"God and his priests and his kings all were waiting; all will wait, as it goes over." I hummed as I stared out into the rain. Seventeen years old after only seven years of being alive and even with my super human capabilities a broken heart had felled me.

It was night, almost midnight but I refused to go to sleep even though as a half human I could, the nightmares that waited for me on the other side were too daunting to deal with at the moment. I stared out at the rain from the same window I knew my mother had stared out of many nights during her last two years of high school.

It would have been soothing if I hadn't been fighting with her. Isabella called Bella Cullen was a vampire who along with my father Edward Cullen, another vampire, and my future husband, Jacob Black, a shape shifting werewolf, were all guilty of one sin; the ex-love triangle that was currently tearing me to pieces.

My mother who loved my father so much she became a vampire to spend eternity with him but not before also falling in Iove with my soul mate. My soul mate who at the time could barely cope with losing the woman he loved and had tried everything he could to keep her human.

And then the unexpected had happened, still a human during her honeymoon, she became pregnant with me; my Aunt Rosalie and mom the only people happy for my life. My father and Jacob had done everything they could to get her to terminate me so that she could live. In the end she died as I found my way out of her body.

I killed my mother, and in retribution Jacob had almost killed me. The only thing that had saved my life had been his imprinting on me; changing his mission from one of death to one of life. Now, forever a slave to his hormones he sought only to make me happy. Too bad I wanted to be more than a fated choice.

The living room was empty and I curled into the sofa with my iPod. The song "Cold" played on repeat, the anthem of my misery. At the physical age of seventeen I was finally finished growing up, and I knew I was stunning.

A mixture of my parents and grandparents look had given me beautiful bronze hair that flowed down my back in loose ringlets. Piercing brown eyes set on pale skin haunted many a boy at Forks High School where I was set to graduate for the first of many times in my life.

I wrapped the sofa blanket around me and inhaled. I tried and failed not to sob at the smell of Jacob. I missed him, wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in his arms but anger held me back.

Disgusted with myself as my tears fell I tossed the blanket off and stood; if I could not sleep for fear of waking Grandpa Charlie then I would run until I exhausted myself. A hybrid vampire, not nearly as fast as my vampire family, I could out run a human and if I ran along enough I would exhaust myself.

I stretched and quietly crept upstairs past Grandpa Charlie and changed into my running clothes. I was at the door when a voice stopped me, "I hope you are not thinking of going out in this."

I turned giving a small smile to Grandpa Charlie, "Grandpa, what are you doing up this late?"

Grandpa Charlie glared at me in response as he grasped the door in a clear indication that I am not to step a foot over the thresh hold. I gritted my teeth and moved towards the living room.

I knew I had not woken him up, not with my fast movement that made no sound; which meant he had been up waiting. I winced; it was not my intention to be a burden to my grandfather.

"Not tired?" Grandpa Charlie asked sitting next to me.

"I just really didn't want another night of nightmares. You need to sleep Chief." I fidgeted wishing he had gone to bed and slept.

"You know your mother had similar nightmares once. For months after your father left her she would wake up screaming from nightmares; looked just like you do now too." Charlie watched waiting to see my reaction to his talking about the white elephant in the room.

"Did she? Well I guess like mother, like daughter. Grandpa go back to bed I am going for a run." I stood not wanting to think about mom, dad, or the time before my birth.

"Not in this weather you won't. I may not be your father but my house, my rules. You have school tomorrow." Charlie placed his hands on my shoulders and guided me back to mom's room.

"Try and get some sleep. Even with the nightmare's you'll get a little rest." Charlie kissed me on the forehead, before leaving the room, door open.

I waited a full five minutes before I crept out of bed and looked at the door before moving back to the window to watch the rainfall. Turning my iPod back on I opened the window to breathe in the night.

"What you are given can't be forgotten, and never forsaken..." I snorted at the lyrics, it was too bad no one had told them that when they had been deciding if I should live or die.

