So I was honored to have this little smutty holiday O/S featured on the Southern Fan Fiction Review's Tantalizing Tuesday.

Slashy/angsty/Christmasy fun ahead...

Enjoy!

I've loved him for as long as I can remember.

He was always the one for me.

Even as I watched him bring home girl after girl…

And had to listen to his talk of how good they smelled and felt and tasted.

And every time a little more of me died….

He was still mine.

He just didn't know it.

*()*()*

"So anyone catch your eye yet?" He asked casually as we stomped through the snow towards the acres of Christmas trees.

It was our yearly ritual.

We picked out a tree for our apartment and cut it down ourselves.

But I could feel a finality to this trip.

Maybe it was the woman he had left sleeping in his bed at home.

Or the way I saw more and more of her things invading our apartment.

But something was about to change.

And it scared me to death.

"No." I sighed.

I was tired of him trying to set me up.

He was so blind to what was right in front of him.

I stopped and stood next to a massive Balsam Fir.

I loved the way it smelled.

Like him.

It was earthy and real and mysterious.

"What about this one?" I asked as I hitched the saw up over my shoulder and he laughed.

"You look like a lumberjack."

I looked down at my worn leather boots and my threadbare jeans.

I admit I wore the plaid shirt and gray wife beater on purpose.

I wanted to catch his eye.

I wanted him to see me.

"Yeah." I shrugged as he made his way around the tree.

He was wearing brand new black boots with tighter than normal dark wash jeans and a black leather jacket.

But it was the bright red knit beanie on his head that made me swoon.

He turned his blue eyes to me and nodded and I flopped down on the cold ground and started to drag the saw's teeth back and forth along the trunk.

I could see his feet under the branches, supporting the tree as I felled it.

We worked together so well.

If only…

*()*()*

"Well shit Edward…I think this is the best one ever." He laughed as I finished tightening the last of the tree stand's screws.

I stood up next to him and looked at it.

It was perfect.

"Carlisle? Are we going out tonight?" I heard Esme call from the vicinity of his bedroom.

I felt ridiculous as my eyes stung with tears.

Our time was up.

He was hers again.

I felt like a needy child begging his parent for more time…

Just a little more time.

"Sure Es, I just need to shower." He yelled down the hall before he leaned over and elbowed me, leaning close as he whispered in my ear.

"I'm asking Esme to marry me tonight."

Oh my God…

I bit the inside of my cheek and turned to look at him.

His smile fell as he no doubt saw the absolute agony on my face.

He didn't know.

He had no idea.

"Edward?" He breathed but before he could say anything else that would shatter my already broken heart I turned and ran.

*()*()*

I walked around the busy mall, happy shoppers milling around as they bought gifts for loved ones.

It was a welcome distraction from the pain that had settled in the middle of my chest.

I would have to move.

There was no way I could stay there with them.

It was hard enough now, listening to them going at it in their room…

Or the shower…

Or that one time I walked in on them fucking in the kitchen.

I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy that one…

But it was only because Carlisle had her bent over the table and was fucking her from behind.

I had watched from the doorway as his body thrust against her…

His muscles tightening…

His head thrown back…

His mouth open…

And I could just picture myself beneath him…

Him grinding against my ass with every thrust…

My needy cock rubbing against the cool wood of the table beneath me.

And he would lean down and bite my shoulder as he came deep inside my ass.

"Excuse me."

I was brought back to the crowds of the mall as a little brunette bumped into me and I automatically reached out to steady her.

"Sorry." I mumbled and she looked up at me with big brown eyes.

"Merry Christmas." She smiled as she turned and ran to catch up with her friends.

Yeah right…

Merry Christmas indeed.

*()*()*

I waited until the mall closed before I made my way back to the apartment.

The windows were dark and I didn't see Carlisle's car in the lot.

I unlocked the door and was surprised to see the lights from the Christmas tree making the hall glow.

I walked in and looked at the newly decorated tree.

