Rachel texting may have been the biggest boner kill in the world for these two.

"Rachel knows!" Blaine said, grabbing Kurt's shoulders and shaking them with a fretful expression.

"She doesn't know anything, Blaine. She just, now knows what she knew isn't what she should know now."

Blaine raised his eyebrows, "You should be a politician, because I have no idea what you just said."

"Politicians do seem to have a common secret sexuality, wouldn't have a problem getting dates," Kurt joked wiggling his fingers to teasingly tickle Blaine's chest.

Blaine frowned, "No! No getting dates, I just got you!"

Blaine sat up and scooted down the bed, Kurt looked amused "Blaine, I thought you said no leaving?"

"I'm not leaving!" Blaine lifted his body up and plopped himself down onto Kurt's thighs. Kurt winced at the sudden weight but Blaine crossed his arms and looked incredulously at him, "There, now you can't go find any other dates!"

Kurt smirked at Blaine's behavior and sat up spreading his legs apart so Blaine fell in between them, "Like any of those middle-aged, balding, greasy politicians can hold a candle to you. Now think of something to tell Rachel, we don't have time for your antics right now."

"I have an idea for an alibi, but I'll probably have to leave earlier than planned," Blaine leaned back against Kurt's chest and pouted.

Kurt frowned, "If you have to, then you have to."

Blaine sighed, "Alright, I need to make a call."

Blaine picked up his phone and called a contact.

"Blaine Anderson, how's it going, buddy?"

Blaine rubbed his cheek against Kurt's chest where he was lying, "Hey, what are you doing right now?"

"I'm drinking Courvoisier in a tea bath. What's it to you, sexpot?"

Kurt's eyebrows tightened.

Sexpot? Who did Blaine just call?

"I was wondering if you wanted me to help you with your range and piano today, if you weren't busy."

"Sure, buddy, come on over! My maid will send you up to my bathroom. Tub's pretty big, has a Jacuzzi setting; you can join me in here if you like."

Who the hell is talking to Blaine like that?

Blaine laughed loudly and spoke sternly as if he had been asked to take a bath with this guy several times before, "No, I don't think we can practice the piano in there."

"Fine," you could hear the smile in his voice, "Come over in two hours, tea baths take a while."

"Sounds good. See you later!"

Blaine hung up his phone, moving on to the next contact, and Kurt just had to ask, "Blaine, who was-"

Blaine silenced him with a finger to his lips and mouthed "Rachel" at him.

Kurt sulked and silently bit Blaine's finger tip.

Blaine scowled and on impulse turned to nip at Kurt's ear.

"Blaine!" Kurt whined in a squeak.

What was that sound? That was a good sound. How do I make it again?

Blaine, phone still ringing by his ear, began lightly sucking at Kurt's ear.

Kurt started making little whispered whining sounds, "Uhhh, nuhhh, uhnn."

"Blaine! Where the hell are you?"

Blaine unlatched his mouth as fast as possible.

"Half of your school just showed up at our house to abduct you, including alumni! Wes was here, and said he hadn't even heard from you all day. So what are you doing that's so bad you had to lie to me?"

"I went for a walk?"

Rachel growled, well, screeched but it was as much of a growl that Rachel could produce, "Blaine Anderson-"

"I went for a drive," Blaine looked at Kurt nervously as if to ask that what he said was believable. Kurt made a swirly hand motion to urge him to continue, "I just wasn't feeling too hot…because of yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

Blaine took a deep breath and continued talking, "I really liked Kurt, and he didn't even...um."

Blaine knitted his eyebrows together at Kurt asking for help.

"He didn't even what, Blaine?" Rachel asked, actually sounding concerned.

Kurt made a heart shape with his hands and then dramatically pretended to crush it. Kurt mimed throwing it against the wall and then Blaine felt himself shaking on Kurt's lap, looking down he realized Kurt was miming a stomping motion with his foot as well.

Blaine bit his lip trying not to laugh at Kurt's theatrics and then spoke, "I feel like he crushed my heart into a million little pieces, threw it against the wall, and stomped it death with his Demonia 5-buckle platform boots."

"Oh."

"Yeah...but I decided that if he doesn't want me then maybe he is just a big fat jerk!" Blaine grinned while he said it, staring directly at Kurt. Kurt gripped Blaine around the waist and squeezed him tight for his comments.

