Title: Watching Twilight

Summary: The characters of the Hunger Games watch Twilight. A crackfic.

Words: 799

The movie theatre in the Capitol was plush. Positively swankadelic. The motley group filed in, taking the red velvet seats. It was a private screening—Prim's choice: Twilight.

"Why couldn't we have seen The Dark Knight instead?" Gale complained. Katniss rolled her eyes, tired of repeating the same argument.

"Because." She said, slapping him upside the head. He Gibbs-slapped her right back. Gale was like that.

In their seats, they prepared to watch the movie in HD Blue-Ray.

Gale was ready to leave within the first five minutes.

"What is this shit?" he muttered to Haymitch, who was next to him.

"How LOVELY!" Effie (who escorted them) gushed. Prim, who was temporarily back from the dead watched Kristen Stewart's face as her world was turned upside-down by Edward.

"Why does she look so darn bored all the time!" she exclaimed, frustrated.

"How should we know?" said Haymitch, taking a drink from his smuggled in bottle of whiskey mixed with an ice slushie.

"Haymitch, be nice," Peeta scolded.

"Yeah, whatever," he replied, taking a long swig from the bottle.

"Katniss, why?" Prim asked again.

"I don't know, maybe she'll change soon," Katniss replied, and then turned to Peeta, whispering, "Except I doubt that, she looks like a morphling addict."

"Besides the fact that she doesn't look happy at all," Peeta said, fiddling with his man-purse. "Would you like some bread, Katniss?"

"No thanks. Peeta, is that a man-purse?" Katniss asked, surprised.

"I—um—I—" He fumbled with his words.

"No, Katniss, it's a European shoulder bag," Gale said seriously, irritated at her, "And why are you surprised, all respectable Panem men have one. More than one, even, I have a dozen."

"I have a hundred," Haymitch said between sips.

"Really guys?" Finnick called from where he sat between Peeta and Annie, "You only need one man purse- The Odair All-In-One Plush Pink European Shoulder Bag! Buy one now and get the Odair Beautiful Bouncy Lavender Hair Bows, for absolutely FREE! I repeat, ABSOLUTELY FREE (just pay separate shipping and handling). Act now and we'll throw in—"

"SHHHHH!" Effie and Prim exclaimed. "Edward is talking!"

"And you do not talk while Edward is talking!" Prim added, glaring at Finnick.

"I thought I was cooler than Edward," Finnick muttered, sad.

"Not cool enough to talk while he's talking," Effie said back.

"But you do look alike," Gale said between snickers.

"I do not!" Finnick said, worried. "I'm totally hotter than him, right Annie?"

"Ok," said Annie, staring oddly at Edward Cullen.

"Shit, the damn guy's taken my girl away," Finnick said to Peeta. "We have got to get a trident in this guy—no one messes with my Annie."

"Or the rest of our girls," Gale said, staring at Effie and Prim's weird stares at the vampire.

"Hey! I'm not looking at that creep!" Katniss said.

"Oh, sorry Catnip," Gale replied.

"Peeta!" Haymitch snapped. "He's not that attractive!"

"Oh c'mon, don't pretend that you weren't staring, too." Peeta argued.

"SHUT UP! EDWARD IS BREATHING!" Prim shrieked giving Haymitch and Peeta a death glare.

"Yeah, none of you deserve to breathe the same air as him!" Effie yelled at them, trying to hold her breath and began to turn purple.

"Just breathe already, Effie," Gale sighed, shaking his head.

"Morons," Katniss muttered under her breath.

"Did you call Edward a Mormon?" Prim whispered, not wanting to miss any of the movie.

"No, I said moron," Katniss grumbled.

"How dare you insult Edward!" Peeta exclaimed in disbelief. "Katniss, he's the most beautiful man to ever grace the Earth. Never say such things of Edward Cullen!"

"Peeta, don't you mean me?" Finnick asked. "I'm the most beautiful man to ever grace the Earth? Right Annie?"

"Yeah," Annie said.

"No, I don't mean you! I mean Edward!" Peeta said.

"Well, I'm Team Jacob." Haymitch announced. "He's in so much better shape than Edward!"

"I agree he at least has a gorgeous six-pack!" Gale agreed. "And he's a more rugged kind of handsome which is a thousand times hotter than Edward's weird 'handsome'."

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT EDWARD!" Prim and Effie exclaimed in unison as they jumped to their feet. "HE'S THE MOST PERFECT, GOEGEOUS, SEXY MAN EVER! AND NONE OF YOU MORONS EVEN HOLD A CANDLE TO HIS FLAWLESS BEAUTY, LET ALONE JACOB."

"You know he never showers, right?" Katniss asked.

"Like you shower." Finnick said rudely.

"I do!" Katniss argued.

"When?" Finnick demanded.

"Sometimes," Katniss said vaguely.

All the while the Avox Girl had just been sitting there awkwardly.

"He's a fictional character, you know that right?" Katniss asked Prim and Effie.

"I think we're all fictional characters in this big, big world," Annie said.

"Crazy," Haymitch mouthed.

They're all crazy, The Avox Girl thought as she got up and left the theatre.