The Sword Emperor's New Uniform

O...kay. So, for those of you readers who know me. I am on horrible, horrible writers block with my current fics. I am sorry. For those of you who don't know me, hello! That said, this is a quick drabbly thing I whipped out last week that I wanted to share. Hate or love it, it's up to you.

It started out as a normal day for Superbia Squalo. He had put up with the bullshit of his Varia lackeys—Belphagor having started another fight, Levi being a general kiss-ass, Lussuria not leaving him the fuck alone… his boss' tantrums over a 'not fucking good enough' lunch (which was then thrown at him, despite Squalo having not even cooked the damned thing in the first place) all of this, annoying as it was, was an almost daily routine.

"Che," sighed Squalo as he paced in his room. Wearing only a white tee and a pair of boxers, he was waiting for his standard Varia uniform to come back from the dry-cleaners. Though he did have spares, wearing them wasn't possible, because two were still at the dry cleaners, one caked with remnants from last night's dinner, and the other with this morning's breakfast. It was obvious by now that Xanxus did all of this on purpose, not only for amusement when spaghetti became almost indistinguishable from Squalo's natural hair, but because he knew how much annoyance it would cause later on. Once, because of Xanxus' skill of bathing Squalo in whatever meal they happened to be eating, Squalo had to do a briefing of lower leveled Varia members in nothing but a pair of blue striped boxers and a thin white tank. By now, Squalo had more clothes than possibly Lussuria, if not a typical woman. And twice as many uniforms as the rest of them. But Xanxus managed to do away with nearly all of them.

Impatient, Squalo ceased his pacing and sat down at the battered desk by his window. Resting his elbows on the table, he ran through a mental list of the things he had to do that day, such as overlooking the training of a new group of men; making sure Bels didn't use said men as pincushions; discussing with Xanxus the next enemies of the Vongola they were to 'deal' with; and perhaps, perhaps looking into finding that newfound type of stain repelling clothing. At this rate, he would have to wear plastic (which would not work for swordplay). Vinyl? He damn near slammed his head against the desk. Fuck no!

The sound of the door creaking open made him freeze and glance up. Dread filled the silver haired swordsman as he recognized his visitor. Squalo jumped to his feet, slamming his knee into the desk in the process.

"VRRRROOOIII!" he shouted in a mixture of pain and frustration. "The hell do you want?"

Squalo's visitor frowned, no, pouted, over a pair of dark, reflective sunglasses and put a hand on his hip in a frustrated gesture. His other hand was clutching a large, flat white box.

"No need to scream at me, Squ," whined the…questionable man, Lussuria. "And here I was only trying to help you out." Holding out the white box, he smiled. "I have a new uniform for you, Squ. Seeing as dry cleaning takes so long and all…"

"The hell would I want any type of clothing from you?" shouted Squalo. He stomped over to Lussuria and began shoving the man out of his room.

"But Squ…!" The box fell out of his hands and slid across the floor as Lussuria was kicked out. As soon as the door was secured, Squalo kicked the box against the wall and sat down, fuming. Anything Lussuria tried to give Squalo that was clothing he knew would be flamboyant and obnoxious. It wouldn't be the first time.

He stared at the box, considering how to dispose of it. He should have just thrown it at the bastard when he threw him out, but he hadn't. Getting up from his chair, he walked over to the box and stared down at it. Squalo had to admit partial curiosity; it wasn't likely that he would ever want to wear what would be in that box, but what if…for once, Lussuria wasn't trying to make Squalo wear something…well, gay?

He nudged the box with his toe, opening it. Whatever it was, it was slate black—at least, he thought it was under the pink tissue paper. Crouching down, he pushed back the tissue carefully, as if he were touching a frightened and dangerous animal. There was a note pinned to the black bundle.

Squalo,

Considering you are the 'Sword Emperor', don't you think you should have an outfit to match that title?

-Lussuria~!

Disgusted with the amount of hearts drawn along with Lussuria's name, Squalo tossed the note to the side and pulled out the bundle, unfolding it into an undershirt, jacket, and pants that were all…non-Lussuria?

The undershirt was the standard white button-up collared shirt, but that was fine. The jacket…was made of leather, tough looking leather that was somehow lightweight and would be flexible and comfortable. There was a feathered collar on the jacket, but as strange as it was, that didn't matter to Squalo as much as other feathery things might. The pants were also black leather, with silver highlights and thicker padding on the knees. It all looked streamlined and well…worked. Squalo sat back on his heels and frowned; it was strange that Lussuria would have picked out something so…matched to what Squalo would like. And of course the Varia insignia was emblazoned on the jacket in nice gold and crimson thread. Very…nice…

Thanking the fact that Squalo had his own small bathroom connected to his room, he walked in and stripped out of his underclothes and put on his new uniform.

Good enough, he thought, checking in the mirror. It felt a little strange; the leather being so light and all, but all new clothes did feel strange at first. And it was a little concerning that it wasn't very warm—it seemed very thin and breezy, but he still liked it. Of course, he couldn't show he was too pleased to Lussuria or anyone, but he could point out that he didn't have anything else to wear. Slipping on his boots, he pulled back his massive mane of hair and walked out of his room to carry out the other things he hadn't quite done because of well…his earlier lack of clothing.

As he walked down the hall past what he took to be admiring glances at his new attire, Squalo made his way towards Xanxus' room.

Lussuria, Belphagor and Mammon peered after him from a concealed spot in the hallway, grins spreading across their faces. Belphagor handed a fistful of crumpled money to Mammon as he watched the few people in the hallways doing horrified double-takes at the disappearing form of the Sword Emperor as he turned a corner.

Squalo kicked open Xanxus' door and walked inside, ready to go over what needed to be done. Xanxus turned to look at Squalo, frowned with what only Squalo could know to be confusion and then started laughing, loudly.

"What the fuck, trash," he laughed, "Where the hell are your clothes?"

Squalo looked down at his uniform, dread and confusion filling him. And at that very moment, Mammon let up the illusion he had been holding. Squalo wasn't wearing a uniform. IN fact, he wasn't wearing anything at all.

"V-V-VROOOOOIIIII?"

Lussuria, Mammon and Bels heard all too clearly the wrathful, doom-inflicting scream and ran for their lives, laughing manically as they searched for cover.

END