If He Did

The golden glow faded from Merlin's eyes and, slowly, trying to seem as unthreatening as possible, he lowered his arm. He had wielded powerful magic to save the life of his King, as he had many times before.

But this time was different.

This time Arthur had seen. This time Arthur knew.

Merlin waited with bated breath for his King's reaction. This had been a long time coming. He had both longed for and feared this day. Now that it was upon him, he wondered if he was ready. He wondered if Arthur was ready.

"Traitor," Arthur hissed.

Merlin stiffened. "I saved your life, sire."

"You used magic."

Merlin raised his chin and met Arthur's hostile glare with a level gaze. "Yes, I did. Not for the first time, either. You have no idea how many times I have had to use magic to save your royal backside."

Arthur's hand went to the pommel of his sword. "Magic is forbidden."

"You're lucky I'm not afraid to bend the rules, then."

"You're a sorcerer."

"Actually I'm a warlock. I was born with magic."

"You lied to me."

"For your own good."

"No! You have betrayed me!"

The words stung, but Merlin tried to stay calm. "Never, Arthur."

"I trusted you! I called you my friend!"

"I am your friend."

"No. No, you are a liar and a traitor to the crown! After everything I have done for you, I cannot believe you would betray me in this way. I thought you were a good man, Merlin. Clearly I was wrong."

Rage built up within him. Arthur had no right to speak to him like that. Arthur had no right to look at him that way, like he was the scum beneath his shoe. Merlin might be known to the world as a mere servant, but he was Emrys. He was magic and power and might masquerading as a serving boy, and he deserved recognition. More than that, he deserved respect.

Years of pent up hurt and anger and secrets and lies bubbled up inside of him until he could contain it no longer.

"You have no idea what it is like!" Merlin yelled.

Arthur stumbled back, wide-eyed with shock.

"I am the most powerful warlock to have ever lived, and I've been living as a servant! I have scrubbed your floors and mucked out your stables, I have lugged water for your baths and served your meals, I have washed your clothes and mended your armour, and all the while I have put up with being treated like a bumbling idiot!

"Do you have any idea what it is like to have more power than any man you have ever known, but to be forced to play the fool? To be overlooked and to have your every deed go unnoticed? I have saved your life more times than I can count, and not once have I ever heard you say thank you. I have watched others claim credit for the things I have done, you most of all! I saved Camelot from the Griffin. I healed you from the bite of the Questing Beast. I stopped Nimueh. I defeated the sorcerer Sigan. I destroyed the Knights of Medrir. I saved Camelot from the Great Dragon. I vanquished the skeleton soldiers and single-handedly turned the tide of the battle when Camelot was besieged. I destroyed Cenred's undead army! It was me, Arthur, always me, and you dismissed my victories as blind luck or credited the work to others.

"You have mocked and belittled me! You have thrown goblets at my head and battered me in weapons practice. At best, you have taken me for granted and at worst you have treated me like a slave!

"I have put up with a lot from you, Arthur Pendragon, but this I will not stand for! You owe me your life and your kingdom dozens of times over, and you dare to accuse me of treason? No one has sacrificed more for you or for Camelot than I have. I gave up my home, I saw my friends banished, I lost the woman I loved and the father I barely knew, I watched as my kin were murdered by your father and I risked my life for you every single day. There have been times I lay dying, for your sake, and had I died you would never have known. I bore the burden of my secret, I suffered in silence, all the while hoping, believing, that someday you would know the truth and accept me for who I really am.

"Instead you cast judgement upon me, discarding years of friendship and ignoring everything you know about me because you are blinded by hatred and ignorance.

"I am disappointed in you, Arthur. You are no better than your father and a fool besides. You have seen what I can do – do you really believe that if I wanted you dead that you would still have the breath to condemn me? You once said that you could take me apart with a single blow, and I told you I could take you apart with less than that. I was not lying. I could kill you where you stand and you would be powerless to stop me.

"You are only alive because of me, and you sit on the throne of Camelot because I put you there. I could rule if I wanted to, but I was content to be the servant to a good man.

"You say I have betrayed you? You betrayed me, Arthur. You betrayed the faith I had in you.

"Enjoy ruling your kingdom while you can. Only time will tell how long it will last without my aid.

Merlin turned to leave. The fury that had furled his impassioned speech faded as he began to walk away from his hopes, his dreams and his destiny.

He had thought that, when this day came, things would have turned out differently. He thought that he and Arthur were more than just master and servant. He thought that, when there were no more lies between them, they would be able to stand side by side as equals and as friends.

But after everything they had been through together, with all they had built and everything Merlin had sacrificed, it had all been for nothing. Arthur was not the man he thought he was.

And Merlin had lost everything.

Tears burned in his eyes but he did not bother to dash them away. He had nothing to hide anymore.

He let his magic open the door for him. He had lived in fear of what Uther or Arthur would do to him if his powers were discovered, but the truth was they could not hurt him. Not physically, anyway.

Arthur's rejection was a deeper wound; one that would never heal. But Merlin would survive. He always did.

"Goodbye, Arthur," he said quietly.

"Merlin, wait."

Merlin paused, one foot over the threshold. He did not turn around, nor did he say anything. But he waited.

"Merlin, I- I don't know what to say."

He shifted forward, ready to walk away and leave Camelot far behind him.

"Merlin, please. I'm – I'm sorry."

He stilled.

"Merlin, I didn't…I had no idea. I thought – but I was wrong. I never should have said those things to you."

"But you did. You have shown what is in your heart, Arthur Pendragon. Bigotry. Hatred. Mistrust."

"Regret. Merlin, I mean it. I'm sorry. I should not have been so quick to judge you. My father has conditioned me against magic, and when I saw what you did… it was a knee-jerk reaction. I was shocked and I spoke without thinking. I didn't realise just how much you have done for me, or what it must have cost you. I'm sorry."

"I am, too," Merlin said. Once more, he made to leave.

Arthur caught his arm.

Merlin spun around and his eyes flashed. Arthur yelped and withdrew his hand as though stung, but he didn't retreat. "Don't go, Merlin. Please. Give us a chance. We can talk about this. We can make this work."

"You have no idea what it would take to 'make this work', Arthur."

"Maybe I don't. But we can figure it out together. Please."

Merlin looked into blue eyes. There was no deceit or trickery there. Only sincerity.

"You mean what you say."

"Yes, I do."

Merlin nodded slowly. "Then I will give you one more chance."