A/N: Thanks for the love, everyone! :]

Any questions about what happened with Santana will be answered soon! Next chapter brings Santana and more clarity!

Note: This takes place the spring of their senior year. Blaine is a senior - because I have a hard time with him being a junior(not sure about the rest of them just yet, but pretty sure all the originals are seniors...). I think the rest(relationship statuses and such) will be cleared up in coming chapters.

The change in tenses in the letters are sort of on purpose. She didn't know how to really write these and so just went with whatever came out.

~Bold words are those Santana crossed out but are still legible.~

Chapter 2

The Letters

The room remained silent aside from a couple gasps. Everyone seemed to have withdrawn into themselves in disbelief. No one felt this could be true, this could never happen to them. To... Santana.

Mr. Schue spoke up after letting the news settled over everyone for a moment. "I know it's hard to believe, hard to take in, but... maybe these will help you." He lifted the envelopes up before tapping them back into his other hand, eyes still on his students. "She wrote each of you a letter." A few soft mumbles sounded here and there.

A thick fog seemed to befall them, dazing them. Only one had enough mind to speak.

"Where's Brittany and Quinn?" Rachel asked softly, cautiously.

The older man turned to her, slowly taking in her question. "Santana's parents told Brittany and I assume they either told Quinn as well, or Brittany did. They won't be here today." Rachel gave a nod as her thoughts churned in a mass of darkness.

It was then that Principle Figgins spoke, voice gentle but steady. "If any of you need the day to yourselves or wish to remain in here with each other, you will be excused from your classes. It's completely understandable and you will not be made to attend your lessons." His words were more business but his tone was sympathetic and kind. Giving his colleague a pat on the back, the darker man fell back to stand alongside Miss Pillsbury.

Mr. Schue looked back to the blank faces seated in front of him. He gave a sad smile and took a shaky breath. "I'll hand you your letters, but she wrote one for the entire group I'll then read to you." The sound of paper slipping against paper drifted through the still air. Each accepted their letter with heavy hands and shaking fingers, eyes either on the paper at all times or everywhere but.

A single envelope held in his hands, Mr. Schuester returned to the front of the room. Looking out once more over his students, he slowly opened his letter to read aloud.

"Hey Guys,

I know I'm not the greatest friend. I mean, let's be honest, I'm shit at being a friend let alone a good friend. But I do consider you all friends. You guys are pretty great, even if I always insulted you all. Anyway, I basically just started writing these letters to you. It was sort of a random thing but I decided to write one for each of you.

So, you see this wasn't really an "in the moment" kind of thing or whatever. Me killing myself, that is. I've been thinking on it a lot. I never told anyone and didn't want anyone to know so don't go being all guilty or some shit about not seeing it because you weren't suppose to, k? This has nothing to do with you. You guys helped. Seriously. I lasted as long as I did because of you.

I don't want to bring you all down but I know this kind of thing would be pretty fucking depressing so sorry for that. But really, just know that I wanted this. I was so-I just needed to get out. I needed not to be. It's better that I'm not around. I'm better because I won't feel.

So right. Yeah. Don't go beating yourselves up or anything because you guys were-are great and this isn't your fault. Be happy for me, k? I'll finally feel alright. Or not feel at all, which would be great.

I can honestly say you all are the only things I'll miss.

Read your letters.

Mr. Schue.,

I-"

He stopped speaking, the next part clearly for him. Not looking up to the others, he kept reading to himself.

.o.o.o.o.o.

Mr. Schue,

I know I was a pain. I know I caused a lot of shit and always played both sides. But I need to thank you for letting me join Glee Club in the first place and putting up with me. And thank you for giving me a place to be happy. Yeah, sometimes you could be an ass, but who isn't?

Overall, you were a pretty great teacher and kept our best interests in mind. Or some shit like that. Point is, you're a decent guy and mentor and I appreciate all you did for me and the glee club.

Thank you,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

At the Pierce residence, two blondes sat huddled up together on a bed when letters were brought to them silently. Pulling away to sit up and open the envelopes, they read.

