No more words were exchanged between them after that, and as they split up Hawke awkwardly reminded them of card night. Fenris was hardly listening. The mage might be an insufferable fool, not to mention an abomination, and while he had considered the mage being forced to realise the dangers of magic a necessity, he could not bring himself to feel pleased. The mage was dangerous and annoying, but that spell… perhaps not even he deserved that. It had felt right to sit down next to the mage and wait for him to wake from it. Of course he did not suddenly like the man or any such nonsense, but he could understand some of his fear and bitterness. And back when Danarius had used the spell on him… having someone beside him when he woke up could possibly have been a comfort.

He later walked towards the Hanged Man despite not feeling up to meeting the others; he did not really feel like being alone, either. His thoughts were… uncomfortable, and so absorbing that he nearly walked straight into Isabela.

"Well, everyone sure is in a daze tonight!"

"Hm."

"And talkative. I ran into Anders earlier, he was unusually quiet."

"He has… had a rough day. He should be resting."

"Oh, rough you say? Well, he had something to do at the docks –"

The docks? What reason did the mage have to be there?

Then he recalled a conversation about getting out, escaping, in the most finite way possible. Do not tell me you never thought about it. The memory of it enough to prevent him from staying to hear more, he turned towards the docks and ran. He might hate the man, but Hawke needed him.

Anders looked out over the dark water, immersed in thoughts of his first successful escape; the one through Lake Calenhad. He had felt free then, when he had been somewhere where the templars in their heavy armour could not so easily follow. Even as he went under for a few terrifying moments during the last stretch, he had felt free. They caught him later and dragged him back, of course. As always. But the punishment had been worth it; that moment of freedom when he knew they could not reach him.

He had always liked water. It reminded him of life and freedom, and escape.

It would not be the same if he slipped into the water now. This sea was not one that could free him, and he had things to do. He should get back to the clinic, light the lantern and focus on healing, surrounded by people who would never know.

He was not ashamed that they knew. But he knew they were not going to understand – they would believe his Cause, the plight of all unjustly treated mages to be about his own private hurt and bitterness and not the principle, not the larger picture. Sebastian once asked him outright if something had happened to him in the Circle, as if there had to be some extraordinary reason for being unhappy there. As if being ripped from ones family and being locked in a tower, never to see them again, was not reason enough. To never be allowed to make your own choices, to be denied the comfort of love, a family, a true home. Being sentenced to a life in imprisonment simply for being born.

At least he had not tried to confront him about lying. In his eyes, his answer to Sebastian's question had not been a lie, but he doubted that Sebastian would share that opinion. But he had been fortunate. He was a healer, and he had had Karl to help him with the wounds his healing magic could not reach. He had someone to lean on, dangerous as it was. He survived and got away. Not everyone was that lucky.

He leaned forward, preparing himself to get up when a deep voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Mage?"

He turned his head around, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Fenris?"

Fenris shifted uncomfortably. "Isabela had seen you heading towards the docks. I…"

"What did you think I would do? Stuff my coat with stones and go for a midnight swim?"

"…That attention to detail is disquieting."

Anders sighs. "I was not thinking about that."

Fenris awkwardly transferred his weight from one foot to another. The mage could be lying, after all. "Then what are you doing here?

"I… wanted to watch the water." He seemed slightly surprised as well as hesitant to continue. But he did. "It reminds me of escaping the tower."

At that Fenris relaxed somewhat and to Anders' great astonishment, seated himself next to him. Not close enough to have their shoulders touch, but close enough to feel like they were indeed sitting there together. Encouraged by the unusual closeness, Anders continued.

"The templars could not very well jump in after me. So I felt free. I got caught later, but at that moment… they could not."

"And that is why you like water?"

"Yes. Not just in lakes. Rain too. I could not go out in the rain in the Circle, so…"

"There is no rain in Darktown."

"No. But there I am free to heal instead. To help. I was not able do that much in the Circle either, aside from healing sprained templar ankles."

"You… enjoy helping?"

"Of course!" Anders laughed a bit, but it was a sad sound. "I know you are not going to believe me. But I am a healer. It is what I am meant to do."

They sat in silence for a while, and not an uncomfortable one. Fenris was the one to break it.

"I appreciate water as well." Anders' turned to look at him but Fenris keept his eyes on the water below. "I first tasted freedom on an island."

Anders could not help but smile.

Varric distributed the cards.

"No Blondie or Broody tonight?"

"He, ah… got hit by an unpleasant spell today, could probably use the rest. But it is strange that Fenris has not shown."

"I doubt he is resting, he is at the docks." Isabela informed them. "Fenris as well. Went after him when I told him. They both looked like a man on a mission, so I imagine they are working out their differences by doing something else than bickering for once -"

"That would be wonderful!" Merrill chimed in happily. "They are always so grumpy, it is a bit sad."

"I know, Kitten." Isabela said as she scratched her affectionately behind the ear to Merrills' great delight.

"Unless they are not just killing each other." Hawke laughed until Varric got up with a sigh. "I was just joking, I do not actually think they would seriously –"

"We do not want them to glow at each other that close to the Gallows."

"I know, I know. Assemble, team."

"Thank you." Anders said. "For this. It is nice, to not argue all the time."

"I think that you are a fool, wanting to free the mages." Fenris shifts slightly. "But you did not deserve to relive that. Or have it happen at all." He both wanted to ask more and not. "Is that why...?"

Anders held up his hands. "No, no. That spell… that memory was about me. But the cause is not about what has happened to me – it is not aboutme. It is about every mage that has been robbed of their –"

"Mage. Please." Fenris rubbed his temples, fighting the urge to just shove the mage over the edge in his annoyance. This was too much. "Not now."

"…Sorry, I just…" Anders' voice was small. It was aggravating. And it is not like he cared, but –

"Some other time. I will listen. But not now." He was not sure why he said it but looking at Anders' uncharacteristically happy smile, he was strangely glad he did, and as he placed a tentative hand on his shoulder Anders started to lean closer.

They were interrupted by a shout of "No! Do not do it!"

Hawke just could not help himself. "Do not push him in, Fenris! He is a valued member of our team!" It kind of looked like that from afar, so whywas everyone glaring at him? But as they got closer, it really did look more like –

"Are… are you two bonding?" He dried an imaginary tear from his eye. It was just too precious.

The comment earned him a frown from Fenris and a slight smile from Anders.

"Just contemplating the best place for a midnight swim," Anders said. "I rather prefer lakes, myself."

"And I the sea."

"Of course. Maker forbid you two would ever agree on anything."