Five Times Roy Wasn't Red Arrow (And One Time He Still Wasn't Red Arrow)

All recognizable characters belong to their respective owners (Cartoon Network, DC Comics). For a prompt on YJ_Anon_Meme.

"Psst! Hey, get over here!"

Wally glanced around and spotted his best friend crouching next to the zeta beam console. He zoomed over and crouched behind him, resting his chin on Robin's shoulder. "What are you doing?"

Robin flashed a smile that he felt more than saw, but still recognized. It was the smile that had lead him to put Dick's number in his phone under "Awesome Disaster".

"I'm hacking the teleport system," Robin said, typing away. "Quick, gimme some ideas."

"Hacking the teleporter? Isn't that a bad idea? The teleporter always malfunctions." If he'd learned nothing else from Star Trek, he'd learned that. "Wait, ideas for what?"

"Nah, nothing dangerous," Robin answered. "I'm not touching the teleport systems, just installing a hidden repeating subroutine with rotating variables."

"Yeah? To do what?" He leaned forward a little, watching the lines of code flash by, but his specialty was chemistry and physics, not programming. "What language are you using? That's not Perl or Java…."

"Nope, it's the programming language Robin," Robin said. "Customized, specialized, and completely unhackable."

"Yeah, probably because it makes no sense," Wally said. "Wait, 'Tweedledum'? What are you doing?"

"Oh, just setting up a little surprise for Speedy," Robin sniggered.

"You mean Red Arrow?"

"No, I really, really don't."

"Huh?...Oh! Oh, this is gonna be awesome! Here, lemme put in—"

"No, hey, wait—"

"—just wanna—"

"Gimme my—"

The beam started a low whining, buildup, and both boys froze for a split-second.

"Hurry!" Robin yelped, trying to jam all the loose wires back into the console. "We've gotta—"

"—get out of here," he finished in the living room. "Thanks, bro."

Wally flapped a hand at him and turned towards the computer monitor on the wall, pulling up a live video feed.

Recognized, the computer said blankly. Speedy. B06.

Robin opened his own holoscreen, and Wally zoomed into the kitchen for a second to start some popcorn.

"It's Red Arrow," Roy grumped. "Computer, acknowledge change."

Acknowledged, the computer said. Hat Tosser. B06.

Roy did a doubletake. "Excuse me? No, Red Arrow. Acknowledge."

Acknowledged. Captain Poopyhead. B06.

Roy crossed his arms. "Right," he said. "Robin, KF, I'll get you for this."

"Sure you will," Wally snickered, munching on his popcorn safely in the living room. "Can't catch me~"

"Oh, no, it gets better," Robin assured him. "I'd been in there a while. Just watch."

"Computer, override code GA3," Roy snapped. "B06 designation Red Arrow. Acknowledge."

Acknowledged, the computer answered. Roy Respectable. B06.

"Dude," Wally said in awe. "Nice one."

"Bat codes top Arrow codes," Robin singsonged. "You'd think he'd know that."

"Fine," Roy said, and scrolled out a keyboard. "We'll do this the hard way."

Access denied, the computer informed him. Username invalid.

"Oh, are you—" Roy stopped, took a deep breath, and visibly counted to ten. Then he counted to ten again, and Wally and Robin made a quick bet as to whether he'd go for thirty.

He didn't, and Wally stuck out his tongue. Robin laughed, and said, "Pay up later. Don't wanna miss the show!"

"Fine," Roy was saying curtly. He turned to walk out of the hangar.

"Awww," Wally whined. "Spoilsport!"

"Why do you keep underestimating me?" Robin asked slyly.

Roy hit the door, and it didn't open for him. Please confirm clearance, the door droned, and Roy kicked it. He then had to curse and shake out his foot, as the doors were made to withstand metahuman strength.

"Fine," he gritted. "Whatever. Clearance code B06. Uh. Damn."

Code incorrect, the computer said.

"Computer, acknowledge Red Arrow," he ordered, clenching his hands in fists at his sides.

"If he had a hat, he'd totally be throwing it right now," Wally whispered to Robin, eyes glued to the screen.

Acknowledged. Aquawife. B06.

Roy punched the wall, and swore some more. "You two better hide really well!" he yelled. "Because when I get my hands on you, there won't be enough left for this damn computer to even acknowledge!"

"Worth it~" Robin cheered, even if Roy couldn't hear him.

"Totally," Wally agreed.

"You'd better not be filming this," Roy growled, and took a deep breath. "Open door. Authorization B06…Aquawife."

The door whooshed open, and the two howled with laughter.

"Tell—tell me you filmed that!" Wally eventually got out amidst gasps.

"Of course I did," Robin managed, and then hiccupped.

An arrow landed between the two of them, the razor point embedding in the carpet.

The two sobered up immediately.

"Uh," Robin said. "Time to run?"

"Yeah," Wally said, "Let's go!"

And the afternoon passed in the manner of most weekend afternoons at Mount Justice; that is, with screaming death threats, loud explosions, and various shouts for Wally and Robin to "shut the hell up already!"

"Fix it."

The tip of the arrow brushed the back of Robin's neck, and he swallowed and smiled. "Sure thing," he said, and pulled up a holoscreen, typing away at unmatchable speeds.

Roy squinted at the screen, but he couldn't even read the text, much less understand what the younger boy was doing. He'd just have to trust that the threat of bodily injury would be enough.

"There you go," Robin said, scrolling the holoscreen back out of existence. "It's reset."

"It'd better be," he growled, and pushed the tip a little closer to the back of Robin's neck. They turned, and Robin stepped forward a few feet, giving Roy access to the wall unit next to the zeta tube.

"Computer," he said warily. "B06, Red Arrow, acknowledge."

The computer whirred up for a second. Acknowledged, it said. Queenie. B06. Then the zeta beam flashed, taking away Roy but leaving his scream of rage behind.

"Dude," Wally said, appearing at Robin's shoulder. "We are so dead."

"I know," Robin said, tugging his cape up higher on his neck. "Isn't it glorious?"