Harry Potter and the Very Potter musical.

Chapter Five.

Sorry. I feel as if last chapter was way to short for my liking. I hope this one will be longer. Also! Thank you to HarryPotterNut94 who informed me that Conjuring food out of thin air is impossible, so thanks for the useful information! :)) I hope you guys enjoy chapter four.

Oh! and I HAVE edited the past few chapters because I spotted some mistakes...but Fanfiction is being slow and they haven't updated. Damn you FF. :/

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts." 'Dumbledore' welcomed the students as they sat down on the benches.

"And a very special welcome to my favourite student: Mr Harry Potter!"

Everyone glared at Dumbledore.

"I knew he was your favourite." grumbled Draco as the Gryffindor students in AVPM cheered.

"He defeated Voldemort when he was just a baby! And he's even got the lightening scar on his forehead to prove it." Everyone turned to look at Harry who covered his scar up with his hair.

"And also another special welcome to to the newest addition, Mr. Ginny- Excuse me, Miss Ginny"

Ginny glared at Dumbledore. "Oi!" she said.

"It's not me! It's him!" he said and everyone laughed.

'Ginny' stood up. "Yeah, I'm a girl. Aren't we supposed to be sorted by the..uh, sorting hat?" she asked.

"Yes well, a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of magical enchanted clothing. So he and the scarf of sexual preference-"

"Wicked." Fred and George said in unison.

"We have to get one in our future joke shop" George said grinning.

"Basically I've been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody that looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and... the other two can go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care." Everyone laughed because it was such an un-dumbledoreish thing to say.

"PLEASE say that in a sorting!" pleaded Ron.

Dumbledore snorted. "I'll probably get fired."

"They can't fire you, your the headmaster." Harry said and Dumbledore shrugged.

'Cedric' stood up. "Hufflepuff's are particularly good finders." he said.

"What the HELL is a Hufflepuff?" 'Dumbledore' asked and everyone, including Dumbledore burst out laughing.

"What IS a Hufflepuff?" asked Dudley intrigued.

"A Hufflepuff is a house for someone who values hard work, tolerance, loyalty, and fair play." Dumbledore described a 'Hufflepuff' to him and Draco snorted.

"Anyway! It is now time for me to introduce to you a my very good friend and our very own potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape."

"Aw! Man! I hope they fire that guy!" Snape glared at Ron who gulped.

"10 points from Gryffindor." he sneered out.

"Severus, you can't take points away, it's Christmas break." Dumbledore told him grinning.

"Why? What's wrong with Professor Snape?"

"Uh, nothing. He's just... uh... Evil!" 'Ron' said to 'Ginny.'

"I AM NOT EVIL." "He is not evil." Dumbledore and Snape said in unison.

Everyone burst out laughing as Snape came onto screen. Severus paled.

"Oh my gosh! The actor is perfect!" Ron said forgetting Snape was in the room.

Severus picked up the nearest book and whacked Ron on the head.

"OW!" He yelped covering his head in pain like 'Ginny' did in AVPM.

"Sorry." Ron squeaked out and Snape smirked.

"Oh C'mon Ron! He really isn't that bad." 'Harry' said.

"Thank you, Potter." said Snape and Ron glared at Harry who shrugged.

"Harrry Potterr!" 'Snape' said drawing out his name which made everyone except Snape giggle.

"Detention!"

"What?" Harry asked.

"What?" 'Harry' on screen stood up and asked and the real Harry blinked.

"For talking out of turn!" 'Harry' sat back down.

"That was mean." Harry said pouting.

"Now before we begin, I'm going to give you your very very first Pop quiz."

"Oh! Yay! A Pop quiz!" Hermione cheered as the characters in AVPM groaned.

"Can anybody tell me what a Portkey is?"

"That's easy." Hermione said watching her characters hand went up in the air.

"Oh yes Miss Granger?"

"Of course it would be Hermione." Ron said. Hermione chose to ignore him.

"A Portkey is a magically enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon the enchanter."

"So like flying?" Dudley asked understanding 'Hermione's fast talking and Harry nodded.

"But quicker than flying." he said.

