TheWoman (01:32):
Good morning Mr Holmes. Let's have dinner.
SH (01:33):
Oh, it's you...
SH (01:33):
I don't want dinner, stop texting me.
TheWoman (01:34):
I'm not hungry either.
TheWoman (01:34):
Let's have dinner.
SH (01:34):
No.
TheWoman (01:35):
Why ever not? Afraid your doctor will be jealous?
SH (01:37):
Leave me be, woman.
TheWoman (01:39):
Oh, you know you love this. The attention, the praise...you eat it up.
SH (01:39):
Hardly, stop the texts.
TheWoman (01:40):
Fine. I'm going soon anyway, so it will hardly matter.
SH (01:42):
Good, international messaging too expensive?
TheWoman (01:43):
No, Moriarty's planning to have me kidnapped and executed.
SH (01:44):
Of course he has. You're the one who enjoys bathing in attention too much I think.
TheWoman (01:45):
I'm a sex worker. I make a living off of attention.
SH (01:45):
They don't pay you to text them, do they?
TheWoman (01:46):
Sometimes, if they're in the mood but can't get away. Why?
TheWoman (01:46):
Am I boring you?
SH (01:48):
We've been over this. I shouldn't be feeding you the attention, should I?
TheWoman (01:49):
And I shouldn't be feeding you. Yet look at us both.
TheWoman (01:51):
Personally I'd like you to be eating something else entirely.
SH (01:56):
Yes, what would you have me eating?
TheWoman (01:57):
Do use your imagination, dear; isn't that what you tell your coppers?
SH (01:57):
That's surprisingly juvenile. Even for you.
TheWoman (01:58):
Once again - look at us both.
SH (02:00):
Me? I'm not the one trapped in a Carry On film.
TheWoman (02:02):
Ha! Oh, good! I was beginning to forget why I liked you.
SH (02:03):
Why do you like me? Will no one else reply to you?
TheWoman (02:06):
I like you because you're clever, you idiot.
SH (02:06):
Can't you read the blog like the rest of them?
TheWoman (02:07):
Of course I can, but that doctor makes it all so romantic. I prefer a more scientific retelling. I like the way you tell it.
SH (02:08):
I wasn't aware that I did tell 'it'
TheWoman (02:09):
You did, once. I found it almost intoxication. Oh, baby, talk brainy to me.
TheWoman (02:09):
*intoxicating
TheWoman (02:09):
Look at you, driving me to typos.
SH (02:10):
Why don't you talk moderately clever to me for a change?
TheWoman (02:10):
Give me something to talk about, then.
SH (02:12):
How about that job of yours?
TheWoman (02:13):
It's a bit difficult to talk brainy about professional domination.
SH (02:14):
You only have to be moderately clever about it. If you can't manage that then you can select your own topic.
TheWoman (02:14):
Fine.
TheWoman (02:15):
People - especially people in a position of power - enjoy submitting because they spend all of their professional time domineering over others.
TheWoman (02:15):
Not only is it a juxtaposition of their own status, but there are certain erotic qualities in sado-masochism.
TheWoman (02:15):
The sensation of pleasure is only two sashays away from pain, after all. Though you wouldn't know that, would you Mr Holmes?
SH (02:16):
Wouldn't I? You assume too much. As usual.
TheWoman (02:17):
Your brother and nemesis seem to know otherwise.
SH (02:19):
My brother? Why were you talking to him?
TheWoman (02:20):
I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Mr Holmes.
TheWoman (02:20): Confidentiality and all that.
SH (02:21):
I don't think I want to know. You should try texting him, he'd be more responsive I'm sure.
TheWoman (02:22):
Afraid not. Clever though he may be, his mind is not so open to possibility as yours.
TheWoman (02:22):
He observes what he needs from his surroundings. You observe everything.
SH (02:27):
And what do you observe?
TheWoman (2:28):
I observe what people like.
SH (02:35):
And what do I like?
TheWoman (02:40):
Now that...that one, among other things, is an exception.
TheWoman (02:41):
You seem to be my exception in every meaning of the word, Mr Holmes.
TheWoman (02:44):
Let's have dinner.
SH (02:44):
I'm still not hungry.
TheWoman (02:44):
Nor am I.
