Disclaimer: I don't own Community, yo.

The Girls Guide to Getting Down

Annie liked to consider herself a perpetual student, always committed to learning everything she could about any given topic. When she began her relationship with Jeff , she knew that there would be complications based on their inherent differences: he was much older than she was, he was far less sensitive than she was and he was far more experienced than she was; all of these things pushed her to do what came naturally—study.

For the first two complications, she found herself in the "Relationships" section of the book store, picking up The Idiots Guide to Relationships with Older Men, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and her personal favourite, Taming the Man-Child.

But for the final complication, Annie was stumped. Hard as she looked, she just couldn't find any book with a title like Satisfying an Older Man: The Complete Guide to Foreplay, Sex and the Post-Game Show.

She took a deep breath and thought back to how their relationship had been progressing.

Jeff was a good boyfriend, though they'd had a few bumps in the road. He wasn't accustomed to being accountable to anyone, so there were a handful of occasions when he forgot to call, or stayed out at the bar until well into the early morning. He was a naturally insensitive person, so she wasn't surprised to find that he didn't always know when she was upset, and could rarely understand why. But more often than not, Jeff surprised her. He was sweet, caring, and even occasionally doting. He greeted her with a smile and left her with a hug and kiss—it was exactly what she wanted.

Well, almost.

Jeff had never complained about it, but she knew he was a little...underwhelmed by their sex life. After years of driving Mustangs, he was now the owner of a clunker (her words, not his). Annie wanted to be able to give him what the other women had, but she just hadn't had enough practice. Jeff would never complain, but she knew that it could have been better for him.

With a sigh, Annie collected the three books she'd decided to purchase and headed for the check-out counter. She supposed she would just have Google the rest.

She hugged the books to her chest as she surveyed her surroundings while standing in line. The front of the counter was filled with magazines, some trashy, some not. Architectural Digest was next to Men's Fitness, and Maxim was next to Chatelaine. She shook her head at the disorder. They could have at least alphabetized them.

She was about to step forward with the line when a headline on another magazine caught her eye. It stood out brilliantly, black text against the bright yellow backdrop, nearly grazing Cameron Diaz's side-boob, which was clearly the star of the front cover.

Cosmo.

Of course! Annie thought to herself. Why hadn't she thought of it before?

Sitting right in front of her, inscribed on the cover of her least favourite magazine in big, bold, black text was the answer to her problem: 78 Ways to Turn him On, What Men Want Most at 9 p.m., Radiate Confidence!... the list went on.

She could feel her face flush a hot pink as she quickly grabbed the magazine and shoved it to the bottom of her book pile, setting them on the counter. She felt like she was being judged by the discerning crowd inside the book store for deigning to pick up the trashy mag (and, just to mock her, National Review was sitting right next to it... she really should have mentioned the lack of logical organization to the shop owner).

After making her purchase, Annie wasted no time getting home to begin her studies.

Once there, she raced through the apartment clutching her bag as though she was smuggling an illegal substance. The last thing she needed was Troy commenting on her choice of reading material (he'd once seen her with Jane Austen's Mansfield Park and spent the next three weeks making jokes about her parking in a man's field... it made no sense, but it still grossed her out).

Upon entering her room, she cast aside the rest of the books and settled onto her bed with the magazine. She regarded the cover for several moments before opening it— it was the first time she'd ever actually looked inside an issue of Cosmo.

She flipped through the first few pages of ads for make-up and hair products before settling in to the article about Cameron Diaz. Five minutes later, she came to the startling realization that she had actually liked the article. She found that little piece of knowledge quite unsettling.

With a shake of her head, she surged onward in search of the articles she was really looking for—something that would make Jeff putty in her hands. He'd always satisfied her, so she decided it was well past time for her to return the favour.

She flipped through some more, passing by glamourous photos of celebrities and more ads for personal hygiene products. She flipped through so quickly, in fact, that she practically missed what she was looking for. Wedged in between a poster of a man in tight underwear and an article about 'love styles,' she found what she needed: The Extended Male Orgasm. Perfect.

Annie felt like she was reading a romance novel as she bashfully took in the wealth of information shared in the article. It laid everything out for her—exactly what she had to do to give Jeff the most incredible sexual experience he'd ever had. She couldn't help the little burst of excitement that shot through her as she began concocting her plan.