I saw the ornaments Carlisle and I had collected over the years.

The stupid Doctor ones for him and the even more inane Accountant ones for me.

The ones made out of beer bottles.

The ones from our parents from when we were kids.

And it was then that I finally understood exactly I would be losing if I left.

And even if it killed me to watch them together…

There was no way I would be able to leave my friend.

"Edward?"

I spun around at the sound of his voice and saw him standing in the doorway in fleece sweats and no shirt.

Fuck.

I cringed as I turned back around to the tree.

"Did she say yes?" I rasped, unable to keep the hurt from creeping into my tone.

"I didn't ask her." He said, his voice getting closer as he walked across the room towards me.

He stood just behind me and didn't speak.

We stayed like that for what seemed like hours…

Just staring at the tree.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, breaking the silence.

I turned around and looked at him.

His eyes were red-rimmed and pained and I hated that I had caused that.

I wanted to reach to him but I knew I couldn't

He didn't belong to me.

"I'm sorry. You guys will be happy together and…I'll be here…like I always have been." I whispered.

"What do you want from me?" He repeated, coming closer and getting in my face.

I stumbled back, confused, as he stood in front of me.

"What?" I asked, unable to process much of anything with him standing so close to me.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" He screamed in my face and I didn't even have time to blink before his hands were in my hair and his lips were on mine.

The kiss was punishing.

It was brutal.

It was perfect.

I reached up and grabbed at his waist, feeling his hot skin beneath my fingertips.

He pulled away and buried his face in my throat as his hands fell from my hair to wrap around my neck.

"What the fuck is this Edward? I don't…I never knew…how did you hide this from me. We've been friends for six years." He whispered, his breath hot puffs against my skin.

I shook my head because what am I supposed to say?

That I loved him from the moment I saw him walk into that Biology lab?

That his every innocent touch or word fueled my obsession.

That all I wanted was to be with him?

Fuck no…

That would ruin everything.

So instead I took a step back and then another until his arms fell from my body.

And then I looked at him, making sure that those secret desires were wrapped up like the presents under the Christmas tree.

"I just wanted you to know…how much I love you." I whispered as I dropped my eyes from his and turned to go.

I didn't even make it three steps.

"I broke it off with Esme." He sputtered and I looked back over my shoulder.

"I thought you were going to ask her to marry you?" I breathed, unable to get my hopes up about what that might mean…

For us.

"I couldn't…she couldn't understand why I was upset tonight. And then when I told her about your face…" His voice cracked and he swiped his hand across his eyes and then tangled his fingers in his hair.

"When I told her how you reacted she laughed. She laughed right in my face and asked how I could have been so blind."

"What?" I choked out.

"She knew Edward. She said she had seen it between us from the first day she saw us together." He explained as he slowly closed the distance between us.

"And then she asked me when I was going to figure out that I was in love with you too."

I sucked in a breath and tried to comprehend what he was saying.

"And was she right?" I rasped, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

"Fuck Edward…I'm pretty sure she was." He whispered and that was all I needed to hear.

I reached for him at the same time he moved towards me and we tangled together.

His lips were soft and pliant under mine, and I welcomed the cushion as I lapped at his tongue.

He tasted so good.

I moaned as he slid his hands up under my shirt and his blunt nails scratched at my skin.

Fuck.

My teeth bit and nipped across his jaw and I dropped to my knees and feasted on the skin of his abdomen.

His hands wrapped in the back of my shirt and he pulled it up and off.

I looked up at him as I trailed my hands around his sides and into the top of his sweats.

He swallowed hard and I watched his Adam's apple bob before he nodded.

I didn't hesitate.

I slipped his pants and boxers down his legs and then sat back on my knees to appreciate the sight before me.

I had seen him before of course, in locker rooms or the few times we've past each other in the hall after a shower, but I'd never seen him hard.

And fuck was he hard.

