: Really? Who?
Zaas: I was originally going to play Jim Raynor's role.
Hyper Guyver: … What?
Zaas: Yes, the head director of the project said I had a certain 'look.'
Hyper Guyver: Was this director by any chance blind and having absolutely no sense of smell?
Zaas: No! And why would smell play into anything!
Hyper Guyver: Dude, there's more than one reason why we thought you were a giant Zerg turd.
Zaas: Of all the… Oh… hold on one moment. I must command a legion of my minions to wipe out a group of protoss defenders….
Hyper Guyver: So is it a lot of work trying to control an entire brood?
Zaas: Yes… But I manage. I tend to keep things in control through a hierarchy.
Hyper Guyver: Oh, like lieutenants, and generals and stuff like that?
Zaas: More like, who's big, who's small, and who's edible.
Hyper Guyver: Ooookay….
Zaas: Hmmm… These Protoss are more troublesome than I first predicted.
Hyper Guyver: Uh, getting back to business… (Ahem) So is it true what I've heard about you cerebrates not being able to die?
Zaas: Yes… When our physical bodies are destroyed, the hive mind rejuvenates us new ones and places us back into our own from. We are… Immortal.
Hyper Guyver: … Going for the 'dramatic pause' at the end?
Zaas: Was it well timed?
Hyper Guyver: I'd give it an eight. So you guys can't be killed. Must be a bitch for your enemies.
Zaas: Yes, we are unstoppable.
Hidden voice: I wouldn't say that.
Hyper Guyver: Huh!
Several Protoss in shabby black robes appear out of nowhere.
Shabby looking Protoss: Greetings.
Hyper Guyver: Holy crap! Who the hell are you!
Shabby Protoss: I am a Protoss Dark Templar.
Hyper Guyver: (Ahem) And your name if I may ask.
Dark Templar: You may. I am the leader of the 12th Advance attack force of the Shakurus Dark Templar Warriors. My name… is Frank.
Hyper Guyver: … Frank?
Frank: Yes… Frank.
Hyper Guyver: That doesn't sound like a very Protossy name…
Frank: Yes… For you see, I was not raised by Protoss parents.
Hyper Guyver: Oh! With a name like Frank you must have been raise by hum-
Frank: Yes, I was indeed raised by Aiurian wolves.
Hyper Guyver:… Aiurian… Wolves?
Frank: Yes, it was a hard life, but they loved me as if I were their own, and I stayed with them until I was found by traveling Dark Templar and raised up in normal society.
Hyper Guyver: Wow… and these… Wolves… They named you 'Frank.'
Frank: Indeed.
Hyper Guyver: …
Cameraman's voice: Dude… this is getting a little weird for me now.
Hyper Guyver: Shut up! I don't pay you for your opinion!
Cameraman's voice: But you don't pay me! I'm an intern!
Hyper Guyver: Whatever… (Turns back to Frank) So what brings you guys out here?
Frank: We are here to slay the cerebrate.
Zaas: WHAT!
Hyper Guyver: Oh, Zaas… Heh, kind of forgot about you for a second there…
Frank: Yes, we are here to slay this filth and cleanse the world of Aiur!
Zaas: Never! You puny creatures cannot defeat me! I am immortal.
Frank: I am Frank Thompson of the Protoss Dark Templar! Given orders directly from Zeratul himself! I shall destroy you!
Hyper Guyver: Wait… Your last name is Thompson?
Frank: Yes.
Hyper Guyver: The wolves…?
Frank: Yes.
Hyper Guyver: Wow, this planet has some weird wolves…
Frank: My brothers! Take arms! Slay the monstrosity!
All the Dark Templar activate their energy blades and attack the cerebrate.
Hyper Guyver: Wait! I have at least one more question!
Frank: (Slashing and hacking) Better make it quick…
Hyper Guyver: So Zaas, what are your plans after Star Craft? I hear there are plans for a 'Brood War?' Think you'll be around for that?
Zaas: AAAAHHHH! THESE TEMPLAR BLADES! THEY ARE NOT NORMAL! THE HIVE MIND! I CAN'T… AAHHHHHHHH!
Hyper Guyver: Zaas?
Zaas: MY CONNECTION! THE HIVE MIND! I CAN'T FEEL IT! I'M DYING!
Hyper Guyver: So I take it that's a 'no' on the Brood War thing?
Zaas: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Zaas explodes in gory mess of flesh and blood.
Hyper Guyver: (completely covered in goop) … Eeeeeeeewwwwwww…
Frank: Our work is done here…
The Zerg all around start going berserk.
Hyper Guyver: (Gulp) Uh, I think killing the cerebrate while being stuck in the middle of their hive was a bad thing.
Frank: Indeed… Well, farewell strange humans…
Hyper Guyver: Wait! Help us out of here-
The Dark Templar disappeared.
Hyper Guyver: … Oh crap.
Zerg start rampaging everywhere.
Hyper Guyver: Run for it!
Hyper Guyver is seen running for his life. The camera bumps up and down as the Cameraman follows.
Cameraman's voice: Wait for me! Hold on!
Hyper Guyver: Everyone man for himself loser!
There is a loud 'oof" and the camera view quickly hits the ground.
Cameraman's voice: AAAAAHHHH! HELP ME! HEEEEELP MEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Film footage cuts off.
Back to Hyper Guyver in studio.
Hyper Guyver: … Uh… Maybe we should have cut out that last part at the end.
Random Intern: (Sarcastically) I'll make a note of it.
Hyper Guyver: Er… Well folks… That's another episode of Hyper Guyver Interviews. Thank you for watching and stay tuned next time when I'll be interviewing…(Is handed a cue card and reads it) (Eyes Bug out) Oh no… No, no… NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Random Intern: (Picks up the cue card and reads it) Wow… No wonders he's freaking out… We're going to need Kevlar… Lot's and lots of Kevlar…. And maybe a couple Siege Tanks…