"Goodnight."

Elena's eyes followed Damon as he stepped off her porch and guided himself down her walk to his car.

Something was wrong. Her chest hurt, like she needed something. It occurred to her she hadn't taken a breath since before his lips met hers.

She gasped for air and slowly exhaled. Elena could feel the warmth of his lips on hers. Her fingers flew up to her mouth, checking to see if this was all real.

Elena fell back a few steps until her back met the porch railing.

"Elena?" Alaric called from inside. She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and then wrapped her arms tightly around her body before going back into her home.

Alaric was standing in the hallway, looking into the kitchen calling her name. While his back was still turned, Elena dashed up the stairs taking two steps at a time.

"Oh Elena! There you ar-" Alaric said coming to the foot of the stairs. Upon seeing her face, his voice took a calmer tone. "Are you alright?""

"I'm fine Ric, I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

"If you need to talk... I'm here... You did the right thing tonight."

She nodded and continued to her bedroom where she shut and locked the door behind her. For one night, Elena needed to disconnect from everything- from everyone. Gripping the phone in her pocket, she found the power button with her index finger and turned it off. She crossed her room to the window, shut and locked it, and then drew the curtains.

Making her way to the bathroom, she stripped off her shirt and camisole, then her jeans, followed by her bra and underwear. She turned on the water, making it hot to the touch, and stepped into the shower.

Elena let the stream wash over her face. She closed her eyes and stood there, hoping it would numb her all over.

However, when she closed her eyes it wasn't to nothingness. The events of the day raced through her mind in bright flashes.

The first flash was of Bonnie at the grill and of her best friend's sympathetic expression as she relayed her paranoia and fear. The unsettling feeling in her stomach as Jer recklessly invited Tyler Lockwood into their childhood home.

Finding Jeremy's ring left behind on the table... The sound of her heartbeat as she rushed outside after hearing a car screech around the corner only to watch her younger brother stand stoically in the path of a speeding vehicle.

Witnessing Alaric heroically shove Jer out of the way, only to be throw into the air before landing with a dull thud on the pavement.

Stefan... Stefan's emotionless expression when she told him Klaus had set Jeremy in his sights. How the sweet man she once dreamed of spending her life with was lost to her. How she would never hear the same inflection in his voice when he talked to her or feel his gentle touch. He was gone.

Tony standing in her doorway as Alaric lay on the floor bleeding out. She was helpless and completely alone in the world as she watched the EMTs climb back into the ambulance and slowly take off down her street. She couldn't protect the people she loved, just like the night when Klaus took Jenna's life, and the moment her parent's car flipped the guardrail and landed in the water...

Elena's knees buckled and she sank to the shower floor. She pushed her knees up to her chin and buried her face in them. For the first time in a long while, she sobbed. The type of sobbing that makes your body shake, makes your chest ache, and makes you truly believe that nothing will ever be right again.

More memories raced through her mind. The relief she felt as Tony fell revealing Jeremy behind him with a crossbow. Watching in horror as her baby brother grabbed a knife and cut off the hybrid's head to save the only family he had left.

Elena thought about how she kept her voice from shaking when she told Klaus that she had been the one to dagger Rebekah. How a chill traveled down her spine as she turned around and left him in the Salvatore basement with his sister's body.

The blank expression in Jeremy's eyes as Damon compelled him to believe everything would be alright as long as he left Mystic Falls far behind. How she would miss all of the milestones in his young life.

And then, the porch... Damon's guilt... Her guilt... For wanting what he wanted. Knowing in her heart of hearts, even if she could not utter it aloud, she was no longer his brother's girl... That in many ways she no longer wanted to be. A door had closed on that part of her life.

And Damon, gently cupping her face with his cool, soft hands and bestowing a kiss on her so softly fearing she would pull away. It sent her to a calmer place, where bad things did not happen to good people. Where she could forget who she was and where she came from. She didn't know someone's touch could do that, that they could cause the walls around her heart to crumble into fine sand at her feet.

But she couldn't feel that for him... It was not right...

She stood up and washed quickly, watching the red tinges on palms fade into the drain.

She stepped out, dried off, and dressed in a pair of purple pajama shorts and a tank top. She brushed her teeth and combed out her hair. She began to walk into the other room when on second thought she decided to take one of the sleeping tablets prescribed to Jeremy after her parent's accident. She needed one, just one, dreamless night. She washed the blue pill down with a large glass of cool water before climbing into bed and turning off the light.

Closing her eyes, she could only see one person's face- Damon's.

For one moment she would let herself say what had been in her heart and on her mind for months...

"I love you Damon." She confessed so quietly she could barely hear it over the breeze rustling the trees outside her window.

But no, she would not allow herself to feel that. Not for him. The last man she loved lost his humanity because of her. She would not allow this to happen to Damon. Not ever. Damon had suffered enough and she would not add to it. She would love him silently. She would not be the bearer of more pain for him.

She would turn it off.