Note: Hey guys, I was kinda bored so I decided to write this lovely crack fic. Basically, this is what I think would happen if the boys of Big Time Rush ever discovered the things we write about them. THIS ISN'T SLASH OKAY? JUST TOTAL CRACK. Enjoy :)
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Kendall shouted, nearly dropping his laptop.
"Kendall? Mama Knight says that curse words are naughty." Carlos said, before stuffing his corndog in his mouth. Kendall glanced at the Latino, gagging and looking back at his computer .
"What's wrong, Kendall?" Logan asked from the dining table he was doing homework on.
"I DID NOT DO THAT!" Kendall angrily yelled at his computer, now earning James's attention.
"Do what?" The pretty boy asked, walking over to the orange couch his blonde buddy was sitting on. He rested his hands on the back of it, looking over Kendall's shoulder. He read whatever Kendall was reading, before his eyes bugged out.
"Dude! That's nasty; why the fuck would you do that to Carlos?" James gasped, earning Carlos's attention.
"Do what to me?" He asked, innocent as ever before getting up off the floor and sitting right next to Kendall. "W-what! Kendall did not do that! I think I'd remember!" Carlos said, looking at his corndog, not wanting to take after what he just read.
"Exactly!" Kendall fumed.
"What are we talking about?" Logan sighed, getting up from his seat to stand by James. Once he read what Kendall was looking at, he literally fell backwards, landing right on his ass.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING READING KENDALL?" Logan screamed, getting up quickly and waiting for the blonde's explanation.
"Well, like, I was on Twitter, and a fan sent me a link to this website. Being the awesome person I am, I clicked the link, and it took me to this thing called . So I was redirected to this thing and I read some of it and I now realize what Kenlos slash is." Carlos turned to look at the blonde.
"Is this some kind of gossip website? Because I swear on all the corndogs in the freezer Kendall didn't 'pound into me'." Carlos innocently stated, being sure to use air quotes when he said 'pound into me'. Kendall smacked Carlos's arm. "Ow!" Carlos cried, rubbing his now sore shoulder.
"Dude, do you realize how inappropriate that is?" Kendall questioned.
"No… what does pounded into mean?" Carlos asked, his head tilting to its side.
"Well… uh… basically… it means that I had…. Um… sex with you." Kendall finished, feeling his face heat up.
"What? We didn't have sex though! WHY DO PEOPLE LIE?" Carlos yelled, throwing his fists in the air and shaking them.
"Wait… fanfiction. Okay that's kind of self explainatory. Fan: the fan, and fiction: make believe." Logan stated. "So basically the fan makes these things up. For fun. That's sick and wrong and disturbing." He finished, earning a nod from Kendall.
"Wait? Is this website only for Kendall and Carlos?" James asked, looking at the computer screen once more.
"Uh no. I just clicked on the author of this. Her user name is RebeccaKorklan- sick lady. She wrote 12 more stories and they aren't just of Carlos and I. There's one of you and Logan." Kendall said, pointing at another story by the title of 'Only You'. James squinted.
"What's the summary say?" James questioned, titling his head.
"It says 'James sees Logan staring at a girl, and he thinks Logan deserves a punishment'." Logan gagged.
"W-what kind of punishment?" He asked, kind of afraid to here the answer.
"Um… hang on." Kendall said, clicking the story and reading a little.
"Sounds like you two are dating in this. Oh, Logan, stop it you're making James jealous. Please, for James's sanity, stop it." Kendall sarcastically said, earning a smack from Logan.
"Hey, I wouldn't be talking blondie, looks like you and Carlos are dating too. And I quote, "You should not have that much in your mouth!" Kendall shouted, Carlos raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" He said, looking down at the blonde's crotch. Kendall's eyes widened and he turned away. And scene." Logan replied, seeing both Carlos and Kendall blush.
"Oh, yeah? Well at least I'm not going into the fucking bathroom to be owned by James." James eyes widened.
"Wait, what?" He asked, looking at Logan, who was probably wondering the same thing as he was.
"Yeah, see? And I quote, "P-please..." Logan whispered in James's mouth. "You have to be more specific Logie." James teased. As much as he wanted to pound into his boyfriend right then and there, he had to wait. "F-fuck... me senseless... Jam- oh my god!" and unquote." Kendall said, laughing his ass off.
"I would not ask for that!" Logan asked, not intending for his voice to sound unsure.
"Oh really?" James asked in a low voice, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes really! I wouldn't!" Logan shouted, he knew James was just teasing, but he was in no mood.
"Wouldn't what? You have to be more specific Logie." James quoted. Logan glared at him.
"Fuck you." He snapped, wanting to choke his best friend.
"Actually, you were asking me to fuck you so…" Logan rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, in your dreams." Logan replied, earning a blush from James. That was odd. "Well, you know I was kidding right?" James slowly nodded.
"Yeah, because I haven't had dreams like that…" Logan's eyes widened.
