Chapter 22

December 25, 2001 - Christmas Day

It wasn't until ten minutes after she hung up with Rick that Kate realised her folly.

"Crap." She whispered under her breath, running back to her desk and grasping the phone she'd left there. She'd been pouring her umpteenth cup of coffee for the day when she'd called Rick, distracted by the case file in her hand and then further distracted when Esposito had come in with a new lead from his canvas. So she was distracted, distant, and detached from what Rick was telling her, asking of her. But really, there was no excuse.

"Pack it up Espo. Go home. Enjoy your Christmas, or whatever's left of it." The two young detectives were the only ones left. Most of the older officers had left already; solved their cases or found a suitable stopping point. They'd bid their younger counterparts season's greetings, urging them not to stay to late, to go home to their families. But Kate and Javi had something to prove, though neither of them would readily admit to it. This was their first solo case and it felt like the whole precinct was watching them, assessing their every move.

For Kate, this high profile case meant making a name for herself, putting her one step closer to her heading up her own team. For Esposito it meant becoming the second in command for that team. All that was pretty pointless though if she no long had a family to share the accomplishment with though.

"What? Why? We just got a fresh lead!" Esposito argued.

"Yeah, which we can't follow until morning anyway. Go home." Kate pushed.

Esposito didn't reply, stubbornly turning to his own desk and gluing his eyes to a file.

"Look, do whatever you want to Javi, but I'm going home. See you bright and early tomorrow." Kate shrugged on her coat as she hit the call button on the phone again, jamming the device between her ear and her shoulder so she could gather that rest of her possessions.

The phone rung out and went to message bank.

"Damn it." Kate muttered under her breath as she hung up and urgently pressed the elevator button again. She needed to get home.

Kate bolted up the subway stairs and all but ran to the entrance of her new home. She'd tried Rick's cell and landline several times but he hadn't answered. She knew he must be mad but ignoring her calls was surely too petty for him. Kate clambered up to the fifth floor, two star is at a time, unwilling to wait for yet another elevator.

She all but burst through the door, half expecting to see her loving little family smiling up at her from the floor around the Christmas tree. The living room was empty though. She checked ht kitchen, study, and master bedroom but to no avail. Dread began to sink into her stomach and that dread turned to anguish as she checked the girls; room and found it empty too.

Kate fell to her knees as scenarios began to fly through her mind uncontrollably. Where would he have taken them? Why hadn't he called to tell her they were going somewhere? Had he really kidnapped her daughter? Could it really be considered kidnapping at this point? Of course, legally it would be but wasn't Alyssa just as much his as hers now? That's why she hadn't put the damn case down and come home after all, because, at the end of the day, at least Alyssa had one parent there.

Maybe they'd gone to see her father. Kate raced back down the stairs and dialled her Dad's number on the landline. He'd just answered when Kate noticed Rick's cell and wallet on the hall table.

"Hello. Are you there? Who is this?" Jim's voice rang over the line.

"Oh, hey Dad. It's just me." Kate murmured, her head still spinning.

"Ok Kate! Merry Christmas. Any particular reason for the call? Not that I'm not delighted to hear from you but Rick and the girls called on your behalf earlier."

"Yeah, sorry. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas too." She all but whispered.

"Kate?" Her name was bing called from two different directions.

"Dad, sorry… I… I gotta go." Kate muttered into the phone. Jim said something in kind but Kate didn't hear it, too busy having a silent staring competition with the man at the bottom of the stairs.

"Rick, I…" The man in question held up a hand to stop her.

"The girls are in the guest room." His voice was stoic, void of any readably emotion despite the hurt that shone through his eyes.

"Rick…" she tried again, moving a few steps closer.

"They need to hear it more than I do. Both of them." He indicated with his head to the top of the stairs. "Go."

Kate nodded, moving towards where he stood on the final stair. As she passed she gripped his hand, leaning in to whisper in his hear.

"I'm sorry." She kissed his cheek gently. The only response she received from her fiancé was a stiff nod. She conintued up the stairs but stopped at the landing when Rick spoke.

"I'll get the presents ready." And then he was gone.

Kate knocked on the door before she entered. No response came but she opened the door anyway. Had she not been wracked with guild she might have laughed at the sight before her. A blanket fort had been erected at the end of the bed, it clocked off access to the other side of the room and extended into the closet. Kate gently lifted the corner of the blanket closest to her and peeked in.