.o.o.o.o.o.

Brittany,

Hey. I love you and don't think that I don't 'cuz you know I do. Even though we're not in love anymore, you know I love you. More than anyone. You're my best friend and the only person who ever really understood me. You had so much patience with me in everything, I can't thank you enough for that. You loved me and helped me accept myself. I knew that no matter what, you were always there. Even when you should have given up on me, you never did. I still don't really know why, but I know it has something to do with that big heart of yours.

I don't want to hurt you but I know that I have and that this... this will hurt like nothing else I've ever done. I'm so sorry, Britt. I am but I need to do this. You've always been great and you're the main reason I stuck around so long. And it wasn't anything you did or didn't do, it's just- Sometimes things get to be too much. Like, sometimes caves are so far into the ground that absolutely no light can reach it, even a light as powerful and magnificent as the sun. That's what you are, BrittBritt. You're the sun and you always were. You're the brightest, warmest, fiercest person I know.

Go feed the ducks when you get too sad, yeah? I know how much you love that. I liked it too. As much as I bitched about it, the little critters were pretty cute and it was sort of relaxing. I bet you could get Quinn to go with you. I know she likes it too. Seriously, B. I saw her with a big ol' goofy grin on her face as she was feeding them. I swear she was even talking to them.

I love you. I love you. I love you. You need to know that. I don't want to leave you, but I have to. I would've ended up just clinging to you to keep me above water and would've tired you out and you need to shine. The sun can't be pulled underwater, it needs to be high in the sky. Ok? Just shine, Britt, shine. I need you to shine.

You're smart, you're beautiful, you're loving, and you're everything that's good in this world.

I wish I could've stayed around if only to watch you.

You deserve everything. All the love and all the praise. Follow your dreams and do what you love. Find someone who will give you everything and more. Find love and live your life how you want. Most importantly, be happy, Britt. And, if you could, remember me on occasion? I don't know what it would do, but it's nice to think I'd be remembered by you.

Don't hate me for leaving you.

I love you.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Quinn,

I know we weren't always friendly and we fought and bitched a lot, but you're still one of my closest friends. I mean, we've known each other for like ever and we're a lot alike. The reason for all the drama was mainly because we both wanted the same things and we're both pretty badass so, you know, that's where the issue was.

But we always seemed to be able to forget and be friends again. I like that. I needed it, actually.

I'm sorry I wasn't always there when you needed me and I didn't always reach out to help you. I kinda hate myself for that, but I can't change it. Plus, I'm shit at that stuff so... And you got through it all. You're strong, Q. You're amazingly strong and I, you know, kinda admire that and shit.

I hate seeing you unhappy(and crazy) so focus on keeping yourself happy. In a healthy way. Find love but don't try to force it, and know that your friends love you and see you. You don't need popularity when you've got friends like we do. Not that you shouldn't be the Queen of McKinley or anything, you just need to remember you've got friends. So yeah, be a badass bitch but don't let it become who you are. You're not a bitch and I don't want to see you becoming bitter again and falling into that crazy Quinn you, k?

Now I need to ask a favor. Look after Brittany. I know you will, I just... I need to make sure, you know? She's going to be so devastated, I know. And don't think I don't know how shitty it is of me to do this, how selfish and thoughtless and crap. Because I know. But I just can't, Quinn. I need out and I'm at the point where I know everyone will be ok after awhile. Brittany is the one I'm most worried about. The others will be sad and shit but Brittany... I need you to give some of your strength to her. She'll need everyone. I'm asking everyone to help her out, but you know her best. It was always the three of us. The Three Musketeers, right? You need to be there for her. You need to keep her safe and help her to shine and be happy again. That light in her can't die, Quinn.

I know you'll be ok. Like I said, you're strong.

You know, I really do love you.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

A boy took the envelope handed to him in the hallway with a curious expression. Confused at the hand to his shoulder and look of sympathy followed by an offer for an empty classroom, Dave awkwardly declined just wanting to know what he was just handed. Once alone, eyes turned down to his name scribbled on the front. Santana's handwriting.

