Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Or Mcdonalds. Or their awesome old playgrounds that no longer exist because life sucks.

If It's Love

Chapter One: And unexpected growth spurt

Lovino sits on a swing in front of McDonalds kicking up the dirt in front of him angrily. Why? Because if he can't kick Feliciano in the face, he will kick the dirt instead. Earlier today the little bastard had begged and pleaded for Lovino to join him in the park since his boyfriend, Ludwig, was busy. Lovino of course gave in, but as soon as he arrived, what did he see? Feliciano clinging to his stupid boyfriend.

Lovino continues his self-pitying and assault on the dirt beneath him until he hears a strange noise. He looks around and sees no one else at the park. Figuring it's his imagination, he continues with what he was doing. Until he hears it again. Listening closer, he realizes the sound is that of a crying boy inside the hamburger play place. He contemplates not going, just letting the boy cry and then go to his mom or something. However, no one else in around; not a mother, sibling, babysitter, nothing.

Groaning to himself he gets up and climbs up the ladder to the messy head of hair inside the hallowed out hamburger. Once he pokes his head inside he's met with a pair of wide green eyes looking back through tears.

"Where are your parents?" Lovino asks, not bothering to go all the way in.

"I'm running away!" The boy answers with a look of determination and Lovino groans.

"And…why would you do that?"

"B-because mommy loves her poopy-face boyfriend more than me!"

Lovino sighs, tired of standing on the ladder. "She doesn't love him more than you…" He says, ushering the boy out. "And watch your language." He adds, remembering that something as stupid as 'poopy-faced' is like a curse word for little kids. It's been a while since Marcello has called him that, after all.

"No! She does! He gets to be mean to me because mommy doesn't care! He's a big old bully!" The boy cries, his words slurring in his sobs.

"Well…ok, so he's an ass and your mom's a pushover, but you can't run away from home. You have nowhere to go. Not to mention your mom would miss you." Lovino says, sitting on the ground and allowing the boy to cling to his shirt as he calms down.

"But she doesn't love me anymore!" The boy cries, burying his face in Lovino's chest.

"That's not true…" Lovino groans, now regretting he went near the stupid hamburger toy. He looks down at the boy who looks back and Lovino pinches his cheeks.

"Oww~!"

"You're obviously well fed, since you're cheeks still have that chubbiness to them, you're well groomed, have nice clothes, really good grammar for someone your age, and you're not afraid of strangers. Only someone who loves you would ensure you were cared for like this. She is a human; they are weak towards the people they love."

The boy looks up at him and sniffles. "Wh-what's your name?"

"Lovino…" Lovino mumbles as the kid gets comfortable in his lap.

"Can I call you Lovi? I'm Antonio Carriedo." Antonio says and Lovino sighs, nodding.

"Do what you want."

"Ok…so Lovi, everyone is like that with love?" Antonio asks innocently and Lovino nods.

"From what I've seen, yeah. You'll learn more when you are older. Lots of people become hopeless romantics, which makes them complete retards." He says and Antonio looks up at him.

"Lovi, I'm hungry."

Lovino groans. "Then go home!"

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO!" Antonio cries, making random people passing by look at Lovino questioningly.

"D-damnit! Keep quiet! Fine, I'll feed you!"

"Yay~!" The boy exclaims and Lovino sighs, bringing him to his apartment, trying to ignore the looks from his neighbors at the random kid. Once inside, Lovino sets Antonio down in his living room and goes to the fridge.

"Crap! All we have is eggplant parmesan!" He groans to himself and Antonio pops up next to him.

"What's an eggplant parmesan?" Antonio asks curiously and Lovino sighs.

"It's breaded eggplant baked in spaghetti sauce with parmesan cheese on top. I'm the only one in the house who likes it, so it takes forever for it all to get eaten…" Lovino mumbles and Antonio smiles.

"If Lovi likes it, I'll try it!"

Lovino looks at him confused for a second before smiling slightly. "I've never met a kid who is willing to try things so easily."

Antonio pouts. "I'm already five! I'm a big boy!"

Lovino pets his hair. "Yes, you are." He grabs the food and warms it up before handing it to Antonio at the table.

"Gracias, Lovi~!" Antonio coos and Lovino nods, watching the boy eat absentmindedly. The whole thing reminds him of when Marcello was still little.