Step 1: Get his Dirty Thoughts Percolating

The first step suggested by the article was to get Jeff riled up long before the main event by dropping hints and teasing him throughout the day. As much as Annie would have liked to follow the directions to the tee, she found most of the magazine's suggestions to be way too much for her to do herself, so she decided to improvise.

Annie decided that the easiest way to start torturing her boyfriend would be to make a few tweaks to her typical ensemble. Like usual, she wore a cardigan and skirt, but opted against wearing tights. She also decided to pair the outfit with a pair of black pumps as opposed to her usual ballet flats. Completing the look with a slightly lower-than-usual cut top, she was ready to go. Only Jeff would really pay attention to these minor alterations, but she had an idea that he would respond quite strongly to a little more skin here and there.

Once she arrived on campus, she took a brisk pace as she navigated herself to their History classroom–the class the study group had chosen for their fourth year together. Once she reached the door, she took a cursory peek around the room to determine her plan of attack.

Unsurprisingly, Jeff was seated near the back of the room with his nose buried in his phone. She smiled when she saw the seat directly beside him filled only by his coat. It was a regular occurrence, but she still loved that he saved her a seat whenever he arrived first to class.

Jeff was engrossed in his game of Angry Birds when he heard the clacking of heels entering the classroom. His natural male tendencies forced his eyes upward to appraise the situation before he returned to his game, but something forced him to do a double-take. He looked back up and saw that it wasn't some random Greendale chick wearing sexy black pumps, it was his Greendale chick. He didn't know what it was about heels that made legs look so damn good, but he sent up a silent thank-you to whatever God may exist for slipping a pair on Annie that day.

Annie was pleased with herself when she saw Jeff watching her as she walked over to him. She added an extra little swagger for his benefit, and made sure he got a good look at her backside as she slid into the seat next to him. She turned to him and offered a bright smile.

"Hey babe," she greeted. She enjoyed the slight tingle she felt as he openly checked her out from head to toe.

"You look... nice," he responded. She turned slightly in his direction and leaned in a little closer, enjoying the way his eyes immediately became glued to her accentuated cleavage.

"You like it?" she asked, innocently. "It just the first thing I grabbed out of my closet this morning." Jeff raised his eyebrows speculatively.

"Annie, you've laid out your outfits for the week every Sunday night for the past four years."

"Well, I was busy on Sunday night," she said, leaning forward a little more. "Of course, I don't need to remind you of what I was up to all weekend." She restrained herself from smirking when she saw his lips curve slightly upward in remembrance.

"Fair point," he conceded. He looked like he was about to say something else, but their Professor chose that moment to delve into the Revolutionary War. Annie sunk back into her seat, pleased with her morning progress. She pretended not to notice Jeff's sidelong glances in her direction throughout the rest of the class.

The rest of the day passed in a similar fashion. Annie had a banana with her lunch, and milked the phallic fruit for all it was worth while Jeff nearly choked on his salad. During their group study session, she found sucking on the end of her pen to be a delightful way to pass the time while Jeff struggled to keep his eyes on his paper. She also complained of a back ache, so she took to long, lingering stretches that allowed her to stick her chest out as she raised her arms over her head and arched her back.

Around 4 p.m., the study group decided to call it quits for the day and began to file out. Annie packed up her bag as the group dwindled, and she soon realized that it was just she and Jeff left in the room.

"What are you up to?" Jeff asked once the room had been otherwise vacated. Annie mustered a look of innocence.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Jeff said, before standing and walking to where she sat. He took his position behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders, kneading them lightly. "Your back ache." He leaned down and put his lips to her ear. "Your outfit." He kissed her neck. "That huge freaking banana." He rubbed his hands down her arms, and then back up. "Everything you've done today."

She let out a long, shaky breath as his lips met her neck once more.

No! Her brain shouted to her. You're supposed to be seducing him, not the other way around!