.o.o.o.o.o.

Karofsky,

I hope they get this to you. Not that you're hard to find or anything but still, I hope you get this.

We sort of started out in a not-so-friendly way but I like that we actually became friends. I think our shared secret brought us pretty close after the initial blackmailing threat and all. Even though we never really talked about it, it was always there, you know? A mutual understanding that not many could get.

You're a pretty cool dude. I wish you'd have just been that way at McKinley. But I know. I get it. I mean, look who's talking, right? Seriously though, I came out and things were ok. You would have had friends. I would have been right by your side beating on anyone who gave you a hard time. No joke.

But I'm not here to tell you to come out or transfer back to McKinley or anything. I'm here to tell you to find a way to be happy. Maybe you can finally get that happiness once out of high school? Any which way, I hope you do some great shit.

I know you've been doing better, feeling better about things. I see it and I know it was probably good for you to transfer. I'm glad you did something for yourself. You know, to make things easier. You're smiling a lot more and seem a lot lighter. I liked it. You're kind of cute. You know, for a guy. So keep smiling. Maybe you'll snag some great guy.

Now, I hope you'll do something for me... I know you're not real close with the rest of the glee club but, can you look out for them? You're one tough guy and I know you've got a big heart. Don't deny it. They'll need someone when I'm gone. I know they'll be all broken and shit. Especially Brittany. Please keep an eye on her? She always thought you were a great big teddy bear so maybe you could spare a hug or two? I'm not saying to just waltz into McKinley and into the choir room and start hugging everyone, but maybe stop by? Brittany would definitely vouch for you and I'm sure Kurt would too. They wouldn't run you out. But yeah, I think you could help. And they could help you, too.

Please, Dave.

You're kind of like a brother to me. I'm glad I got to know you. Really.

Also, I definitely let you win at Halo. Just so you know.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

His heart gripped tightly. What was this? What did she mean 'when I'm gone'? She didn't-This wasn't-No. His hands were shaking, his throat becoming scratchy. No.

Sprinting down the hall, Dave ignored everyone as his heart beat faster and his breathing became panicked. He ran out to his car, needing to know what was going on. And he knew he'd find his answers in the room where other letters were currently being read.

.o.o.o.o.o.

Puck,

Sorry I was a bitch to you. Well, I was to everyone, but I didn't try to like, keep them prisoners or whatever. So, sorry. Gay panic and all.

No offense, but it's pretty disgusting to think of being with you. In a relationship, sex... yeah no. You're a good friend though, so you're not a complete loss.

But seriously, you're a good friend. I know I pushed you away a lot but I was starting to see you were a pretty awesome lesbro. It was pretty amazing getting to just be friends with you. You know, without you wanting to sex me up. Well, you still wanted to but you at least knew I was off limits. But yeah, we had fun. I have no doubt you would have been a wicked wingman.

You're a badass but you've got a fucking huge soft spot. But don't worry. It's a good thing to have. It just means you kick the asses of the fuckers who mess with your friends.

You're kind of a rock for everyone in glee, you know? You 're not always loud and leaderly or whatever, but you're always there to help when needed.

So I know you'll be there for everyone.

Stay a fucking awesome badass.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Tina,

I know we barely even talked, but I still thought you were pretty cool. I mean, the whole vamp thing was sort of badass and you always seemed so strong. Like, you would stand up for yourself and those you cared for and stuff. Yeah, you're pretty cool.

You were kind of too in live with Mike sometimes but- Nah. I'm not sure you can ever be too in love with someone... Unless they don't love you, which just fucking sucks. Or if you're like some psycho stalker or something... Yeah, never mind. Anyway, I never had an issue with you and Mike, I mean you two were kind of... cute, but now that Asian Fusion has diffused, well, you wear independence well, girl.

And I know you and Britt got pretty close, what with hanging out with your boyfriends together and the fact that you're pretty much the second best female dancer in glee and all. I like that. You're a good friend to her and you make her smile and I know she's a lot more comfortable around you than others. And that's saying something because that girl is comfortable around everyone. I know you know she'll need you now more than ever. Keep her smiling, yeah?

