Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin

Summary: For years, Hidan was mocked because of his belief in a "false god" that gave him immortality and favored him above all others. His rituals were looked down upon, and his prayers were scoffed at. But never once did Hidan lose his faith. Because what the others didn't know was that not only could he feel the connection, but he had also heard Jashin on more than one occasion. And after his defeat, Hidan is confident Jashin will come rescue him and make the world a better place...too bad no one would have believed him if he were to tell. More importantly...too bad he's right...and "Jashin-sama" goes by a much more dangerous name loved in its original's universe and soon-to-be-feared in its new one. That name? Potter. Harry Potter... Yaoi!Yuri!Straight!Relationships Not!Romance!Centered pre-/during-series, manga-based, slightly twisted canon, eventual AU

Pairings: Canon (including one-sided), I.E. PeinKonan, AsumaKurenai, HayateYugao, OneSided(?)HinataNaruto, OneSided/PastNarutoSakura, OneSided/PastSakuraSasuke, OneSided/PastKarinSasuke, RemusTonks, PastJamesLily, PastHarryGinny, AS WELL AS ShikamaruAyame, UdonMoegi, KarinSakura, OneSided(?)JiraiyaTsunade, Past/OneSided(?)ZetsuKonan, AND OTHERS. Also look out for: MAYBE (and that's a BIG maybe for some of these...) NejiHinata, SasoDei/DeiSaso, TobiDei/DeiTobi/MadaDei, KakaObi, or even a three-way PastNagatoKonanYahiko, but otherwise...I'm not sure yet. Definitely a few close friendships, although they might evolve into something more later on in the readings. I guess we'll all just have to wait and find out.

Notes on AU-ness: This story is a partial AU for Naruto, because at the time I'm writing this Zetsu's 100,000 clones were just revealed (and nearly gave me a fangirl-heart-attack). Not only that, but I'm going to twist parts of canon that piss me off from after the timeskip to work with my plot. Please bear with me, friends! The whole thing will (hopefully) still be believable! ^.^ Oh, and let me know if you think I should be captured and tortured by rival shinobi for thinking of this, because reviews (even flames) feed my soul...I mean muse...meh, same-diff.

Notes on Japanese: Most titles, jutsu, and occasionally catchphrases such as Inner Sakura's "shannaro!" ("cha!" in the English dub) will be in Japanese, including a few insults such as "baka" (idiot), "dobe" (dead-last), and "teme" (bastard) and suffixes such as "senpai" (mentor) and "kohai" (protégé). Please bear with me and keep in mind that any other Japanese used, including all types mentioned above, will be translated at the end of the chapter. Thankies! :D

Disclaimer: As disappointing as the whole thing is, I don't own Naruto.

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Episode Zero - Memories
"The report of my death was greatly exaggerated."
-Mark Twain

It wasn't hard for Hidan to remember the time he first pledged his life and soul to Jashin-sama. He had truly been 21 at that time, still learning the ways of Jashinism (although he was always learning the Ways of Jashin, to be truthful), and had just discovered the ultimate secret technique of his dear religion. He read over the drawbacks, then the positives, and finally the risks of doing the technique. Then he decided he didn't fuckin' care and did the jutsu, dammit.

It was a long, drawn-out jutsu involving many symbols, words, and gestures he didn't understand, but the reverberation of the positives kept him going.

"Ego dico super copiae copie superum..."

Power.

"Copiae copie orbis terrarum quod divum..."

Immortality.

"Ego tribuo meus Vita, Somes, et Animus ut unus quisnam est plurimus aptus."

Truth.

"Ego loco meus credo unus quisnam mos addo nos utriusque ut maiestas."

And most importantly...

"Ego tribuo meus solus ut meus Dominus Jashin!"

An unfathomable understanding of Lord Jashin!

The symbols on the ground, the walls, and his own body glowed with a bloody red light.

And as pain shot through him, Hidan could only let out an earth shattering scream...