"May I come in?"

Alyssa and Alexis were sitting crossed legged, facing each other, in the closet section of the fort.

Alyssa huffed. "I suppose." This was going to be hard. Alyssa had already put up the walls to protect herself, had begun to feign nonchalance. Kate new the technique well, after all, the girl had learnt it from her mother just as Kate had learnt it from Johanna.

Kate climbed in and settled herself across from her daughters.

"I'm sorry." Kate started after the awkward tension between the three got to be too much.

"Okay." Alyssa shrugged, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

"It was wrong of me to stay late at work. Stupid. You've heard me say I have an important jobs just you need to know that you girls are more important. You're my number 1 priority. And I'm very sad to admit that I lost sight of that today." Kate eyed both girls as they stared with great focus at different points on the floor.

"I've gotten so used to your dad being around." She started again. "I've gotten so used to him being here, helping tai care of the two of you, that I forgot that just because he's here doesn't mean I don't need to be."

Alyssa's eyes suddenly shot up to meet Kate's.

"What are you going to do to make up for it? To make it up to us?" Aly's harsh tone meant she was close to forgiving, the stubborn girl was fighting to keep that last bit of anger and hurt bottled up though.

"Nothing." Kate admitted after a moment of thinking. Both girls turned their heads towards her. "Well not nothing. I'm here, apologising, asking for your forgiveness. Sometimes that's how it works Al, sometimes people, family especially, make mistakes, do stupid things and hurt the ones they love. But family isn't about settling some score and keeping track of hits and misses. It's about love, loving each other despite the faults and forgiving and being humble enough to admit that you've made a mistake and you were wrong. Family is loving despite the faults and wrongs." Kate exhaled deeply as she finished.

"Okay." Alyssa whispered. Alexis was nodding slowly but still very silent.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you. Do you think you can forgive me?" Kate reached both her hands towards her daughters.

"I forgive you." Alyssa climbed into Kate's lap as she said it.

"Alexis?" Kate questioned, arm still open. Alexis nodded silently again, crawling carefully towards Kate.

"I love you two more than anything and I promise to remember my priorities in the future." Kate hugged both girls to her chest tightly. "What do you say we go open some presents?"

The girls brightened up after the first round of presents. They'd both received a scooter from their parents as the main gift and they were currently opening the smaller presents as Rick and Kate sat at opposite ends of the couch, the girls on the floor in front of the tree.

Alyssa was still examining the Harry Potter potions kit Rick and Kate had bought for each of the girls when Alexis pulled her away and dragged her over to the tree. The girls riffled around for a moment while Rick and Kate watched on with curiosity. Finally they made their way over to the couch, an envelope held between them. Standing side by side in the middle of the lounge forced their parents to slide closer together to meet them.

"Gram helped us buy this for you." Alexis said, the girls both thrusting the envelope into Rick and Kate's laps.

Kate picked it up and offered it to Rick to open. He shook his head wearing a smile that was only slightly forced.

"We thought we could use it…" Alyssa stopped talking when Alexis elbowed her and glared.

"Let them open it first." She scolded.

Kate carefully peeled open the envelope and pulled out a voucher.

"Family passes to Disney World for the next twelve months." Kate laughed out, showing the passes to Rick next to her. He chuckled a little too.

"So thoughtful girls." He smiled, extending his arm to pull Alyssa into him just as Kate did the same to Alexis.

Rick reached over and wrapped his arm around Kate's shoulders, tugging the family into a tight group hug.

"I love you guys." Kate threw out into the centre of the hug. She felt Rick let out a breath.

"We love you too." He kissed her cheek gently before pulling back. "But you tow need to go to bed. Think you can share a room for one more night?" He questioned the girls.

"We're not tired." Alyssa asserted.

"That wasn't the question Al." Rick chuckled.

Both girls sighed deeply, in sync.

"Fine." They hugged together as both parents laughed.

As eleven rolled around the girls were in their room but most definitely were not sleeping. Meanwhile Rick and Kate sat at odds across from each other at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry." Kate broke the silence.

"You said that already." Rick's tone was matter of fact, not cold exactly, but distant and slightly detached.

