A/N: I've had most of this chapter written for a couple of years now, but I just couldn't seem to get the final conversation to go where I wanted it to. I've probably written about 10 different full versions of it, but I think I've finally hit on what I was looking for so here you go...

Chapter Seventeen: The Morning After

Tin-Tin Kyrano woke early the next morning, sunlight streaming across her face. Blinking with irritation at how she must have forgotten to close the curtains the night before, she struggled upright and was about to swing her legs out of bed to go and fix the problem when something struck her as odd.

The bed sheets covering her bare legs were dark blue. Tin-Tin had changed her bed a couple of days before and knew for a fact that it was currently adorned with a pale violet set – almost lilac – with gold detailing around the edges. And the set that had come off and were waiting to be laundered were a deep ruby red; she could picture them in her mind's eye. She didn't own any blue sheets, she'd never owned any blue sheets, so why were there blue sheets on her bed?

And why was she completely naked beneath the covers?

She looked around for some rational explanation and her eyes fell on the slumbering figure on the other side of the bed, his back to her, face half-pressed into the pillow. The bed sheets had got tangled around his waist and she could see enough to know that he was naked as well.

Abruptly the memory of the previous evening came rushing back. The sheets were blue because this wasn't her bed; it was Alan's. And she was lying in it, naked, because she'd fallen asleep after they'd had sex.

She'd had sex with Alan Tracy. Tin-Tin let out a nervous giggle and then clapped her hands over her mouth. What was she, twelve? Sex wasn't new. She hadn't been a virgin. But sex with Alan… that was new. New and exciting and terrifying all that the same time.

And, oh my God, amazing.

There was too much bubbling up inside her and Tin-Tin took a moment to examine her feelings and try to restore some kind of order. The knowledge of what had happened was overwhelming, as was the fact that in one unexpected, glorious moment in the corridor, all of her old insecurities about Alan and what he could possibly see in her above the other girls he'd known had finally been silenced. After all, she was the one he'd turned to. She was the one he'd loved. And yes, while a small part of her demanded that she be disappointed by how rushed and unplanned it had been, she happily ignored it. So it hadn't been the rose petals and lyrical harp music of her dreams; that didn't mean it hadn't been perfect.

Tin-Tin rose up on one elbow and studied Alan's sleeping face. He looked much younger like this, exposed and innocent in a way that Tin-Tin knew intimately he wasn't. Faint blond stubble dappled his chin and she could resist touching it, delighting in how rough it felt beneath her smooth finger. She followed this up with a gentle kiss, and Alan finally stirred, cracking open his eyes. When he saw her, hovering above him, he frowned, obviously confused. Then realisation dawned, just as it had with Tin-Tin, and his expression shifted into a cautious smile.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

Suddenly inexplicably nervous, Tin-Tin bit her lip and couldn't think of anything to say. Alan scratched his nose, looking as uncomfortable as she felt and cast around for a topic. "Um… how are you feeling?"

Tin-Tin shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Okay?" Alan arched an eyebrow, some of his old bravado shining through. "Wow, talk about a blow to my ego."

A giggle escaped Tin-Tin and soon they were both laughing, the tension shattered. Alan eased her down into his arms so that her head was resting against his bare chest, his fingers playing restlessly with her hair.

"I'm feeling amazing," she confessed when they had settled.

"I didn't push you into it?" He sounded guilty.

"No," Tin-Tin denied instantly and then gave the question more thought. "It was unexpected, but… it felt right." When Alan didn't reply straight away, she craned her head up to look at him. "You don't agree?"

"I just… I can't help thinking I was just using you."

Okay, it was time to nip this one in the bud. Tin-Tin rolled onto her side so that they were face to face. "Alan, I might not have imagined things working out like this, but you didn't push me into anything. I'm here because I want to be. I needed this as much as you."

