FEELINGS
The alarm clock rang. It was 6:30 in the morning. Grace exhaled and closed her eyes wishing that the feeling of emptiness in her soul just went away. She woke up around 4:00 a .m and, in spite of her hard trying, she couldn't get back to sleep. So she just laid there , waiting for the daylight to come and now that it has, all she could was still laid there not very sure of what she was feeling.
Lily went downstairs and walked into the kitchen, she found Eli there, trying to find something to eat. She was a little surprised to see him up so early, since she knew that he was supposed to be at the Booklovers at nine.
"You're up early." Lily said.
"Yeah, yeah." Eli lazily replied still looking for food in the fridge.
Lily looked at him and noticed he was not very well, not that he's been openly showing demonstrations of pure joy lately, but he looked sadder than the usual, even the word *depression* came to her when she tried to describe to herself the look in his eyes.
"Hey, why don't you sit there and I'll cook you something. How about bacon... eggs?" Lily said trying to cheer him up a little.
"Umm... No, thanks. I guess I'll have a cup of juice or some milk." Eli grinned.
"Who said anything about bacon, cause I want it."Zoe asked brightly while making her entrance in the kitchen as Jessie made her own as well.
"Okay! Who else wants bacon? Jessie, do you want?"
Jessie gave Lily a confused look because Lily knew Jessie doesn't eat meat and stuff.
"Sorry, honey. I forgot." Lily said smiling.
"Good morning, everyone" Rick greeted and Lily grinned
Rick served himself with some of orange juice while Lily looked around like there was something, or someone, missing.
Grace was lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling when she heard a knock on her door that was followed by a call.
"Gracie!!! Are you awake? It's past seven. You better hurry up or you'll be late for school" Lily stated.
Grace snorted and murmured to herself, "Going to school is the last thing I wanna do after what happened." She closed her eyes, then put a pillow against her face.
"Gracieeee!!!!"Lily called again but this time she couldn't help herself from invading her daughter's room. Lily opened the door and found Grace still in bed, with a pillow on her face which made Lily worry about her daughter right away.
"What is it, sweetie? Are you sick? Lily gently asked sitting on Grace's bed.
Grace took the pillow off of her face and then gave her mother a piercing look. "It's nothing" she answered.
"It's gotta be something. I mean, is it about... you know..." Lily tried to mentioned the Mr. Dimitri thing but trying not to hurt Grace even more.
"It's nothing, mom." Grace assured her mother and went on, "I just overslept. That's all."
Lily looked at her not very convinced she was telling the truth but didn't want to push it." So, if you're not sick, you better get up now and get ready for school."
"Can't I just stay home today. I don't feel like seeing or talking to people"
Lily looked at her daughter and frown. "It's odd, you know. First I find Eli up before 7:00 a . m and then I find you here, trying to escape from the world or something."
"So...?" Grace snorted.
"It's just that you were the one that even going through problems you'd get up in the morning and face the world and Eli used to be the that always tried to escape from it. Now it seems like you switched parts" Lily tried to explain her thoughts.
"Mom, I'm up. You don't have to worry about me and Eli and I haven't switched anything." Grace stated, getting up while Lily walked out the room.
*
*
*
Eli stepped into his room, he was with his guitar over his shoulder. He threw it aside then collapsed on his bed taking a real deep breath. *What a bad day*, he thought. He spent the whole day organizing books and more books and even more books in those shelves and the first hour of the evening he spent rehearsing with his band. They're trying to get new gigs so they had to practice a lot. But Eli just like this particular day has lasted a thousands hours and it hasn't gone yet. A smooth knock on his door made him change his position into a more presentable one then said, "Come in."
"Dad and Lily are calling you for dinner." Jessie reported.
"I'm not hungry.", he shrugged and went on, "Did you talk to mom today? "
"Yes, I did. She said she thought you'd stay with her for a few more days."
"Yeah, I know" Eli said looking at the floor.
Jessie, realizing her brother wasn't feeling very well, took a deep breath then left his room, closing the door behind herself. Eli exhaled and crashed on his be again.