"I'm sorry I was distracted when I called you and I'm sorry I didn't come home earlier. I had my priorities mixed up. I forgot that just because Alyssa has you that she still needs me to be here just as much as before. And Alexis too. I just, I've gotten too accustomed to not being the sole centre of Alyssa's universe and her not being the sole centre of mine. I took you for granted today. I'm so sorry." Kate extrapolated.

Rick sat silent and stoic for a moment before speaking.

"You know, at the shelter today there were more people than I've ever seen there before. I've gone every year since Alexis was three and this year… God Kate, there were so many." He shook his head and closed his eyes as Kate waited for him to continue.

"People have lost a lot this year Kate. The entire city has lost a lot. People lost family and friends and their homes and their entire livelihoods during the attacks. The whole time I was dolling out food in that kitchen all I could think about was how luck I was. Amongst a city that has lost so much I've only gained. I gained a friend, then a daughter, then a fiancé. After seeing that first hand, I don't know Kate, family, you, the girls, our parents, they have to be the most important thing. I know that your work is really important and that you're making a difference and helping families who have also lost so much but we have to come first. Alexis, Alyssa, and me. Or you will lose us. Slowly but surely you will."

"I'm sorry. I know. I'm so sorry. As soon as I realised what I had done I came straight home I swear. You're right. You're totally right. I just lost sight of it for a moment. Forgive me?" Kate pleaded, reaching her hands across the table to him.

"Of course." Rick stood instead, walking around the table and pulling her up and into his arms.

They stood in the middle of the room, hugging it out, for the better part of five minutes before Kate pulled back.

"Do you want your Christmas present now?" Rick's grin was all the answer she needed.

26 December, 2001

As Kate filled out the final paperwork for the Wall Street case they'd solved that morning she thought back on the night before. Rick had been ecstatic when he'd opened her gift - Ninja School classes - and he'd hugged her and presented her with an envelope of her own.

"After the first couple of years of having money, bought gifts tend to feel over done and insincere." He'd started. "That, and you're really hard to buy for." Kate had laughed and opened the envelope. Inside was a poem he'd written and a certificate giving her the rights to name a star. She thumbed the poem now, sitting in her pocket. She almost had it memorised. Just as she was about to pull it out and read it again the Captain poked his head out of his office.

"Detective Beckett, join me in my office?" Montgomery requested, his voice carrying across the bullpen.

Esposito flicked his eyes to hers as she stood, an 'I-told-you-so' written on his face. Kate pointedly glared at him as she closed the captain's door behind her.

"Detective Beckett, I want to talk to you about last night." He began.

"I know, I cut out early from the case. It's just, it had reached a natural stopping point in my opinion and my daughters…" Kate trailed off as the captain held a finger to silence her interruption.

"I was going to say you made a good choice last night."

Kate sat back and stared blankly at him.

"It takes a good detective to solve this kinda of a case they way you did; to keep the media at bay and get to work. However it takes a wise parent to know when to step back and go home, see her family, and come back with fresh eyes and a clear, rested mind the next day.

"Th…thank-you." Kate stammered.

"Don't thank me. I haven't gotten to the best part yet. We have some detectives moving onto other departments and I have space for a new team. I'd like you to try your hand at it. It's not going to be easy, it's probably going to be longer hours and a bigger workload but I think you've got that under control."

"Thank you again." Kate was stuck for words.

"You'll also be training a new detective in homicide. He'll be partnering with Esposito but you'll be his training officer. His name is Kevin Ryan. He's been a junior detective for the past year or so down in vice. He'll need some guidance on the difference between vice and homicide. Think you're up for the challenge detective?" He questioned.

"Absolutely."

"Great, I look forward to it. Promotion goes through in two weeks. You'll start the next Monday."

A/N: Hey look! New chapter! Surprise! I can sometimes update within a reasonable time frame. Thanks for all the reviews guys. You ROCK! I can't believe I'm almost at 400!

Thanks to: calleigh4ever, Sacramone08, Caskett09, linaa13, phnxgrl, Sissysi01, castkate, fanka77, mrj726, life's a mystery, oldmoviewatcher, Macahol84, and the three guests (even if some of what you said was a little concerning :/ thanks for expressing your opinions!) And extra special thanks for the lovely private message I got about this story. It really warmed my heart and inspired me.