School as it is most days now was pure torture. I couldn't concentrate, never wanted to talk to my friends, and I really just wanted to be out in the forest. I wanted to hunt, to kill, to do anything to forget the pain.

The last bell of the day had barely rung before I was out of Biology, Mr. Banner use to my hasty exits. I ran to my locker to trade my books and then continued out to the parking lot. My car, a white mini cooper, was almost within reach when I felt my soul flutter. My eyes watered at the familiar feeling.

Jacob was there, leaning against my car with that determined looked I usually loved. Seeing him though made me want to rip that look off his face the same way he'd once wanted to rip me to pieces. Steeling myself with that long ago but not forgotten image I walked to my car.

"Nessie," he began "how are you?" He looked tired.

"Okay" I answered back my heart pounding and splintering into tiny pieces. "What do you want Jake?"

"Nessie please, I need you to come home. Everyone misses you, everyone's worried about you." Jacob toke a step towards me but I side stepped him unlocking my car door.

"Renesmee please, how much longer are you going to punish me?" He asked voice cracking.

"How long did you want me dead? You think about that and then multiply it times hundred and you have your answer Jacob Black."

I slammed the door shut before starting the car and leaving a devastated Jacob in my wake.

I ran, the wind wiping at my face, as I head towards La Push from the house. The Olympic Peninsula where Forks was located in was breathtaking, dense but slightly sunny with overcast skies. I decided to run to the beach and then come back home to start dinner for Charlie and myself, another task remnant of my mother's time with grandpa.

The run helped clear my head. As I reached the beach I slowed down not sure if Sam or any of his pack were nearby. They knew not to mess with me as the imprinted of an alpha; however that did not mean that I was truly welcomed. I was white and a half vampire; someone who would never truly be accepted.

Slowing to a human jog I watched the tide flow in and out. It was tranquil, something I desperately wished I could find in my mind. I was just too angry to feel any kind of peace.

Anger and crippling pain were my companions these days. I sat watching the waves as images flew through my mind; my horrific birth, my mother's screams, Jacob's silhouette stalking towards me.

Images from a time I shouldn't remember. Images from the people I loved talking about me, talking about how best to kill me, telling my mother why I should be put to death.

I didn't realize I was screaming, not until arms wrapped around me.

I moaned as I turned to cling to the body hugging my own. I blinked rapidly feeling as if I had just woken up from a nightmare; I had lost myself in my memories. Rugged grasp made breathing a little easier as I clung to Seth Clearwater my best friend.

Seth's been the rock to my turbulent sea; the friend sharing my pain as I share his. Everyone in the pack knew Jacob and I were fighting, that I was furious with him and my family, and that this was why I now lived with Grandpa Charlie.

"Jacob, I found Nessie. She's safe, we're at La Push where we go cliff diving." Seth communicated with Jacob, speaking out loud for my benefit. I sniffled and he frowned as he often does when he sees me these days.

It's because of Alistair, his own imprint, he once told me. That he couldn't look at me without thinking about his a nomadic vampire hailing from Europe who was currently hiding in Port Angles too scared to be near Seth but too connected to be too far away.

Seth stroked my hair as the moon began to rise, it was late, and when I got home I was going to have a lot of explaining to do. Seth glanced up as Jacob and Quil reached us phasing from wolf to human.

Seth gently placed me in Jacob's arms as Quil looked on worried. The pack and I are really close; Seth calls me the sun to their moon and a really good listener. Quil reached for me and I took his hand. We hang out all the time, but I love it best when we get together to watch Clair, his imprint, the way he was with her was breathtaking.

I shook in Jacob's arms not fighting his hold. Home, I was home and yet home was the most painful place right then.

"What time is it?" I asked voice hoarse from screaming.

"It's six; you've been missing for hours. Charlie's beside himself and I don't even want to tell you how angry your parents are right now." Jacob's voice was cool and I couldn't help the wince that came out of me from his anger.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happen." I whispered really not sure how time had slipped away from me.

"Yeah? Well tell that to Charlie." Jacob had no sympathy and I didn't have anything to say so I sat quietly in his arms as we walked to my car.