"Oh very good." Everybody laughed as 'Snape' drawled out the words and did weird hand jesters.

"Now can anybody tell me what foreshadowing is?"

"Let me think. Hermoine." said Ron and Hermione glared at him.

"Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way." The Dursley's and Ron looked confused.

"Perfect."

"Wait, what is a Portkey?" Ron asked and everyone groaned.

"What was a portkey again? I missed that one." 'Ron' asked in the middle of eating and everyone laughed.

"Oh! A Portkey is-"

"Not you! Ohmygod."

"-an enchanted object that when touched will transport you anywhere in the globe"

Everyone laughed at 'Hermione's fast talking.

"I really don't talk that fast." said Hermione.

"And remember, A Portkey can be any harmless object. Like a football. Or a Dolphin."

"Professor? Can like, a person be a Portkey?"

"Don't be absurd!" Snape said.

"No that's absurd! Because if a person where to touch themselves." 'Snape' looked at Ron and they all laughed. "They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can however be a Horcrux."

"What's a Horcrux? The Golden Trio asked. Snape and Dumbledore shared a look.

"I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough." Snape and Dumbledore chuckled.

"Do you know what a Horcux is?" Harry asked Dumbledore.

"You'll find out." said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Professor. What is the point of this quiz?" 'Hermione' asked.

"I was thinking the same thing." said Ron.

"Oh no, no, no point in particular. Just important information that everyone should know! Especially you! Now, moving right along, there are four houses"

"Gryffindor!" 'Snape' said (Wooh!)" The Gryffindor's cheered including the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione.

"Ravenclaw! (Ow!)"

"Hufflepuff! (Find!) - What?" Everyone laughed. The dursley's looked amused.

"and Slytherin! (yess!) Draco said in the same time and the witch's and wizards looked at him.

Draco shrugged. "What? I'm allowed to support my own house."

"Now traditionally, traditionally points are given for good behaviour and deducted for rule breaking. For example; ten points for Gryffindor!"

"What?" Hermione said shocked as the Gryffindor's said it on screen.

"For miss Grangers excessive baby fat." Draco laughed and Hermione glared at him and Snape.

"Thanks Hermione." The real Harry and Ron said in unison of 'Harry' and 'Ron on screen. Hermione glared at them.

"..Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the house cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it, is our new professor of the dark arts, Professor Quirrell"

Everyone paid more attention at the name of Professor Quirrell.

"Ow! Ow!" Everyone laughed at Harry as he touched his scar.

"Over dramatic, Potter." said Draco.

"Oh my!" said Hermione and laughed at Quirrell.

"What's wrong?" asked 'Hermione' and 'Harry'

"T-The h-house c-up. A -a time honoured t-tradition. For centuries-"

'Draco' interupted. "GO HOME TERRORIST!" He shouted making everyone, even Draco laugh.

"I have to remember that one." he said in between fits of giggles.

"For Centuries, the f-four houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of holding the title of house champion. But where does this competition come from? And hat are the roots of the t-tradition?" Quirrell stuttered. Dudley looked confused.

"Whats with the stuttering?" he asked.

"It's just an act." Harry said quickly.

"The house cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students,"

"Of course you would know." said Ron to Hermione as everyone laughed.

"That was a rhetorical question." Everyone laughed at 'Hermione' who flushed.

"I love this Quirrell." Ron said.

"Granger, quit interrupting! 20 points from Gryffindor!" Hermione glared at Dumbledore.

"Thanks Hermione!" She glared at Ron.

"As I was s-saying, When the tournament first originated, it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks." Quirrell stuttered.

"Kind of like a house cup, Uh-no, like a tri-wizard tournament." 'Hermione' said.

"Yes, sort of like the tri-wizard tournament, except..No. Not like that at all." Dumbledore chuckled.

".. there are four houses, How can it be a tri-wizard tournament with four teams?" asked 'Quirrell.

"Well, uh; Professor, If I remember correctly the house cup tournament was disbanded after one semester, where one of it's students was killed during the first task."

"Yes, It is very dangerous but the rewards far out-weigh the risks."

"So he says." Harry muttered darkly.

