I wrote this story after watching Randy's DVD and wondering if he'd still be in wrestling if he'd stayed in the military. This is a different childhood Randy because obviously he wasn't the military type in real life.

I have a good friend(a guy that I was completely in love with for a long time) who's been in the army for twelve years and is still dealing with the consequences of being deployed, so…I've seen PTSD up close but never experienced it myself, thankfully. I'm not sure I'd be able to deal as well as he has.

I don't own anything

For Randy Orton, growing up is a long, brutal, three step process.

The first step happens when he's thirteen with a drunk driver. He doesn't see it, isn't paying attention as he sits in the backseat, behind his dad in the driver's seat. He doesn't see the car swerving into their lane but he does hear the scream from his mother and the crunch of metal.

The second step involves waking up in the hospital to the sad, sympathetic faces of the nurses and the doctor. Even at thirteen, he knows what they're going to say even before they open their mouths to speak. They tell him he's lucky. He's got a concussion and few other minor injuries but nothing serious.

The third step comes with foster care. This one takes a couple of years. It's not the three second ride between his mother's terrified scream and waking up in the hospital with a terrible headache and knowledge that he's lost everything.

No, this one is slower. He is, as Dan, his first foster father puts it an angry little fuck at thirteen. He spends the rest of his teenage years in foster care and comes out the other end with the true meaning of just how miserable life can be and a desperate need to get out.

He's been an adult for years by the time the recruiters show up at his high school about a month before he graduates. And maybe it's because it's the first decision he's been able to make about his own life since some asshole decided it was a good idea to drink half a case of beer before getting behind the wheel of his truck that makes him sign.

And, he finds, that he truly likes it. It's easy to fall into the yes sirs. That had been beaten into him from an early age but this time it's different. This time, it's his choice. This time, it's about respect and not fear.

They teach him how to defend himself in every way possible. It's something that he's never learned before, something that he relishes, something he excels at. Sometimes, he wonders how different he would be if not for that drunk driver but mostly, he tries not to.

The war starts while he's still in. He comes out the end of this an even bigger mess than he had been when he signed up. And sometimes, when he can't sleep because of the nightmares, when he can't sit still, when he has to pace around in circles just to calm himself down, when he has nothing to go home to but an empty apartment, he wonders what he's living for.

He's off active duty when it all changes for him again. He gets a call and is surprised at who it is from. He hasn't watched wrestling since he was thirteen but there's this voice on the other end of the line, telling him that they're inducting his father into the Hall of Fame, asking if he wants to come to the ceremony.

He refuses the offer to speak but goes because it's his father. He sits somewhere near the back and watches men that he remembers from his childhood talk and the memories won't leave him alone.

He meets John Cena after the talking is done. He doesn't know who the guy is as he hasn't watched the show in years but finds himself drawn to the guy. John is a couple years older, but he doesn't seem it.

John's smile is wide and happy as he introduces himself and they fall into conversation easily enough. They connect almost instantly and it's like he should have been there all along. It's easy and comfortable. It feels right.

They spend entire nights talking or watching movies or…other things. John stays awake with him when he can't sleep because of the nightmares, he doesn't leave when Randy snaps at him for no reason. He understands as well as someone who hasn't been through it can and Randy kind of, maybe, loves him for it.

John is light and happy and so damned hyper that even Randy finds it hard to be depressed around him. Randy thinks he should run in the other direction. John informs him that he doesn't run from anything.

"Especially from something that I happen to like. That would just be self destructive and, hey, I might be stupid sometimes but I've never been self destructive."

He says it like the very idea is ridiculous, like Randy shouldn't even suggest it. His tone is casual, confident…like it's not even a question. Falling for John is the easiest thing he's done in his entire life.

Joining the military saved him the first time. It gave him something solid, gave him an out. It was the first choice he got to make for himself and the first time he ever felt like he was part of something.

John saves him the second time and maybe building himself back up isn't easy but John makes it easier. He'll probably have nightmares for the rest of his life. He knows he'll never forget the things he's seen but, for the first time, he thinks maybe he can live with it. Live with it all.

It's because of John and Randy loves him, completely. Even when he doesn't have confidence in himself, he has confidence in that.