She turned her head and kissed him lightly on the lips before standing, forcing him to back away.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, with just enough nonchalance to sound convincing (well, convincing to herself, at least). Jeff looked like he was about to protest, but she quickly scooped up her bag and turned to him. "So, what do you want for dinner tonight?" Jeff was visibly confused, both by her rapid change of topic, and the fact that this was probably the first time in their relationship that he hadn't had her melting from a single touch. He wasn't sure whether he should be intrigued, or insulted. Annie just tucked herself under his arm and gave him a tight squeeze as she led him out of the room, talking about all kinds of random, irrelevant things.

Once they reached her car, Annie pulled him to her, kissing him soundly in the way she'd wanted to all day. Keeping her hands off of him had been harder than she'd anticipated, especially after the way he'd responded to all of her evil schemes over the course of the day. Jeff responded to the kiss eagerly, pushing her against her car and leaning into her, connecting their bodies at every point.

And then just as quickly as it began, Annie pulled away, leaving a soft peck on his cheek before pushing him off of her lightly. "Why don't you stop at the liquor store and get some wine on the way home?" she asked. "I'll get supper started."

And with that, she hopped into her car, leaving Jeff horny and confused in the nearly empty Greendale parking lot.

Annie sped most of the way to Jeff's apartment, determined to get there before he did in order to initiate phase two of her plan. She'd picked up the ingredients for dinner that morning before school, leaving them in her passenger's seat so she'd be ready to go as soon as she got there.

Once she finally burst into his apartment, two things happened very quickly. One, she turned on the burner so she could make fettuccini (quick, easy and requiring some suckage), and two, she disrobed down to her (very, very inappropriate) black bra and panties, covering them over with an apron. She heard Jeff's key in the door not long after she'd gotten the water to a boil. She tried to push down her nervousness and excitement as she ran to the door to meet him.

"Hey," she said with a cheeky grin as she leaned up and kissed him quickly on the lips. Jeff hadn't really noticed anything, as busied himself pulling off his coat and boots.

"Can you put this in the fridge?" he asked, thrusting her favourite brand of white wine in her direction without so much as a look. She took it and waited just a moment for him to finish taking off his boots before she turned around and sauntered back to the kitchen finally revealing to him what had been hidden by the apron. She grinned when she heard him choke a little behind her, trying to cover it up as a cough.

"I'm making fettuccini, I hope that's alright," she called over her shoulder.

"What?"She reached the counter and turned around halfway, finding him still standing by the door, staring at her... well, at her backside (which looked mighty fine in her lacy booty-shorts, if she did say so herself).

"Fettuccini. For dinner?" she repeated. She watched amusedly as Jeff regained his bearings and tried to get back his 'cool as a cucumber' veneer.

"Oh, yeah, right. Fettuccini's good. Did you want me to dress for the occasion as well?" he capped the question with a classing Winger smirk, which gave Annie a little tingle. She tried her best to look nonchalant, though her insides were not feeling very nonchalant at all. They were very chalant as it were—very chalant indeed.

"That's fine. I'm wearing your only apron—wouldn't want you to burn your perfectly sculpted abs," she said with a flirty grin. Jeff quickly crossed the room, wrapping his arms around her midsection and pushing himself into her backside.

"Or we could skip dinner altogether," he mumbled into her ear, leaving a peck on her neck. She leaned back into him, enjoying the feel of his heat through his shirt on her bare back.

"Mmm, that sounds nice," she said softly, before pulling herself away and turning to face him. "But I'm famished. Dinner first." She tried not to smile at Jeff's visible pout—or his visible... other problem that had risen over the past several moments. She quickly grabbed the wine and created some distance as she went to the fridge, willing herself not to give into his complete and utter adorableness in his state of half-arousal, half-confusion.

Annie found that making dinner half-nude with a horny Jeff in the room was perhaps a little more difficult than she anticipated. He tended to encroach on her personal space, making it incredibly hard for her to concentrate on what she was doing, between kissing her neck, rubbing his hands over the naked skin of her stomach underneath the apron, or pushing himself into her whenever he got her in his arms. She almost gave up halfway through, but was determined to let her plan play out. By the end of the night, Jeff would be thanking her for the torture.

Finally, when the food was ready, she was able to task him with setting the table, giving her a small moment's reprieve from his heat and insistence. She mixed the fettuccini in a bowl and carried it out to the table, where Jeff had set up their plates, filled their cups with wine, and without having to be asked, lit two candles. She couldn't help but smile at the little touch, and the way it made her heart flutter in her chest.

