Hi everyone! Well, it's snowing. A lot of you may be saying "So what? It's winter (well, in the northern hemisphere), what's the big deal?" I'll tell you the big deal. The big deal is that I'm from Seattle, and while we Seattlites are good at a lot of things, snow management is not one of them. I have been stuck inside for two days straight. Instead of going crazy, I decided to indulge myself in starting to write on a new story.
For any of you who are reading Wanderlust, never fear, my writing of this story shouldn't interfere with that. In fact, you'll probably get a Wanderlust update tomorrow. This story will probably have shorter chapters than WL though...
Enjoy!
I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is rated M and intended for readers over the age of 18. Please ask my permission before reproducing, but if you want to rec, rec away and thanks for your support!
ICEBREAKER
PROLOGUE
"Okay. Almost done. If I thought this would take so long, I wouldn't have bothered."
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be doing this anyway."
"No one's forcing you to sit here, dude," Emmett says.
Jasper sighs. "I know. Continue."
"Username." Emmett smirks and types the characters in slowly.
"Maverick84? Are you serious? What a douche bag name." Jasper looks incredulously at Emmett.
"No, it's awesome. It's like, Top Gun, you know. Women love that shit."
"I suppose now would be the wrong time to point out to you how homoerotic that movie really is?" Jasper asks, but Emmett ignores him.
"Alright. Hair. Gingery brown," Emmett snickers and clicks on the arrow to view the choices.
"I think they call that auburn," Jasper says.
"Hmm. Whatever. Eyes. Green. Grey. No, green."
"Height. Um…well, he's shorter than me and I'm six-three. But he's taller than you. How tall are you?" Emmett turns and raises his eyebrows at Jasper.
Jasper shrugs. "Six foot."
"Let's go with six-two."
"What is he looking for in a girl?" Emmett reads off the screen. "Well, that's easy. Must be female. And not gross. I think that about covers it."
"Jesus, Emmett, come on. He's already going to be mad at us. We should at least soften the blow by making sure it's someone he'd like."
"Okay then, you finish this." Emmett stands up and waits for Jasper to switch places with him. Jasper sits down and takes the mouse in his hand, hovering over the preferences section.
"Any color hair or eyes. Not taller than maybe five-eight. He doesn't want a giant." Jasper muses.
"Hey, watch it, dick! Rosie's probably five-nine or five-ten."
"Sorry. I guess that's not really a giant. I just don't see him with a really tall girl. He always likes the short ones, you know?"
"No, actually, I don't know. I've seen him go on one date since, well, you know, and I thought she was pretty average."
Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzz.
"Oh shit! That's him. Hurry up, click finish." Emmett gets out of his chair and goes to the intercom by the door, turning to look at the computer screen as he goes then hits the button to unlock it without using the intercom. "Now, dude! Do it now!"
"Okay, I'm trying, fuck!" Jasper growls.
Jasper closes the internet window about four seconds before the door swings open.
"What's up?" Edward asks as he walks into the kitchen, depositing a six pack of beer and a few bags of chips onto the counter.
"Nothing," Jasper and Emmett answer at the same time.
"Cool," Edward says, shoving his glasses further up his nose and twisting the top off of one of the beers before wandering into the living room.
"Do NOT say anything, dude." Emmett points the neck of the beer he grabs from the case at Jasper. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Oh, believe me, I won't. I'm pretty sure I could have my manhood revoked for shit like this,"
"He'll thank us later."
"Somehow I doubt that." Jasper shakes his head and follows Edward in to watch the soccer match.
#IB#
Three Days Later
"This one looks like a mess," Emmett says as he scrolls through the potential matches in the queue. "I mean, I'm all for low maintenance, but geez. What do you think she looks like when she's not trying to get a date?"
Jasper leans over from his side of the couch and glances at the laptop screen and winces. "Oh, shit. That's rough. Look, somebody sent him an icebreaker."
Emmett rejects the match on the screen then slides his finger across the touch pad and clicks on the picture next to the words 'Your profile made me smile!'
Emmett and Jasper read over the details of the profile that pops up.
"Brown hair, brown eyes, boring," Emmett says, without bothering to look at the other posted pictures. "And it says she works for the government. Lame."
Emmett opens the message sent by the girl: "Hi Maverick84, I loved your profile – I think we could have a lot in common. Coffee sometime?" Emmett quickly types in a short message: "Thanks, but no thanks."
"Thanks, but no thanks? What was wrong with her?" Jasper asks then tips his beer back for a sip.
"I don't think she seemed that interesting. And she was kind of mousy looking."
"Just because she's not a Rosalie doesn't mean she's mousy, Emmett. Are we looking for a model or are we looking to get him a date?"
"Okay, fine. It's too late for that one, though. I already closed it."
Emmett's phone goes off and the screen flashes with a text message from Edward: Hey. What are you doing?
Jasper laughs. "It's like that kid has a sixth sense for when you're doing something you shouldn't be."
"He'll thank me later."
"You keep sayin' that, man. You keep sayin' that."
PSA: Don't take Emmett's example. If you want to be a wingman for your friend, do it the old-fashioned way.
Review and tell me what you think, I love to hear from you!
LA