His cock throbbed and moved as I looked at it and I couldn't help but lick my lips at the thought of tasting him.

"Fuck Edward." He sighed and I looked up at him as I reached forward, gripping his shaft firmly in my hand.

"Oh shit!" He snarled as I started to stroke him.

I leaned in and ran the tip of my tongue through his slit, tasting the salt and bitter that was just him.

"Stop!" He yelled, pulling away and kneeling before me.

He shoved his tongue into my mouth as he unbuttoned my fly and shoved my jeans down.

He looked down, putting his forehead against my chin and I felt him tremble as he looked at me.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." He gasped and I yanked on his hair so he was facing me.

"And you think I do?" I breathed and watched his eyebrows disappear into his hair.

"You've never…" He asked and I shook my head.

"Not even with a woman?"

"No Carlisle, now shut up and fuck me." I demanded.

I stood and reached for him, sighing when he took my hand without hesitation.

I had him sit on the couch, facing the Christmas tree as I ran into my bedroom to get the things I needed.

I knew this would be quick.

We were both so keyed up and excited.

But next time…

And the time after that…

And was I even dreaming that this could possibly last?

I couldn't help but stop and stare when I got back in the living room and saw him lying there.

The dips and ridges of his body were highlighted by the lights on the tree.

His blond hair looked white and his blue eyes flashed.

I set the lube and condoms down on the table next to the couch and crawled up over him.

"What do you want?" I asked as I ran my tongue around the shell of his ear.

"I…I don't…" He stammered and I looked down at him.

His cheeks were flushed adorably and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Carlisle…baby…do you want me to fuck you. Or do you want to fuck me?"

His eyes flashed to mine and I could feel the shiver snake through him.

He looked at my lips and licked his own before he met my eyes again.

"I want to fuck you." He growled and I thought I might cum right there.

"God yes." I moaned as I rolled us over on the plush couch and got under him.

I reached for the lube and tossed the condom on my belly so it would be ready when we needed it.

While I hadn't had sex before I did have my trust dildo, although it was much smaller than what Carlisle was packing.

I flipped up the top of the lube and grabbed his hand, squirting some of the thick liquid on his fingers.

He cupped his hand and trailed his knuckles down over my belly and then my cock before he moved under my balls and started stroking my hole.

"Fuck me…" I moaned as he used first two and then three fingers to stretch me out.

"I will Edward…don't worry." He smirked as he grazed my prostate and my eyes rolled back in my head and I moan like a porn star.

"Its handy having a lover who's a doctor huh? I know all the secrets." He chuckled as he pulled his fingers from me and reached for the condom.

I covered his latex-encased cock in lube and then spread my legs wide over his hips.

His hand was on my thigh as he lined himself up and looked at me.

"Fuck, I love you Carlisle." I sighed as he slowly pushed his way inside me.

"Edward…" He moaned as my ass swallowed his cock.

It took some time and more lube, but he finally made it all the way in.

He came down on his elbows, holding my head in his palms as he eased his way out and back in.

His lips passed gently over my cheeks and nose as we came together again and again.

My cock slipped and slide easily between us and it wasn't long before I was covering us both in my cum.

I turned my head and stared at the lights of the Christmas tree as Carlisle whispered in my ear.

"I love you Edward."

He thrust twice more before he came too and collapsed against me.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him on the couch, grabbing a blanket and covering us up.

His head was nestled on my shoulder as we just lay there in each others arms.

"This was the best Christmas gift ever." I whispered and felt him shake with laughter.

"Well that kind of sets the bar pretty high for me next year." He smiled as he raised his head and kissed me.

"Well as long as you're with me, I could care less what's under the Christmas tree."

Say it with me now...

AWWWW...

I was going to put this in my birthday section but I didn't think Baby Jesus would appreciate it...

Maybe we will see these two for the next holiday? You never know. I kinda like writing slash now...

Thank you Sandy for featuring me on the blog...make sure you go and send her some love...

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