She pulled herself into the seat next to him after setting down the bowl in the middle. He watched her with genuine affection, which was almost harder to concentrate under than pure arousal. Once she was settled, he reached over and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a soft kiss on the backs of her fingers.

"Thanks for dinner, babe. It looks great." She smiled and squeezed his hand, before setting to work on dishing out the pasta.

As they worked their way through dinner, Annie tried to keep the conversation as normal as possible, as though she wasn't sitting at the dining table in her bra and panties. For his part, Jeff seemed almost accustomed to her state of undress, and barely mentioned it, which bothered her maybe a little more than it should.

She tried to make her experience with the pasta as sensual as possible, and actually caught him watching her a few times, slack-jawed. Once she finished, she took a long sip from her wine glass, playing it against her lower lip as sensuously as she could muster without full-on tonguing it.

She waited until Jeff had downed the last of his wine before pulling out of her seat and making her way behind him, officially commencing...

Step 2: Touch and Tantalize

Annie placed her hands on both of his shoulders before slowly caressing downward over his chest and abs. Once her mouth was ear-level, she dipped down and placed a long kiss just below it, enjoying the way he lolled his head to the side to give her better access.

"Now we can have dessert," she whispered in his ear. She could swear she felt him shudder beneath her before turning his head and claiming her lips in a long, searing kiss. Deftly, he manoeuvred her into his lap, pulling the apron off and replacing it with his hands against her skin.

"You're evil," he muttered against her mouth. "Pure evil." She giggled against his lips, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and deepening the kiss. She trailed her tongue over his bottom lip, sinking it into his mouth when he granted her entrance, tasting wine on his tongue. Meanwhile, his hand had found its way to her thighs, smoothing up and down over the soft, porcelain skin he found there, moving higher and higher with each stroke.

Annie pushed her backside down into him, eliciting a noise somewhere between a grunt and growl—either way, she took it as encouragement and did it again. Jeff grabbed her by the waist and held her steady as he pushed up into her, eyes closing tightly at the sensation he'd waited all day to feel.

Annie almost became so involved in their make-out/grinding in the dining room that she nearly lost of sight of her goal, only to be dragged back to it quickly when Jeff's hand found its way to her centre, palming her through her underwear. Though she wanted to let him continue, this was not part of the plan.

Begrudgingly, she pulled her mouth away from his, and pulled his hand out from between her thighs. He watched her with confusion.

"What's wrong?" he asked, slightly winded after the intensity of their kissing. She grinned her most sensual grin and brought his hand up to her mouth. She watched him intently as she kissed his palm, then his index finger, then his middle finger, and then, in a slow motion, wrapped her lips around both, taking them all the way into her mouth before slowly dragging them out and releasing them with a pop. She gave herself a mental pat on the back as she watched Jeff's eyes bug out a little at the action.

"Let's go to the bedroom," she suggested in what she hoped was a sexy voice. Jeff nodded his approval, apparently unable to vocalize his thoughts at that time. She hopped out of his lap and blew out the candles before grabbing his hand and dragging him along behind her.

It seemed the trek to the bedroom was all it took for Jeff to regain his bearings, because as soon as she closed the door, she found herself pinned against it while Jeff attached himself to her, pulling her tightly against him, hands coursing over every exposed area with need and desperation. She moaned loudly into his lips as his hands found her breasts, palming and squeezing insistently. She gave in for a moment, just revelling in the feeling of his hands on her.

Soon, though, she recommitted to her plan, putting a hand squarely in the middle of his chest and pushing him away once more.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" he asked, his voice a mix of irritation and unadulterated desire. Annie set to work pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning his pants.

"Tonight is all about you," she explained as she pulled down his jeans. He stepped out of them and toed his socks off obediently. Once he was as naked as she was, she pushed him backward to sit on the bed, coming to stand in front of him. "Just lay back, relax, and enjoy." Jeff couldn't help the shot of arousal that went through him as she guided him up to the top of the bed and pushed him to lay down. She hadn't really taken control much in the past—he was curious to see where this would lead.