"Where's Eli?", Rick asked as Jessie stepped into the dining room.
"He's not hungry." She informed her father while placing herself sat next to Grace who was staring at her plane. Grace pretty much looked like a statue. It seemed she was not even breathing.
"is everything alright, Gracie?", Lily asked after noticing her daughter's stillness. "... Grace?! Grace?!"
"What?" said Grace after being brought back to Earth with the sound of her mother's voice.
"Are you alright?"
Grace glanced around in confusion and finally answered Lily, "Um.. I'm not feeling very well. I guess I'll just go to my room and try to get some sleep. Excuse me."
"Do you need anything, like-" said Lily with concern.
"No, it's ok. I just need to rest." Grace eased her mother's concern and then headed up to her room.
*
*
*
A few hours later
*
*
*
Grace after trying to sleep, without much success, jumped out of her bed and went downstairs. She wanted to eat something since she didn't have dinner. She turned the kitchen's light on at the same time Eli was entering in the room. They looked at each other a little embarassed. Grace even forced herself a smile and Eli grinned back. They both headed to the fridge looking for some leftovers.
"Can't sleep?" Eli tried to start a conversation.
"Yeah." Grace breathed.
"Me too."
Both, Eli and Grace, felt a little uncomfortable, like there's something in the air. Something unexplained between them.
"I never got to thank you... for the other night. So... thanks" said Grace trying to avoid his eyes.
"You're welcome" Eli nodded and went on, "It was because of him, wasn't it?"
Grace glance at him then lowered her eyes.
"You miss him, don't you?" Eli insisted.
Grace took a deep breath then her mouth started to move and no sound came out it.
"You don't have to say anything. I know what it is like." Eli hummed.
"I'm not sure you do." Grace finally spoke and Eli looked at her puzzled.
"You asked me if I missed him. The thing is... I don't know. I mean. I do know but I don't to believe that what I feel is true." She tried to explain to him.
"What do you mean?". Eli questioned.
"I thought that what I felt for Mr. Dimitri... August was something so strong that I would never stop missing him. That without him I would go insane or something and now when I think of what happened between us and when I think of him... I just don't feel anything. I mean... anything." Grace murmured on the verge of tears. "I thought I loved him. So how come I feel this way now? The whole thing between us was only a month ago. How something that seemed so strong turned into something so ..."
"... shallow? " Eli Said and Grace looked at him with surprise.
"Yes." Grace agreed, "When did you stop missing Carla? Do you know when that happened? Or do you still miss her?"
Eli stepped closer to Grace and exhaled, " I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Why not?'
"Because things between me and Carla were… weird-" Eli tried to escape from Grace's question.
"Things between me and Mr. Dimitri were weird too." Grace disputed.
"When Carla didn't show up at the bus station I thought I would die. I felt so lonely and lost . But one day I woke and she was gone. All that's left from her now is the memory of something that I shouldn't have done. Something that I regret now." Eli said with a sad look in his eyes.
"I know the feeling." Grace lightly stammered,
"Carla put me through a lot of pain. But she also taught me a lot. I can't deny that. She taught me to be-"
"Fearless." Grace breathed and Eli looked at her noticing that there was something about the two of them. Something that even him couldn't explain. He reached for her hand and hold it tight. When Grace felt his touch, something inside of her woke up. She raised her head and met his gaze. She still felt something about him. She knew it for sure. They both remained in silence for a while, they didn't need words to understand each other, until Grace got out a few words, "Well, thanks once again."
"Any time." Eli grinned
"We better go to sleep." Grace said heading out of the kitchen then she turned around and went on,"And don't you worry, Eli. If I ever fall for another teacher again, I'll try not to run to your room, crying like a just born baby after he dump me. Ok? Grace said trying to make fun of her own situation and then give Eli her sweetest smile.
Eli laughed a little, "Ok. You give me your word?"
Grace's smile fade out and they both looked at each other self-conscious , then they headed to their rooms.