"But I –"

"Hush." She pressed a finger to his lips. In response, his tongue darted out and licked her finger, making her squeal and recoil. Alan laughed at the disgusted expression on her face and then dropped a lightning fast kiss on the nose. Tin-Tin batted at him, but he continued pressing kissing all over her face, only slowing when he reached her lips and pulled her into a long, leisurely kiss that made her abandon her futile defence and sent a shiver of heat all the way down to her toes. Alan's kisses became more instant and then he was pressing her down into the mattress, hands moving to tease her beneath the covers. Tin-Tin matched his fire with her own and gave herself up to swirling mix of emotions and silky caresses.

The second time was even better than the first, if that was possible. Tin-Tin relaxed in the afterglow, entwined with Alan, his arms around her waist and chin resting on her shoulder. Their legs were a tangled mess and as she lay there, sweaty and content, for the first time in over a year she felt truly happy.

"That was… wow." Alan, as eloquent as ever. Still, Tin-Tin knew exactly what he meant and "wow" was right. "I love you."

She almost missed the murmured words and even when she did comprehend them, it took a moment for Tin-Tin to realise she wasn't the one who'd said them. Alan kissed her shoulder and she snuggled against him, hiding the wide smile on her face.

"Bet you say that to all the girls."

He chuckled. "Nope, just you."

The warm glow inside her expanded, until she thought she might burst.

"You know, your dad's gonna kill me for this," Alan remarked. "No, scratch that. My dad's gonna kill me and then yours will dance on my grave. Still, it was so worth it."

Tin-Tin's eyes widened and she detangled herself from Alan and sat up. Somehow she'd completely forgotten that outside of the walls of Alan's bedroom there was a whole house-full of people who were going to want answers.

"Oh God – I walked out on a debriefing!" she exclaimed.

Alan pulled himself upright too. "That's what you're worried about?" he asked, wounded. "What about my impending death?"

Tin-Tin worried her lip. "I'm already in trouble with Mr Tracy for defying him on the mission – I shouldn't have walked out. And what about the clean-up? What's he going to think of me?"

"I reckon he'll be a bit preoccupied thinking about me," Alan remarked dryly. "I did give the guy a gun along with a piece of my mind."

Tin-Tin stiffened at the reminder. Wrapped up in Alan's arms she'd been able to forget about the whole Richard Wilcox saga for a while. It occurred to her then that if there had been any "using" in this equation then she was as culpable as Alan. "You said that you understood but you couldn't forgive, that you don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Alan… I was a part of that."

He looked away, picking up his alarm clock and turning it over in his hands. The green digits read 6.05. Everyone else would be getting up soon, if they weren't up already.

"You can't forgive me."

He set the clock back down on his bedside table. "We should get up."

"Alan –"

He swept the sheets aside and climbed out of bed. Tin-Tin went to follow before remembering she was naked. She'd just wrapped the sheet around herself when Alan closed the bathroom door behind him. A few moments later she heard the water running.

Tin-Tin felt her good mood fading as reality made an unwelcome return. Despite spending the night together, nothing appeared to have changed where she and Alan were concerned. Richard Wilcox hovered like a spectre between them.

She couldn't sit there any longer, abandoned like some kind of broken toy. Using the sheet as a temporary toga, she scoured the room for her underwear. Her panties were over by a stack of old magazines that had probably been piled in the corner of Alan's room since time began and Tin-Tin slipped them gratefully on. Her bra was harder to finder; it had somehow worked its way under the bed and she had to stretch full length to retrieve it. Slipping it back on made her feel a little better.

She was contemplating her stained IR uniform when the bathroom door opened again and Alan emerged, a towel slung low around his hips and his hair damp. He barely looked at her as he crossed to his wardrobe and began sifting through his racks of clothes.

Tin-Tin tried not to stare at all of the bare flesh on display and forced herself to focus on the uniform instead. It was in desperate need of a wash and the last thing she wanted to do right now was pull it back on.

"Here."

She looked up to see Alan holding out one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts, an unspoken peace offering that she accepted after a pause. They were far too big for her petite frame, but with a little adjustment and some gratuitous yanking of the drawstring waistband she made them work.

