Twelve Days of Christmas
Or the Twelve Things that Batman Hates about Christmas
By
Angelina
This is the song:
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Finding Dick a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas Carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Dealing with the charities
Singing Christmas carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stupid snowball fights
Dealing with the charities
Singing Christmas carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The tenth at Christmas that's a pain to me:
Reading Christmas stories
Stupid snowball fights
Dealing with the charities
Singing Christmas carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Building a snowman
Reading Christmas stories
Stupid snow ball fights
Dealing with the charities
Singing Christmas carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The Twelfth thing a Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Santa Clause
Building a snowman
Reading Christmas stories
Stupid snow ball fights
Dealing with the charities
Singing Christmas carols
Stupid Christmas parties
The villains all got loose
Sending Christmas cards
Accidental hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
This is the story, kind of:
A/N Bold font is Dick and normal font is Bruce. 13 year-old Dick…
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Can we get a tree Bruce, pleeeeaaaaaaaasssssssssssse!
Finding Dick a Christmas tree
"This one will go nice in the Batcave! That one is tall enough to fill up the entire entryway! Can I have this one in my room? Can I?
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"The Manor would look so cool with Christmas lights."
Rigging up the lights
And finding Dick a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Brruuccee *hic* what was *hic* in that *hic* eggnog?"
Accidental hangovers.
Really does he want me to string the entire Manor with lights?
And that tree is dropping pine needles everywhere!
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Bruce! Alfred gave me all the cards that we need to send. There's Superman and Wonder Woman and Aquaman and Flash…"
Sending Christmas cards.
"And Black Canary and Red Tornado and both Green Lanterns and Hawkman and Hawkgirl and the rest of the League and all of your friends at work, and everyone who donates to your charity…
Dick, tell me you did not drink that spiked eggnog!
The lights won't stay up!
And that tree is just ugly!
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Batman! Commissioner Gordon just called and all the villains in Arkham got loose and are having a Christmas party crime spree."
The villains all got loose.
There are six hundred cards here, Dick get back here you're helping me sign them!
Do not throw up on Alfred's—too late…
These cursed lights won't stop blinking!
Tinsel on Christmas trees are tacky, don't even think about putting any on there Dick. Dick, get back here with that tinsel!
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Batman, I invited over the entire Justice League, Justice Society, and Young Justice team for a party, hope you don't mind."
Christmas parties.
I mean really, don't the villains have something better to do!
My hand is cramping, cursed cards!
Dick try and stop walking into the walls!
The lights won't stay up!
And that stupid tree is drowned in tinsel
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Deck the halls with boughs of holly! Falalalalalala."
Singing Christmas carols
Dick, put down that phone, you are not calling the entire Justice League for a party!
Stupid villains, go bother Metropolis
So many cards!
You are never getting alcohol again, Dick!
Stupid lights just blew all the circuits!
Dick, do not hang those gaudy ornaments on the tree. Dick, don't ignore me. DICK
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Bruce, that charity is one the line for you. They want another donation."
Charities
Shut up already Dick! No one wants to hear you sing…
We are not having a party
Just go back to Arkham already!
I really hate these cards…
ARGH! Stupid lights STAY IN PLACE
I hate that tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"SNOWBALL FIGHT! Take that!"
Snowball fights
I will not give you all of my money stupid charities!
Now he's got Alfred singing, I hate merry singing
Another party, great now everyone can be merry together
Why do the villains always get loose?
I never want to see another Christmas card in my life
I'll get the Advil
Rigging up the stupid lights!
I really hate that tree
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"BRRRUCCCEEE read me a story, please, please, please, please."
Reading Christmas stories
*gets hit with snowball* COME BACK HERE YOU DUMB SIDEKICK, I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!
Go away already; I give you money every other time of the year
Retarded carols, no one cares about Holly and Ivy
Christmas parties, if Superman shows up…
The villains can rip up Gotham for all I care
Christmas cards are stupid, no one even reads them
I am not cleaning up that puke
FINE, NO STUPID LIGHTS
I'm getting rid of this dumb pine tree, who ever heard of a tree in the house anyway
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"With a corncob pipe, and a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal."
Building a snowman
You know how to read, tell yourself a story!
Eat snow Dick!
Maybe I'll ask the charities for money, see how they like that!
I'M NOT SINGING, DEAL WITH IT
THERE ARE FREAKS IN MY MANOR. ALLLLLFFFFRRRREEEEDDDDD, HELP!
I know a nice charity you villains can go rob
YOU'RE NOT GETTING A CARD!
Maybe if I knock him out he won't have a hangover
Stupid lights! Why don't you just hang yourselves with a dozen bat-a-rangs
I'M HANGING DICK FROM THIS DANG TREE! IS THAT DECORTATION ENOUGH?
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
"Daddy, it's Santa Clause."
HE DOESN'T EXIST!
That snowman is starting to creep me out, it's so jolly!
I do not tell stories! Don't give me that look…
*pelts Dick mercilessly with snowballs* Maybe snowball fights aren't that bad
Oh no, the charity just got robbed, such a shame *sarcasm*
YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT BREAKING INTO SONG AND I WILL BREAK YOU!
GET OUT OF MY MANOR!
If you villains don't get back to your cells by the time I count to three, there will be hell to pay
BURN CARDS, BURN!
I need a brandy
FORGET THE LIGHTS, I'M GOING GREEN!
No I don't know how the tree ended up incinerated; I had nothing to do with it.
A/N so I had trouble coming up with stuff (especially for the dang tree!) towards the end there. Oh well, hopefully someone laughed at that.
Bruce goes a little crazy at Christmas, yeah….