SH (02:45):
Then why do you want dinner?
TheWoman (02:45):
Because I crave it.
SH (02:46):
You are aware that most restaurants will let you in unaccompanied?
TheWoman (02:47):
But I want to try dinner with you, at least once.
SH (02:48):
This isn't some sort of euphemism, is it?
TheWoman (02:50):
Oh, at last he catches on. Self-proclaimed most brilliant man in London and it takes this long to decode a euphemism.
TheWoman (02:50):
I deplore your reputation Mr Holmes.
SH (02:51):
How am I to know your mind?
TheWoman (02:52):
Well, you claim to know the minds of everyone else.
SH (02:57):
Not many people are like you.
TheWoman (02:57):
Thank you.
SH (02:57):
That wasn't a compliment.
TheWoman (02:57):
I think it was.
SH (02:58):
Ah, so you do know my mind?
TheWoman (02:58):
No. Not many people are like you.
SH (02:58):
Thank you.
TheWoman (02:59):
That wasn't a compliment.
TheWoman (02:59):
Do I sense a pattern?
SH (03:00):
I think you might.
TheWoman (03:02):
It seems we've reached an impasse.
SH (03:03):
Looks like it. Will you stop texting now?
TheWoman (03:03):
Never.
SH (03:03):
You really should.
TheWoman (03:04):
Why ever should I?
SH (03:04):
It's a waste of my time.
TheWoman (03:05):
Yes, but this is an ample distraction on my end. Not much work to be had on the run.
SH (03:06):
No? Can't you stand on the corner with the rest of them?
TheWoman (03:06):
Ooh, someone's feeling catty tonight.
TheWoman (03:06):
You could always go back to ignoring me like you used to.
TheWoman (03:25):
What made you reply this time, anyway?
SH (03:27):
A string on my violin snapped.
TheWoman (03:28):
Oh, you poor thing. Composing more sad songs?
SH (03:30):
Something like that.
TheWoman (03:31):
Who's this one for, then?
SH (03:31):
Not you.
TheWoman (03:31):
I guessed as much, though excellent defense.
TheWoman (03:32):
Come on, tell me. It's not as though I'll spill the beans.
SH (03:33):
Maybe not. It would go straight onto that phone of yours though, wouldn't it?
TheWoman (03:35):
I have a new phone. Your brother took mine. And this new one doesn't have room for trivialities like the people Sherlock Holmes writes sad songs for.
SH (03:36):
Storage is cheap these days.
TheWoman (03:38):
Once again, I shall point out that work is scarce lately, and I can't exactly whip out my plastic for everything now, can I?
SH (03:39):
I'm sure you have enough squirreled away for a laptop and truecrypt.
TheWoman (03:40):
Mr Holmes, I do not care enough to save that information. Or perhaps I care too much?
SH (03:43):
And I don't care how much you care. Why does a sad song need to be for someone?
TheWoman (03:50):
It doesn't need to be, I just guessed that it was.
SH (03:50):
A poor guess then.
TheWoman (03:51):
Most sad feelings people have are due to other people, after all.
SH (03:51):
*Most of most people's
TheWoman (03:52):
Of course; you're not most people.
SH (03:52):
Exactly.
TheWoman (03:54):
Still, it doesn't have anything to do with Dr Watson's new girlfriend, does it?
SH (03:55):
Nothing whatsoever.
TheWoman (03:55):
Are you certain?
TheWoman (03:55):
It's alright, I won't tell.
SH (03:56):
Absolutely. You're not going to start writing slash fiction, are you?
TheWoman (03:57):
Ha! I'm surprised you even know what that is.
TheWoman (03:57):
Doesn't offend your virgin sensibilities?
SH (03:58):
Another assumption there?
TheWoman (03:58):
Well, yes, of course.
TheWoman (03:58):
But let's make it fancy and call it a deduction.
SH (04:00):
Who's catty now?
TheWoman (04:02):
It seems we have quite a bit in common when it comes to our defense mechanisms.
SH (04:03):
Wishful thinking.
TheWoman (04:03):
Is that all?
SH (04:03):
As far as I can deduce.
TheWoman (04:03):
Deduce or assume?
SH (04:04):
Deduce.
TheWoman (04:04):
Final answer?
SH (04:04):
Final answer.