She examined her reflection in the mirror, twisting this way and that. Behind her Alan was fighting to keep a smile off his face. "You should keep some clothes here so you don't get caught out next time," he suggested.

And just like that, he'd thrown her off balance all over again.

Tin-Tin scraped her hair into something resembling a pony tail to cover her confusion at his shifting mood and then cast about for a hairband. Again Alan came to the rescue, actually pulling her hair through the elastic tie himself with surprising finesse. Once her hair was secure, he put his hands on her shoulders to keep her in place and regarded their reflections in the mirror.

"It was my dad's decision to keep me in the dark, I know that, I do. But it's like right after the accident – well, not an accident now I guess." His expression darkened and Tin-Tin covered one of his hands with hers.

"What's like right after the accident?"

He allowed himself to be distracted. "I'm the last to know everything. There are these secrets… I just wish you had told me. Or my brothers. Or – or someone… someone who wasn't that guy."

The look on his face just about made her heart break. "I hope he rots in prison," she said fiercely. "In fact, I'll do everything I can to ensure that."

Alan smiled grimly. "Between you and Lady P that bastard doesn't stand a chance."

She studied his face but Alan's gaze was distant, his mind obviously elsewhere. Her fingers tightened around his. "It'll be okay, I promise."

"Yeah." He didn't sound convinced and moved away from her, retrieving a jacket that was hanging over the back of his desk chair. Tin-Tin wanted to go to him, to talk this through and make everything alright again, but she recognised that Alan wasn't going to welcome that right now. He hadn't said it himself, but it was clear this wasn't something that was going to be solved in one night. It would take time. But at least he wasn't pushing her away like last time. She could take some comfort in that.

Alan and Tin-Tin weren't the only ones up early that morning. Jeff Tracy had slept fitfully, waking up several times before finally abandoning his bed altogether and retreating to his study. Work was a place of refuge when he was struggling to put his thoughts in order and there was always more than enough demanding his attention.

He'd read through eleven reports and picked up a twelve before he was forced to admit that none of the words were sinking in. Laying the paper down with a sigh, Jeff ran his hands through his hair. There was much less there than he remembered and he knew what little remained was greying rapidly. Too many days spent at this desk. Too many nights spent worrying over one or more of his sons.

Unable to sit still any longer, Jeff thrust away from his desk and paced across to the bookcase. It felt like he was right back at the start again with Alan. All the progress his son had made since his accident, wiped away by a decision made at Jeff's hands. The look on Alan's face when he'd put the gun down on Jeff's desk and made his speech… words couldn't describe it, but it had scared Jeff more than anything that had come before. And then there were the words themselves. Alan wasn't afraid to share his opinions about things as loudly as possible, but it was rare for him to make a speech and the casual, dispassionate tone of his voice had been chilling. He was pulling away again, just like he had after waking up in the hospital, and Jeff didn't know what to do to stop it. Doctor Tomass was an option, but Jeff got the feeling even the calm psychologist wasn't be able to help this time. This went beyond depression, beyond struggling to cope, beyond frustration and anger and hurt. It was betrayal.

The bookcase was a finely crafted piece of furniture, home to as many photographs as books. The most prominent was of Lucy, his wife, gone so many years now, but still so much a part of his life. She'd been captured in a moment of laughter, head tossed back and blue eyes sparkling, teasing him in a way he'd never have allowed anyone else, daring him to join in with good humour. He couldn't remember when the picture had been taken, but it didn't matter – it summed up Lucy so perfectly that it was like she was right there, in front of him. Any moment now he'd hear her musical voice, smell that light spicy perfume she'd loved so much, feel her arms twine around his neck…

Jeff squeezed his eyes shut. Sometimes, even now, the ache caused by the absence of his wife was so strong it threatened to overwhelm him. Lucy had been his whole world and to lose her so young had ripped open a wound that would never completely heal. They were supposed to have raised their sons together and grown old side-by-side. If Lucy was here now, this whole mess with Alan would have turned out differently, Jeff was sure of that. But she wasn't here and he had nowhere to look to for the advice he so desperately needed.