The alarm clock rang. It was 6:30 in the morning. Grace exhaled and closed her eyes wishing that the feeling of emptiness in her soul just went away. She woke up around 4:00 a .m and, in spite of her hard trying, she couldn't get back to sleep. So she just laid there , waiting for the daylight to come and now that it has, all she could was still laid there not very sure of what she was feeling.
Lily went downstairs and walked into the kitchen, she found Eli there, trying to find something to eat. She was a little surprised to see him up so early, since she knew that he was supposed to be at the Booklovers at nine.
"You're up early." Lily said.
"Yeah, yeah." Eli lazily replied still looking for food in the fridge.
Lily looked at him and noticed he was not very well, not that he's been openly showing demonstrations of pure joy lately, but he looked sadder than the usual, even the word *depression* came to her when she tried to describe to herself the look in his eyes.
"Hey, why don't you sit there and I'll cook you something. How about bacon... eggs?" Lily said trying to cheer him up a little.
"Umm... No, thanks. I guess I'll have a cup of juice or some milk." Eli grinned.
"Who said anything about bacon, cause I want it."Zoe asked brightly while making her entrance in the kitchen as Jessie made her own as well.
"Okay! Who else wants bacon? Jessie, do you want?"
Jessie gave Lily a confused look because Lily knew Jessie doesn't eat meat and stuff.
"Sorry, honey. I forgot." Lily said smiling.
"Good morning, everyone" Rick greeted and Lily grinned
Rick served himself with some of orange juice while Lily looked around like there was something, or someone, missing.
Grace was lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling when she heard a knock on her door that was followed by a call.
"Gracie!!! Are you awake? It's past seven. You better hurry up or you'll be late for school" Lily stated.
Grace snorted and murmured to herself, "Going to school is the last thing I wanna do after what happened." She closed her eyes, then put a pillow against her face.
"Gracieeee!!!!"Lily called again but this time she couldn't help herself from invading her daughter's room. Lily opened the door and found Grace still in bed, with a pillow on her face which made Lily worry about her daughter right away.
"What is it, sweetie? Are you sick? Lily gently asked sitting on Grace's bed.
Grace took the pillow off of her face and then gave her mother a piercing look. "It's nothing" she answered.
"It's gotta be something. I mean, is it about... you know..." Lily tried to mentioned the Mr. Dimitri thing but trying not to hurt Grace even more.
"It's nothing, mom." Grace assured her mother and went on, "I just overslept. That's all."
Lily looked at her not very convinced she was telling the truth but didn't want to push it." So, if you're not sick, you better get up now and get ready for school."
"Can't I just stay home today. I don't feel like seeing or talking to people"
Lily looked at her daughter and frown. "It's odd, you know. First I find Eli up before 7:00 a . m and then I find you here, trying to escape from the world or something."
"So...?" Grace snorted.
"It's just that you were the one that even going through problems you'd get up in the morning and face the world and Eli used to be the that always tried to escape from it. Now it seems like you switched parts" Lily tried to explain her thoughts.
"Mom, I'm up. You don't have to worry about me and Eli and I haven't switched anything." Grace stated, getting up while Lily walked out the room.
*
*
*
Eli stepped into his room, he was with his guitar over his shoulder. He threw it aside then collapsed on his bed taking a real deep breath. *What a bad day*, he thought. He spent the whole day organizing books and more books and even more books in those shelves and the first hour of the evening he spent rehearsing with his band. They're trying to get new gigs so they had to practice a lot. But Eli just like this particular day has lasted a thousands hours and it hasn't gone yet. A smooth knock on his door made him change his position into a more presentable one then said, "Come in."
"Dad and Lily are calling you for dinner." Jessie reported.
"I'm not hungry.", he shrugged and went on, "Did you talk to mom today? "
"Yes, I did. She said she thought you'd stay with her for a few more days."
"Yeah, I know" Eli said looking at the floor.
Jessie, realizing her brother wasn't feeling very well, took a deep breath then left his room, closing the door behind herself. Eli exhaled and crashed on his be again.