And you need to remember yourself. Find your knight in shining armor if that's what you need to be completely happy, but don't lose yourself in them completely.

Yeah, some fucking wisdom from Santana.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Trouty Mouth,

Sorry. Had to.

You know, you're a bit geeky but you're also cool. I don't know how you do it but I applaud you.

Seriously, though, you we're always very... sweet. I'm sorry I like, jumped on you and used you and went off to Karofsky without even telling you shit. That wasn't cool of me. And sorry for all the insults about your mouth. I mean, yeah it's huge but I could have laid off a bit...

Sometimes I think you're too sweet and innocent to be involved with anything "real life" like. Like, you should be in some sort of different dimension where everything is bright and happy and no one is ever dishonest. Both you and Britt just seem better suited for fairytale land or something. Where the ending is always happy.

That was a compliment.

Don't worry that lemon-fresh head of yours over me. Help the others. Be your sweet and caring self and just... be.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Rory,

Yeah I really don't know you and I didn't really bother trying to. Sorry.

You seem a decent enough guy, though. And I'm sure you miss your family and home so, you know, that sucks. I'm sorry for the shit I pulled when you first got here, but I like to think I've gotten better. Also, you've been nothing but a gentleman to Britt after that initial Leprechaun thing so I'm alright with you. You kind of taken on the role of her little brother and it's kind of sweet.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Artie,

Ok yeah, sorry for all the shit I did to you. And sorry about the whole Brittany thing. I mean, I didn't really steal her but I know I was pretty shitty in some of the things I did. And the way you guys broke up? I'm sorry. I mean, yeah, I wanted to tear you apart when I heard what you called her, but she forgave you and even became friends with you again. And, you know, I also said that same thing to her once. Never again but I still sometimes feel a bit guilty about it. I know you didn't mean it, I know you were frustrated and hurt, and I know you were sorry for it. So, yeah, I got over that.

You we're very sweet to her, too. Honestly, I couldn't see it then, but I know you were good for her. Probably better than me, but that's all in the past now.

Now I see how, well, awesome you are. You're kind and caring and a fucking gansta! Overall, you're a great guy and I see that now. I know you'll help Britt though this, right? She'll need all her friends.

I hope you find happiness and all that jazz.

Also, you're a wicked dancer. You don't need legs to be a fucking badass with the moves.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Tina quietly collected her things and stood to leave. She wanted to stay here with all her friends, feeling they ought to stay together but... she felt the need to be with the blonde-two blondes currently absent.

Artie looked up from his letter to see Tina moving towards the door and quickly rolled forward, touching her arm softly. When her eyes were on him, he asked gently, "Where are you going?"

Voice quiet with a slight quiver to it, she replied, "Brittany's"

"Can I tag along?"

A small nod and a couple of sad smiles exchanged between the two, they made to leave. Stopping a moment to acknowledge the three remaining adults in the room, informing them of their departure, they left the quiet room to the bustling hallway. A mist of silence seemed to surround and follow them though, as they made their way out of the lively school and into the bright daylight.

.o.o.o.o.o.

Sugar,

You're kind of annoying and shit but you're also a Troubletone. I've got a protectiveness of you for that very reason. You're also kind of adorable in an odd way. Like, me, Britt, and Mereceds all sort of adopted you and you're our little cub or something.

Anyway, you, girl, are pretty cool. Annoying but also a bit of cool.

And I know you're a strong motherfucker so I won't worry about you too much. You'll be fine and you've got the glee club if you need them.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Finn,

Look, we've got a lot of shit between us. I insulted you a shit-ton, but no more than anyone else. Well, basically. And the whole you outting me thing? Yeah, still haven't completely gotten over that. How could I? Sure, you didn't purposely out me to the entire state and shit but you shouted it in a hallway, at school, with people around... Yeah, no. Still not over it. I appreciate you trying to help me after though. And even though you never fully "apologized", I just wanted that to be over, you know? So I sort of just said fuck it and looked forward. I was able to kinda become friends with you after. Kinda. We were never the best of buds but I at least knew you were there for me if I really needed you.

