1. Don't Let Me Go

Damon shut the water off and stepped out of the shower.

The smile from last night still hadn't dispersed. It wasn't just any old smile though. No, this smile reflected sheer happiness. Hope. The joyful optimism coming out of him was just immense. For the first time in what felt like a million lifetimes, Damon was once again happy. Content. Wrapping a towel around him, he walked into the bedroom, blissfully love struck as ever. It was as if today was the first day of his new life. A new beginning.

But it seemed Elena didn't quite share the same optimism. She didn't push her alarm clock to a sudden halt when it began ringing. Instead, she lay there, all tangled up in between her bed sheets, her eyes staring up at the ceiling, unseeingly. Her mind was in such an orbit of pandemonium that the drilling of the repetitive alarm didn't bug her like it normally did. She just lay there, staring upwards, trying to piece together her mind and her feelings. If that was even possible.

"God, Elena, shut that thing off," Jeremy called, walking into her room abruptly and slamming down his hand onto the clock. It took Elena a couple of moments to falter the fact that Jeremy was in her room, standing at the side of the bed, somewhat frustrated.

He just shot her an awkward look when she didn't respond.

"It's my last day here; you know, you could make an effort to try making it bearable".

Elena didn't answer. She was lost in her thoughts to figure out an amiable answer.

"Hellooo, earth to Elena?" Jeremy waved back and forth his hand in front of Elena's face.

Dazed and disoriented, she adjusted her position, suddenly shocked at the fact that Jeremy stood right in front of her. Jeremy just shot her a 'maybe-she-really-is-crazy-after-all' look.

"Wha-what?" she paused, trying to figure what had just happened. "Jeremy, what are you doing here?" her forehead scrunched as she tried to get a focus on everything around her.

Jeremy sighed, a faint smile on his face, "Nothing. Your alarm was bugging me. I'd have liked it if I didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn on my last day".

"Oh, yeah… sorry about that".

He laughed once, then turned round and began to retrace his steps, "Are you feeling alright?" he asked, slight concern on his face.

"Erm, yeah… why?" she asked, not really wanting the answer.

"You just seem a little, off".

"No, I'll be fine" she said, finally giving a feint smile.

"Well, you'd better be awake for the leaving party. I want a proper send-off" he said, his eyes widening as a hint.

But Elena missed it. "What?" she asked blankly.

Jeremy sighed again, walking out of the room. "Never mind" he called back as he shut the door.

Elena fell back into her sheets and let her thoughts once again drown her. She thought what happened last night was a dream. A part of her wished it was a dream.

Damon on the other hand, last night was his dream come true. He'd waited forever to finally kiss Elena. And when the opportunity rose last night, he didn't stand back and watch it fade. He embraced it. And didn't regret a moment.

He didn't feel as if though he had forced himself upon her, no, he was gentle. As gentle as a man could be. As a man helplessly and bindingly in love with the most genuine beauty he had ever set eyes on.

Yes, perhaps people would see it as him being selfish. Kissing his brothers girlfriend, he could just hear Caroline and Bonnie say. But he didn't care what they thought though. He just cared about Elena and what she thought. And how she didn't protest last night.

But then again, she didn't exactly kiss him back. Or did she?

All he did know, know deep inside his heart, down to the every last inch of his soul, was how real the kiss felt. And how perfect it was. Just the touch of his lips to Elena's instantly sent shivers through his spine. Damon – who any other day of the week couldn't feel a thing, even when on the verge of death. But no. It was a kiss of life. It was the one kiss. Their first kiss if you didn't consider his near-death one.

And it was everything he'd imagined it to be and so much more. He didn't push too far; he wasn't covetous like his urges were. He didn't want to mess the whole moment up. Because then, that would be selfish.

And he'd be anything but selfish when it came to Elena.

It was still a blur for Damon.

.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were avoiding me", Damon said, following Elena around the grill as she prepared the party for her brother's farewell.

"Damon, I'm not avoiding you" Elena said, not turning back.

He didn't believe her of course. "Then look at me". She didn't turn. "Damo-" she began in protest, still facing her back at him.