But even as he screamed, even as he felt what seemed to be a large part of himself being torn away and brought elsewhere, he slowly gained a new awareness. There was another now that he could sense and trust and understand and believe and follow and Jashin-sama...

The emptiness was filled by a foreign power, but Hidan was unconcerned, even as he felt his ability to remain conscious wavering under the strain tearing at his body, as even though he felt torn, he felt more whole than he had ever felt before...

"Jashin-sama," he breathed in understanding.

The man promptly collapsed.

-Wrath of Jashin-

Stuck now, in the hole that damn brat Nara Shikuki or whatever tossed his remains into, this treasured memory was one of the few that Hidan carefully clung to in order to retain his sanity. He could sense his rosary, filled with both his power and that of his dear Lord Jashin's, nearby, offering a feeling of contentment that totally went against the fact that he was actually dying, JASHINDAMMIT!

Under normal circumstances, there was no way in hell Hidan could die. He was immortal for as long as he continued to keep a connection with Jashin-sama, and made regular enough sacrifices to replenish whatever energy he took from Jashin-sama by being connected to Him and visa-versa. But it had been two months, now, and he had yet to sacrifice...he could sense Jashin-sama's powers becoming more weary by the day without his steady stream of energy, and his own was faring even worse. He estimated another two weeks for himself...

And if he died right now...

Jashin-sama would not have enough energy to keep them both alive.

The two would be simultaneously killed.

"Jashin-sama..." Hidan mumbled around a mouthful of dirt, ignoring the uncomfortable taste and texture on his bone-dry tongue. He could sense his beloved God turning His attention to the albino man, and a wave of concern and soothing acceptance rushed over Hidan. Purple-pink eyes closed and he sighed, turning his attention to thinking his words rather than speaking them.

I'm dying.

"No shit," snapped Jashin-sama in a rare display of anger. True, Jashin-sama was known for having a hair-trigger temper that would arrive without warning and disappear just as quickly (according to Him), but this anger was more strained and turned towards Himself. The words softened. "Hidan...just hold on, okay? I'm coming to get you soon."

Hidan's eyes snapped open and he stared at the dirt and rocks in front of him despite the fact that they dug into his corneas and hurt like a bitch. Jashin-sama, what the hell! ?

Jashin-sama let out a faintly strained laugh. "Don't worry, I won't harm myself...hopefully. And even if I do, it will be worth it for my most faithful follower."

Don't chance it, You fuckin' sunuvabitch! snarled Hidan without a thought over the cursing out of his God. Jashin-sama had spent years encouraging him to speak his mind, and damn if Hidan wasn't going to take this opportunity to take Him up on His offer! Do you have any fucking idea how much trouble it's been keeping You alive this long? !

Jashin-sama sent wry amusement with the use of their connection. "You know, I'm fairly sure it's been more work keeping you alive, Hidan. Or are you ignoring the fact that you've been 'killed' forty-eight times in the last two months of your life alone, while I have only been 'killed' once or twice in my whole existence?"

Hidan ignored the annoying (truthful) point. Don't chance it, Jashin-sama, or I'll never fucking forgive You!

"Of course you will," Jashin-sama said in His even voice. "You could never stay mad at me long...my faithful Hidan..."

Again, Hidan ignored the truthful (annoying) point. Seriously! You're not made for my damn world, and You know it!

He felt the sympathy from his God leaking through their link. "Isn't that what I have you for...? And anyone else who decides to follow me..."

The words struck Hidan and he blinked open his eyes in shock before closing them again quickly. Jashin-sama, what the hell—

"Nothing, Hidan," was Jashin-sama's gentle, but firm response. "Not to worry. I...have a certain plan..."

Hidan was silent through their link for a long moment. His voice was shockingly small when he went on. Just promise me, Jashin-sama, that You will take no unnecessary chances.

The mental picture of a knowing smile was his only response.