Title : Fire Alarm

Author: kitkat681

Rating: M

Summary: When the fire alarm blares…all he can think of is getting to her. Because life without her would be pointless.

Warnings: Major tissue warning. Talk of death.

Banner Link: http:/i1126 . photobucket . com/albums/l614/Kitkat _ Cullen/Firealarm . jpg - just erase the spaces...

Banner Designer: kitkat681

So this was my donation piece for the Fandom for Texas Wildfire compilation.

Major tissue warning.

I made Melanie cry ugly tears with this one…

I'm in the middle of my lesson on the Middle East when the fire alarm blares.

The kids jump up and race toward the exit.

All I can think of is getting to you.

I try not to push the kids but they're in my way.

Don't they know that I need to get to you?

I need to get to you.

The hallways are endless and I'm panicked.

Where is the fire?

Is there really a fire?

I don't know but I need to make sure you're safe.

I pass Alice and Rose on my way to your room.

"Edward!" They call and I know they're worried because I'm heading the wrong way.

I should be heading out and not in.

But I need to make sure you're okay.

I need to.

I wave them off and keep running.

I pass by the music room and can see the firemen checking the classrooms at that end of the building.

I'm sure you're safe.

I'm sure you are.

But I need to be absolutely positive.

The air gets thicker as I get closer to your room.

It's hot.

It's so hot which is how I know I'm doing the right thing.

Cause if you are trapped in the flames I need to be as well.

I won't survive without you.

I can see your door now and my brain keeps telling me to stop.

My ancient flight or fight instincts are kicking in.

My body wants to go to you.

My heart wants to go to you.

But my brain tells me to stop.

Fuck it.

If you're in there, there is no reason for me to keep living.

I'll gladly head towards the pearly gates with you.

The skin on my palm burns when I touch the door knob.

But I grasp it anyway and wrench the door open.

The room is empty.

Thank God.

I see your jacket hanging from the chair and I grab it before I sprint out of the room.

The smoke is thick in this part of the building.

I hold your jacket over my mouth and nose to help block it from getting into my lungs.

My eyes burn.

But the thought of you going on without me burns worse.

I need you.

Just as much as you need me.

Apart we are nothing.

Together we are everything.

My body moves as if by instinct.

I need to get to you.

I need to make sure you're safe.

I need to hold you in my arms and kiss your cheeks.

I need to smell your hair and know that you're alive.

Because the world would be a horrible place without you in it.

I fall to my knees to avoid the smoke.

It is so thick.

My arms are weak.

But I crawl forward.

Thinking of you.

What would you do if I didn't make it out of here?

I can't even think about that.

I can see the door ahead of me.

Finally.

It will lead me to you…

And that's what propels me forward.

As I crack the door open the sweet oxygen rushes into my lungs.

Hands grab my arms and pull me outside.

My eyes are watering and burning but all I want is you.

I feel the oxygen mask slapped on my face and the sting of antiseptic wipes as they rub over the burns and scrapes on my arms but all I want is you.

I can hear the Principal and Rose and Alice screaming at me but all I want is you.

And then there you are.

You wrap your arms around my neck and hold on so tight.

You're crying and it kills me that I am the reason you're crying.

You were safe all along but I didn't know.

And the not knowing killed me.

I would do it all again to be sure.

I need to be sure you're safe.

Always.

But now you're in my arms and you're safe.

And I can breathe again.

"Daddy." You say and I look down at you.

Your eyes are so big and brown…

So much like your mother's.

Your cheeks are so pink and soft….

So much like your mother's.

Your lips are so pink and full…

So much like your mother's.

I brush your hair back off your forehead like I had done for your mother countless times.

"Yes Angel?" I whisper, my voice rough from all the smoke I inhaled during my frantic search for you.

"Did you see Mommy when you were in there?" You ask as your eyes water.

My heart breaks.

"No Charlie girl…I didn't see Mommy." I breathe into your hair.

You are my everything.

My link to her.

My love.

My life.

"Daddy?" You whisper.

I pull away and look down at you.

"Yes Charlie girl."

"I saw Mommy." You say, your eyes wide and wet.

My heart clenches tightly in my chest.

You don't remember Mommy.

I have tried so hard.

I talk about her.

I show you pictures.

I make up stories about what you and Mommy would do if she were here.

But she isn't here.

She died.

And we have to go on.

I didn't want to go on.

When they released you from the hospital, I didn't want to go.

I wanted to stay with you there in that room.

Close to where she was.

In the morgue.

But they made me leave.

With you.

And I took a breath.

And then another.

And I changed your diaper.

And then another.

And I made your bottle.

And then another.

And slowly…

The pain faded.

It never goes away.

It is always there.

But I am able to get through the day without the pain slicing through me like a knife.

"What did Mommy look like?" I ask in a whisper.

Because I need to know if you really saw her.

"She was standing at the top of the stairs. She was wearing a blue dress with white polka dots and red shoes. She hugged me so tight and kissed me right here," you say as you point to the corner of your eye. "And then she told me to keep going. That I needed to keep you safe and love you as much as she did."

And I know…

As the tears roll down my cheeks, I know.

That somehow she did come to you - our sweet baby girl and kiss your eyes…

Cause that was always her favorite place to kiss me.

And I remember in the delivery room when I held you in my arms and your Mommy looked at you…

She kissed the corner of your eye and looked at you with so much love.

And she looked up at me and she looked so damn happy.

We tried to get pregnant for so long.

It was all she ever wanted.

To be a Mommy.

And we loved every single second of your pregnancy.

Feeling you move and kick.

Listening to your heartbeat.

Watching you move on the ultrasound.

It was amazing.

We knew you were a girl.

And we talked to you all the time.

You were Mommy's little Charlie girl.

And she loved you so much.

Before you were even born.

She had your nursery ready and waiting for you.

Your clothes were all washed and hung in your closet.

But she never got to dress you up.

Because as soon as she handed you back to me…

The machines started to beep.

And the chaos started.

The doctor jumped up as the nurses lowered the head of her bed.

The whole time the machines were screaming.

They brought in the crash cart.

And they rushed me from the room.

Even though I was yelling…

And crying…

And dying inside.

They pushed me from her side and did everything they could.

But it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough.

And now I am here holding you in my arms.

So thankful that I have you with me.

Reminding me of her everyday.

Your smile.

Your laugh.

You are her.

And I would do anything to make sure you're safe.

Because you are all I have of her.

My Bella.

"Daddy…" You whimper and I realize I am holding you too tight.

"Yes Charlie girl?" I sigh as I let go.

I hate letting you go.

Cause every time you leave my arms I feel like she is leaving me again.

And I dread the day that you leave me for good.

Because then what will become of me?

Right now I am living for you.

What happens when you don't need me any more?

What happens when it is some other man's job to take care of you?

I don't know.

But for now it is my job.

And I will do everything I can to keep you safe.

"Mommy loved me very much didn't she?" You ask and my heart breaks.

Because I know that if she was here there would be no doubt that she loved you more than anything.

"Yes angel…she loved you and wanted you more than anything." I whisper because my heart hurts so much I can't get my voice any louder.

"She would want you to be happy." You say with that all knowing smirk that your mother perfected.

Not happening.

She was my one and only.

"I am happy baby. I'm happy with you." I say as I tap you on the nose and press my lips to your forehead, breathing you in.

She lives on in you, and I live on with you.

And I would walk through fire to save you.

I already have.

And I would do it again.

Shit…snot everywhere.

Leave me some love…or hate.