You've got some leadership qualities or some shit like that. You fuck up, a lot, but who doesn't? Plus you're a teenage guy so, you know, shits gonna happen. But yeah, I know you've got good intentions. Most of the time.

Stop moping. You and Rachel are over. Don't go trying to win her back because that shit is just fucked up. You guys being on and off and on and off and on and... Stop. Just stop, already. You guys clearly aren't meant to be together. Find someone you can just be with without all the drama, k? Be friends with Rachel and make sure she follows her dreams, but don't go further than a friend's helpful words. It's all she really needs from you. Support her and be there for her.

Right, well, go have a great life. You're not some "Lima Loser" so don't convince yourself you are. Even if you decide to stay in Lima, it's not a bad thing. Just do something you want.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Merceds,

Girl, we be hot bitches. You are one talented, gorgeous gal, you know that? You're gonna make it. You're gonna go far in whatever you want to get far in. I know it.

You're the fiercest of us all, aside from me of course. You don't like taking shit but don't like to always cause scenes either. You do on occasion but you know, you do deserve more than you get. Just wait 'til you get out of here and you'll be getting more spotlight than you'll know what to do with.

I really, you know, I'm really glad we got to be friends. We sort of always had this similar feisty attitude and so we could kinda see things in a similar way. We butted heads a bit but that's just 'cuz we both knew we were the best. We got each other.

Don't get too pissed here in Lima. You'll shine.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Blaine,

I don't know you all that well but I don't really dislike you. I mean, yeah, I felt you were Rachel's freaky twin in your clear relation to hobbits and insatiable need for attention, but you're not that bad. Rachel isn't either, but you know. Anyway, you're an ok guy and I'm sorry was wasn't so welcoming or whatever to you. I'm not to anyone though.

Besides, you made Kurt happy. That alone is reason to like you. You still make him happy, even though you two are just friends, it makes him happy to have a friend like you. It's like you two are like me and Britt. Able to go from dating and being in love to best friends with little to no awkardness. You helped him out a lot and gave him that glimpse of something better, you know? I'm thankful to you for that.

You're talented and you've always seemed keen on helping the entire group, you you're good in my books. I'm sure you'll be able to do whatever it is you want to do. Broadway? I don't know, but you'll do just fine for yourself.

Keep that perky optimism about you.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Mike,

We're not close or anything but I know you're great guy. Well, we were sort of close freshman year, but we drifted. Which sort of sucks but is also completely understandable. Plus, I would have been even worse of a friends back then than I am now so...

You're sweet and kind and loving. You try your best and try to please everyone. Don't forget about yourself though. You deserve some good things and you deserve happiness. Don't give up on dancing for anything. I know how insanely happy it makes you. You and Britt always had this glow about you while dancing. It was pretty fucking beautiful really.

Be that great self of yours and be happy.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Kurt,

You're a seriously strong guy. Sticking to who you are, you know, mostly. And going through what you've gone through? Everything. You're just-You're like some elite in emotional strength. I'm glad you got through it all. And I'm sorry for my part in it.

I kind of look up to you. I don't understand how forgiving you can be. I don't understand how you can so readily help others. But I'm grateful for it.

On that note, could I ask you to maybe help Dave a bit more? The brute will be torn up, I know it. Just-I know the rest of the glee club don't know about him. Don't know the real great guy he is, but I know you do. I don't want him being badgered too much if he shows up to my funeral or some shit. I mean, I also may have asked him to help the glee club out... I don't know how wise that was but I know he could help if they'd let him.

Anyway, I'm glad we became sort of friends. It was getting better, right? I was getting a little less bitchy and a bit for friendly and... approachable. At least I think I was. You never seemed to be frightened of me really. And you weren't really bothered to come up and talk to me. I really liked that. I even started doing the same with you, you know, just walking up and talking to you. That means I liked you. I don't do that with many people. Most-All are in the glee club.