"I'm sure Kurt didn't mean to act that way, and he apologized didn't he? I mean, you guys seemed fine in the basement while I sang to you."

Blaine sighed dramatically, "I'm just being bitter, Rachel."

Kurt slyly pressed his nose into Blaine's hair.

His hair smells like nutmeg.

Then he rubbed Blaine's cotton-clad belly comfortingly.

His abs are so hard and defined, ugh. He's too perfect, how did I even snag him?

"That's okay Blaine; it's very healthy to face your emotions head on! You know, I was researching relaxation methods today because I figure I will lead a life of high stress when I'm first starting out off-Broadway and I have to get a minimum wage job as a singing waitress or in retail-"

"Actually Rachel, I'm parked at my friend's house to hang out right now, so we can talk later when I get home, okay?"

"Alright! I'm making vegan and gluten free gumbo for dinner tonight and Challah bread! So be home by eight, okay?"

Blaine's face drooped into a grimace, "Sounds very healthy, Rach. I'll see you later, bye."

Blaine hung up the phone with a breath of relief and then muttered, "Gluten free vegan gumbo; disgusting!"

"I think it sounds delicious actually," Kurt spoke thoughtfully.

"It's not, especially when I compare it to the last thing I had in my mouth," Blaine winked.

Kurt chuckled, "My ear? I'll have to find a recipe for ear-stew, but I think I can manage the concoction."

"Shut up, I forgot about that. I meant your mouth," Blaine trailed his index finger behind himself to run across Kurt's lips.

"Who did you call before you called Rachel?" Kurt blurted with his eyes cast downward.

"Oh, I called my friend Sebastian from the Warblers. He's new this year, and has been auditioning for solos but hasn't quite nailed them. He asked me to come over during break at some point to help him work on his talents. And I figured since I have to fake an alibi, I might as well half form one," Blaine shrugged with a smirk against Kurt.

Kurt nodded and licked his lips, "Oh, are you two close?"

"Not especially. He's a funny guy, and he seems to like me."

Yeah, he seems to like you a little too much.

"Why do you look like that?" Blaine asked.

"Like what?" Kurt's eyes shot towards a hanging mirror near his door.

"Like you're uncomfortable, did I get too forward? Were you not okay with the ear thing? Did you start to see the similarities in mine and Rachel's faces and now it freaks you out to kiss me-"

"He called you 'sexpot.'" Kurt answered, cutting him off.

"Who? Sebastian?"

"Yeah…is he gay?"

"Yeah, as far as I know…Kurt!" Blaine smiled and laid the back of his head flat on Kurt's chest before tilting it up to look at Kurt, "You're jealous! I made you jealous!"

Kurt began to blush and avoid eye contact, "Blaineeeee."

Blaine continued his irritatingly giant grin and chastely kissed Kurt on the lips, "Delicious jealousy."

Kurt chased Blaine's lips when they pulled apart, "More kisses, less making fun of me."

You really didn't have to tell Blaine twice, because he tilted his head up and caught Kurt in a searing kiss; complete with lip nibbling and face grabbing. Kurt took advantage of the fact that Blaine's back was still to his front and began groping Blaine's tummy outside of his shirt. Blaine held his hands over Kurt's encouraging him to continue.

After a few minutes of kissing, Blaine turned over pulling Kurt to roll over on top of him and Kurt started smirking as they kissed. Then Kurt hooked a leg over Blaine's thigh and used his weight to flip them back over so that Blaine was on top. Blaine tried to flip him back but Kurt winded his legs around Blaine's ankles and started giggling into the kiss. Blaine finally relented with a big goofy grin but trying to keep his lips connected to Kurt's.

Soon they were both smiling and giggling while they rolled around the bed in their very first make-out session.

"My lips are getting dry; I think we need to pause for now," Kurt said leaning to rifle through his drawers for lip balm.

Blaine hopped off Kurt's lap and sat next to him on the bed, immediately swinging an arm over his shoulder and moving Kurt to lie in his side. Kurt rubbed his lips together with freshly applied minty lip balm, offering some to Blaine. Blaine took one look at Kurt's shiny lips and pressed his dry ones to Kurt's soft and smooth lips, sliding his own around to gather lip balm over his own.

"You couldn't think of any other way to get your lips de-chapped?"

"I could've put it on your neck and sucked around there instead, but I figured you wouldn't like having goopy substances so close to your clothes."

"You figured right. What time is it?"