"Where's Eli?", Rick asked as Jessie stepped into the dining room.
"He's not hungry." She informed her father while placing herself sat next to Grace who was staring at her plane. Grace pretty much looked like a statue. It seemed she was not even breathing.
"is everything alright, Gracie?", Lily asked after noticing her daughter's stillness. "... Grace?! Grace?!"
"What?" said Grace after being brought back to Earth with the sound of her mother's voice.
"Are you alright?"
Grace glanced around in confusion and finally answered Lily, "Um.. I'm not feeling very well. I guess I'll just go to my room and try to get some sleep. Excuse me."
"Do you need anything, like-" said Lily with concern.
"No, it's ok. I just need to rest." Grace eased her mother's concern and then headed up to her room.
*
*
*
A few hours later
*
*
*
Grace after trying to sleep, without much success, jumped out of her bed and went downstairs. She wanted to eat something since she didn't have dinner. She turned the kitchen's light on at the same time Eli was entering in the room. They looked at each other a little embarassed. Grace even forced herself a smile and Eli grinned back. They both headed to the fridge looking for some leftovers.
"Can't sleep?" Eli tried to start a conversation.
"Yeah." Grace breathed.
"Me too."
Both, Eli and Grace, felt a little uncomfortable, like there's something in the air. Something unexplained between them.
"I never got to thank you... for the other night. So... thanks" said Grace trying to avoid his eyes.
"You're welcome" Eli nodded and went on, "It was because of him, wasn't it?"
Grace glance at him then lowered her eyes.
"You miss him, don't you?" Eli insisted.
Grace took a deep breath then her mouth started to move and no sound came out it.
"You don't have to say anything. I know what it is like." Eli hummed.
"I'm not sure you do." Grace finally spoke and Eli looked at her puzzled.
"You asked me if I missed him. The thing is... I don't know. I mean. I do know but I don't to believe that what I feel is true." She tried to explain to him.
"What do you mean?". Eli questioned.
"I thought that what I felt for Mr. Dimitri... August was something so strong that I would never stop missing him. That without him I would go insane or something and now when I think of what happened between us and when I think of him... I just don't feel anything. I mean... anything." Grace murmured on the verge of tears. "I thought I loved him. So how come I feel this way now? The whole thing between us was only a month ago. How something that seemed so strong turned into something so ..."
"... shallow? " Eli Said and Grace looked at him with surprise.
"Yes." Grace agreed, "When did you stop missing Carla? Do you know when that happened? Or do you still miss her?"
Eli stepped closer to Grace and exhaled, " I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Why not?'
"Because things between me and Carla were… weird-" Eli tried to escape from Grace's question.
"Things between me and Mr. Dimitri were weird too." Grace disputed.
"When Carla didn't show up at the bus station I thought I would die. I felt so lonely and lost . But one day I woke and she was gone. All that's left from her now is the memory of something that I shouldn't have done. Something that I regret now." Eli said with a sad look in his eyes.
"I know the feeling." Grace lightly stammered,
"Carla put me through a lot of pain. But she also taught me a lot. I can't deny that. She taught me to be-"
"Fearless." Grace breathed and Eli looked at her noticing that there was something about the two of them. Something that even him couldn't explain. He reached for her hand and hold it tight. When Grace felt his touch, something inside of her woke up. She raised her head and met his gaze. She still felt something about him. She knew it for sure. They both remained in silence for a while, they didn't need words to understand each other, until Grace got out a few words, "Well, thanks once again."
"Any time." Eli grinned
"We better go to sleep." Grace said heading out of the kitchen then she turned around and went on,"And don't you worry, Eli. If I ever fall for another teacher again, I'll try not to run to your room, crying like a just born baby after he dump me. Ok? Grace said trying to make fun of her own situation and then give Eli her sweetest smile.
Eli laughed a little, "Ok. You give me your word?"
Grace's smile fade out and they both looked at each other self-conscious , then they headed to their rooms.