From somewhere else in this house there came the sound of a door opening and closing and Jeff gladly seized upon the distraction. He glanced at the clock; the hands told him it was half past six. Early then for anyone to be up, particularly on the day after a rescue that had been fraught with more than just physical turmoil.

Jeff had left his office door slightly ajar and as the footsteps neared he looked up in time to see Tin-Tin hurry past. His mouth pulled in a tight line. There was someone else he was going to have to talk to soon. Not only had she defied him during the mission, putting both herself and Alan in a potentially dangerous position, but she'd disappeared during the debriefing yesterday without any explanation. Yes, there had been extenuating circumstances in both cases, but Jeff needed to know he could rely upon the members of his team absolutely. The minute anyone took it upon themselves to ignore orders, lives were put at risk and that was unacceptable, no matter who that person was.

Yes, he should talk to Tin-Tin and talking to her now seemed like a more valuable use of his time then standing around, brooding. Mind made up, Jeff turned his back on the bookcase and strode out of the room.

Gordon Tracy hadn't slept. He'd closed his eyes over and over, counted about a million sheep and still nothing. A trip to the kitchen for a drink had turned into a wander out by the pool, but for once the sight of the gently lapping waters failed to tempt him. Turns out watching your little brother pull a gun on the rest of the family kind of took up all your attention.

He was about to head back to his room when Tin-Tin appeared, weaving quickly between the sofas. Grateful for the company, Gordon ducked inside.

"Hey," he called, making her jump. "Where d'you go yesterday?"

He was fairly sure he knew the answer and when Tin-Tin turned reluctantly around to reveal she was wearing oversized clothes that looked remarkably like Alan's, his suspicions were confirmed. Normally Gordon would have pounced on this gift-wrapped opportunity to tease her about what was clearly a "walk of shame", but this morning he had other things on his mind. He did file the information away from future use though.

"How is he?"

Tin-Tin flushed, but she made no attempt to deny Gordon's assumption. "He didn't want to talk about it."

"Not even to you?"

She shook her head, not meeting his eyes. Gordon tried a different tack. "Do you think he'll see me?"

She considered the question. "Alan's angry…" she said softly. "I think it would be best if you gave him some space."

"But –"

"Gordon, please, don't push it."

She was protecting Alan, Gordon realised, protecting him above everything else, as if he was the most important person in her world. A subtle shift, but a definite one. He briefly wondered what it would mean for International Rescue and then pushed that thought aside, disgusted with himself. Who cared about IR at a time like this?

He sank onto the sofa and blew out a breath, coppery hair falling into his eyes. Tin-Tin hovered for a moment, glancing longing at the doorway, before settling onto the sofa beside him, legs curled up underneath her like a cat.

"It'll be okay."

"Will it?" Gordon asked bleakly. "I dunno. Maybe not this time. The look on his face…" He sighed. "We really screwed up."

Tin-Tin didn't saying anything and Gordon was reminded how strongly she'd fought against lying to Alan. She had every right to say "I told you so," but if she was thinking it, she kept it to herself.

"Why is it always Alan?" Gordon asked rhetorically.

Tin-Tin smiled wanly. "He does rather attract misfortune."

"Mmm." Gordon reflected on that for a moment. "Tin-Tin, do you think he'll –"

"Tin-Tin?" They both jerked upright at the authoritative voice. "I'd like to see you in my office. Now."

Gordon watched as Tin-Tin's face paled. He'd guessed Tin-Tin would be in for some kind of reprimand for her actions at the rescue, but Dad sure was getting in early on this one.

"Mr Tracy, may I be allowed to get dressed first?" Tin-Tin asked, her tone admirably level and polite.