"Five, I have to leave in a little under an hour," Blaine wrapped his free arm around Kurt's waist, "So I'm getting my snuggles in now, while I have the option."

"I'm sure Sebastian would be more than willing to snuggle with you, sexpot," Kurt whispered teasingly.

"He doesn't quite know my cuddle spots," Blaine spoke as Kurt started massaging his scalp, "Ahhhh, yeah, like that. See! You so know my cuddle spots."

Blaine hummed, basking in his enjoyment of Kurt's warm body.

Kurt prompted conversation, "Tell me more about your friends, since you've met all of mine."

"Puck and Santana scare me."

Kurt laughed, "Noah likes to think he's a badass but he cries like a neglected infant whenever someone sings an emotional solo. And Santana…yeah, she is scary. Be scared of her. But I said tell me about your friends, not mine!"

"Well, Wes and David were basically my parents-away-from-home last year. They taught me a lot that I know about being a man," Kurt snickered at that and Blaine lightly wacked him on the hip for his trouble, "Hey! I'm serious! They taught me how to do laundry and bullshit schoolwork and fish-"

"I was unaware those were 'manly' qualities."

"Well, they're my only manly qualities so far!" Blaine said defensively.

"I beg to differ," Kurt smiled as he gingerly trailed his fingertips at Blaine's particularly muscled bicep.

Blaine smiled back when Kurt squeezed it, "I have Nick and Jeff too. They're crazy. They go everywhere together and we always make fun of them for being more couple-like with each other than we've ever seen them be with their past girlfriends. If they try to tell you things about me, don't listen. They will intentionally embarrass me."

Kurt chuckled, "You know, your sister has a lot of good stories about you as well. I'm starting to think it's less of your loved ones trying to embarrass you and more that you are actually an embarrassing person."

"Hush, I am nothing if not dapper and proper."

"Blaine, you gave me my first kiss while I was practically asleep, you may look dapper but your face is next to the word 'inappropriate' in the dictionary."

"It was romantic! Like...Sleeping Kurtie!"

"And are you one of my seven dwarfs?"

Blaine glowered and pouted at Kurt, "Heeeeey."

"Oh! Let me guess, you're Grumpy?"

"Well, I am now!"

Kurt mock gasped and put a hand to his heart, "Our first squabble? I'll be off to Finn's room to find his toy weapons! I've gotten really good with the machete!"

Kurt began to sit up and Blaine pulled him back down, "You're being silly."

Kurt giggled, "I'm not being silly; I really have gotten pretty good with those swords."

"I would kick your little butt; I've been fencing since I was nine."

"My little butt has been twirling batons since age seven. Same difference, except that my talent looks more impressive."

"Your butt can twirl batons? That is impressive. This I may have to see," Blaine joked slipping a finger on the edge of Kurt's waistband near his hip.

"Nuh uh!" Kurt wacked at Blaine's hand, "No monkey business; you're leaving me for another man soon."

Blaine frowned seriously, and even worse; silently.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"Don't joke like that. It makes me feel really sad, and sort of guilty."

"Well, you are leaving me for another man, I mean, technically," Kurt tried to clarify with a smile.

Blaine sighed with his face hardening, "No, I'm leaving to hang out with a friend in order to protect the secrecy of us hanging out. Something you agreed to without even asking me-"

"Blaine, I was kidding."

"It wasn't a nice joke," Blaine muttered.

"And your sister was freaking out; I didn't know what else to do-"

"And I get it, you know? I do. Because Rachel is close to both of us and I understand why it could be uncomfortable for her. But I'm bitter about it, and you have to let me be a little mad at her about this. If I had it my way I'd be able to go home and gush to Rachel about how good of a kisser you are or how you make me feel, and I can't. But please don't make me feel bad for trying to keep our precious Rachel in the dark because you made this deal with her, not me. And I like you enough not to run into her room demanding to know why this is any of her business. Because I don't want to make you look like the bad guy. But it doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off."

Blaine looked back at Kurt, who was biting his lip with glassy eyes looking ashamed. Kurt just nodded, and slowly with much less grace than normal got up from the bed and Blaine's arms. He walked towards the bathroom.

Blaine sat up, "Kurt-"

Kurt spoke with a raised index finger, "I just, I need a minute."

Author Note: HIIIIIIIIIIIII I'm back from midterms. I've missed you all so much, dang.
Did you miss me too?
Trouble in paradise with these too, huh? Uhhhh-oh!