"Look at me Elena", he said, slightly sternly.

Finally, taking a deep breath, she turned around, forcing her most calm, serene face. One she'd hope wouldn't give anything away.

And he just stared back, delving into those big, chocolate brown eyes of hers.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong" she said shrugging and pushing past him. But he just caught the back of her hand, causing her to stop. She closed her eyes at his touch.

"It's about the kiss isn't it" he guessed. He knew it was.

Elena drew another breath, her eyes finally opening. "Yes" she breathed.

She turned around slowly and met his eyes. He feared what she would say, how she'd respond. But he didn't let her read his fears; he put on his usual, masochistic face.

"Well?" he asked, "Any thoughts?" he asked in mock humour trying not to be too serious about it. But Elena just looked down, as if fighting the urge to do something abrupt. After a moment, she looked up again, her chocolate eyes now fierce.

"It shouldn't have happened, Damon" she said through her teeth and once again pushed past him.

"What?" he asked. It was knee-jerk reaction. He didn't understand it. He shouldn't be questioning her feelings; after all, he knew this was the kind of reaction she'd give. But he still hadn't prepared himself for it.

"You shouldn't have kissed me Damon, okay. It was wrong and all messed up and … I was stupid enough to let you kiss me and it was a mistake and…" she began to mingle her words and feelings simultaneously that it was all just a flurry of words to Damon.

"Hey, hey hey" Damon shushed, walking towards her to calm her down. But as he came towards her, she turned around abruptly, pushing him away from her.

"No" she said sternly. "Don't".

She paused as Damon just stared at her, blankly.

"What are we doing Damon?" she asked, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer. "Why did you kiss me?"

"You already know why," he answered. And she did. Damon had illustrated his untainted love for her for the past year if not longer.

She just shook her head, as if she wouldn't allow herself to believe it.

"It felt like the right thing Elena." Damon began after a moment, trying to put across his motives. Trying to make her believe. "And you know what?" he asked, coming close enough to touch. He lightly pressed his hand on her cheek, looking into those endearing eyes forever and ever. He shook his head "I don't regret it. Not one bit", he told the truth. He put his feelings out here regardless of that fact that they could work against him. But, he just had to let her know how he felt.

She dropped her face instantly, pushing him away.

"C'mon Elena. You're really going to fight this?"

"I'm not fighting anything Damon. You shouldn't have kissed me. It was a mistake-"

"Not for me, it wasn't" he interceded. He didn't come here to fight. He wasn't going to fight. Even if his intentions last night were to just kiss her, even if the feeling wasn't mutual, even if he promised himself not to expect anything in return from Elena, he just couldn't accept that now. He wanted her to say it. To say that it wasn't a mistake.

She looked at him, her eyes giving him a sincere look, "Well it was for me". Her voice was barely a whisper.

Damon laughed once under his breath, his eyes turning cold at the thought of his brother. "You love Stefan" he finally said, a trace of bitterness underlying his words. He looked upward, turning his back on her. "It's always going to be Stefan", he said to himself, "Ain't he the lucky one."

"Damon" Elena started, trying to find her words without succumbing to the pain that was now creeping up to her. But it wasn't the pain because she was hurting Damon yet again because of her love for her brother. No. It was because…. Because… Well, she just couldn't the answer so she finally said the words that she could find. "I'm sorry".

He turned to face her.

"I love you Elena" he protested. "I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?" he wasn't going to give up right now. She didn't love Stefan, not after last night. He wouldn't accept that she loved Stefan, not after he hurt her, broke her and tore her to pieces. He was the one that was there to keep her whole. And he wasn't going to let her forget that.

"Doesn't the fact th-" he began but with ice in her heart, Elena interrupted him yet again. Her breathing slowed down intensely as she forced the words that would make Damon go away. The words that would be sure to get her message across. He only words she knew that could break someone.

"I. Don't. Love. You, Damon" she said, bitterness enveloped her whole as she froze in her steps and watched Damon suddenly turn morose.

"I've never loved you", she finally said, not breaking her eyes off his.

"You don't mean that" he finally said, his voice breaking at the end. But Elena kept strong, her voice didn't falter like his.