"You have? What the fuck, James!" Logan yelled.
"Hey! I can't control my dreams okay?" Logan crossed his arms. Carlos raised an eyebrow, and Kendall chuckled.
"Aw. A blowjob from James to Logan. How sweet of you!" Kendall teased, snickering.
"Okay, ya know what! I'm leaving. While you guys be perverted I'm gonna be normal, and not read fanfiction." Logan rolled his eyes again and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
"Hey, what's Kames slash?" James asked, as if what Logan just said wasn't heard.
"I dunno. Lemme click on it." Kendall replied, feeling James sit down next to him. The story opened, and instantly all three boys gasped.
"My eyes!" Carlos screamed, turning away from the computer and gagging.
"Wait! Why the hell am I bottoming?" Kendall chimed in, earning a chuckle from James.
"That's because I'm me, and you're you." The pretty boy replied, earning a scowl from Kendall.
"But that makes no since! You are all… pretty and I'm all boyish!" Kendall complained, reading on.
"Well, I'm taller, have way more muscle, and am always getting the ladies. It wouldn't be that hard to top you either."
"Shut up." Kendall snapped, searching for more stories. Carlos turned back to the computer, frowning when Kendall clicked on Kenlos slash. Kendall scrolled down a little, to get past the beginning, and into the graphic parts of the story.
"What?" Carlos's eyes widened, as he looked at his butt. "How will that fit in there? I-if it's really as big as they say… B-but how do I-" He stopped in mid sentence, holding up his index and middle finger. Then he began moving them around. "Huh? Why would you do this to me?" He said, imitating what he read.
"See? I top Carlos." Kendall mumbled.
"Yeah, I'm sure everyone can top Carlos, Kendall." James snickered, earning a gasp from Carlos.
"Shut it! That is not true!" Carlos replied.
"Yes it is." Kendall and James retorted at the same time. Carlos frowned. Then he looked back at the computer.
"What? How is that fitting in there?" Carlos shouted. Then he looked down at Kendall's crotch, which was covered by his hand. "Kendall, move your hand!" The Latino commanded, moving Kendall's hand himself and reaching for the waistband of his jeans.
"Dude!" The blonde protested, smacking his hand away.
"I wanna see if it's really as big as they say, because I don't know how that'd fit in my… yeah. So let me see it Kendall!" Carlos yelled, reaching for his waistband again and managing to pull his pants down past his thighs.
"Hey!" Kendall protested, attempting to pull his pants up.
"Uh… Kendall… why is it like that?" James asked, pointing at Kendall's rather excited member.
"I was reading about sex, you can't just say you aren't the least bit turned on by this." Kendall said, forgetting that Carlos was studying his dick.
"Yeah, that's totally not an eight incher." The Latino pointed out, earning a smack from Kendall. " What was that for?"
"Uh, it is too! It's just not… fully excited yet okay?" Kendall defended, pulling up his pants. James chuckled.
"Looks like it is."
"Okay, let's not talk about my penis!" Kendall yelled, earning chuckles from the other boys.
"But how does that fit in me and why were you putting your fingers there?" Kendall rolled his eyes at the boy's innocence.
"Because I was stretching you out before I put myself into you." Kendall said bluntly. Carlos looked at his butt, covering it.
"I feel violated." Carlos whispered.
"Oh look, this author wrote more Kames stories. Let's see who she thinks tops." James pointed out, earning a nod from the blonde.
"Can we not?" Carlos asked. The others ignored him completely.
"Ha, she thinks I'd top!" Kendall cheered, earning a grimace from James.
"Yeah? What does she know anyways."
"Obviously a lot. I'd dominate you pretty boy."
"Uh, no. I would so top!" James fought. Neither of them heard the knock on the door. Carlos sighed, getting up and answering it. It was Jo, probably wanting to talk to Kendall.
"Hey Carlos. I just wanted to ask Kendall a qu-" She was cut off by Kendall's sudden outburst.
"No! I'd fucking top your sorry ass James!" Kendall shouted, turning to his side to see where Carlos went. That's when he noticed Jo.
"Oh my god." Jo said, before running out of the apartment. Kendall sighed.
"Yep, I'm gonna have a tough time explaining that to her." Kendall stated, earning a chuckle from James.
"Explaining what? That'd I'd top you in a relationship?" James scoffed, earning a glare from Kendall.
"Carlos! Who do you think would top?" Kendall turned to the Latino, who's eyes widened.
"I am not getting involved in this, you guys are gross!" Carlos yelled, pulling his helmet out of nowhere. He put it on, slapping it twice before screaming and running into a wall. Then he got up, mumbled 'oops' and ran out of the apartment.
"I'd top." James said matter-of-factly.
"No you wouldn't!" Kendall screamed.
What'd you guys think? Did it make you smile or giggle or laugh insanely loud? No? Not even a little? Really? Are you lying? Oh... well then.
Review for me okay? :D