The Azkaban Cell Block Tango, a harry potter fanfic

AZBABAN CELL BLOCK TANGO

- parody -

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Chicago. Okay? Okay.

Basically, I modified the lyrics from Cell Block Tango to match our merry murderesses. Enjoy!

Link for watching the video:

youtube(dot)com/watch?v=TSGS37VBMo4

Lyrics:

Pansy Parkinson - Father

Bellatrix Lestrange - Mudbloods

Hermione Granger - Quiddich

Luna Lovegood - Uh uh

Parvati Patil - Hog's Head

Ginevra Weasley - Gay!

[ANNOUNCER]

And now the six merry murderesses of the Azkaban Prison in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

[PANSY]

You know how people

Have these little habits

That get you down. Like Draco.

Draco liked to talk about his father.

A lot. So I came home this one day,

And I am really irritated, and I'm

Looking for a little bit of sympathy

And there's Draco layin'

On the couch, talking to other purebloods,

About his father. „My Father will hear about this"

So, I said to him,

I said, "You say the „F" word one more time..."

And he did.

So I took my wand out

And I fired two Avada Kedavras...

... into his head.

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have heard it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

[BELLATRIX]

I met Sirius Black from

London city about two years ago,

He told me he had a psycho for a mother,

But we hit it off right away.

So, we started living together.

He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd

Fix him a drink, We'd have dinner.

And then I found out,

"Single" he told me?

Single, my ass. Not only

Was he married

... oh, no, he had six wives.

And they were all Mudbloods, you know. So that

Night, when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual.

You know, some guys just can't hold to

Their Draught of Living Death!

He had it coming

He took a flower

In its prime

And then he used it

And he abused it

It was a murder

But not a crime!

[HERMIONE]

Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

Preparing Bouillabaisse for dinner,

Minding my own business,

And in storms my husband Ronald,

In a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' with Viktor Krum,"

He says. He was crazy

And he kept on screamin',

"you been screwin Krum."

And then he ran into my Avis Oppugno.

He ran into my Oppugno ten times!

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

[LUNA]

What am I doing here?

The Nargles say Blaise forced

my husband Neville down, and I cut his head off.

But it's not true, I'm innocent. I've tried to explain

to the Aurors, but they claim they cannot understand me...

Their heads must be full of Wrackspurts.

[HARRY]

Yeah, but did you do it?

[LUNA]

UH UH, not guilty!

[PARVATI]

My sister, Padma and

I had this double act at the Hogwarts circus

And my husband, Theodore Nott,

Travelled around with us.

Now, for the last number in our act,

We did these 20 magic tricks in a row

One, two, three, four, five... Patronus, Incendio,

Reducto, Confringo, one right after the other.

So this one night before the show we're down at Hog's Head, the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and

We ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.

I come back, open the door, and there's Padma and

Theo doing Number Seventeen - the Slyther-in.

Well, I was in such a state of shock,

I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later,

When I was washing the blood off my hands

I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it

She didn't do it

But if I done it

But if she'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming

They took a flower

All along

In it's prime

I didn't do it

And then they used it

But if I'd done it,

And they abused it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

It was a murder but not a crime

[GINEVRA]

I loved Tom Marvolo Riddle

More than words can possibly say.

He was a really passionate guy...

Sensitive... a dark lord.

But he was always trying

To find the Chamber of Secrets.

He'd go out every night

Taking his „basilisk" for a walk

And on the way

He found Lucius Malfoy,

Albus Dumbledore,

Severus Snape and Harry Potter.

I guess you can say we broke

Up because of different political views.

He saw himself as alive

And I saw him dead.

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin'

All along

'Cause if they used us

And they abused us

How could you tell us that we were wrong?

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!

[PANSY]

My father will hear about this...

[BELLATRIX]

Single my ass.

[HERMIONE]

Ten times!

[LUNA]

Aurors are full of Wrackspurts.

[PARVATI]

Number seventeen-the Slyther-in.

[GINNY]

Different political views.

Father

Mudbloods

Quiddich

Uh uh

Hog's Head

Gay!