"Yes, I do", her voice nearly broke halfway as her throat closed up.

"Fine Elena. Look at me. Look at me in the eye and tell me that that kiss didn't mean something. That you didn't feel something. It wasn't just me Elena. I wasn't dreaming it. It happened. You might not want to admit it but it happened. And I felt it. And I know you felt it too. So tell me you didn't feel anything. Tell me there was nothing in that kiss that made you feel just tiny bit for me and I'll walk away. I'll walk away right now and won't bother you again. Say it Elena. Say it. Tell me you don't love me." He paused, trying to find her eyes but they were vacant as she stared past him.

"And I'll go" he whispered. A tear rolled down his eyes when the deafening silence gave him his answer. "Just say it and I'll go Elena. Because…", he paused "Because I can't do this anymore", he edged towards her as she backed away, still not meeting his eyes but he forced his eyes through his stinging eyes.

"I can't go on seeing you everyday and fighting the urge to kiss you. To feel your touch. To be with you. To make you laugh and be there to dry your tired eyes. I can't go on knowing that we didn't give it a shot. That you'll never be mine", his voice broke at the end.

"Never is a long time Elena, trust me, I should know". He walked up towards her, even when she tried to flinch away; he was persistent and gently cradled her face into his palms, "Just give us a try Elena. I'm begging you. Don't fight this. Don't fight us", he pleaded, forcing a smile.

The smile she had learned to love. The one that made her day, the one that made her smile. But not this time.

As she met his eyes, those bright, icy blue eyes, sadness and guilt evaded her.

"Just go, Damon" she finally whispered, beckoning her face from him and turning her back once more on him.

He didn't say anything. He didn't breathe. He couldn't move. He just stared at her. At the girl that stole his heart and even though she protested against it and tried to force it back to him, and even though she denied the fact that she didn't have it, that she didn't love it nor want it, he couldn't bring himself to believe it. He wouldn't believe. It was why he left his heart with her.

Because deep down inside, even though Elena may not love him as she declared, he'd always love her. Always.

A tear rolled down Elena's cheek as Damon hesitated then turned on his heel. He was out of the room, like she'd wanted – within an instant. As he ran out, ran out a fast as he could, the cold, stubborn wintry air began to sting his eyes.

He didn't believe her of course. He didn't want to believe her. But the words hurt him deep into his core.

And that was one of the reasons he fought against his humanity. Because whilst the pleasant times were worth it, the pain wasn't. There was only one reason her was in touch with his humanity and that reason was now absent. It stabbed him in his heart and stung around the edges and he hated it. Hated the pain more than he could even hate his brother at this moment in time.

And Elena wasn't disaffected by the pain either. As she spoke the words and comprehended them, she regretted them. Because they weren't true. Of course they weren't. She loved Damon but she just wasn't sure who she loved more. Stefan or Damon?

And that's what made her make the snap decision.

She didn't want to have to choose anymore. All her life she'd had to choose, to make a decision everyone felt was right, never on her own intentions. So was the decision she'd just made the right one?

Well, that was what consumed her now as her heart poured out onto the floor and she grasped her chest for air. Her sobs came out vehemently.

Slowly, she was losing everyone in her life. Her parents, Jenna. Her real parents John and Isobel, Jeremy, Stefan and now Damon. But she couldn't help but feel guilty for purposely pushing Damon away. For denying her feelings for him. Because there was something there. As much as she hated to admit it, ever since she nearly lost Damon after the sacrifice, her heart began to love him just that little bit more.

But she just couldn't voice her hearts motions. She didn't have it in her. She was still fighting for Stefan. To bring him back from the edge in the sheer hope that underneath all that anger, all that urge and all that bloodlust, the real Stefan that she loved, the one that felt and had a beating heart was still there.

She hoped this. But a part of her knew better. A part of her wished she'd had not pushed Damon away. Could she really fight these feelings off? Was it too late?

Thanks for reading! I'm thinking of turning this into a two-shot, what do you think? I don't really want to leave it there. Drop a review/message and tell me your thoughts? :)