"If that's good enough for you to run around my house in, then it's good enough to stand in my office in," Jeff said curtly as Gordon winced. "Now, Tin-Tin." He disappeared back into the house with waiting for a reply.

"Yes, Mr Tracy," Tin-Tin murmured, gazing after him.

"Hey," Gordon waved to get her attention. "Don't look so scared okay? He'll just read you the riot act and then let you go. Trust me – been there, done that. Done worse actually."

"I defied him."

"Yeah, but…"

"There is no but."

Tin-Tin closed the door behind her and came to stand before his desk, legs together and hands clasped behind her back. Even in baggy shorts and a t-shirt that was at least three sizes too big, she looked calm, collected and professional – a far cry from when he'd last seen her, rushing out of a briefing without a word.

"Sit down," he ordered.

She sat, folding her hands neatly in her lap, and then met his gaze squarely. She wasn't trying to hide from him; that was good.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"Yes, sir."

Again, direct and honest. Perhaps this conversation wouldn't be as trying as he'd imagined.

"Then tell me."

"I ignored a direct order during a rescue operation. I put myself and all other International Rescue personnel in danger by leaving a dangerous suspect alone. I went against your wishes by telling Alan the truth about that suspect and then I walked out in the middle of a debriefing, which led to me avoiding the clean-up operation as well."

She was clearly ready to face up to her mistakes, which Jeff approved of. He sat forward, bracing his arms on the desk. "You seem very aware of your own transgressions."

"Yes, sir."

"So I have to wonder… why did you make them in the first place?"

For the first time, a flicker of indecision crossed Tin-Tin's face and she bit her lip. "Because of your son."

He didn't need to ask which one. For Tin-Tin, it had always been about Alan and if recent signs were any indication, it wasn't a one-way street. Jeff had been aware of Tin-Tin and Alan's budding relationship for a while now – even approved of the match, in theory – but with everything that had been going on in their lives lately, he hadn't found the time to sit them down and discuss how it might affect their work. Maybe part of him had hoped it wouldn't, but Tin-Tin's actions had shown him how wrong he'd been and it was quickly becoming clear that having a couple in International Rescue was both impractical and dangerous.

"Working for International Rescue is a unique responsibility," he said finally. "Tin-Tin, when I made you a member, it was under the assumption that you fully understood what that entailed. The mission comes first. I appreciate this can be difficult when you're part of such a close-knit team, but it is this rule that has kept IR running successfully for so many years. My sons have managed to find the balance between the pressures of family and rescues; your actions in both Africa and New Zealand show that you have not. I don't make this decision lightly, but I have no choice but to ground you until you can prove to me that your emotions will not impact on further missions." He sat forward in his chair. "I have to know that every member of my team will follow orders to the letter, Tin-Tin. If we make mistakes, lives are lost and to me that is unacceptable. I hope it is to you too."

It was an uncompromising stance, but Jeff Tracy hadn't made it to where he was today without a being willing to make difficult decisions. While he loved Tin-Tin like the daughter he and his wife had never been blessed with, she was his employee and a member of an organisation where one bad decision could mean the difference between saving a life or losing it. Personal feelings had no place in International Rescue. Tin-Tin was a sensible girl; she would understand that.

Throughout his speech, Tin-Tin had kept her eyes firmly fixed on the floor, making it difficult for Jeff to read her expression. By the way her shoulders and tightened and the sharp intake of breath when he suggested grounding her, he thought she might be upset, but when she finally did raise her head it was to reveal eyes blazing with anger.

"Of course it's unacceptable –how could you even ask me that? I believe in everything International Rescue stands for just as much as you do, as anyone here does. And you know that." Her expression shifted as if something had just occurred to her. "But this isn't about me, is it? It's about Alan. You're angry and frustrated because you know he's hurting but you don't know what to do, and instead of talking to your son you're taking it out on me. Well I won't have it, Mr Tracy. Yes, I defied you and I deserve to face the consequences of that, but the choices I made were made out of love for your son, not out of ignorance or recklessness or – or being overcome by emotion."

