READERS!

This is the "continuation" or whatever for my first fic "Say It". I suggest reading Say It before this one, but if you don't here's the down'n'dirty details: Shizuo and Izaya have a fight (cause not stated) and Izaya ends up getting his brains fu**ed out. Shizuo tells Izaya over and over that he loves him, but in the end Izaya won't say it back.

So in essence this is about Izaya getting forced into submission (again) and has the reality that he is head over heels for Shizu-chan shoved in his face! MUAHAHAHAHA enjoy ;) OH AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! IZAYA'S THOUGHTS HAVE AN INTERNAL BATTLE SO WORDS BRAQUETTED BY ** ARE HIS FUCK YOU AND FACE THE TRUTH THOUGHTS WHILE WORDS BRAQUETTED BY '' ARE HIS DENIAL THOUGHTS! OK NOW YOU CAN ENJOY!

The rain was falling gently as I walked through the streets of Ikebukero. The sky was gray, the world was soaked, the people were few, and the cold was so prominent that my fingers felt as if they would freeze off. I had been wandering around for a while now, nothing in particular on my mind. Ok, well, that was a complete lie, but I was trying my hardest not to think about it.

"It" in particular was the last time I was with Shizu-chan. We had gotten in a fight…again…but this time it wasn't like I was hoping it would have been. It didn't end with us flying through the streets I loved and destroying all that was in our path. No. This time, Shizuo actually managed to hurt me. He had finally gotten what he wanted and that was to break me beyond repair.

I'm sure that I will recover from our…little spat…but I don't think I could ever be the person I was before it. I've lost my love for my humans, for my information…for my world. I was so cold on the inside. I could hear the slow beat of my heart in my ears as if it was warning me that it had finally run its course. My head and eyelids felt so heavy and my body itself…I had no words to describe how hollow and empty it felt. The world I see around me now is colorless and painful. Everything's too bright or dark or loud or quiet. I don't know how long I had been walking, but I couldn't find the peace I so desperately needed. I needed to clear my mind and form rational thoughts once again. I needed to leave.

I couldn't take it here anymore. Everywhere I threw my gaze I wasn't just seeing, I was looking. Looking for him. What I couldn't figure out was if I was searching for him because I thought he could help with agonizing loneliness in my chest or to make sure he didn't find me. I would never tell anyone, at one point I couldn't even tell myself, but I needed him. I didn't want him like I wanted to leave, which was the truth; I wanted, not needed, to leave. I needed him like the air I needed to breathe. He was my life. He was the reason why I was lively and happy and…me. Even if he had managed to annihilate every barrier I had built to separate me from the rest of the lowly rats of humanity, to establish myself as their god…to protect my heart. I couldn't be angry with him. It was more like I was scared of him. He held my black heart in his hands and with one wrong twitch of his fingers; his massive strength would eradicate everything I am.

When I was a child my parents had made damn sure to hit, whip, and cut out all the compassion in my heart. I had been locked away, tied up, and kicked out enough that I had finally realized what I wanted to do about it. I had wanted to see why people act the way they do. Why my parents acted the way they had. What expressions would give away people's thoughts? What situations would reveal their true self?

I suppose, looking back on my own actions, they weren't too different from how my parents treated me. The methods I had used to "understand" my beloved humans were almost mirrored to what my parents had decided were effective punishments.

Of course I had subconsciously known this all along, but I hadn't had to face my scars until that protozoan had listed all my "fucking problems" to my face. That was when I realized how much I had actually let slip away. That brute had told me things about myself that were so important to hide and lock away in my head, to the most mundane aspects of my personality that I hadn't even officially taken note of.

I felt a bitter smirk, that I guess was trying to become a smile, grace my face as I thought about all the things Shizu-chan had said to prove to me that he knew me. He had known my favorite books, movies, crime scenes. HELL! He had known my freakin' sleep schedule for different days because of work. He told me that he knew he loved me every time I fucking concentrated. Yeah, I know I had said 'WTF?' as well. He described the expression I made, to the way I would bite my pen, or how my glasses would slip down my nose, or how I would run my hands through my hair every time I mumbled out loud. The brute even had the audacity to say that he loved me when I concentrated because I looked human when I did.

Well, that had been a mistake on his part. Izaya Orihara is in no way human. I am more. I am above the people of the world and all their silly emotions.

*And yet, all those silly little emotions are ripping you apart*.

I stopped walking when the stupid voice in my head popped in its opinion again.

My mind had been doing that as of recent. Whenever I would start to think like my original self, my own thoughts would turn against me and point out everything wrong with me at that particular moment. Like how I was still standing outside even though it was beginning to rain harder and the world was darkening.

'Must be getting late'.

I sluggishly tilted my head back to look up in the sky. My hood slipped off my head with splat against my back. My hair stayed plastered to my forehead so I looked at the blackish clouds through ink colored strands. I let my eyes slip close for a few seconds and let out a low breath. I brought my head to look forward again and I kept on walking.