"Cute." He mumbles and Antonio smiles, pasta sauce all over his face.

"Lovi's cute, too!" Antonio says and Lovino rolls his eyes at the mess.

"Well…I can't bring you home like this." Lovino says, getting a washcloth and cleaning the boy's hands and face.

"Lovi, can I stay with you?" Antonio asks and Lovino shakes his head.

"No, I'm too young. Not to mention it would be considered kidnapping." He says before noticing Antonio getting teary-eyed again. "Y-you're a good kid, Antonio, and I like you, but you have to go home now. I'd rather not be arrested."

Antonio looks down and frowns. "Alright…"

Lovino cleans up the table and brings him to a large house with 'Carriedo' on the mailbox. "Ok, here's the Carriedo house, is it yours?" He asks and Antonio nods sadly.

"Uhuh…"

Lovino sighs and kneels down. "Don't worry, things will get better."

Antonio frowns. "But I won't ever see Lovi again…"

"It's a small town, I'm sure you will." Lovino says and Antonio hugs him.

"No! No! I want to play with Lovi forever!" He cries and Lovino sighs.

"We will play again, I promise."

Antonio backs away and smiles at him. "I know a way for us to be together forever, Lovi!"

Lovino twitches a little. "This won't be good…"

"We can get married!" Antonio exclaims and Lovino groans.

"Fine…when you're older. Now come on." Lovino says, the boy won't remember such a stupid thing anyways. He brings Antonio to the door, where a confused woman answers.

"Antonio? Where have you been?" She asks and Antonio stares at the ground.

"I found him at the park. He's fine." Lovino says, patting him on the head reassuringly before saying goodbye and leaving.

That night:

Lovino looks at the clock and sighs, it's eight-thirty and once again he's alone for the night. He throws in Sleepy Hallow and goes to make popcorn when an excited knock comes from his door. "Who the fuck goes somewhere unannounced so late? Bastards…" He mumbles before opening the door.

Standing there, with a wide grin, is an eager looking Spanish man. His hair is curly and dark brown, and his eyes are a familiar green.

"I'm an adult now! We can get married, Lovi!" The man says happily and Lovino quickly slams the door in his face. "Eh? Lovi! Come ooon! You promised!"

"Wh-who the fuck are you? Pervert!" Lovino screams and the Spaniard goes silent for a moment.

"It's me…Antonio…" He says sadly and Lovino twitches.

"Antonio is five; you are, like, twenty!"

"It is me! Some stuff happened after you left and then a blonde fairy with REALLY thick eyebrows came and granted me my wish, to be old enough to marry you! I know it's ridiculous but you have to believe me!" Antonio says loudly outside and Lovino twitches more. The last thing he needs is a neighbor calling the super or the police for the noise.

"G-get inside, bastard! I don't want to get arrested for noise!" Lovino says and Antonio happily comes in. "I still don't believe you."

"I had eggplant parmesan earlier." Antonio says calmly, pointing to the table. "You're the only one in your family who likes it, but I liked it too. We met at the playground where I was crying in the hamburger." He looks at Lovino. "Does that appease you or would you like more?"

"I-I...would like you out of my house, honestly!" Lovino says, backing away from him.

Antonio sighs. "How am I supposed to go home looking fifteen years older?"

"Well it's better than trying to break into a fucking random fifteen year old boy's house!" Lovino hisses and Antonio frowns.

"You're anything but random, Lovi." Antonio says, looking down at the boy. "I love you."

Lovino blushes and glares at him. "Y-you aren't five! You can't just throw that word around like it's nothing!"

"But I do, I love you."

"Shut up!"

"Te amo~!"

"I WILL KICK YOU OUT, BASTARD!"

A/N:Antonio's meeting with the 'fairy' will be in the next chapter. If it makes it to a next chapter. I wanted to do something Shojo-Manga-ish. And...for some reason...this came out...I don't know if I'll continue it. It's a lot stupider than it seemed in my head...ugh. And yes, McDonalds had playgrounds. Waaayyyy back in the 70's and 80's. I only found out about it when looking through picks with dad of my older brother. I was like 'EARGSDFKMVKLERDFJF! I WAS FUCKING JIPPED!'