TheWoman (04:06):
Mm, what a pity. I could have done some real work with you, Mr Holmes.
SH (04:07):
Spare me the details.
TheWoman (04:07):
Oh, I shall. Wouldn't want to make you blush.
SH (04:08):
I don't think that would be the issue.
TheWoman (04:20):
Do you still have my ringtone?
SH (04:20):
No.
TheWoman (04: 21):
Shame; it was funny while it lasted.
SH (04:22):
That depends on your sense of humor. Have you tried Viz?
TheWoman (04:23):
Viz?
SH (04:25):
It's a magazine, I'm surprised you haven't heard of it. It's right up your street.
TheWoman (04:26):
I'll have to check it out sometime.
SH (04:26):
You'll enjoy it no doubt.
TheWoman (04:26):
How thoughtful of you, Mr Holmes.
SH (04:34):
I'm going soft.
TheWoman (04:35):
Not soft, not at all. Just a bit more human, perhaps.
SH (04:35):
I should hope not.
TheWoman (04:36):
Human is better than soft.
SH (04:37):
That depends, how human? How soft?
TheWoman (04:38):
Well a soft human is a weak human.
TheWoman (04:38):
You're still well above human status.
TheWoman (04:38):
But closer.
SH (04:39):
I don't think I'll ever be 'human status'
TheWoman (04:40):
I should hope not!
SH (04:40):
Thank you.
TheWoman (04:45):
The world would be a sad place without you, Mr Holmes.
TheWoman (04:45):
Sad and stupid.
SH (04:46):
You've been reading your own slash?
TheWoman (04:46):
I beg your pardon?
SH (04:47):
The fan fiction. Or was it lost with the camera phone?
TheWoman (04:49):
Ha! Oh, that was just an amusing little gift from Kate. She follows your doctor's blog. And its fanbase.
TheWoman (04:50):
Those girls can get quite imaginative, can't they?
SH (04:51):
I wouldn't know, not a fan.
TheWoman (04:52):
Perhaps I'll ask her to send you a few samples. She likes it.
TheWoman (04:52):
Did you know there are even people on Facebook pretending to be you and your doctor?
SH (04:53):
That's not surprising in the least.
TheWoman (04:54):
Oh yes. Not in the fraudulent sense, of course, but in a more whimsical one. They get your character all wrong.
SH (04:54):
Of course they do, they're only human.
TheWoman (04:56):
Yes but even your doctor's a bit off.
TheWoman (04:56):
They always make him a bit fat and stupid, even moreso than he is in life.
SH (04:57):
He's not fat, or stupid, by your standards.
TheWoman (04:57):
He was a bit spongy round the middle last I saw him.
SH (04:58):
Maybe you should be texting him.
TheWoman (04:58):
He doesn't interest me.
SH (04:58):
No? Why not?
TheWoman (05:00):
He's not you, obviously.
SH (05:07):
No, he's not.
TheWoman (05:08):
I want to talk to you.
SH (05:08):
I can see that.
TheWoman (05:09):
Any chance of dinner yet?
TheWoman (05:09):
I'm actually a bit hungry, now.
SH (05:10):
Aren't you on the run?
TheWoman (05:10):
I can always make a pit-stop.
SH (05:11):
To London?
SH (05:11):
Haven't run very far, have you?
TheWoman (05:12):
Well, would you like to meet me somewhere more convenient?
SH (05:12):
I'm still not hungry,
TheWoman (05:13):
You have to eat sometime, Mr Holmes.
SH (05:13):
Perhaps, but not with you.
TheWoman (05:13):
With whom, then?
TheWoman (05:14):
No, wait, I already know.
TheWoman (05:14):
You really are an exception, aren't you?
SH (05:14):
Yes, I am.
TheWoman (05:15):
Well, I'm happy for you.
SH (05:15):
Good.
TheWoman (05:20):
I have to go soon.
SH (05:21):
How awful for me.
TheWoman (05:22):
I know, I know. Don't worry, though; I'll be in touch again soon.
SH (05:22):
I was worrying that you'd say that.
TheWoman (05:30):
But really, thank you for humoring me. It has been a welcome distraction.
SH (05:32):
I imagine it has been.
TheWoman (06:45):
Goodbye Mr Holmes.