She stood up, overriding him when he tried to interrupt. "They were made for Alan, because he needed to know the truth. He needed someone to be on his side and I… I needed that to be me. Would I make them again? Probably, because it was the right thing to do for Alan. If that means I have to be grounded from International Rescue then so be it, but please make sure you're grounding me for the right reasons otherwise you'll be the one risking lives because of your emotions, not me."

Astonished, Jeff just stared at her for a few moments, trying to reconcile the Tin-Tin from his memories with the fierce young woman standing before him, exuding confidence and power. There was something almost magnificent about her, but any admiration he felt quickly faded when he took in her defiant words. Jeff had never liked being challenged and seeing her there, so self-righteous and sure of herself, made his temper snap.

He opened his mouth to put Tin-Tin in her place when his eyes drifted over the young woman's shoulder and locked, once again, with Lucy's. It might have been his imagination, but the brightness of his wife's smile had dimmed and she was regarding him with what almost seemed like… disappointment?

God, Lucy. Jeff's heart clenched as his anger faltered. He could almost see her there with them now, perched on the edge of his desk, scowling at the mess he was making. Arguing that Tin-Tin was right – he was taking his frustration and helpless fury about Alan out on her – and that it was about time he admitted that to himself. Once again, he wondered how differently this situation might have played out if his wife had still been alive.

It's not too late, Lucy's picture seemed to urge. No, maybe it wasn't. Maybe there was still time to rein in his temper and pride. Maybe it was time to listen.

"I'm not going to ground you, Tin-Tin," Jeff found himself saying, almost to his own surprise as much as to Tin-Tin's. She let out a sharp breath and clasped her hands in front of her as he continued. "But you will be helping with clean-up for the next month. By leaving Richard Wilcox unattended at the rescue, you jeopardised not only the mission, but our investigation as well."

The young woman nodded soberly. "I understand."

"And we need to work out how to handle this… development between you and Alan when it comes to IR."

Tin-Tin slipped back into her discarded chair. "Mr Tracy… it's not a casual thing, I want you to know that. I'm in love with your son. " She blushed suddenly, as if she wasn't used to saying the words aloud yet.

"Yes, I can see that," Jeff said evenly – and in truth, he could. Tin-Tin and Alan had been friends for years, but their behaviour lately proved that something had changed. As did the fact that Tin-Tin was currently wearing his son's clothes... but that wasn't something Jeff wanted to think too deeply about.

"I know we're young," she continued hurriedly, "but this wasn't something we entered into lightly –"

Jeff held up a hand. "You don't have to justify it to me. God knows Lucy and I weren't any older. But we will need to address it in the context of IR."

"Yes, yes, of course. Maybe when Alan's..." she trailed off, hands fisting in the fabric of her oversized shorts. The unspoken words hung between them.

"How is Alan?" Jeff asked at length.

"Upset. Really upset. Hurt. But mostly... betrayed. By all of us."

It was no less than Jeff had been expecting, but it was still difficult to hear. "And angry."

"Yes. I've... I've never seen him like this."

"Do you think he'd benefit from seeing Doctor Tomass again?"

If she was surprised that he was seeking her opinion, Tin-Tin didn't show it. "I don't know." She bit her lip. "I'm not sure this is something that can be 'talked out', not this time. I think... the truth. That's all we can give him now, late as it is. And honesty." Her dark eyes met his, as serious as he'd ever seen them. "Mr Tracy – we made a mistake and we need to admit that. You need to admit that... and not just to Alan. Things have to change or I think... you're going to lose him."

Jeff Tracy had faced down hundreds of business associates over the years, negotiated his way through thousands of deals and made more money than he could count. But no one, not even a certain blonde Englishwoman, had ever been as direct and unerringly accurate as Tin-Tin Kyrano.

Jeff swallowed, finally letting go of his pride and accepting what he'd known all along. "Okay. What can we do?"