Hi folks, this is the last installment of this story. Sorry for the slow update, hope you all enjoyed it!

...

...

"Hi Greg, sorry I'm late."

"Morning John, where's Sherlock? Is this not a high enough ranking for him?"

"Actually he said this might be an eight, but he's too scared to leave the flat in case you know who is watching."

"Voldemort?"

"Scarier. Mycroft."

"He thinks hiding in his flat will protect him from Mycroft?"

"That's what I said. He said it won't, but that Mycroft dropping into a crime scene would cause much more of an embarrassing incident than him deigning to visit the flat."

"What's he done to Mycroft?"

"Refused to stop meddling in his business. I know, the irony physically hurts."

"Mycroft's right, Sherlock's sudden turn to meddling tendencies is a pain in the arse. At least Mycroft tends to do it from a distance."

"Well give him a break Greg, people are always telling him how weird his lack of emotions is, now he's had one almost normal moment in being concerned on behalf of his brother and both you and Mycroft are telling him he's wrong."

"The only thing I'm telling him, is that 'me and Mycroft', are over. I'm genuinely glad to know they are both capable of almost human emotion, but I don't actually make or break my relationships on how they effect Sherlock."

…"Greg, you know, I've never really liked Mycroft. The only times I really meet him are while being kidnapped by him-"

"-He only does that for Sh-"

"-The point is, I never doubted that despite him being an actual robot, he does really care about Sherlock. From what I've seen in the last week, I don't doubt how he feels about you either."

"I never said I didn't think he cared, John, our relationship was just unrealistic. He hadn't even told Sherlock!"

"What does that matter?"

"You said it yourself, he really does care about Sherlock and not much else, so why hadn't he told him?"

"Oh, you think he wasn't serious about your relationship because he kept it hidden from his brother?"

"I take it from the scornful tone you've picked up from Sherlock, you disagree."

"If it were even remotely possible for me to keep anything, from what I had for breakfast to what I dreamt about last night, hidden from Sherlock, I'd choose relationships above anything else."

- "But, he's your flat mate."-

"And my best friend, and the worst person in the world to introduce a girlfriend to. He scared off my last five. Besides, given just how much of his time Sherlock spends mocking Mycroft, he probably didn't want to give him ammo."

"None of this is a reason for Sherlock not to butt out, now."

"He didn't get to choose the moment his brother needed his help."

"You're even picking up Sherlock's taste for the dramatic, John."

"Dramatic? Greg, did Sherlock tell you what happened when I went after Mycroft the other day?"

"No, he was too busy yelling at me. Why?"

"I asked Mycroft to come back to the flat, Sherlock had wanted to talk to him. He gave his usual carved-from-ice performance for about a minute, until he suddenly burst into tears in the middle of the street."

"…He…what? Mycroft?"

"I'd call that pretty dramatic."

"…But, that's ridiculous, John! He barely even blinked when I left!"

"It's called pride, Greg. Think you might be just a tiny bit guilty on that score too?"

...

...

"So did the Dark Lord ever show up?"

"No, he's making a much louder point of not doing."

"How's that?"

"He's not here, and can't you just feel him not being here."

"Hah, he really is good."

"If by good you mean insufferable, then yes, he's superb."

"That ought to be Scotland Yard's catchphrase."

"Sorry?"

"Nothing. Speaking of Scotland Yard, any word on Lestrade and Mycroft yet?"

"John, do shut up. I realize I have said this before, more than once this week, but I really have now done everything I'm willing to do in this case. I have neither the inclination for idle gossip, nor the necessary information."

"Still waiting for news then huh?"

"I'm waiting for nothing. There's only one possible outcome, I await it's convenience."

"Right. Of course you do. …It's all still quite strange though, don't you think?"

…"What is?"

"Mycroft and Lestrade. It's horrible now to think they've broken up, but we didn't have the faintest clue they were together when they were. I didn't know either of them were gay and, wasn't Lestrade married?"

"Unhappily, yes."

"Did you know Mycroft was gay?"

"No, I don't know he is now, I don't think people are that simple."

…"I can't seriously be being lectured in human relationships by you, Sherlock."

