Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TEEN WOLF.

No one wanted to ride with Scott and Allison. They were way too mushy. Stiles had handed the keys to his jeep to Scott and claimed the front seat of the camaro as his own. Jackson, Danny and Lydia were in the back seat mouthing off about alpha werewolves having favorites. He rode the entire way to the restaurant with a smug smirk on his face.

He saw Danny lean forward so he was in the front seat from the corner of his eye.

"So, Stiles. Did you enjoy sitting in Derek's lap?"

The awkward brunette gave a filthy smile at his pack mate. "That rock hard chest pressing into my back and those thighs. Uggh. Danny I fucking loved it."

He could see Lydia's face in the mirror and laughed as she gave an excited squeak. "Oh my god you're serious!"

"Of course I am. With you girls paired off already Derek is the biggest piece of sexy around. I figured me, him, and Danny could have a raunchy threesome." He turned and licked a line up Danny's cheek then slid a hand up Derek's thigh.

"Stiles!"

Derek's snappish tone made him sigh and sit back in his seat. "Wouldn't be such a sour wolf if he got some head every once in a while."

Jackson just sat laughing at the entire display. He could hear Lydia typing furiously on her phone and he grinned. She was probably telling Allison. Derek parked and they got out to meet Scott and Allison by the front door. The girls locked arms and turned to look at the three single males.

"Picks or it didn't happen."

"Or video we're good with that too." Allison said with a straight face.

Derek just opened the door and walked inside pretending his pack mates hadn't just asked him to make a home porno with two barely legal males. They sat in a circle boot meant to only seat five and Stiles plopped down in Derek's lap again. Even Scott could tell Stiles was up to something as a wicked grin flashed across his face.

Lydia leaned across the table to high five Allison. "We got this. I say we put it up online and charge a dollar per view."

He looked at them scandalized. "MY VIRGINITY'S ONLY WORTH A DOLLAR TO YOU MONSTERS?"

It got really quiet as he realized what he'd just shouted. Everyone in the entire town would know he was a virgin before they even got their food. Great. Jackson fell out of the booth laughing. Danny was choking on his own spit while Scott looked like a deer in the headlights. The girls were giggling like excited twelve year olds and he felt Derek rub a hand over his face in frustration.

He just dropped his head to the table and hid behind his menu. "Oh god. What did I just do?"

"Nice advertising Stiles. Next time go for something along the lines of 'Blushing Virgin Double or Nothing'."

"Lydia you heartless bitch."

"Double Tapped Virgin Ass."

"Oh my god Lydia shut up!"

"Tit-less Threesome."

"Allison oh my god!"

"Danny and Derek Go Deep."

"Double Dog Dare You."

"Takes Three to Tango."

"Dirty Dog Pile."

"Jackson you aren't helping."

"Derek and Danny Dicks in the Mix."

"Double Dog Down."

"Derek and Danny Do Me Dirty."

"Double Stuffed Dog Toy."

"Scott!"

"Double Up and Tie Me Down."

"Danny!"

None of them had noticed the waitress come over until she stuttered out a greeting. They ordered their drinks and she shot away from their table. He resumed hiding under his menu. Jackson was still laughing even as he and Scott tried to ignore the girls while they talked about viewing demographics.

Derek finally got fed up and let out a low growl. The girls turned to look at him while he hissed at them. "I am not making a home porno with the sheriff's son. So stop talking about it or I'll take him to the bathroom lock the door and have a quickie against the stall wall where you can't see it."

"The bathrooms don't have locks and I'm afraid I'd have to ask you to leave if you tried that." The waitress was back.

He groaned and slammed his head into the table repeatedly. He looked up after they ordered and the waitress left to see Jackson crying tears of joy as he watched Stiles suffer.

"I hate you all."

Well then. I have absolutely no excuse for this. At all... I wrote this as part of a larger story that I decided wasn't worth saving. I couldn't bring myself to trash this little piece though. I hope you enjoyed it.

HalfDrunk