Once Annie had him where she wanted him, the real show began. She quickly took her position on top of him and reclaimed his mouth, loving the way his hands immediately began a course over her back and butt, grasping every now and then, and dragging her over his very prominent erection. For a while, she was content to just explore his mouth, loving the way his tongue slid against hers so expertly, and the way his lips were so pliable beneath her own.

Soon, she pulled herself away from his lips and moved his neck. He had one particular spot just below his ear that made him moan just a little louder. She found it quickly and worked her mouth against it as she allowed her hands to run over his shoulders and chest.

"Fuck, Annie. I want you," he moaned, grabbing her butt and dragging her over him once more. She took that as a sign that she needed to regain some control, so she sat up on his and grabbed his hands, pinning them over his head. He watched her with slight amusement, knowing she couldn't hold him there, but wanting to see where she was going with this.

"No touching," she told him with a small, evil grin. He chuckled.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, resting his hands under his head and stretching out beneath her, attempting to look as unaffected as he possibly could despite his erection poking into her backside. She smiled, pleased that he was being so obedient despite the hours upon hours of torture she'd unleashed on him all day. She decided that would be a good moment to reward him for his behaviour, and opted to do so by removing her bra. He groaned. "Seriously, I can't touch?" She laughed at his whine and simply shook her head.

"Just enjoy the show, Winger." She planted both hands on his chest and ground down into him hard, watching his face contort in pleasure. She began touching and kissing his chest in earnest, paying special attention to those areas where he was most sensitive. Often, she allowed her breasts to graze him, hard nipples finding his soft skin and setting it ablaze. His response was slightly uneven breathing, which was more than she could say for many of their past encounters.

After a few moments of this, she scooted down on the bed and tucked her fingers into the waistband of his boxer-briefs, pulling. "Lift," she instructed, and pulled them off when he did so. Once his were deposited, she stood up next to the bed and slowly, sensuously dragged her own underwear down and off, enjoying the feel of Jeff's eyes on her the whole time. She almost felt like an exhibitionist under his scrutiny, but found herself feeling empowered by it rather than shying away from it. Once they were both naked, she climbed back into his lap and continued her exploration of his body, moving lower and lower which each kiss.

As her hands, mouth and breasts roamed over his body, she deftly avoided the one place she knew he wanted her touch the most, touching everything but. She tried not to grin when he began moving his hips in efforts to bring her to his erection—his insistence only kept her further away.

"You're going to kill me, woman," Jeff moaned from above her. She giggled, and continued to kiss the dip in between his hip bones.

After several moments of absolutely necessary torture, Annie finally decided to let up, and moved on to...

Step 3: Use the Stop-Start Trick to End with a Big Bang

Jeff audibly moaned when she finally took hold of his shaft, pumping it in her hot hands a few times, running her palm over the tip. She watched him intently as she moved her head down to meet her hands and licked from base to tip. His eyes fluttered closed at the sensation, she fought back a grin. He was already so turned on, she would have to be careful with how much she gave him. She wanted to make this last by bringing him up to the point of orgasm and backing off a few times before letting him finally go over the edge. If Cosmo was right—and let's face it, they probably were—then the building of the orgasm several times should lead to something truly extraordinary for Jeff. She wanted him to experience that, and more than that, she wanted to be the one to give it to him.

So as she took his tip in her mouth, she was cautious not to go too hard. She kept her lips loose as she surrounded him, taking him in as deep as she could, and then backing off to give her hands some more time to pump him. Jeff forced his eyes open to watch as his girlfriend went down on him, alternating between her hands and her mouth in a way that made him dizzy with desire.

Annie continued to lick and suck for a few moments, loving his moans and words of encouragement and need. His voice was so low with desire that it sent waves of arousal through her, and she was already so turned out that it made it hard for her to continue teasing him and not just jump on and take them home.

She let her tongue swirl around the tip before sucking on it more insistently. She didn't discourage Jeff when his hands left his head and found purchase in her hair, guiding her over him. He began to move in her mouth, and in response she reached one hand to cup his testicles, and the other between her own legs to play with her clit. She moaned around him, sending shockwaves through his body.