Seth drove through Forks on its winding roads with the heat cranked up high. I sat in the back still wrapped in Jacob's arms as we made our way to Charlie's house. Seth parked outside and we saw Leah leaning against the side of the house signaling that mom and the others were inside. Leah stared at me in a clear reprimand before she phased and took to the woods.

We entered to find Charlie, Mom, Dad, Sam Uley and his pack all standing in the living room.

"Renesmee!" My mom cried my name as she ran to me.

I hugged my mother back and just breathed her in. I missed her, missed talking to her and hunting with her. I then turned to my father who looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to crush me to his chest or scold me for worrying everyone.

I slowly raised my arms around my father and held back a sob as his arms closed around me tight and safe. Jacob was home, security, and happiness, but mom and dad were joy personified. I stepped away from dad and went to Grandpa Charlie.

"I'm sorry" I began, "I didn't mean to scare you; I just lost track of time. I meant to be home to make you that fish you caught with Billy. I'm sorry." I looked at Grandpa Charlie as I bit my lip, I really didn't like worrying him.

Charlie was different; delicate, human, weak in a way that none of us were; mom and I considered it personal failures whenever we hurt Grandpa Charlie.

Grandpa Charlie swallowed and nodded at my apology before he clasped me to him.

"Don't do it again. Your mom gave me more than enough gray hairs with her disappearing acts." Grandpa Charlie looked over at mom as he said the last part and mom ducked her head. We all knew about the times that mom had hurt Charlie because of her love for dad.

I hugged my aunts and uncles, apologized to grandmother Esme and grandfather Carlisle and bumped shoulders with Seth putting as much distance between Jacob and myself as possible.

"You're coming home" Dad started after clearing his throat to get my attention.

"What? No, no I'm not. I'm really sorry that I worried you. It wasn't intentional but I am not coming home." I said as I moved to stand by Charlie.

"The reasons I left have not gone away. I go to school, I have good grades, and I need space." I tried to stop the flair of pain that came with my words, but it was futile. "I love you all, you know that but it doesn't change how I feel or why."

Jacob, mom, and dad frowned at me, my aunts and uncles mirroring their looks. Seth came to stand next to me in a show of solidarity as Quil did the same with Jacob. Grandfather Carlisle and Grandmother Esme just watched, waiting to see how it would play out.

"Renesmee…" Mom began but I stopped her, the anger suddenly taking me again.

"No!" I screamed, "No you don't get to pretend like why I am mad is not legitimate. I'm sorry, but I am not ok, and I am not going to pretend that I am."

I looked at Jacob, my Jacob; the Jacob I'm not even sure I was truly wanted by.

"He loved you first! By choice! Me, he thinks he wants me, because some chemical in his body tells him so. Not because he chose me." It was then that it hit me, the exhaustion from crying for hours, not eating, and the nausea from thinking about everything.

I hated the fact that Jacob had chosen mom, that I was just a placeholder.

The bile rose in my throat and I ran to the bathroom, just making it before everything came up. Hands tried to help but I pushed them away. My head hurt, I felt like I couldn't breathe and I just wanted everyone to go away. There's a reason I had run to Grandpa Charlie, he didn't hoover, and we were both really good at being on our own.

With Grandpa Charlie's job and my own born independence, I really liked living with grandpa and sometimes wondered why mom had ever hated Forks. Rinsing out my mouth I leaned against the sink.

"Renesmee," Jacob whispered my name against my hair.

I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms but I could not so instead I turned and snarled at him.

"Get out; you see I'm fine, now leave!" I felt worse by the second and ignoring Jacob I collapsed onto the toilet seat.

Everything began to spin and I welcomed it. I was so tired so I closed my eyes to block out everything and fell into darkness. I'd never been more grateful that I could sleep.

Authors End Notes: I hope you guys enjoyed this; please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song "Cold" from the Breaking Dawn soundtrack Lucy Schwartz and Aqualung wrote and sing this amazing song.