"Oh John, you think it's so abstract and individual, but you couldn't be more wrong. Human relationships are a very simple equation. I'm just pointing out that there's no conclusive data about either of their orientations. Mycroft and Lestrade's…attraction…to each other, might simply have nothing to do with gender."

"No need to sound quite so disgusted by the 'attraction', part, Sherlock."

"I won't pretend I don't think it's a waste of a phenomenal brain."

"Oh you mean because you were so supportive of Mycroft's use of his intelligence before all of this?"

"Doesn't mean I can't think his allowing this distraction is wasteful."

"You'd rather he was alone?"

"If I would, I wouldn't have taken his case."

"My God, you are both just impossible."

"…Who?"

"You and your robot brother! People are not chemical formulas!"

"Well, they-"

"If you hadn't had such a low opinion of your brother's morals in the first place, or if he'd have just told Lestrade how he really felt straight away, there would have been no "case"!"

…"Interesting theory, John, but I'm afraid your premise is flawed. Human relationships are, more or less, chemical formulas, or equations. Your variables are also misinterpreted."

"My…what are who now?"

"In the Mycroft, Lestrade Equation, there are a few variables. The state of their relationship before my intervention, the catalyst to their break up and their reactions to it. I was the catalyst, their relationship was already showing signs of weakness and their reactions have only been indicative of their roles, up to that point."

"What in God's name are you talking about?"

"Mycroft, is a misanthropist, a calculating machine. Lestrade is sociable, trusting and generally ineffective."

"Oh lovely, remind me not to let you make a toast at their wedding."

"It is the exact and literal truth, John. They have everything the other is missing: a perfect equation, for a solution greater than the sum of all parts."

"Sherlock, who knew you were such a romantic! They're better off together then, is basically what you're saying. What did all the variables stuff mean?"

"It means that you can only put them together, you can't account for how weel, or how badly, they handle being in a relationship. Mycroft has a natural aversion to allowing such a vulnerability, Lestrade was wary of Mycroft's reputation-"

"-As gifted to him, by us."

"Precisely. My theory would be that they were both expecting it to end badly, which even I could tell you isn't a good foundation for a relationship."

"And they were right?"

"Naturally, one of them is Mycroft."

"But the other is Lestrade, didn't you say he was 'generally-"

"Ineffective. Hence, they were only temporarily right. They needed a catalyst to compound their problems and in doing so, remove them, in the end."

"Oh, you're taking the credit for that now are you?"

"A successful case? Of course."

"Yeah except it hasn't actually been successful yet, Miss Marple, they're still broken up."

"Oh ye of little faith, John."

...

...

'I was wrong about you trying to make Sherlock feel guilty, I'm sorry. G'

'Yes you were. Thank you. MH'

'Not going to have me sent down, for something really fucking seedy, then? G'

'That was unprofessional, I apologise. MH'

'No it's fine. I might have jumped to conclusions a little bit, it was an unfair accusation. I shouldn't have suggested you were only with me to spy on Sherlock, either. I'm sorry, if I upset you. G'

- 'Mycroft? …It's your turn. G'

'It wasn't you jumping to unfair conclusions, that upset me. M'

'What do you mean? G'

'I was upset, if upset is the word, somewhat before that incident. M'

'You didn't even try to stop me.'

'I thought you'd made up your mind.'

'I had, on the basis you didn't try to stop me.'

'Gregory, this is ludicrous.'

'You're right, when you need to talk to someone you take the more much reasonable precaution of kidnapping them.'

'That's hardly the point.'

'Remember when you first asked me to work with Sherlock?'

'Obviously.'

'8pm.'

...

...

"Perfect timing."

"What is?"

"Text from my brother."

"How do you know? Your phone is over here."

"I know who it's from and I know what it will say."

"Does your modesty run in the family?"

"To underestimate ones abilities is as much a departure from the truth as to exaggerate them."

"It's from your brother."

"I know, pass it over."

"Well? Does it say what you expected? I imagine it does from your spectacularly smug smile."

"I am not smug."

"You are extraordinarily smug. What does it say?"

"It says the British Government and Scotland Yard's finest have formed an alliance which will be to their detriment in almost every way. That Lestrade does actually know when to listen to me and that my brother is, despite Moriarty's moniker, appallingly normal."

"That's a long text."

"See for yourself."

- 'Thank you, Sherlock. M.'