"Shit, Annie, I'm so close," Jeff grunted, tightening his hands in her hair. But before he could come, she changed her grasp on his boys, tugging instead of pushing, and as quickly as his orgasm rose, it pulled away, and she released him with a pop and a mischievous grin. It took him a moment to gain awareness of what had just happened, and when he did, he scowled at her as best he could. "Evil," he muttered. She giggled lightly and moved up over his body, settling over him.

"You know you love me," she teased, sitting on top of him and poking him in the chest. He couldn't help but touch her now that his hands were free. He rubbed them all over her body unabashedly, taking note of every curve and crevice. She let her eyes flutter shut and just enjoyed the feel of his hands on her.

"I do love you. And I'll love you even more when I'm inside of you," he joked. Annie laughed and leaned down, kissing him soundly.

"Ask and you shall receive." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, all I had to do was ask?" he responded sarcastically. She giggled as she positioned herself over him, and in one quick motion, settled on top of him. Both of them groaned in satisfaction at finally being joined the way they'd wanted to be for so many hours.

Annie set up a painful pace, slow and methodical, in a way that she knew would drive Jeff insane after so much build up. As much as she wanted to come, and she knew he wanted to come, she wasn't quite done with him yet. She watched him intently as she braced her hands on his chest, alternating between moving up and down and in small circles against him. He tried to increase the pace, but she just moved away whenever he made the effort.

"Pure evil." She grinned and ground back onto him. His eyes fluttered shut and he tried to control himself, his fists bunching in the bed sheets.

It was a slow burn as she brought him up, occasionally dropping him out of her and letting him re-enter over and over again. The sensation was so intense for both of them that they each had a hard time containing themselves. Soon, though, not even she could control her movements, and she picked up the pace, coming down on him harder and faster with each motion.

Jeff took hold of her hips and helped guide her over him as she became more frantic. The sounds in the room were of slapping skin, heavy breaths and each of their names released in moans.

"Are you almost there?" Jeff asked, as his orgasm became more and more imminent. This question brought Annie back to the present, and without warning, she leapt off of him, jumping to the other side of the bed. He watched her with wide eyes, finally coming to realize what she'd been doing all night.

"I need to stop announcing it when I need to come," he groaned. Annie was flushed, but refused to be flustered, despite her own orgasm which had been quickly approaching as she rode Jeff hard and fast. She looked at the pure arousal etched on his features and felt emboldened. She sat back on her knees, facing him, and began to rub her clit with her index and middle finger, moving her hips against her hand.

"If you want to come, do something about it," she teased, followed up with a moan of approval as she dipped her fingers inside of her. Jeff's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head as he watched her shamelessly pleasure herself in front of him. This was a side of Annie he'd never seen before—it made him painfully hard.

"Am I allowed?" he asked, sitting up and moving closer to her. She met his eyes and held his gaze as she pulled her hand away from her wetness, dragged it up her body, and finally sucked her glistening fingers into her mouth. Jeff nearly lost it. Without another word, he flipped her onto her back and surged into her, taking her hard and fast in a way that showed he meant business. Annie moaned in earnest underneath him, doing her best to add to the intensity by squeezing him inside of her. Jeff couldn't help his grunts as she tightened around him over and over again, literally pulling his orgasm out of him.

Annie climax overtook her just as he was on the cusp of his. The feel of her pulsing around him forced him over the edge, and he was hit with an intensity he'd never really experienced before. Not only was it intense, it lasted longer, coming in waves as he pounded into her. He wrapped her up in his arms and ground into her in long, languid strokes as his orgasm continued, pulling every ounce of energy from him, leaving him a shivering, tingling, sweaty mess on top of her once he was finally spent. His last ounce of strength went into falling off of her to the side in heap. She curled herself into him, feeling completely and utterly satisfied with the success of her plan.

"Holy crap," Jeff mumbled after several moments. Annie just smiled and snuggled into him, intertwining their legs as they drifted off together, exhausted, spent, and completely satisfied.

She made a mental note to order a subscription to Cosmo.

End

I started writing this back in June. Seriously, the article this was based on was from the June issue of Cosmo (I read Cosmo diligently... that's why I write so much porn). Anyway, I hope you liked it (but to too much!). Let me know!