"I-I don't think you heard me! I just said somebody died!" 'Hermione' said.

"Hermione Granger! Shut your upgoldy lopsided mouth and quit interrupting! 20 points from Gryffindor!" Draco laughed and Hermione glared at Dumbledore who held his hands up in defence.

"It's not me! I would never say that!" Dumbledore said through Hermione's glare. Slowly, she stopped her glare and turned back to the projector.

"Thanks Hermione!" said 'Ron' and 'Harry'.

"God! For the cleverest witch of your age, you can really be a dumb-ass sometimes." Molly stared at Dumbledore In shock as everyone burst out laughing. Even Hermione chuckled.

"I have to remember that one as well!" said Draco laughing.

"Say that and you get another punch." said Hermione glaring and Draco shut up straight away making Ron and Harry snicker.

"Oooh! 10 points to Dumbledore!" That set everyone of again. Snape's lips curved up into a smile, Fred and George were leaning against each other laughing, and The Dursley's looked very amused. Dudley tried his hardest not to laugh because his parents wouldn't approve.

"Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And the professor of the Defence Against The Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs too-

"ACHOO" Harry burst out laughing as the turban sneezed, knowing it was Voldemort.

"Did your turban just sneezed?" 'Dumbledore' asked as the real Dumbledore chuckled.

"W-What? No." said 'Quirrell'

"I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving."

"O-Oh, that was simply a fart, excuse me." Everyone, Even Dudley laughed.

"ACOO!" The 'Turban' sneezed making Fred and George laugh harder.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh jeez, OW!" Everyone laughed at Harry who looked flushed. Surly he wasn't that bad...? he thought.

"I must be going."

"Ow.." 'Harry' said.

"ACHOO!" The 'Turban' sneezed again.

"I simply farted once more." Draco was the first to laugh making everyone, Minus the Dursley's join in.

"With the newly resurrected house cup, a champion from each house will be selected to compete. So, Snape, would you do the honours please?"

"Yes headmaster. First from the Ravenclaw house... Miss Cho Chang." Harry's eyebrows raised. That didn't happen in his tournament.

"Oh my gawd! I won! Can you believe that, y'all?" said 'Cho' as a country girly girl.

"Next from Hufflepuff, a Mister Cedric Diggory."

Oh.. Was that how he died...? thought Dudley.

"Well I didn't FIND that surprising at all!" Everyone chuckled.

"When are they going to stop the 'Find' jokes?" George asked.

"Yeah, I don't FIND them funny at all." said Fred grinning making everyone laugh.

"I FIND it perfect! Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend!"

Not for long... Draco thought silently.

"I'm glad as well, my darling."

"And next, from the Slytherin house.. A Draco Malfoy!" The real Draco cheered loudly making Petunia and Vernon Dursley wince.

"WOOH! Oh! I finally beat you, Didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, Huh? I'M the champion this time!" They all burst out laughing as 'Draco' started rolling around 'Harry'

Harry and Draco looked grossed out wishing it would end

"Draco! Would you sit down you little shit! Champion is just a title!" Draco glared at Dumbledore who chuckled.

Fred and George snickered. "You tell him, Dumbledore!" they said in unison.

"And finally, from the Gryffindor House.. Oh my! Well isn't that curious! The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well known grudge is suddenly in a tournament in which he very well may loose his life." The Dursley's looked at Harry.

"That happens all the time." said Harry as if it was nothing new to him.

"If-If it's me, I apologize to my f-fello G-Gryffindors right now for loosing."

"Oh Neville." Hermione said sighing.

"Sit down you inarticulate bung wit!" The Golden Trio glared at Snape who ignored them.

"It's Harry Potter!"

"WOOOH! WOOH! WHOOOOH! WOOOO!" Everyone laughed at 'Rons' cheering.

"Here they are folks. The four Hogwarts champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months and it could be anything... So lets get to it!" 'Dumbledore' said.

"Cho Chang! Cho Chang!" Cho Chang's posse of friends cheered.

"Malfoy! Malfoy! Malfoy! Hey!" 'Draco' cheered.

"Yeah! Go me!" Draco said happily making everyone giggle at him.