Don't worry too much about getting where you want to be. You've got crazy talent. Aside from your mind-blowing vocal range, you've got some mad acting skills. And ambition and determination. You'll get what you want even if you have to carve a new path.

Or some shit like that.

You're going to be great. And you're going to find that guy that'll give you the romance for the movies. You sap. Just keep a look out.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Rachel,

I don't really know why I started this letter to you. I mean, I do, but I don't really know what I expect to come from this. What? I'm going to write you some sappy letter about how sorry I am and how great you are and then what? I'll be gone. Nothing will come of it so I should just fucking stop and-

Fuck that. I started this I'm going to keep with it.

I'm sorry. Ok? For all the fucking stupid shit I put you through. I fucking hate myself for it. I was just lashing out at you. Why? I don't know. Because you had the talent? The talent that was noticed, at least. You were at the bottom of the social ladder and yet people still wanted to be with you. I mean, you got Puck, and Finn, and St. Douche. Who knows how many others. (I'm not including Jewfro because worms aren't to be included in such things). I mean, yeah, St. Douche was a douche and Finn wasn't much better at times. But you had them crawling after you. They wanted you.

And sure, you were under-appreciated a lot. But, you've got to admit, you're a bit much at times.

But you do have this talent, though. You're fucking gifted. Like, you sing and I forget everything. You made me have a bit more love for music and performing. You would just be so... lost in the music. Not forgetting yourself or your performance but more like... becoming the performance. You know? It was you and you were it. It's kind of fucking breathtaking.

You're not ugly. You're pretty hot. In your own way. Even that schnoz does something for you.

I know why I started this. Because, even though I'll be gone, I may be able to make you feel a bit better. I might even feel a bit good too. You know, cleansing the soul and all that.

You'll do amazing things, Rachel. You'll be a star and you'll shine like only few others can. You were meant to shine. Honestly, only a few people in my life shine. Like, you know, I see there greatness or whatever. You're one of them.

You're not just "pretty hot", you're beautiful. Don't let anyone say otherwise. And I hope you keep that nose of yours. I like it.

I'm sorry I ever made you feel bad-horrible about yourself. About anything, really. I would list everything off and apologize for everything specifically but I don't think there's enough paper in the sate to do that. Plus I'd probably miss something. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I hope I've been better. I've been trying.

You'll shine and you'll find some epic love, don't you fret. Just keep on. You'll be fine. You'll be great.

Love,

Santana

.o.o.o.o.o.

Dave Karofsky was back at McKinley, storming through the halls. His vision was strangely blurred on the edges as he made his way to the room he was sure he'd find some answers in. Stumbling through the door, he stood in the entryway panting.

"What's going on?" he asked, out of breath.

"Dave, wh-" Mr. Schue started, confusion clearly taking over his features.

"What's going on!" It came out like a growl, his throat closing of it's own accord.

Kurt swiftly came to the taller boy's side, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. Wasn't he told? Noting the letter scrunched tightly in his hand, he frowned. Where had he read it? Was he given any warning at all. How was that ok? The rest of them were all brought together, in private. Was Dave given any sort of courtesy?

The pained eyes meeting his brought Kurt back to the moment. "David, Santana... She's...She's gone."

Dave felt a heaviness befall him. He slumped into the doorway as he fought his tears back. Turning his face away from the only boy he'd ever cried in front of before, Dave took a shaky breath. Feeling Kurt give him a squeeze to the shoulder and then sliding his hand down to grasp his larger one, he looked back. He found a mirror in the grey eyes, reflecting back the pain and turmoil. The boy before him was just as lost in this as he was.

Pulling him by the hand, Kurt led Dave into the room and towards a chair. The boy was just as much apart of this group as any of them. This was about Santana and her connection to them. Kurt knew how close of a friend Dave had become to her.

The others may not know, but they didn't object. They all remained in their surreal silence. Nothing really being fully taken in around them as they waited to be woken.

A/N: Didn't edit so sorry for any typos!